English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey people!
This is an essay for Module C (Poetry of Auden), it would be really cool if you guys could take a look and give me some feedback. Thanks!
The question is listed in the top of the document,  “The ways in which ideas, situations and events are represented depends on the observer’s perspective, which is, in turn, dependent on the observer’s prejudices, aspirations and purpose.” To what extent does the above statement align with your own understanding of the representation of people and politics in your prescribed text and ONE other text of your own choosing?

Hey eugene.kim! Welcome to the forums!

Thanks for posting your essay - We have a requirement that you have 15 posts on ATAR Notes for every essay you'd like marked. This is just to make sure that the markers can keep up and can devote the 30mins-1hour we like to spend on them you can read the essay marking rules here!

If you hang around the site a bit, I bet you rack up those posts really quick! Then just let us know and we can give you some feedback

[legorgo18]

Hi, can anyone that have done yeats read and mark my essay (email pref dont want teacher searching online going oh plagiarism)

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi, can anyone that have done yeats read and mark my essay (email pref dont want teacher searching online going oh plagiarism)

Totally cool for you to try and have someone mark your essay privately, but just know that if someone does they won't be an "official" marker as such the AN marking team can only mark on the forums!

[legorgo18]

Just dont want to get roasted online too..

[elysepopplewell]

Hi, can anyone that have done yeats read and mark my essay (email pref dont want teacher searching online going oh plagiarism)

Hey Legorgo18 - I studied Yeats and will happily read through your essay if it's posted to the forums! We haven't had any issues with plagiarism but have plans in place to assist students who have used our services in a situation where a teacher is concerned about potential plagiarism! Let me know if you'd like to get some thoughts on your work.

15 posts on ATAR Notes = one fully marked piece of work. Let me know

Just dont want to get roasted online too..

We don't roast!

[jamonwindeyer]

Just dont want to get roasted online too..

No one will roast or otherwise give you crap for your essay if you post it here! And if they do I'll just get rid of them - We've got no time for people who are just out to make other people feel bad all feedback should be constructive!

PS - We marked all of last year and had no plagiarism issues

[legorgo18]

Ok, here goes:

Q: Yeats’ poetry has been described as ‘a provocative portrayal of uncertainty in changing times’. To what extent does this perspective align with your understanding of Yeats’ poetry?

Spoiler

Yeats’ poetry provocatively reflect the changing nature in humanity both physically and emotionally to a partial extent as it transcends the barrier of time. As poetically demonstrated, his introspective ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ (1917) explores the persona’s desire for immortality. Similarly,  ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ (1918), an elegy to Major Robert Gregory who died during World War I, conveys the ambivalence in his motivation for going to war. Conversely, both poems also examine the certainty of mortality; suggested in ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ as the persona is soothed by knowledge that the swans’ immortality is an illusion. This is similarly portrayed in ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ through his equanimity in the face of death, leaving us as critical audiences wonder Yeats’ effectiveness in his portrayal of uncertainty.

Yeats’ ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ explores the desire for immortality, as the persona envies the swan’s permanence and perfection, reflecting humanity’s desire for perfection and vitality. This is revealed in the physical states of the swans, who travel “unwearied still, lover by lover”, with the use of symmetrical syntax indicating the harmony and perfection of the swans. Further, the description of the swans as “beautiful” and “mysterious”, with the use of reverential tone and rough iambic meter, emphasises the persona’s admiration of their enduring condition, reflecting the desire for balance and permanence. Moreover, as the swans “now drift on the still water”, the shift of tone and repetition of “still” reiterates the unchanging nature of the swans, where “their hearts have not grown old” metaphorically symbolising the swans’ emotional immutability with their ability to “paddle in the cold companionable streams” oxymoronically referencing Yeats’ unrequited love for Gonne, accentuates the persona’s desire of immortality. Thus, Yeats’ effective examination of the persona’s desire for perfection and vitality, has enforced my understanding that despite immortality, like Gonne’s love for Yeats is uncertain, his desire is rigid and unchanging.

Whilst ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ expresses the desire of the persona’s permanence, ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ however construes the pilot’s ambivalence in his motivation of going to war. His uncertainty between duty and desire, is projected in the anaphora and ironic use of “those that I fight I do not hate/ those that I guard I do not love” as he is balancing the regimented nature for war but also his passion for flying, symbolising his internal ambiguity. Further, as the pilot reflects on his reason for war, where “nor law, nor duty bade him fight”, the anaphora of “nor” negates all the conventional reasons for fighting in the war, as “a lonely impulse of delight” reinforces the uncertainty of his motivation suggested by an oxymoronic “lonely impulse”. Moreover, the apathetic motivations of the persona’s involvement in the war is reiterated in “I balanced all, brought all to mind” as the parallelism indicates the persona’s balanced consideration of life and death, where both are equally important. In my understanding, Yeats’ skilful use of poetic expressions has exemplified the airman’s ambivalence in his motivation for going war, reinforcing the notion of uncertainty to his audiences.

