Last Year of VCE: Will Elle take a big L?

[homeworkisapotato]

Hey Elle! Amazing job for the Chem sac! 96% is no easy feat. Don't be so hard on yourself about resilience as many people in the country are finding it difficult to muster up some motivation.

All the best! 

[Coolgalbornin03Lo]

Mini update ✨

Got my letter to the editor sac back and got 83%. I’m a bit sad that I was 1 mark away from 92% but whatever we can’t all be smart.

Anyway I have no SACs this week because the Chem sac was pushed back to next week. But guess who has a Chem, psych AND bio sac next week? I caved and started using paper flashcards because my real ones haven’t come.

I’m so scared I’m really going to mess up Bio and I know I’m already out of the running for 45 but I don’t wanna ruin in further. And Chem it’s the second last sac and after that last one it looks like there is hope to CLAW myself up the rankings.

My F 🌟 E🌟E🌟L🌟S

Personally I feel like I’m burnt out but I’m not because napping fixed it 😂. I’m just so tired and I don’t believe I can do this. I don’t think I’ll get any 40 study scores or a good atar anymore. It’s kinda sad we are this far but I’ve already lost. Also not looking forward to post lockdown life, I know I’m starting to feel slightly not okay about it but I HATED life before. I really have nothing to look forward to after this or right now. I don’t know when I’ll find purpose in life. I’ve been thinking about it and why do I literally not have a single friend. I can’t imagine people wanna go outside because other people like them and it’s mutual and they like being outside and....talking? Ahhh to be normal

But for all you social butterflies keep your heads up only two weeks more of stage 4! 😊 🦋 ✨ Then stage 3- but at least you can socialise at school!

 

EDIT: My English dreams hanging on a by a thread xD

guys I really need help with the comparitive it’s in 2 weeks my class hasn’t started writing we are all the last chapter of the book but BOY am I a goner. I need 85-90 percent on this or I’ll have to throw my self of a bridge cause I will NOT get a forty of this goes up in flames. Life is so tough year 12 is basically not breathing. I hate when teachers say it doesn’t matter- how do you know I have anything else in my life which does?!?! Please don’t assume.

[Coolgalbornin03Lo]

Twas supposed to be a happy ending 🌟🥺

Has anyone ever just completely lost the will to live yet? I felt great after completing my English sac and planned to do a big update celebrating no more SACs but I just got my bio SAC back and I’m so upset especially because it wasn’t my fault.

 I’ll probably explain this later but basically my laptop malfunctioned and I couldn’t see the questions. I hate my life. I was gonna go outside and reward myself for all getting through it but I think I’ll just sit inside and stew in self pity. I don’t deserve fresh air or exercise.

 I feel like should just give up on VCE there’s no way I can get a 45 ss with that shocking SAC. Failure of SACs, Failure of life ugh. Reminds me of a The Longest Memory quote by the way: “slave and enslaver. Master of his own slavery. Model slave. Self governing slave.” Me, I’m responsible for the failure in my SACs nobody else, I’m at fault for everything *sigh*

DISCLAIMER

I don’t believe me failing a SAC is akin to the significance of slavery in anyway!!!! It’s more about the concept behind this quote. I know you guys probably don’t know the context of this quote the but I’ll explain so I don’t come off as ignorant. Basically D’Aguiar depicts how Whitechapel (a slave) contributed to his slavery as he truly believed it was the way it’s what he wanted hence he is a “self-governing” slave- the subjagators do little work to oppress him as he acts as “both slave and enslaver” I’m saying ima failure because I fail myself and I fail everything. No ones causing me to fail but me

Continuation of me spewing sadness

I can’t describe how I literally feel down and unwell. Like I’m really not okay. I haven’t felt this hopeless in a long time. I’m really sad and I don’t think I’ll feel well enough to do anymore work it’s awful. I’m physiologically affected. And the teachers said this isn’t appropriate Grounds to apply for catagory 4 remote learning difficulties SEAS? Why nottttt. I asked the careers counsellor and she said yes to my faulty keyboard.

