English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

Past papers is the most effective way of preparing for your Exams correct.

Definitely! In conjunction with anything else that is helpful to you - Palm cards with quotes, writing notes, essay plans, etc ☺

[MEL7401]

Hello I'm Yr 11...
I have an essay due tomorrow morning for Module A- Comparative Study of Texts and Contexts
Just wondering whether anyone would have time to check over it- see if it makes sense, and tell me what I can cut out, because we have to present it as a speech-5 minutes max and its way over 
btw- it doesn't sound like a speech because our teacher just wants us to read out the essay!!
Thanks very much
I also need a greeting and ending...

Question:
The stimulus conveys the idea that human beings possess a natural proclivity (tendency) to make distinctions based on conceived biases and prejudices. This sense of distinction initiates conflict, impinging (negatively affecting) upon the creation of equality and equity through an absence of positive and familiar interactions.
To what extent do the ideas contained in this stimulus text hold true in relation to the issues presented in your prescribed texts of study: To Kill a Mockingbird and Ruby Bridges.
(In your response you should focus closely on your prescribed texts’ contexts, perspectives, attitudes and values while drawing connections to ideas presented in the stimulus texts)

Humans have a pre disposition to form stereotypical biases and prejudices against others. These prejudicial distinctions create conflict, and due to this, societal groups are not equal because there is a lack of interaction between groups. The intertextual perspectives presented within a text are reflective of its context, which will impact upon the perspectives and how the responder will interpret it. The ideas portrayed in the stimulus hold true in relation to the issues explored in the prescribed texts to a significant extent. Prejudicial issues are undoubtedly evident in the prescribed texts, Harper Lee’s 1960 novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Euzhan Palcy’s 1998 film, Ruby Bridges. Both texts explicitly explore an individual’s tendency to construct a conceptual framework of prejudice, which gives rise to internal and external conflicts, impacting a human’s equality due to an absence of interactions.
From childhood, humans are indoctrinated to develop a predetermined schema which reflects societal prejudices that have been constitutionally engrained, due to assumptions and life experiences. The world can be observed in a more naïve manner when elders instil values into children, determining who to rely on, share resources with and who to avoid. Harper Lee explores this through a child’s perspective highlighting the innocence of youth, as exemplified by, “Our kind of folks don’t like the Cunninghams, the Cunninghams don’t like the Ewells, and the Ewells hate and despise the coloured folks.” Jem’s use of high modality language conveys the historical context of the text, as the children have no power over the establishment of the attitudes and values presented here. This intertextual perspective encourages the responder to realise that due to the social context of the time, although not all whites were equal, black people were clearly the inferior race. Similarly, Palcy powerfully states from a juvenile perspective that children were indoctrinated to accept and believe all attitudes and values their parents instilled in them. For instance, a conversation between Ruby and Jimmy explicitly portrays the real facts, as demonstrated through, “My mummy told me not to talk to you, because you’re a nigger”. Jimmy’s use of derogatory language immediately draws empathy from the responder for Ruby, and it can be interpreted that Jimmy has adopted his mother’s attitude towards black people and believes in what was socially accepted at the time. As it is shot from close-up, the viewer can perceive the expression on Ruby’s face in reaction to Jimmy’s blunt statement, and it is evident that although she accepted what he said, her feelings were hurt. Her innocence is reflective of the attitudes and values she has developed from her own mother, to ensure that she treats everybody equally and fairly. Hence, it is undoubtedly evident, that the prescribed texts explicitly hold true in relation to the idea stemmed from the stimulus that human beings develop a predetermined schema from childhood, due to the tendency to consider the cues elders believe in.
