HELP!! English Adv. Mod A - Pride and Prejudice & Letters to Alice essay

[_debbieeeeeee_]

Hi everyone!
if you feel like editing an essay i would greatly appreciate it if you could have a look at mine!
it isn't all that great but i've also included the teachers comment in red for the first draft at the very bottom of the attachment
the essay question is:
An exploration of intertextual connections reveals the relationship between context and key values. Discuss this view with detailed reference to the extracts below and your pair of prescribed texts.
"You were disgusted with women who were always speaking and looking and thinking for your approbation alone. I roused, and interested you, because I was so unlike them" (PP)
"It takes great courage and persistence to swim against the stream of communal ideas" (LTA)

thank you so much, i really appreciate it :"))