[bluebird]

Elle, please don't be so hard on urself. I can't imagine the sense of sadness you are feeling but it's so important to just own it. you and your body deserves fresh air and exercise plsssss. i understand how hard it is but just take a break and don't put so much pressure on urself. vce is not the end of the road, this is one small chapter of ur life as big as it feels now. (or so i've heard) try ur very best as i'm sure u r doing but you rlly need to not put mental health and how u feel in the back. i'm sure u'll achieve great things elle . no matter how shocking ur study score or atar is (which i'm sure it wont be), just own ur feelings and then move on from there. i hope it helps but this community is here to help u. (edit: and don't be afraid to seek help when u need it from family, friends, professionals. those u trust. everyone needs help at some point. we r all human so plssssss, i'm not sure how else to say this but dont be so hard on urself. okkkkkk?)
we believe in u!!!!! u got dissss!

[Coolgalbornin03Lo]

 I’m not sure what to call this

I thought I ended this journal because I felt useless being here:  like nobody cares or I was just a burden, but I’m back because I have nowhere else to go and I need to at least say this and get it off my chest.

Please don’t continue if you were hoping for a happy update. Honestly it’s not triggering but if it does get triggering I’ll put it in spoilers

I hate all of this os much. My life will still be horrible after VCE finishes in 6 weeks. I’m
Honestly not sure what to do, lifes been bad ever since I moved schools at the start of year 11. I struggled to make friends and never really did. I have “friends” but the type who don’t even remember you birthday or go places without you or invite each other out in front of you like your not there despite sitting together at lunch everyday. Yeah I know this is petty but it’s really changed me as a person. They admitted they didn’t like me when we first met and that hurt because that’s when I was actually me: now I’m just a shell of myself because it’s just broken me so much. I know it’s so stupid to literally have broken down over nobody liking you but even the teachers hate me. They all think I can’t succeed and they are right. I’m stupid. Although my psychology teacher is really nice and my chemistry teacher, they are the only ones who have never said “you can’t do it” in euphemisms. I’m not aiming for a 50 in these cases I said I wanted a 38-40 which I acknowledge is still high but grrrr just let me dream! I mean I’m working for it! And my sac marks improved but I hate myself. Anyway moving on. Sometimes I know they are judging me based on my appearance. I hate that the worlds like that but whatever. And I know that’s the case because this incident happened before this teacher had even seen my ability!!! And my English teacher is so obvious about it shes been from the start.

 Anyway that’s not why I came here to word vomit. I saw my “friends” all hanging out on Instagram (again excuse my pettiness) and I know they can because they live in 5km of each other but it hurts a bit because 1. I know even if I did still live near there they wouldn’t invite me and 2. I’ve sent them message within this week and I replied from anyone and it’s obvious they didn’t telepathically communicate “oh let’s meet up”😞

Anyway I’m so sad that I have 6 more days of actual school. The rest is not timetabled classes it’s other stuff. But that’s six more lunches I’ve got to hide out in the bathrooms or the library at lunch- and then for them to say “oh I didn’t even notice you weren’t here”. Sometimes I feel like the universe is telling me to end my life, honestly.
 

Spoiler

I can’t believe I really didn’t last year all the lunchtimes I spent alone almost crying. It makes me mad that I can’t be normal and make friends or just not be really flipping stupid. If I wasn’t dumb I’d be fine with having no friends but this is too much for me- it’s like I have nothing.

I’m seriously hoping there’s no graduation ceremony I don’t want my family to know I have no friends or feel me uncomfortable.i feel extremely uncomfortable around people because I know they all hate me. It’s excruciating. I should’ve imploded coming to a new school last year lol.