Conversely, ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ explores that the persona is soothed by knowledge that the swans’ immortality is just an illusion, as Yeats demonstrates life’s transience, eloquently reflecting his internal melancholy after the rejection of Iseult Gonne. The persona’s decaying nature is construed in the seasonal imagery of “Autumn” and “October Twilight” alludes to the time of transition and change, suggesting the end of life. This is reinforced by the textual reference of the gyre in “great broken rings”, where the disturbance of nature is indicated by the broken rings, suggesting the declination and imperfection of the swans. Furthermore, the persona’s contrast of himself to the “nine-and-fifty Swans” emphasises the mortality of the swans as the use of hyperbaton in the sentence reflects the irregularity in life, coupled with the odd number of “fifty-nine”, whilst swans mate eternally, suggesting the distance between the mortal and the immortal contrasting against persona’s “heart which is sore now”. The monosyllabic words create a monotonous, dreary tone, reinforced by the diction “now”, reiterating the persona’s current state of decline. Finally, the rhetorical question on the final line of the poem, “to find they have flown away” elucidates that despite being a symbol of eternity and perfection, the swans are no longer perfect or immortal as “they have flown away”. Yeats’ skilful manipulation of the swans’ immortality being an illusion, enhances my understanding on the inevitability of nature’s cycle.

Similarly, Yeats’ ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death” exemplifies the certainty in the face of death, as the airman has accepted his death by volunteering for war. The high modality, definitive tone in “I know that I shall meet my fate” reinforces the airman’s certainty of mortality, highlighting his embracement of death, supported by the aerial imagery of “cloud”, holding heavenly connotations. Furthermore, the notion of death is highlighted in “no likely end could bring them loss or leave them happier than before”. Life is suggested to be in a constant of equilibrium, supported in the structured rhythm by the iambic tetrameter, emphasising the certainty of mortality in war, despite the effectiveness of its outcome. Moreover, the use of chiasmus in “years to come… years behind” suggests his peaceful state of mind as he is on the equivalence point between past and future, creating a cyclical image which parallels to Yeats’ beloved gyre. This is epitomised in the final line of the poem, “in balance with this life, this death”. The repetition of “this” coupled with the juxtaposing concepts of life and death, further emphasises the inevitable, cyclic nature of life where mortality is certain. Hence, the airman’s certainty of death has deepened my view on the antithetical outlook on the nature of life.

Thus, W.B Yeats’ confronting and emotional poems have echoed in the minds and hearts of his audiences through the transcendence of time. The provocative portrayal of both certainty and uncertainty are both present in his ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ (1917) and ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ (1918) to a certain extent, however, the certainty of death evidently out balances the uncertainty that exists in both personas, leading me as a critical audience finding Yeats’ portrayal of uncertainty as ineffective.

[elysepopplewell]

Oh okay, I didn't realise I need the 15 posts!
If you could just take a look at my intro, that would be great. The question asks us to "explore the concept of speculation"
Thanks heaps, I'll work towards my 15 posts asap.

Hey Jenna! Thanks for posting your intro

By changing one’s attitude, individuals have the power to change the future. Thus, the transformative impact of discovery is evident through an individual’s willingness to speculate on their previously held values and beliefs. In William Shakespeare’s play The Tempest, Shakespeare We've already said his name - it sounds a bit odd for the second time this sentence. highlights the importance of the feminine voice in literature? in society? in plays?, challenging his audience to consider how values of compassion, empathy and forgiveness are crucial in creating a more optimistic future. Likewise, in her speech Attitude, Margaret Atwood empowers her audience to recognise the ability they have to change the world for the better, thus creating more dimensional self-perceptions. (Love Atwood)

I think this is great! I've suggested some tiny tweaks in one sentence to make it more succinct, but otherwise, you're off to a great start!

[elysepopplewell]

Ok, here goes:

Q: Yeats’ poetry has been described as ‘a provocative portrayal of uncertainty in changing times’. To what extent does this perspective align with your understanding of Yeats’ poetry?

Hey Happy to help! Click the spoiler below and I've put comments in bold font in there

Spoiler

Yeats’ poetry provocatively reflect the changing nature in humanity both physically and emotionally to a partial extent as it transcends the barrier of time. I love this first sentence except "partial extent" I'm just a little unsure about the wording...partial more or less means incomplete, not fully, etc. So when you say to a partial extent, I'm wondering immediately why not to the full extent? Based on my own knowledge of the poems, I would say this is indeed a true representation, to a full extent. Also, in "to what extent" questions you don't have to qualify the "extent" but just speak about the way the poet does something with your modality, make that your judgement. As poetically demonstrated, his introspective ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ (1917) explores the persona’s desire for immortality. Beautiful. Similarly,  ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ (1918), an elegy to Major Robert Gregory who died during World War I, It's up to you, there's no harm in leaving this tiny plot description in here but it also doesn't need to be here and could fit into a body para. Up to you! conveys the ambivalence in his motivation for going to war. Conversely, both poems also examine the certainty of mortality; suggested in ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ as the persona is soothed by knowledge that the swans’ immortality is an illusion. This is similarly portrayed in ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ through his equanimity in the face of death, leaving us as critical audiences wonder Yeats’ effectiveness in his portrayal of uncertainty. Absolutely wonderful! This is a great intro, I'm being picky with it to find things to adjust. Congrats!

