I received some really great feedback from ATARNotes and I feel like I have taken it on board and fixed my writing. Would you please be able to tell me where I am going wrong and what I am doing right, and a mark out of ten.
2012 VCAA Language Analysis Practice Essay (one of the visuals was missing so I couldn't analyse it)
Mrs. Elliott's contention refuses to be unheard of when she identifies the negative manifestations that have found itself into the new e-book technology, eliciting denigration to the 'extremely precious' books throughout the world, and evokes the idea of literature principles becoming ingrained into the new e-book technology. Mrs. Elliott contends her argument at the opening of 'Reading the Future' in a controlled, albeit distasteful tone that has accentuated from the misuse of literature in e-books, complemented by a lacing of passion. The audience members include teachers, librarians and senior school students from local schools who exhibit an interest in reading and/or literacy-related activities, seeking to ignite an expansion of knowledge from the forum. Mrs Elliott incorporates a sardonic cartoon that parallels the digital world of e-books that 'disappear in a puff of smoke,' mocking the digital form through elucidating the bitter juxtaposition between the two.
Mrs. Elliott immediately aligns herself with her audience members by inviting them into the nostalgic experience of when she was ‘a teenager,’ imposing solid rapport between Mrs Elliott and the audience by allowing the audience to gleefully open their ears to engage with the anecdote. The commencement of the reminiscing story transports the audience to an era into the ‘15th century’ whereby books were ‘only [for] the rich.’ The audience would feel encapsulated by their own greed by appealing to the equality among generations, forcing them to reevaluate their neglect for ‘genuine reading’ that they may pursue. Mrs. Elliot’s ‘enthusiastic’ fascination with books soon succumbs to her vehemently condemning the ‘idea of a child consuming something already imagined’ in an e-book, laced with negative connotation, evoking the question of social responsibility among all the teachers, librarians and senior school students, causing them to consider the second hand opinion that has been imposed. Mrs. Elliott proceeds to subliminally attack her audience who have ‘endless exposure to screens’ who then feel the need ‘to spend hours using e-books at school.’ The negative connotations of ‘endless’ being an extricable linked with ‘hours’ advances shock value for the audience whilst generating imagery, realizing they have metaphorically drowned themselves in technology, soon to become claustrophobics to the real world, inciting fear amongst audience members.
Mrs. Elliott initiated a passionate, ‘loverbird-like’ tone when she supposes that ‘one of the things I love about reading is the [about] ‘the magical … impossible or unreal’ principles of reading that liven you as a person, typifying happy thoughts from the audience to reconsider reading proper literature rather than ‘computer generated images of dinosaurs,’ which in itself aims to question the motivation of the audience. But Mrs. Elliott criticizes the operation of e-book as they can ‘disappear in a puff of smoke’ ‘recalled by the publishes and software owners,’ substantiating judgments of theft from the audience members that may have not been present prior. The accompanying visual of the cartoon aims to portray an analogous world occupied between the little indifference between the physical world adopting the business model of e-books whereby the reader only has ‘a good six months before it vanishes.’ The image created augments the delusion of those within the e-book community, visually constructed to emphasise the identifiable smiles of victims being robbed by e-book developers and distributors. This not only would infuriate the audience to realize they are being attacked by Elliott through their own rationale and sense of stupidity, but the vibe of the audience would also feel as though they are being attacked by the e-book companies, leaving them vulnerable to persuasion. To supplement on this point, Mrs. Elliott appeals to the sense of accountability of society in saying ‘book-lovers [have been made] to build huge warehouses to preserve bound books,’ inciting images of a dying breed to a genocidal, literacy cleansing maniac at the forefront of society, bemusing the audience with the uttermost disgust.
Mrs. Elliott doesn’t deny that she ‘can’t stop the coming of e-books’ and that she ‘wouldn’t stop it’ but protests that for those of ‘us who care about reading’ are about to experience a ‘revolution’ of ‘important things … [being] swept away,’ incorporating the underlying tones of love and passion whilst stoking fear amongst the audience, as knowledge and education will soon become elusive. The images of revolution assembles the gore-y bloodbath that will proceed to follow as ‘knowledge and education’ become scarce, verifying that the intelligence of humanity is at stake, imposing a call to action among the audience members. Mrs. Elliott then mocks society by saying she is ‘starting to sound a bit like a dinosaur myself, aren’t I?’ attacking the morality of the audience who treat reading literature books like a damaged fossil, causing them to change their behaviour to reduce the number of causalities to both books and their morality. Mrs. Elliott shares the memory of reading a ‘Harry Potter story on a long and unpleasant flight,’ facilitating her need for ‘passengers, earth below [to] instantly cease to exist,’ allowing the audience to determine whether books can help them theoretically escape their problems, laced with the tones (or vibe lol) of invitation and enjoinment. Mrs. Elliott appears to be so invested in allowing the proliferation of knowledge of literature that she ‘left the book (Harry Potter) in a red telephone box for anyone passing by … to read it,’ sparking the thoughts of an enticing proactive approach to deal with the issue imposed to the audience. Elliott then enriches her argument by juxtaposing the non-existent ‘lending and sharing’ of e-books, and that you are ‘couldn’t resell them,’ diluting all positivity in the audience who suddenly realize they have participating in purchasing products in an inferior form, encouraging the audience members to purchase the supreme hard-back. Elliott’s recognition in that she does not want ‘expensive, energy-hungry e-reading devices’ to make ‘people ignorant,’ speculating the detrimental effects of e-book usage. On the ‘virtual shelf’ that e-books are situated, the e-readers are ‘experiencing’ rather than ‘passively consuming’ the knowledge of literature, and that e-books are not for people who ‘care about reading,’ inviting the audience members to see the cessation of their own e-books due to the ‘fear of loss, knowledge, history and even culture’ that Elliott has provoked the audience to consider.
Mrs. Elliott demonstrates her speech through the utilization of a number of varying arguments that supplement her contention that the ‘modern wizardry’ of e-books signify the loss of true literacy and knowledge. Whilst expressing this point of view, she contends through a concoction of tones from passionate to distasteful and fearful, empowering her words into individual audience members for their validation.
• 3 ½ pages.
• 1 hour, 15 seconds longhand
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