I’m grateful corona virus disrupted this year. The few weeks we did go to school were hell. I honestly am not sure whether I’d still be here. I’ve thrived off not seeing anyone. I know I’m sick but that’s just how it is. I know people are excited to see friends. But to that I say which friends? The ones whom you’ve discussed your birthday with but when the day arrives no mention and you have to ask them the day after and they still aren’t sure what’s different about you? The ones who go places without you? A lot of people also say this is the happiest moments of their life, in response I wonder how? Why? How do you like people and how do they like you? This has been going on for so long and I hate it. I also hate how a lot of people say they feel lonely but they have friends. I think it’s valid to feel lonely and have have friends, I respect that and their feelings 💕. But I tried to tell someone how I feel and they said “same” but I know full well they have a groupchat of friends and got a cake for their birthday and etc.

I just don’t want this anymore. I don’t want uni to suck. A science degree seems so lonely too. And especially at UoM. I’m not even sure what I’m saying I’m just so upset right now I can’t handle this.

EDIT: this is AN so here’s some VCE stuff.
Methdos: failing
Psych: Struggling
Chemistry: I’m not quite sure
English: trial exam in a week
Biology: Enjoying but failing
In short I haven’t done nearly enough these holidays but will regret it severely in the days And weeks to come. Also I became addicted to Gossip girl- I think the reason I like these shows is because I imagine being accepted- and lets face it Blair Waldorf schemings is interesting.

[The Cat In The Hat]

I’ve thrived off not seeing anyone. I know I’m sick but that’s just how it is. I know people are excited to see friends. But to that I say which friends?

You're not alone, much as it may feel that way. I've liked not having to deal with people, personally. I was an absolute loner in primary school, despite trying to make friends. In some ways, nothing's changed. Sure, I now do have some friends but no one I would actually meet outside of school.

like nobody cares

I beg to differ. People care. Case in point.

EDIT: this is AN so here’s some VCE stuff.
Methdos: failing
Psych: Struggling
Chemistry: I’m not quite sure
English: trial exam in a week
Biology: Enjoying but failing

If you're doing your best, the marks don't matter. I mean sure, they matter, but whatever you can do, at this point in time, if you do it, then that's worthy of commendation. And I feel you are trying hard, so good on you!

I also hate how a lot of people say they feel lonely but they have friends. I think it’s valid to feel lonely and have have friends, I respect that and their feelings 💕. But I tried to tell someone how I feel and they said “same” but I know full well they have a groupchat of friends and got a cake for their birthday and etc.

It does depend on your definition of friends; others may say they are 'friends' with me where I simply do not consider them friends. I'm not trying to downplay your feelings, at all! but while outwardly it may seem they have everything 'right', that may not actually be the case. However, your feelings are completely understandable.

They all think I can’t succeed and they are right. I’m stupid. [...] I’m not aiming for a 50 in these cases I said I wanted a 38-40 which I acknowledge is still high but grrrr just let me dream! I mean I’m working for it! And my sac marks improved but I hate myself.

Just keep sticking at it! Look, that mindset of you being 'stupid' - something that unless you've employed someone else to write all your responses around the forums, I disagree with - is difficult to break out of but erroneous! You're working, your marks improved - and you don't need to be defined by what your teachers think. Honestly. I know it's easier to say than to do but it's true! Prove 'em wrong!

Yeah I know this is petty but it’s really changed me as a person.

Once again, I beg to differ... your 'friends' ignoring you and pretending you're not there, is not petty in my judgement. It's totally understandable.

I thought I ended this journal because I felt useless being here:  like nobody cares or I was just a burden, but I’m back because I have nowhere else to go and I need to at least say this and get it off my chest.

You're not a burden. Seriously. You have readers (such as me). Would we come and read your journal if we weren't interested? No-one's telling me to come here. I come because it interests me. Truly.