Yeats’ ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ explores the desire for immortality, as the persona envies the swan’s permanence and perfection, reflecting humanity’s desire for perfection and vitality. This is revealed in the physical states of the swans, who travel “unwearied still, lover by lover”, with the use of symmetrical syntax indicating the harmony and perfection of the swans. Further, the description of the swans as “beautiful” and “mysterious”, with the use of reverential tone and rough iambic meter, emphasises the persona’s admiration of their enduring condition, reflecting the desire for balance and permanence. Moreover, as the swans “now drift on the still water”, the shift of tone and repetition of “still” reiterates the unchanging nature of the swans, where “their hearts have not grown old” metaphorically symbolising the swans’ emotional immutability with their ability to “paddle in the cold companionable streams” oxymoronically referencing Yeats’ unrequited love for Gonne, accentuates the persona’s desire of immortality. Thus, Yeats’ effective examination of the persona’s desire for perfection and vitality, has enforced my understanding that despite immortality, like Gonne’s love for Yeats is uncertain, his desire is rigid and unchanging. I've underlined further, moreover, and thus. Each sentence begins with one of these words and it isn't necessary, in fact I think it jars the flow a little. Your writing is so wonderfully articulate, you don't need these connections from one to the next. Your analysis is strong, you describe the quote, technique, and link, very succinctly so you aren't waffling at any time. However, I think the unique attack on the question lacks. In the last sentence it's brought back in, but I'd like to know exactly what the changing times/uncertainty are/is. Is it about Maud? Is it about the changing poetic movement? Is it about Yeats' personal ageing and inspiration? Identify this earlier in the paragraph. We are introduced to Gonne early, but I really think the first two sentences are a great place to establish this. Otherwise, the para is perfect!

Whilst ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ expresses the desire of the persona’s permanence, ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ however construes the pilot’s ambivalence in his motivation of going to war. His uncertainty between duty and desire, perfect! is projected in the anaphora and ironic use of “those that I fight I do not hate/ those that I guard I do not love” as he is balancing the regimented nature for war but also his passion for flying, symbolising his internal ambiguity. Further, as the pilot reflects on his reason for war, where “nor law, nor duty bade him fight”, the anaphora of “nor” negates all the conventional reasons for fighting in the war, as “a lonely impulse of delight” reinforces the uncertainty of his motivation suggested by an oxymoronic “lonely impulse”. Moreover, the apathetic motivations of the persona’s involvement in the war is reiterated in “I balanced all, brought all to mind” as the parallelism indicates the persona’s balanced consideration of life and death, where both are equally important. In my understanding, Yeats’ skilful use of poetic expressions has exemplified the airman’s ambivalence in his motivation for going war, reinforcing the notion of uncertainty to his audiences. An extremely eloquent paragraph...beautiful! Really hard to fault.

Conversely, ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ explores that the persona is soothed by knowledge that the swans’ immortality is just an illusion, as Yeats demonstrates life’s transience, eloquently reflecting his internal melancholy after the rejection of Iseult Gonne. The persona’s decaying nature is construed in the seasonal imagery of “Autumn” and “October Twilight” alludes to the time of transition and change, suggesting the end of life. This is reinforced by the textual reference of the gyre in “great broken rings”, where the disturbance of nature is indicated by the broken rings, suggesting the declination and imperfection of the swans. Furthermore, the persona’s contrast of himself to the “nine-and-fifty Swans” emphasises the mortality of the swans as the use of hyperbaton in the sentence reflects the irregularity in life, coupled with the odd number of “fifty-nine”, whilst swans mate eternally, suggesting the distance between the mortal and the immortal contrasting against persona’s “heart which is sore now”. The monosyllabic words create a monotonous, dreary tone, reinforced by the diction “now”, reiterating the persona’s current state of decline. Finally, the rhetorical question on the final line of the poem, “to find they have flown away” elucidates that despite being a symbol of eternity and perfection, the swans are no longer perfect or immortal as “they have flown away”. Yeats’ skilful manipulation of the swans’ immortality being an illusion, enhances my understanding on the inevitability of nature’s cycle. Another beautiful paragraph.