Predetermined prejudices and biases give rise to internal and external conflicts within characters and their associated society. A social system built on the oppression of black people will give rise to intimate struggles within a character and initiate external conflicts in society through a passive or aggressive manner. To Kill a Mockingbird explores aggressive conflict through Tom’s death, as exemplified by, "Tom's dead…they shot him…He was running.” The short sentences and emotive language used in the text convey how shocked Atticus was at the news of his death, and draw empathy from the reader in relation to the reality of the actions that have occurred. This intertextual perspective relates to the cultural context of the time, and the responder understands, that despite the innocence of Tom, he was killed. Tom’s death, highlights how he had also experienced inner conflict, as “he just broke into a blind raving charge” presented metaphorically through zoomorphism, as he could no longer face the inevitable struggle of his conviction. This reflects the values and attitudes that Tom upholds, as he believed that he was innocent, however his attitude towards society’s conviction that black people were inferior to white people, encourages the reader to interpret that he has no power over the social context of Maycomb. Similarly, Palcy portrays Ruby’s internal conflicts through her unfounded belief that whites are better than blacks. Palcy effectively juxtaposes Ruby’s changing views of herself and the surrounding community through her drawings. Initially “she draws coloured folk deformed and white folk perfect” which is juxtaposed with her final drawings where “she’s certainly wearing out all the brown ones”. Ruby’s perspective of herself is impinged upon by the social and cultural context of the time, however through an intellectual awakening she comes to believe in the values instilled within her that all humans are equal, and skin colour doesn’t determine who is greater. Ruby Bridges also contains a lot of passive conflict which is exhibited through the mobs outside the school. An overhead shot of the mobs depicts the intensity and hostility of the crowd, whilst the accompaniment of diegetic sounds in the protesting, “2-4-6-8. We don’t want to integrate”, supports the social and cultural context of the time, as it was unanimously accepted that whites would not integrate with blacks. This intertextual perspective is evident throughout both texts, and it allows the reader to interpret the prejudicial distinctions that clearly define ‘us’ and ‘them’, as explored in the stimulus. Thus, the prescribed texts explicitly hold true to the ideas in the stimulus that prejudices initiate conflict and impinge upon the equality of societal groups.
Prejudices are highly malleable and fluctuate with exposure to and interactions with certain societal groups. An absence of contact between these groups in the 20th Century, allowed for false stereotypes to develop, however as the stimulus conveys, with the increase of familiar interactions and experience between opposing groups, the likelihood of being influenced by prejudices was reduced. To Kill a Mockingbird portrays that positive interactions allow characters to understand each other from different perspectives. Scout’s reflection on Atticus’s statement, “You never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them”, conveys her intellectual awakening through emotive language, suggesting to the responder, that intergroup contact with ostracised groups allows for the formation of equality. As Scout was “just standing on the Radley Porch”, she reflected on the values and attitudes Atticus instilled in her as a child, and overcame the social context of Maycomb, by gaining a new respect for Boo and understanding that his experience was as important as hers. Likewise, Ruby Bridges portrays the importance of positive interactions, through a conversational shot between Mrs Henry and Ruby, displaying that all people are equal and should not be distinguished due to the colour of their skin. The dialogue, “We know that all people are special and that we should respect everyone….There was a time in the South, when white people used to own Negroes… In the North…we knew that was wrong”, illustrates the historical context of the film as it alludes to slavery. Mrs Henry’s use of inclusive language “we”, emphasises that Ruby and Mrs Henry both uphold the same values and attitudes in relation to equity. This intertextual perspective, enables the responder to interpret that due to the interaction of white and black people in the North, they were “less likely to be influenced by stereotypes and prejudices”, as stated in the stimulus. Therefore, it is evident in the texts that positive and familiar interactions, decrease the likelihood of developing prejudices, which clearly holds true to the ideas presented in the stimulus.
Undoubtedly, it is evident that social creatures possess a natural tendency to create opinions and stereotypical perspectives based on preconceived biases and prejudices. Assumptions and life experiences allow prejudices to be formed, which gives rise to internal and external conflict within individuals and societal groups. Conversely, intergroup contact reduces the likelihood of forming prejudices, due to positive interactions and exposure to certain groups that individuals and society are prejudiced against. Conclusively, it is understood that these ideas presented in the stimulus hold true in the prescribed texts to a substantial extent.