Spoiler

I can’t believe I really didn’t last year all the lunchtimes I spent alone almost crying. It makes me mad that I can’t be normal and make friends or just not be really flipping stupid. If I wasn’t dumb I’d be fine with having no friends but this is too much for me- it’s like I have nothing.

Spoiler

'Normal'... there is no such thing as normal. 'Normal' is a fiction, is people trying to force themselves into a mould that doesn't really exist. I know this is cliche but being yourself, not someone else, is what is going to draw people to be genuine friends with you. And just 'cause you go to a school where people don't care to look below the surface, maybe, if you're not what they perceive as 'normal', doesn't mean there aren't others out there who do actually look at your character.
'Stupid'... you haven't yet convinced me you're stupid in any way, shape or form. I see a smart, hardworking individual who's trying to do the best they can, when I see you on the forums.
'Normal and make friends' - not everyone makes friends. I didn't, for a long time. It was only when I returned to my school after a couple of years doing distance that I really got any friends, at all.
'Fine with having no friends' - the only person who's fine with having no friends is someone like Scrooge, and that turned out oh so well (Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol). Friends are necessary, my opinion is it's more dumb to say you don't need friends, are above friends or something. Recognising that need is good, is... I can't describe it.

In short I haven’t done nearly enough these holidays but will regret it severely in the days And weeks to come.

You do know there's this thing called a 'break'? Sounds like you've been working pretty hard, don't overwork yourself! Truly! Don't want to get into the exam all tired with studying. Everyone needs time to relax as well as to do schoolwork: school is not what defines you.

Stay safe. Please.

Spoiler

I wish there was a smiley face that looked concerned and worried and caring, all at once, because that's what I'd use.

EDIT: Oh, and I almost forgot: was glad to see an update of any kind, because of what you'd said last week or something.

[lm21074]

Your feelings are valid and you are not being a burden by expressing them here.

Having been in a similar position to you, it absolutely sucks. More than sucks. But, there is hope and you can get through this.

You are not useless here. You are not stupid. You are not alone. We are here for you and we care about you. However you're feeling won't change that.

AN is one form of reaching out, and there are others too, like:
- Kids Helpline: phone 1800 55 1800 or http://www.kidshelpline.com.au
- e-headspace: https://www.eheadspace.org.au/
- Headspace: https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/
- Reach Out: http://au.reachout.com/
- Lifeline: phone 13 11 14 or https://www.lifeline.org.au/
- Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ or 1300 22 4636
- school counsellor / psychologist
- your GP

Thank you for sharing how you're feeling, Elle. I'm glad you have used this space as an outlet. It is your space.

[Coolgalbornin03Lo]

🌟Quite a juxtaposition to my last update 🌟

I know nobody cares but I did my English trial exam today!!!! And FINISHED! I know no one cares but it was woahhhhhh. Tecahnically I didn’t quit finish the conclusion on the comparative but considering I was going to leave a conclusion off both Text response and comparative I feel amazing. I think I started out each quite strong and they got a bit weaker but i guess we will see. The company was VATE so I guess those are the people marking them? Does anyone have any experience with this?

It’s so dawnting before you do it but I feel like I can do anything now 😂 I know I’m so dramatic. Anyway I realise I need to plan wayyyy more essays that span all themes! I was really put on the spot today- but it worked out. My text response was written in 35 minutes so if I get a 6/10 that’s understandable. But I walked in there aiming for all sevens so please english gods deliver (wow what is that emoji).

I’m so so happy!!! Off to study for the Chem exam on Monday and my psych sac next week! And the Methods exams I’ve been....doing? There’s no other word for what that is.