Similarly, Yeats’ ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death” exemplifies the certainty in the face of death, as the airman has accepted his death by volunteering for war. The high modality, definitive tone in the declaration, “I know that I shall meet my fate” reinforces the airman’s certainty of mortality, highlighting his embracement of death, supported by the aerial imagery of “cloud”, holding heavenly connotations. Furthermore, the notion of death is highlighted in “no likely end could bring them loss or leave them happier than before”. Life is suggested to be in a constant of equilibrium, supported in the structured rhythm by the iambic tetrameter, emphasising the certainty of mortality in war, despite the effectiveness of its outcome. Moreover, the use of chiasmus in “years to come… years behind” suggests his peaceful state of mind as he is on the equivalence point between past and future, creating a cyclical image which parallels to Yeats’ beloved gyre. This is epitomised in the final line of the poem, “in balance with this life, this death”. The repetition of “this” coupled with the juxtaposing concepts of life and death, further emphasises the inevitable, cyclic nature of life where mortality is certain. Hence, the airman’s certainty of death has deepened my view on the antithetical outlook on the nature of life.

Thus, W.B Yeats’ confronting and emotional poems have echoed in the minds and hearts of his audiences through the transcendence of time. The provocative portrayal of both certainty and uncertainty are both present in his ‘Wild Swans at Coole’ (1917) and ‘An Irish Airman Foresees his Death’ (1918) to a certain extent, however, the certainty of death evidently out balances the uncertainty that exists in both personas, leading me as a critical audience finding Yeats’ portrayal of uncertainty as ineffective.

The essay is beautiful, you have written so eloquently it was like I didn't want to comment in case I disrupted the flow. A credit to your work! Further, moreover, thus, feature in your work probably more than they have to. Your analysis is spectacular, you have a real grasp on a lot of the themes of the poet - Gonne, Gonne Junior, Gyres, Poetry, War...

There is something that lacks and will stop you from nailing the top mark, and that's the way you're approaching the idea of this transcending time. It's mentioned in the intro and conclusion but doesn't feature as I expected it to in your body paragraphs. Because it features in your concept statement I hoped for it to become a unique thread through your work but you never highlighted how or why the poetry transcends the time of Yeats' contemporaries, you've just said that it does. I don't believe this would stop you from getting a Band 6 but it is necessary for Mod B, and it's especially necessary when you put it in your original concept statement.

Hopefully this gives you a little direction to work on, but you should overall be IMMENSELY proud of this!

[legorgo18]

Hey Elyse, ty for the feedback!

Just have a few questions

1) For the intro since im arguing sort of for and against the question, should i not use partial or should i change to like certain?
2) For the body i was just taught from junior year to use those connecting words after each quote. So can i just go on without using them like e.g. Further, as or As
3) Yes i know the textual integrity is a big thing in this module, should i just reference for example the gyre link to other poem like second coming to show the transcendence of time
4) For conclusion i made a judgement that certainty out balances the uncertainty aspect, does this matter?
5) Critics, although not required in this test, should I add 1 or keep it as it is?
Overall, thank you for such positive feedback! Really boosted my confidence as I was worried about this module the most

[1937jk]

Hey!
So I hope it is okay for me to request for feed back on a essay I have constructed for Module A based off the intertextual connections between 'King Richard III' and 'Looking for Richard',
I have included specific questions in the document, along with the question I am answering
Any feedback would greatly appreciated!!
Thank you in advance

[Snew]

Hi! This is my Module A essay for my half yearly in response to the question:

Discuss which one of these two texts you feel evokes a more sympathetic response to the human desire for meaningful relationships

Feel free to rip it apart  also do you think there are too many quotes? and any suggestions for a better conclusion would be good too, cheers 

A similar perspective of the desire and struggle of individuals to achieve idealised love is revealed through both F.Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s (EBB) Sonnets from the Portuguese. The enduring relevance of this universal struggle across contexts is represented in both texts, drawing out feelings of sympathy for both lovers in their desire for meaningful relationships, however the response of a contemporary audience is largely drawn from the depiction of contextual influences on their love. The Sonnets of EBB explore the attainment of love and its transcendence of physical and contextual constraints in the dynamic Victorian era hopeful of change, in comparison to the destructive pursuit of love centred on hedonistic, material values and corruption in The Great Gatsby. Ultimately, it is Browning’s sonnets that evoke a sympathetic response from a contemporary audience, further confirmed by her ultimate attainment of such love. EBB’s love, unshackled by worldly constraints, contrasted with Gatsby’s inability to achieve his vision, reinforces the image of a disillusioned postwar society where ideal love has no value.