Mod Edit: Post merge

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello I'm Yr 11...
I have an essay due tomorrow morning for Module A- Comparative Study of Texts and Contexts
Just wondering whether anyone would have time to check over it- see if it makes sense, and tell me what I can cut out, because we have to present it as a speech-5 minutes max and its way over 
btw- it doesn't sound like a speech because our teacher just wants us to read out the essay!!
Thanks very much

Hey Mel! Since you need it now my comments will need to be brief! But I hope they help regardless:

- Cool concept set up in your Thesis, and strong links to the module aims too! I'd like to see you link the module aims WITH the concept though - It just seems like at the start, you are talking about prejudice and then all of a sudden start talking about intertextual perspectives. The transition isn't quite smooth.
- Right now, you are using two or even three sentences per quote to do your analysis. The first one is retell, the next is the good bit - To cut your essay down try merging into one or two! Let me give you an example:

Harper Lee explores this through a child’s perspective highlighting the innocence of youth, as exemplified by, “Our kind of folks don’t like the Cunninghams, the Cunninghams don’t like the Ewells, and the Ewells hate and despise the coloured folks.” Jem’s use of high modality language conveys the historical context of the text, as the children have no power over the establishment of the attitudes and values presented here. This intertextual perspective encourages the responder to realise that due to the social context of the time, although not all whites were equal, black people were clearly the inferior race.

We can cut that down to:

Harper Lee's use of high modality language in phrases such as, "Our kind of folks don't like the Cunninghams," clearly conveys the racial prejudices that were typical of the Lee's social context.

I did pretty much all the important things you did, in one third of the space. I eliminated the retell part (the children, unless you think that was relevant), shortened the quote, and in general just trimmed the word choice. Try and do this as much as possible. Remember, plot details are irrelevant - You don't need to say a quote is from a "conversation with Ruby," or anything like that - Just hit me with the technique!

- Be sure to always connect to the audience, not the characters. For example, "it is evident that although she accepted what he said, her feelings were hurt" - That bit is analysing impacts on characters. That's irrelevant - I want impacts on AUDIENCE! Ditto for discussing quotes - Never say "Scout says this", say, "The composer does this." If there is one thing to remember it is this: Characters are just puppets.

That's pretty much the comments I'd make at this stage! Your concepts are good, you are using techniques, you've got a good structure - Just working on execution would be great and should hopefully let you cut the word count down! Good luck with the speech

[MEL7401]

Hey Mel! Since you need it now my comments will need to be brief! But I hope they help regardless:

- Cool concept set up in your Thesis, and strong links to the module aims too! I'd like to see you link the module aims WITH the concept though - It just seems like at the start, you are talking about prejudice and then all of a sudden start talking about intertextual perspectives. The transition isn't quite smooth.
- Right now, you are using two or even three sentences per quote to do your analysis. The first one is retell, the next is the good bit - To cut your essay down try merging into one or two! Let me give you an example:

Harper Lee explores this through a child’s perspective highlighting the innocence of youth, as exemplified by, “Our kind of folks don’t like the Cunninghams, the Cunninghams don’t like the Ewells, and the Ewells hate and despise the coloured folks.” Jem’s use of high modality language conveys the historical context of the text, as the children have no power over the establishment of the attitudes and values presented here. This intertextual perspective encourages the responder to realise that due to the social context of the time, although not all whites were equal, black people were clearly the inferior race.

We can cut that down to:

Harper Lee's use of high modality language in phrases such as, "Our kind of folks don't like the Cunninghams," clearly conveys the racial prejudices that were typical of the Lee's social context.

I did pretty much all the important things you did, in one third of the space. I eliminated the retell part (the children, unless you think that was relevant), shortened the quote, and in general just trimmed the word choice. Try and do this as much as possible. Remember, plot details are irrelevant - You don't need to say a quote is from a "conversation with Ruby," or anything like that - Just hit me with the technique!

- Be sure to always connect to the audience, not the characters. For example, "it is evident that although she accepted what he said, her feelings were hurt" - That bit is analysing impacts on characters. That's irrelevant - I want impacts on AUDIENCE! Ditto for discussing quotes - Never say "Scout says this", say, "The composer does this." If there is one thing to remember it is this: Characters are just puppets.

That's pretty much the comments I'd make at this stage! Your concepts are good, you are using techniques, you've got a good structure - Just working on execution would be great and should hopefully let you cut the word count down! Good luck with the speech

Thankyou very much!!
Hopefully I will be able to cut out a minute or so...

[reenashainz]

Hi, do you have any threads for marking AOS essays?

[elysepopplewell]

Hi, do you have any threads for marking AOS essays?

We certainly do! Click this link!