Oh guiltily watch a bit of gossip girl 

The sich with gossip girl

Okay so two years ago I got obsessed then on 4th August 2018 I got up to the last episoide of Season 3 last tango then Paris. I never touched it again. Until a few weeks ago. Post English comparative. Nothing left to do except wait to study like a madman last holidays. WHAM i got sucked back in from the very start because I couldn’t remember much. Maybe should’ve left it tile after year 12 but......I can’t study 24/7 can I. 20/7 is a much better ratio 😁  If you were me would you guys stop 

This update was much more ~upbeat~ so hopefully I don’t discourage you guys from replying by being too bleh like I always am 

[The Cat In The Hat]

🌟Quite a juxtaposition to my last update 🌟

I know nobody cares but I did my English trial exam today!!!! And FINISHED! I know no one cares but it was woahhhhhh. Tecahnically I didn’t quit finish the conclusion on the comparative but considering I was going to leave a conclusion off both Text response and comparative I feel amazing. I think I started out each quite strong and they got a bit weaker but i guess we will see. The company was VATE so I guess those are the people marking them? Does anyone have any experience with this?

It’s so dawnting before you do it but I feel like I can do anything now 😂 I know I’m so dramatic. Anyway I realise I need to plan wayyyy more essays that span all themes! I was really put on the spot today- but it worked out. My text response was written in 35 minutes so if I get a 6/10 that’s understandable. But I walked in there aiming for all sevens so please english gods deliver (wow what is that emoji).

I’m so so happy!!! Off to study for the Chem exam on Monday and my psych sac next week! And the Methods exams I’ve been....doing? There’s no other word for what that is.

Oh guiltily watch a bit of gossip girl 

The sich with gossip girl

Okay so two years ago I got obsessed then on 4th August 2018 I got up to the last episoide of Season 3 last tango then Paris. I never touched it again. Until a few weeks ago. Post English comparative. Nothing left to do except wait to study like a madman last holidays. WHAM i got sucked back in from the very start because I couldn’t remember much. Maybe should’ve left it tile after year 12 but......I can’t study 24/7 can I. 20/7 is a much better ratio 😁  If you were me would you guys stop 

This update was much more ~upbeat~ so hopefully I don’t discourage you guys from replying by being too bleh like I always am 

Yay!! Good job! Finishing an English exam is great! (By the way, how do you write a TR in 35 minutes?! Let alone expect 6/10? Tell me your secrets!! )

[Evolio]

Hey Elle!

Congratulations on completing that trial exam! That's no easy thing to do and it's amazing that you finished the essays! You've got to teach me how to do that as I still can't write an essay with just my brain and in timed conditions. 

Good luck for your psych sac next week! I'm sure you'll smash it!

Have a great weekend!

[ashmi]

Hey Elle!!!🥰🥰

YES GIRL CONGRATS FOR FINISHING THE ENGLISH TRIAL EXAM!!!

The company was VATE so I guess those are the people marking them? Does anyone have any experience with this?

I also had a trial practice exam with the 2020 VATE exam during the holidays! [I'm not too sure if my exam was marked specifically by them but based on my school it sounds like it could have been]. How did you find the Rear Window prompt? [They were two pretty interesting ones to talk about. I think it was social criticism and voyeurism?].

And my second question, what type of magical powers do you have to make a whole essay in 35 minutes???😱. I could never write a whole essay on Rear Window in that time; my hand would break down on me.

I'm so glad to see an update from you Elle and keep up the amazing work!! Good luck on your future trial exams! I'm also excited to see you on the train haha

[eloisegrace]

🌟Quite a juxtaposition to my last update 🌟

I know nobody cares but I did my English trial exam today!!!! And FINISHED! I know no one cares but it was woahhhhhh. Tecahnically I didn’t quit finish the conclusion on the comparative but considering I was going to leave a conclusion off both Text response and comparative I feel amazing. I think I started out each quite strong and they got a bit weaker but i guess we will see. The company was VATE so I guess those are the people marking them? Does anyone have any experience with this?

It’s so dawnting before you do it but I feel like I can do anything now 😂 I know I’m so dramatic. Anyway I realise I need to plan wayyyy more essays that span all themes! I was really put on the spot today- but it worked out. My text response was written in 35 minutes so if I get a 6/10 that’s understandable. But I walked in there aiming for all sevens so please english gods deliver (wow what is that emoji).