The contextual impediments of obtaining their idealised relationship is portrayed in both texts, creating elements of sympathy for both EBB and Gatsby who reflect conflicting desires to that of their context. The torch that EBB “holds...out” is a metaphor for the words she cannot form to express her love. The hand would ‘hold out’ the torch and it would then ‘cast light on each’ of their faces.’ This subverts the traditional notion of the submissive woman in Petrarchan poetry, as she is the torch bearer, and therefore the one in control. Similarly, Gatsby inability to express his love is also represented by the green light on the end of Gatsby’s lovers dock in East Egg, as seen from the end of his pier across the water in West Egg. “...distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away...the end of a dock.” The green light, as seen from the end of Gatsby’s pier, is symbolic of Gatsby’s vision and hope that he wed to Daisy, as well as their differing worlds, he from new money in West Egg opposed to the older money classes of the East, reinforcing his lack of prestige and the distance it creates, producing elements of sympathy as he worships his long lost love. [Arms outstretched]...towards the dark water in a curious way...trembling.” EBB, however, denounces her previous position of power and control by submitting humbly to Robert, “I drop it at thy feet.” This suggests her powerlessness to be the torchbearer and consequently reveals to him that she is unable to effectively communicate her love for him in writing. EBB therefore highlights her inability to express her love to Robert Browning as a result of having to follow traditional courtly conventions. The play on contrasting words, “And that I stand unwon, however wooed,” emphasises the paradoxical nature of her situation. EBB thus insists that she retains a tragic identity as the always ‘unwon’ and enduring woman, and the lover who cannot admit love, evoking heartfelt empathy from a contemporary audience.

Fitzgerald’s initial portrayal of Gatsby’s love for Daisy evokes elements of sympathy, but ultimately depicts love as an enticing but destructive dream, rendered meaningless if based on physical and material values.  Gatsby’s desire for Daisy and his desire for love, described by Nick as a “romantic readiness, such as I have never found in any other person,” moves beyond a pure and virtuous love for her an an individual lover. Daisy becomes the embodiment of all material and physical desire for Gatsby, highlighted by his remark that her voice “is full of money.” Gatsby thus reveals his fundamental understanding of Daisy’s connection to wealth and the subsequent urgency of his need to acquire it. Moreover, in placing Daisy and the wealth she portrays on a pedestal, Gatsby elevates her beyond the real and attainable, placing her in the untenable position of competing with an illusion of perfection. “There must have been moments, even that afternoon, [...] when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams...because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.” Inevitably, the revival of the love affair between the lovers and the possibility of attaining his dream prove almost anti-climactic, threatening to diminish Daisy’s value as an “enchanted object.” Whilst Daisy’s affection for Gatsby is evident, her “face...smeared with tears,” during their reunion, the importance she places on materialistic values overrides any meaningful connection to Gatsby. This is demonstrated through her marriage to Tom. Whilst Daisy almost changed her mind about marrying Tom after receiving a letter from Gatsby, she eventually went through with the ceremony, “without so much as a shiver...the pearls were around her neck and the incident was over.” During the first meeting of Daisy and Gatsby, Daisy’s response to him is enhanced by his display of material possessions and beautiful objects that he acquired as a part of his quest to win her back. Gatsby unquestionably accepting her consumeristic attitude typical of the postwar 1920s by, “Revalue[ing] everything in his house according to the measure of response it drew from her well-loved eyes.” The relationship between Daisy and Gatsby, moreover, is a result of Gatsby’s idealism of Daisy, romantic love, and corrupted by his obsessive pursuit of material wealth, ultimately draws little sympathy from a contemporary audience.

Browning, in comparison, depicts a love that is able to transcend and strengthen despite hardship, evoking a favourable response to her desire to share a meaningful and lasting relationship with Robert Browning. “While the winds are rough,” in Sonnet XIII indicates the external factors which are acting as obstacles to the relationship and their love prevented from being expressed publicly. This has also been attributed to EBB’s father, a controlling man who had forbidden any of his children to marry. Regardless, the use of the word “beloved” to describe Robert Browning in Sonnet XIV dispels any doubt about her love for him.The desire of EBB to create a significant, meaningful romantic relationship is conveyed by her demands to Robert regarding the nature of his love in Sonnet XIV, urging him not to love her for any particular reason, but simply because he lovers her, “If thou must love me, let it be for nought/Except for love’s sake only.” Browning argues that if there is a particular reason for loving someone, a change in circumstances can remove the reason and destroy the love. She further amplifies this idea by listing conventional attributes admired in women, to warn Robert of these superficial qualities that prevent pure and lasting love, “Do not say/I love her for her smile...her look...her way/Of speaking gently…” EBB metaphorically compares Robert declaring his love to ringing a bell, “toll,” and “silver utterance,” has positive connotations. Silver is less previous than gold, and therefore the love they share, whilst still precious is more real than ideal. Whilst EBB enjoys hearing Robert say he loves her, “Say...Thou dost love me,” she also him to lover her “in silence,” with his “soul,” restating her desire for a deep and lasting love. EBB’s final declaration of love illustrates the depth and worth of their love, hoping that if God allows she will lover him even better after death, “...And, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.”
Ultimately, it is the purity and sincerity of EBB’s love, able to overcome contextual constraints and attain their desired relationship that evokes a greater extent of sympathy, as compared with the materialistic and corrupted ideals of love portrayed in The Great Gatsby.

[elysepopplewell]

Hey Elyse, ty for the feedback!