[ellipse]

Hello all. Could anyone please mark my essay for Mod A Gatsby and Browning?
An estimated mark out of 20 is also greatly appreciated, although I haven't finished the conclusion, thank you very much

Spoiler

Question: Explore the ways in which a comparative study of your TWO prescribed texts demonstrate how context plays a significant role in portraying values.

In exploring the views expressed by composers of varying epochs, audiences are privy to the ways of thinking in these respective times to shape their own perspectives.  Scott Fitzgerald in his satirical novel The Great Gatsby (Gatsby) (1925) is influenced by the post-war, jazz age values and ideas of modernism while Elizabeth Barret Browning’s poetry Sonnets from the Portuguese (Sonnets) (1850) expresses her perspective on the values of romanticism which includes the transcendental nature of love but at the same time she questions societal value of woman as being lower in status under the guise of the patriarchy. Both texts share their intertextual perspectives on vanity and the definition of love while they differ in their perspective of gender roles. 

The Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barret Browning explores the power and purity of love between a man and a woman. Browning’s suite of sonnets were written during the Victorian Era, where love was thought to be pure and transcendental and was expected to last forever, as per the Christian views. These contextual influences on her portrayal of love is reflected in Sonnet 1, which depicts her struggle through depression “the sad years, the melancholy years,” emphasizing the length of her depression through the epiphora. However, at the Volta, it is love that transforms this, giving her hope and a sense of purpose.  Browning conveys this powerful love for Robert in her sonnet 43 as reflected in the anaphora “I love thee freely… I love thee purely,” highlighting her intense love that transcends reality and the physical world. This is furthermore evident through the spatial metaphor “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,” also alluding to her the passionate spirituality of her love. Browning’s views on romance is that it is sacred with ‘souls drawing nigh and nigher”, using the adjective and comparative adjective to accentuate the spirituality of her love that moves beyond the physical. Through this, it is evident that as love is considered Barrett Browning’s saviour, it cannot be anything but pure and constant.

In contrast, The Great Gatsby explores the perspective on the morality and superficiality of love. The emerging socio-economic changes after world war 1 which lead to the Great Depression has transformed the perceptions on love as influenced by materialistic values and ideas; wealth, class, and status. Daisy is described as a ‘golden girl,’ with a voice ‘full of money,’ which alliteratively elucidates her wealth and beauty through the symbolic colour of gold, the main facet that initially engenders Gatsby’s love.  Furthermore, her voice being “full of money” metaphorically reinforces the power of wealth that dictates Gatsby’s love for daisy. The green light at the end of Daisy’s dock symbolises the greed and obsession with momentary wealth that undermines the purity of the love Gatsby has for Daisy. This love for Daisy is overshadowed by his attempts to accumulate wealth and status in order to buy a reciprocation of his feelings as highlighted through the descriptive language and layering in “period bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender silk and vivid new floors” and “a toilet set of pure dull gold” which reveals the culture of conspicuous consumerism that Gatsby believes will earn him Daisy’s love. Hence, influenced by the post-war, Jazz age society, Fitzgerald clearly portrays ideas of materialism and superficial love in his novel whereas Browning portrays love as pure and transcendental as influenced by the contrasting epochs of the Victorian Era.

Gender roles are carefully designed in varying times to elucidate the patriarchy but at the same time portraying feminist values of their respective times. Browning’s relationship with her father is reflective of this patriarchy as emphasized in the allusion “contrarious moods of men recoil away” in sonnet 22 which refers to her tyrannical father’s strong opposition to a romantic relationship between her and Robert Browning.  The oxymoron in “the sweet, sad years” also creates a sense of missed opportunities and the lonely life Browning has led due to her father’s domineering influence and her own illness. Moreover, Browning wants to be allowed to use “silence” as an essential element of femininity to demonstrate her love – often conveyed through facial gestures and coyness which are requisites of women of the 19th century as reflected in sonnet 13 when Browning says “let the silence of my womanhood commend…” The emotive language as well as the metaphorical ‘silence’ alludes to this femineity. Hence, influenced by the societal conventions of the Victorian era, browning clearly portrays patriarchal values and ideas on the role of women in her sonnets.