I’m so so happy!!! Off to study for the Chem exam on Monday and my psych sac next week! And the Methods exams I’ve been....doing? There’s no other word for what that is.

Oh guiltily watch a bit of gossip girl 

The sich with gossip girl

Okay so two years ago I got obsessed then on 4th August 2018 I got up to the last episoide of Season 3 last tango then Paris. I never touched it again. Until a few weeks ago. Post English comparative. Nothing left to do except wait to study like a madman last holidays. WHAM i got sucked back in from the very start because I couldn’t remember much. Maybe should’ve left it tile after year 12 but......I can’t study 24/7 can I. 20/7 is a much better ratio 😁  If you were me would you guys stop 

This update was much more ~upbeat~ so hopefully I don’t discourage you guys from replying by being too bleh like I always am 

Hey Elle!

I'm so happy for the positive update, I am glad you found the English exam not too bad (any english is bad full stop in my books ahaha). Also writing a whole text response 35 minutes is so impressive, I literally took more than that for both of my GAT writing tasks and I can guarantee they were not as good as yours will be 🥰. Literally finishing is such a feat and I am sure you will do amazingly! 40+ here she comes

Good luck for your other trial exams and your psych SAC and have a great week !!

Eloise

[Coolgalbornin03Lo]

Cat in the 🎩

Yay!! Good job! Finishing an English exam is great! (By the way, how do you write a TR in 35 minutes?! Let alone expect 6/10? Tell me your secrets!! )

oops your right....maybe 6/10 is a little generous! Also you don’t need my 4/10 advice Miss 20/20

Ashmi🌟

Hey Elle!!!🥰🥰

YES GIRL CONGRATS FOR FINISHING THE ENGLISH TRIAL EXAM!!!
(Image removed from quote.)

I also had a trial practice exam with the 2020 VATE exam during the holidays! [I'm not too sure if my exam was marked specifically by them but based on my school it sounds like it could have been]. How did you find the Rear Window prompt? [They were two pretty interesting ones to talk about. I think it was social criticism and voyeurism?].

And my second question, what type of magical powers do you have to make a whole essay in 35 minutes???😱. I could never write a whole essay on Rear Window in that time; my hand would break down on me.

I'm so glad to see an update from you Elle and keep up the amazing work!! Good luck on your future trial exams! I'm also excited to see you on the train haha

Excited to see you on there too! I’m actually not sure how I wrote that and what I wrote but it was NOT good hehe. Also I found the rear window prompt tricky it’s much harder than comparative for me

Eloisegrace✨

ooooh, no 40+ in English for me......even the gat will probably be a raw 20 but thanks s much for your kind words! You’ll do so well in Methods!!!! And a further!!!! My inspiration!

Evolio 8)

Thanks Evolio! My brain is also tired I frequently take food and standing up to do nothing breaks.....but we’ve got this just one more month to go!!!!

Update: sad again, got 71% in my last experimental design Chem sac, 71% in the ACCESSeducation trial exam I did at school yesterday (are these hard or am I just dumb?) and to top it all off my SEAS application didn’t go though yay 🙃

Spoiler

The will to live is low right now. Maybe this is a sign from the universe this world is useless. It’s so annoying that no matter how hard I try I’m still an idiot. I don’t care about my study scores or getting 40s anymore but it still hurts to know I’ll never be good enough. What’s the point of having “good work ethic” if nothing comes of it. Honestly throwing myself into a bridge is an attractive option, I hate my life so much and it just never gets better, I just wanna be good at something and school is all I have  no friends lol, I’d take all the friends in the world considering how dumb I am. But nope lost out on both fronts

Also yes I know I’m posting a lot but in like a month I won’t be relevant anymore so I may as well enjoy it why it last- I’m sorry that’s annoying I’ll be gone soon enough   