Just have a few questions

1) For the intro since im arguing sort of for and against the question, should i not use partial or should i change to like certain?
2) For the body i was just taught from junior year to use those connecting words after each quote. So can i just go on without using them like e.g. Further, as or As
3) Yes i know the textual integrity is a big thing in this module, should i just reference for example the gyre link to other poem like second coming to show the transcendence of time
4) For conclusion i made a judgement that certainty out balances the uncertainty aspect, does this matter?
5) Critics, although not required in this test, should I add 1 or keep it as it is?
Overall, thank you for such positive feedback! Really boosted my confidence as I was worried about this module the most

Sorry for the late reply I missed this!

1. If you don't want to argue directly with the question, that's fine! But, I think "partial" just sounds a bit too clinical when the rest of your essay is so ~flowy~.
2. No need to use those connecting words, in most cases you can just take them straight out without replacing them with anything and it'll still make perfect sense
3. This is a great idea, but it's not necessary to bring up another poem if you don't want to. Connecting to the idea of transcending time is about talking about modern audiences, and audiences yet to come, being able to relate to themes and ideas even if they don't empathise with the context.
4. This is fine
5. Critics may elevate the work - but not until we're tackling the transcendence of time correctly. So once we adjust that, and the treatment of that notion, we will be able to weave through critics to bring it to life. If you're not sure where to go from here - then maybe scholars might be the best place to look seeing as they often treat the ideas of transcendence in their reception of poetry.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey!
So I hope it is okay for me to request for feed back on a essay I have constructed for Module A based off the intertextual connections between 'King Richard III' and 'Looking for Richard',
I have included specific questions in the document, along with the question I am answering
Any feedback would greatly appreciated!!
Thank you in advance

Hey! You can absolutely have some feedback, I've attached your essay in the spoiler below! Comments in bold

Essay with Feedback

QUESTION: The relationship between context and values affects an understanding and appreciation of intertextual connections. To what extent does this view accord with your comparative study of the prescribed texts?

Intertextual connections demonstrate the growth in humanity through societal values. This connection doesn't quite make sense - I know what you are getting at but you need to flesh this out a bit more (the way the same theme is treated in texts written at different times demonstrates societal evolution). This is a result of imposed challenges faced due to context and how humans respond to them. It is through William Shakespeare’s sixteenth century play ‘King Richard III’ that the historical fiction of a providential society depicts the results of an individual's involvement in the dynamics of power and how this exposes others to the vulnerabilities of persuasion. Be careful - This play wasn't fictional. It was a historical play. Similarly, Al Pacino’s twentieth century docudrama ‘Looking for Richard’, a contemporary interpretation of Shakespeare's work emphasises how values have been transformed across time, place and form between in order to develop a modern understanding of his universal themes and powerful language. Nice - This is the default way to approach a Shakespeare/Pacino comparison and it works well. Also, conscience reveals consequences of guilt and demonstrates a secular growth in society as the voice of women is strengthened through a modern interpretation. Shakespeare’s historical work of fiction was composed for an audience of the Tudor epoch and by casting Richard as a villain it affirmed the legitimate right of Henry Tudor to the throne as a result of the Battle of Bosworth. Try not to include this sort of contextual specific evidence just yet - Save it for your body paragraphs. Additionally, Pacino’s purpose was to “reach out to an audience who would not normally participate in this kind of language or world” and achieved this through connecting societal values of his American audience to the historical values of the Elizabethan era such as integrity and loyalty. Nice inclusion of quote. Through the reshaping of these texts and viewing them in tandem it is evident that Shakespeare’s literature is relevant in understanding the development of humanity in modern society. Solid introduction, but definitely too long. You've put too much in here - It needs to be punchier and a little simpler to make it clearer what your focus will be.

The continual growth and reformation of society is challenged by humanity. A little vague - In what way? Why do we resist change? Do you mean technological, power, or otherwise? Both texts utilise Richard’s character to illustrate the consequences of disregarding your humanity for power and its perceived benefits. Good. Richards deformity for him is perceived as a disadvantage in which ultimately drives his malicious intentions throughout the play. It enforces from the opening soliloquy, Richards high awareness of his own deformity, “I, that am curtail’d of this fair proportion”(Act 1, Sc 1). This suggests that it is Richard's appearance that inhibits his ability to fit into the specific ‘proportions’ structured into the Elizabethan society. Good job for including a quote, but I'm missing a technique here - Without a technique, this is just retell! This is a reflection of the providential value of the monarchical hierarchy as he blames nature for his deformity claiming he was “cheated by feature”, hence, his deformity marginalises him from society and produces a fear in having an unstable political position in society. As a result, his deformity can be blamed for his corrupted mind as he concludes that the only way of overcoming his instability is by plotting the demise of others around him. Ultimately, this paragraph is not doing enough analytically. There is a lot of conceptual statements (too many, which makes things a bit confusing for the reader) - But only a single quote and no analysis. You need to be doing more to examine the portrayal of the ideas in the texts, through analysing techniques.