The Great Gatsby also demonstrates a similar, yet a more negative perspective on the role of women during the Jazz age era. The hedonistic society of the roaring twenties were fostered with male supremacy, in which the societal norms objectified women, greatly influencing Fitzgerald’s portrayal of Daisy. Her lower status under the guise of patriarchy is highlighted when Tom and Gatsby supress her from making any decisions as reflected when Gatsby asserts “Your wife doesn’t love you. She never loved you, she loves me.” The forceful, commanding semantics and the high modality language of ‘never’ elucidates the power of male dominance on the social conventions of the roaring twenties to such an extent that the female’s choices are overshadowed by the males. Furthermore, Fitzgerald uses connotations associated with ‘fool’ to depict women as the inferior, powerless gender in the society, as highlighted when daisy asserts “I’m glad it’s a girl. And I Hope she’ll be a fool – that’s best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” The juxtaposition between ‘beautiful’ and ‘fool’ also emphasizes the contradictory expectation of society on women in that they are romanticised as being ‘beautiful,’ yet otherwise remain as insignificant, powerless fool. Hence, influenced by the patriarchal society of both the Jazz are and the Victorian Era, both composers reflect similar values and ideas on the role of women in their respective text.

[jenna.ridgway]

Hi there,
I was hoping to get some feedback on my discovery essay. It's too long at the moment, so if I repeat myself or say anything irrelevant please let me know so I can cut it down!
It's an in-class essay with an unseen question ( ), but the question will want us to "explore the concept of speculation"
My main text is "The Tempest" and my related is a speech by Margaret Atwood called "Attitude"
Thanks,
Jenna.
EDIT: I just realised this is an AOS not a module.  If you could still take a look that would be amazing !!!!! Id not that's cool.

[tissue]

Feedback on this Module A essay of JC and The Pricne would be greatly appreciated 

[elysepopplewell]

Hi there,
I was hoping to get some feedback on my discovery essay. It's too long at the moment, so if I repeat myself or say anything irrelevant please let me know so I can cut it down!

Feedback on this Module A essay of JC and The Pricne would be greatly appreciated 

Hi Jenna and Tissue! On the forums we request 15 posts in order to get a full creative/essay marked. With half yearlies being so crazy right now, we need to enforce that! Jenna, you need 12 more posts and tissue you just need one!
Jenna, if you need help on the ASAP, feel free to post your introduction, or your concepts/thesis statements, if you'd like feedback on them if they're troubling you at all and we can give you some help in the interim.

[jenna.ridgway]

Oh okay, I didn't realise I need the 15 posts!
If you could just take a look at my intro, that would be great. The question asks us to "explore the concept of speculation"
By changing one’s attitude, individuals have the power to change the future. Thus, the transformative impact of discovery is evident through an individual’s willingness to speculate on their previously held values and beliefs. In William Shakespeare’s play The Tempest, Shakespeare highlights the importance of the feminine voice, challenging his audience to consider how values of compassion, empathy and forgiveness are crucial in creating a more optimistic future. Likewise, in her speech Attitude, Margaret Atwood empowers her audience to recognise the ability they have to change the world for the better, thus creating more dimensional self-perceptions.

Thanks heaps, I'll work towards my 15 posts asap.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hello all. Could anyone please mark my essay for Mod A Gatsby and Browning?
An estimated mark out of 20 is also greatly appreciated, although I haven't finished the conclusion, thank you very much

We'll get this marked for you very soon ellipse! Just making sure you know you weren't missed

[elysepopplewell]

Hello all. Could anyone please mark my essay for Mod A Gatsby and Browning?
An estimated mark out of 20 is also greatly appreciated, although I haven't finished the conclusion, thank you very much

Sorry Ellipse, I actually did totally miss you until I saw Jamon's post!

Your feedback is in the spoiler

Spoiler

Question: Explore the ways in which a comparative study of your TWO prescribed texts demonstrate how context plays a significant role in portraying values.

In exploring the views expressed by composers of varying epochs, audiences are privy to the ways of thinking in these respective times to shape their own perspectives.  Scott Fitzgerald in his satirical novel The Great Gatsby (Gatsby) (1925) is influenced by the post-war, jazz age values and ideas of modernism while Elizabeth Barret Browning’s poetry Sonnets from the Portuguese (Sonnets) (1850) expresses her perspective on the values of romanticism which includes the transcendental nature of love but at the same time she questions societal value of woman as being lower in status under the guise of the patriarchy. I'd split this sentence into two - it's very long and we don't get to absorb your great intro to the second text because of it's length. Both texts share their intertextual perspectives on vanity and the definition of love while they differ in their perspective of gender roles Maybe add something here about the way context adjusts the representation of the perspectives to link it back to the question 1 more time? It only has to be brief.. 

The Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barret Browning explores the power and purity of love between a man and a woman. Browning’s suite of sonnets were written during the Victorian Era, where love was thought to be pure and transcendental and was expected to last forever, as per the Christian views. These contextual influences on her portrayal of love is reflected in Sonnet 1, which depicts her struggle through depression “the sad years, the melancholy years,” emphasizing emphasising* the length of her depression through the epiphora. However, at the Volta, it is love that transforms this, giving her hope and a sense of purpose that love in the Victorian Era promised..  Browning conveys this powerful love for Robert in her sonnet 43 as reflected in the anaphora “I love thee freely… I love thee purely,” highlighting her intense love that transcends reality and the physical world. This is furthermore evident through the spatial metaphor “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,” also alluding to her the passionate spirituality of her love. Browning’s views on romance is that it is sacred with ‘souls drawing nigh and nigher”, using the adjective and comparative adjective to accentuate the spirituality of her love that moves beyond the physical. Through this, it is evident that as love is considered Barrett Browning’s saviour, it cannot be anything but pure and constant. More mention of context needed in order to show you're attacking the question I've suggested a small way to integrate it a bit more, but it just sits towards the beginning. We need it throughout

In contrast, The Great Gatsby explores the perspective on the morality and superficiality of love. The emerging socio-economic changes after world war 1 Capitalise this: World War One which lead to the Great Depression has transformed the perceptions on love as influenced by materialistic values and ideas; wealth, class, and status. Daisy is described as a ‘golden girl,’ with a voice ‘full of money,’ which alliteratively elucidates her wealth and beauty through the symbolic colour of gold, the main facet that initially engenders Gatsby’s love. Great! Furthermore, her voice being “full of money” metaphorically reinforces the power of wealth that dictates Gatsby’s love for daisy. The green light at the end of Daisy’s dock symbolises the greed and obsession with momentary wealth that undermines the purity of the love Gatsby has for Daisy. This love for Daisy is overshadowed by his attempts to accumulate wealth and status in order to buy a reciprocation of his feelings as highlighted through the descriptive language and layering in “period bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender silk and vivid new floors” and “a toilet set of pure dull gold” which reveals the culture of conspicuous consumerism that Gatsby believes will earn him Daisy’s love. Hence, influenced by the post-war, Jazz age society, Fitzgerald clearly portrays ideas of materialism and superficial love in his novel whereas Browning portrays love as pure and transcendental as influenced by the contrasting epochs of the Victorian Era. Great link to context at the end here.

Gender roles are carefully designed in varying times to elucidate the patriarchy but at the same time portraying feminist values of their respective times. Browning’s relationship with her father is reflective of this patriarchy as emphasized in the allusion “contrarious moods of men recoil away” in sonnet 22 which refers to her tyrannical father’s strong opposition to a romantic relationship between her and Robert Browning.  The alliterative oxymoron in “the sweet, sad years” also creates a sense of missed opportunities and the lonely life Browning has led due to her father’s domineering influence and her own illness. Moreover, Browning wants to be allowed to use “silence” as an essential element of femininity to demonstrate her love – often conveyed through facial gestures and coyness which are requisites of women of the 19th century as reflected in sonnet 13 when Browning says “let the silence of my womanhood commend…” The emotive language as well as the metaphorical ‘silence’ alludes to this femininity*. Hence, influenced by the societal conventions of the Victorian era, browning clearly portrays patriarchal values and ideas on the role of women in her sonnets.