[brothanathan]

Update: sad again, got 71% in my last experimental design Chem sac, 71% in the ACCESSeducation trial exam I did at school yesterday (are these hard or am I just dumb?) and to top it all off my SEAS application didn’t go though yay 🙃

Spoiler

The will to live is low right now. Maybe this is a sign from the universe this world is useless. It’s so annoying that no matter how hard I try I’m still an idiot. I don’t care about my study scores or getting 40s anymore but it still hurts to know I’ll never be good enough. What’s the point of having “good work ethic” if nothing comes of it. Honestly throwing myself into a bridge is an attractive option, I hate my life so much and it just never gets better, I just wanna be good at something and school is all I have  no friends lol, I’d take all the friends in the world considering how dumb I am. But nope lost out on both fronts

Also yes I know I’m posting a lot but in like a month I won’t be relevant anymore so I may as well enjoy it why it last- I’m sorry that’s annoying I’ll be gone soon enough   

I completely get you Elle, like I really do

Remember that people can grow and I see potential for growth in you if not everyone on AN!! I know this sounds cliche, but hard work beats talent when talent dgaf

Feel free to take some time off AN if you need to, please don't feel pressured to give us constant updates, like seriously don't

[The Cat In The Hat]

Cat in the 🎩

oops your right....maybe 6/10 is a little generous! Also you don’t need my 4/10 advice Miss 20/20

'20/20' I wish

Update: sad again, got 71% in my last experimental design Chem sac, 71% in the ACCESSeducation trial exam I did at school yesterday (are these hard or am I just dumb?) and to top it all off my SEAS application didn’t go though yay 🙃

Just remember, 71% is still a good mark!! I could never get that (which is why I dropped Chem...). Everyone has different strengths. Maybe yours just isn't highschool/academia; you just need to find it
The SEAS didn't go through?! Oh dear...

Spoiler

The will to live is low right now. Maybe this is a sign from the universe this world is useless. It’s so annoying that no matter how hard I try I’m still an idiot. I don’t care about my study scores or getting 40s anymore but it still hurts to know I’ll never be good enough. What’s the point of having “good work ethic” if nothing comes of it. Honestly throwing myself into a bridge is an attractive option, I hate my life so much and it just never gets better, I just wanna be good at something and school is all I have  no friends lol, I’d take all the friends in the world considering how dumb I am. But nope lost out on both fronts

Please just stick at it. 'Idiot'? Excuse me? Unless you're getting someone else to write the rest of your posts or something, you're not an idiot. 'Never be good enough'? Um, you must have a really really high bar for 'good enough'. Please. Don't beat yourself up about it. Maybe academia isn't your thing, or maybe you just need a break. And nothing comes of good work? It does, I assure you it does, even if you don't see it now. This is good for the future, laying good groundwork. You want to be good at something - perseverance like you appear to have is something that's really good! Maybe it doesn't show now, but stick at it and you'll do well. Far better than the insanely smart people who slack off all the time and don't put in consistency.
'Considering how dumb I am'. Just saying, you're not dumb. And it probably sounds cliche but there are people on AN who care about you.
Finding life hard, struggling with it and sticking at it is a real way to grow - a bit like a caterpillar and a butterfly - you have to be trapped in the cocoon (how do you spell that word argh) before you can burst free into what God really wants you to be doing.
School is not the end of the world, the end of life. There's uni, work, life; friends don't have to be made during school. Please don't think school is the end of the world. This is the crunch time for school, the end of one era and the start of the next. It's understandable that you're stressed, feel down and maybe even feel useless. Remember, ATARs are temporary. They don't define you. High school and what marks you get means nothing in the long run. Do your best, and then you know you've done that much.
Oh, yes, and I agree with brothanathan, take some time off if you need to, please do, but if you want to hang around we (or at least I) are genuinely interested in the culmination of your VCE journey.
Stay safe.