Comparably, through Pacino’s text it is fear that produces a barrier of inaccessibility between Shakespeare’s language and a modern American audience. Do you mean that American audiences are scared of Elizabethan language? This seems a little vague. Pacino, like, Richard desires the initiative to overcome fear, however his intentions are for the benefits of the audience's understanding as “we’ve provided this docudrama thing...so you know where you are”. Nice recognition of the audience - Be sure to identify the technique used here (it is metafilmic). This in terms of the play enables the audience to understand the plot, however, “by approaching it from different angles, putting on costumes, playing out scenes, we could communicate our passion for it.” This is Pacino’s recognition that modern society has developed an appreciation for the visual imagination and emotional connections. This is good exploration of HOW Pacino approaches his representation, but WHAT is he representing? What's the point of all these things? For this reason, by physically taking on Shakespeare’s literature, it enables Pacino to access its complexity for his audience. We see this through Pacino’s cross cuts of Vox populi and his demonstration of Richard’s humpback, where the people on the streets respond with recognition only when Pacino mentions “he was a humpback, one arm… Remember that?”. The cross cuts allow Pacino’s audience to understand the exaggeration of Richard’s exclusion, experienced as a result of his deformity. What concept does this relate to? Overall, this reinforces the value of connection to visuality and emotion of a modern American audience in order to understand the reformed values and development of humanity over history. I'm not getting a sense of direction in this paragraph - I'm not sure what the main point of it is. This is partly because there is no strong topic sentence that then sets the tone for the whole of the rest of the paragraph.

A human response to challenges is influenced by personal values and environment. Good! But still a little vague - What sort of challenges? What values? In order for Richard to obtain power and control he eschews all moral restraints by tactically targeting the vulnerabilities of his own House of York. He betrays Christian theocentric values and ideology of the Divine Right of Kings for personal gain, in which he challenges a secular interest in free will amongst a integral society. These two sentences were retell - Anyone who has read the text knows this for themselves! As for Hastings, when his political power becomes a threat to Richard's plan, Shakespeare uses his shared mistress as an enabler for Richard to overcome this, however he exceeds the norm of the expected in being disloyal. It is his oratory skill and polymorphous character in which persuades the execution of Hastings. Still retell. “Off with his head! - Now by Saint Paul” (Act 2, Sc 4). This religious reference is ironic as Richards malicious character has a committed many sins against the value of integrity and loyalty and rather his words allure the fact that he is about to have Hastings sacrificed which depicts an antithesis of the Christian core teachings. Good use of quote and you've sort of given a technique in the religious reference (allusion is a better term) - But what does it show the audience? What understanding do we gain? Further, how does this relate to our response to challenges, the main theme of the paragraph? In comparison, Pacino’s interpretation of Hastings’ significance is aligned with the 20th century movie “The Godfather”. He uses the analogy to a mafia “gathering of the dons” to communicate the rising anticipation of whether Richard can stop Hastings crowning the princes king in which is similar to somebody saying “just wait here, I’ll be back or you know wait in this room”. Retell. This reference enhances Pacino’s audience understanding of Richard’s pursuit of power and consequences of disregarding values as Pacino himself played the protagonist in ‘The Godfather’, hence, his currency of fame allows a modern day audience to recognise and connect the maligned themes of both texts. THIS sort of audience impact explanation/analysis is exactly what I need more of! Accordingly, the comparison of texts enforce how an individual’s reaction to persuasion has not changed through history, rather the same value of integrity and loyalty are relevant. So this is sort of a more specific version of your topic sentence - You haven't really shown this yet, so it feels a little out of place. Pacino sources the opinion of a scholar “In fact we know he’s as hard as nails, that he’s only pretending to be religious”. This view reiterates Richards secular view in a monarchical society by challenging the religious values and “they canvas like politicians, complete with lies and innuendo”. Sequentially, Pacino’s personal view opens the susceptibility of Richard's victims to his ability to persuade which allows him gain tyrannical power. Over history, the repeated human vulnerability to persuasion is demonstrated through Richard’s ability to overcome political barriers in order to reach the crown of England. Try to make your conclusions really strong and obvious - "Thus, we can see how Shakespeare and Pacino have represented the importance of loyalty." Something like that - Simple, references both texts. You KNOW the paragraph is done.