The Great Gatsby also demonstrates a similar, yet a more negative perspective on the role of women during the Jazz age era. I notice that you're describing the context with different vocabulary every time! That's great! The hedonistic society of the roaring twenties were fostered with male supremacy, in which the societal norms objectified women, greatly influencing Fitzgerald’s portrayal of Daisy. Her lower status under the guise of patriarchy is highlighted when Tom and Gatsby supress her from making any decisions as reflected when Gatsby asserts “Your wife doesn’t love you. She never loved you, she loves me.” The forceful, commanding semantics and the high modality language of ‘never’ elucidates the power of male dominance on the social conventions of the roaring twenties to such an extent that the female’s choices are overshadowed by the males. Reallly strong analysis here! Furthermore, Fitzgerald uses connotations associated with ‘fool’ to depict women as the inferior, powerless gender in the society, as highlighted when daisy asserts “I’m glad it’s a girl. And I Hope she’ll be a fool – that’s best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” The juxtaposition between ‘beautiful’ and ‘fool’ also emphasizes the contradictory expectation of society on women in that they are romanticised as being ‘beautiful,’ yet otherwise remain as insignificant, powerless fool. Hence, influenced by the patriarchal society of both the Jazz are and the Victorian Era, both composers reflect similar values and ideas on the role of women in their respective text.

This is a wonderful essay! Although it doesn't yet have a conclusion completed, I think it's in the top band. Your analysis of texts is really tight - you're combining quote, technique, effect and link in a very confident way and it's proving to be very effective for you! You're not afraid to bend the structure a little. There are times when I think a more direct attack on the question will be the thing that secures the top band for you, and I've pointed out some spots for this It seems that you become more confident with attacking the question as the essay goes on, so it really just sits in the first part that needs some work. You writing very eloquently, it's a credit to your expression! Out of 20...maybe 17/18? I feel a little inadequate taking a guess because I don't have marking criteria handy and I haven't studied your texts, but by going off everything else (expression, analysis, question-response, etc), I'd say you're at the top indeed!

[ellipse]

Sorry Ellipse, I actually did totally miss you until I saw Jamon's post!

Your feedback is in the spoiler

Spoiler

Question: Explore the ways in which a comparative study of your TWO prescribed texts demonstrate how context plays a significant role in portraying values.

In exploring the views expressed by composers of varying epochs, audiences are privy to the ways of thinking in these respective times to shape their own perspectives.  Scott Fitzgerald in his satirical novel The Great Gatsby (Gatsby) (1925) is influenced by the post-war, jazz age values and ideas of modernism while Elizabeth Barret Browning’s poetry Sonnets from the Portuguese (Sonnets) (1850) expresses her perspective on the values of romanticism which includes the transcendental nature of love but at the same time she questions societal value of woman as being lower in status under the guise of the patriarchy. I'd split this sentence into two - it's very long and we don't get to absorb your great intro to the second text because of it's length. Both texts share their intertextual perspectives on vanity and the definition of love while they differ in their perspective of gender roles Maybe add something here about the way context adjusts the representation of the perspectives to link it back to the question 1 more time? It only has to be brief.. 

The Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barret Browning explores the power and purity of love between a man and a woman. Browning’s suite of sonnets were written during the Victorian Era, where love was thought to be pure and transcendental and was expected to last forever, as per the Christian views. These contextual influences on her portrayal of love is reflected in Sonnet 1, which depicts her struggle through depression “the sad years, the melancholy years,” emphasizing emphasising* the length of her depression through the epiphora. However, at the Volta, it is love that transforms this, giving her hope and a sense of purpose that love in the Victorian Era promised..  Browning conveys this powerful love for Robert in her sonnet 43 as reflected in the anaphora “I love thee freely… I love thee purely,” highlighting her intense love that transcends reality and the physical world. This is furthermore evident through the spatial metaphor “I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach,” also alluding to her the passionate spirituality of her love. Browning’s views on romance is that it is sacred with ‘souls drawing nigh and nigher”, using the adjective and comparative adjective to accentuate the spirituality of her love that moves beyond the physical. Through this, it is evident that as love is considered Barrett Browning’s saviour, it cannot be anything but pure and constant. More mention of context needed in order to show you're attacking the question I've suggested a small way to integrate it a bit more, but it just sits towards the beginning. We need it throughout

In contrast, The Great Gatsby explores the perspective on the morality and superficiality of love. The emerging socio-economic changes after world war 1 Capitalise this: World War One which lead to the Great Depression has transformed the perceptions on love as influenced by materialistic values and ideas; wealth, class, and status. Daisy is described as a ‘golden girl,’ with a voice ‘full of money,’ which alliteratively elucidates her wealth and beauty through the symbolic colour of gold, the main facet that initially engenders Gatsby’s love. Great! Furthermore, her voice being “full of money” metaphorically reinforces the power of wealth that dictates Gatsby’s love for daisy. The green light at the end of Daisy’s dock symbolises the greed and obsession with momentary wealth that undermines the purity of the love Gatsby has for Daisy. This love for Daisy is overshadowed by his attempts to accumulate wealth and status in order to buy a reciprocation of his feelings as highlighted through the descriptive language and layering in “period bedrooms swathed in rose and lavender silk and vivid new floors” and “a toilet set of pure dull gold” which reveals the culture of conspicuous consumerism that Gatsby believes will earn him Daisy’s love. Hence, influenced by the post-war, Jazz age society, Fitzgerald clearly portrays ideas of materialism and superficial love in his novel whereas Browning portrays love as pure and transcendental as influenced by the contrasting epochs of the Victorian Era. Great link to context at the end here.

Gender roles are carefully designed in varying times to elucidate the patriarchy but at the same time portraying feminist values of their respective times. Browning’s relationship with her father is reflective of this patriarchy as emphasized in the allusion “contrarious moods of men recoil away” in sonnet 22 which refers to her tyrannical father’s strong opposition to a romantic relationship between her and Robert Browning.  The alliterative oxymoron in “the sweet, sad years” also creates a sense of missed opportunities and the lonely life Browning has led due to her father’s domineering influence and her own illness. Moreover, Browning wants to be allowed to use “silence” as an essential element of femininity to demonstrate her love – often conveyed through facial gestures and coyness which are requisites of women of the 19th century as reflected in sonnet 13 when Browning says “let the silence of my womanhood commend…” The emotive language as well as the metaphorical ‘silence’ alludes to this femininity*. Hence, influenced by the societal conventions of the Victorian era, browning clearly portrays patriarchal values and ideas on the role of women in her sonnets.

The Great Gatsby also demonstrates a similar, yet a more negative perspective on the role of women during the Jazz age era. I notice that you're describing the context with different vocabulary every time! That's great! The hedonistic society of the roaring twenties were fostered with male supremacy, in which the societal norms objectified women, greatly influencing Fitzgerald’s portrayal of Daisy. Her lower status under the guise of patriarchy is highlighted when Tom and Gatsby supress her from making any decisions as reflected when Gatsby asserts “Your wife doesn’t love you. She never loved you, she loves me.” The forceful, commanding semantics and the high modality language of ‘never’ elucidates the power of male dominance on the social conventions of the roaring twenties to such an extent that the female’s choices are overshadowed by the males. Reallly strong analysis here! Furthermore, Fitzgerald uses connotations associated with ‘fool’ to depict women as the inferior, powerless gender in the society, as highlighted when daisy asserts “I’m glad it’s a girl. And I Hope she’ll be a fool – that’s best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” The juxtaposition between ‘beautiful’ and ‘fool’ also emphasizes the contradictory expectation of society on women in that they are romanticised as being ‘beautiful,’ yet otherwise remain as insignificant, powerless fool. Hence, influenced by the patriarchal society of both the Jazz are and the Victorian Era, both composers reflect similar values and ideas on the role of women in their respective text.

This is a wonderful essay! Although it doesn't yet have a conclusion completed, I think it's in the top band. Your analysis of texts is really tight - you're combining quote, technique, effect and link in a very confident way and it's proving to be very effective for you! You're not afraid to bend the structure a little. There are times when I think a more direct attack on the question will be the thing that secures the top band for you, and I've pointed out some spots for this It seems that you become more confident with attacking the question as the essay goes on, so it really just sits in the first part that needs some work. You writing very eloquently, it's a credit to your expression! Out of 20...maybe 17/18? I feel a little inadequate taking a guess because I don't have marking criteria handy and I haven't studied your texts, but by going off everything else (expression, analysis, question-response, etc), I'd say you're at the top indeed!

Thank you very much for your time and feedback!

[eugene.kim2]

Hey people!
This is an essay for Module C (Poetry of Auden), it would be really cool if you guys could take a look and give me some feedback. Thanks!
The question is listed in the top of the document,  “The ways in which ideas, situations and events are represented depends on the observer’s perspective, which is, in turn, dependent on the observer’s prejudices, aspirations and purpose.” To what extent does the above statement align with your own understanding of the representation of people and politics in your prescribed text and ONE other text of your own choosing?