Conscience revolves around the value of honesty and the consequences of guilt for an individual. How does this relate to the essay? Does the audience gain new understandings of this concept? Richards character is plagued by conscience as a punishment for his tyranny. He previously ignored his conscience in order to complete his goal, but it all unravels as his humane guilt reveals the natural human response. Retell. As for the last murder of Buckingham, he acknowledges “Thus Margaret’s curse falls heavily upon my neck” (Act 4, Sc 1). Quote - But no technique? Queen Margaret’s character is Shakespeare’s device in order to communicate what is going on in the play around the catastrophe of the Monarch. Although, her character’s political position is marginalised, therefore her words are dismissed more regularly than they should be. Ironically, it is right before Buckingham’s death that his own conscience foreshadows the words of Margaret “to help thee curse that poisonous bunch - back’d toad” (Act 1, Sc 3). This suggests how the role of women in the play is deemed insignificant by other characters but it is their voices that share the most accurate version of how reality unfolds. See how these last few sentences have just been retelling what happened in the text, more or less? You haven't been looking at what we learn about conscience - The word hasn't reappeared since the introduction. This is a representation of society’s patriarchal and the significance of the ‘divine right of kings in accordance with values and complications that arise from this. Great concept - But look at your topic sentence. Does it match? In Pacino’s text, his modern audience understands a psychological perspective and hence, values it and because of this he utilises Queen Margaret’s character to represent a psychological reality as Penelope Allen states “It’s primordial I think. She brings that kind of music into this experience.” Technique? Pacino’s use of Allen's voice identifies how humanities secular growth has enabled the voice of women to be valued and publicised, therefore demonstrating a growth in psychological capacity. The power of individuals subversion of institutional power holds currency for Pacino’s audience, however, this is not the case for Shakespeare's audience as they understood implications of free will. I like that you are trying to recognise differences in Shakespeare's audience and Pacino's - That's excellent. Queen Margaret is Pacino’s device in communicating the social realities of Shakespeare's context as he uses a ‘ghost like’ figure to share a visual representation of the value of the marginalised voice. Her haunting tone allows the audience to identify the suspicion present amongst the Monarch and to have an awareness and appreciation for her words. It is without her that the significance of conscience would not be present. In addition, lines are omitted from Pacino’s interpretation of the scene in order to highlight the key lines and allow his audience to open an understanding to Shakespeare’s work rather than intimidation. It is through growth in a secular society that the appreciation for abiding by conscience is appreciated. This is a better, more deliberate conclusion!

In conclusion, through Pacino’s modern interpretation, it is apparent that Shakespeare's literature can be made applicable to a 20th century audience. Nice. Both texts explore the relative values of their contexts and is a result by comparing them it enables an accessibility to each to transcend difficult concepts. A little wording issue there. Ultimately, Shakespeare’s communicated knowledge of humanity through ‘King Richard III’ can be understood and appreciated through Pacino’s ‘Looking for Richard’.

So I'll address those comments you had in the Document too:
Okay, so in particular I have struggled with writing my thesis stating to answer the question, have i addressed this?
Also, in ensuring I include my points of argument in a logical way throughout the intro. (Specifically, values and context)

So I think in attempting to include all this stuff, you've included too much. The intro is very conceptually busy and it lacks a clear direction as a result. In terms of answering the question, the question demands you to explore the relationship between context and values. That is, how does context influence how composers represent ideas? That isn't quite covered in your introduction, so you aren't responding to the question as directly as you could be. Basically, I'd ditch the contextual detail you had in the latter half of the intro, thus simplifying/streamlining your ideas, then reconsidering how you answer the question in the first sentence or two.

Is it an inconsistency in structure to have one idea spilt into two ideas and then my following paragraphs be combined into lengthier ones?

It does strike me as a little inconsistent, I think combining the first two into a single paragraph is absolutely doable for you

Have I addressed specific techniques clearly enough?

Unfortunately, not quite. I highlighted the times I noticed you using a specific technique in red above - I think there is about 5 in the whole essay. For a 20/20, I'd perhaps expect that many per paragraph. Part of this is because you are including too much textual retell of plots/details, and this takes up room you could use for more analysis!

Can you identify my arguments/ ideas clearly?

I think your ideas make sense, though they are a little vague at times. What need work is your direction - Sticking to the theme you identify at the start of the paragraph. In the last paragraph for example, it is on conscience but then you discuss things concerning power at one stage. Your topic sentence is like a contract - You say what you want to talk about, and then you hammer that home 110% in every sentence!

Also, is my writing too ‘wordy’? Is there anything not necessary to include?

I think your expression style is quite good! The odd sentence here or there that wasn't quite sitting right, but on the whole very clear!

You need to work on avoiding textual retell - That is, giving details from the plot or explaining things that happen to the characters. The marker doesn't need this, they just want straight analysis. The use of TECHNIQUE in QUOTE shows the audience ____________. Boom, move on - Those sorts of direct sentences are what you need, try and break the pattern of explaining what happens to the character

Hopefully my comments throughout and these responses below will be helpful for you! By all means feel free to let me know if you'd like anything clarified!

[Wales]

Hey

It's that time of the term where I again seek the wisdom of the essay markers here. My Mod A Essay on Richard III and LFR is due in my exam on Tuesday.

I've attached my essay below. I also need to cut out some. My word count fits however the character count is far above my creative writing despite having a similar word count. If you notice any evidence that is quite weak or unnecessary I may just cut it out completely to free up space.

Thank you, Wales