English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[Wales]

No problem at all! If your notification asked you to write in the form of an essay, then skip the introductions/pleasantries, just remember that you need to be saying that stuff aloud, to your class. That will have a subtle effect on your sentence length and word choice

Having never done Discovery, I can't speak from experience on a Related, but Elyse is putting together a list of commonly used ones. The Tim Winton stories in the Short Story section may be of particular interest but don't stress, they definitely can't (or at least shouldn't!) mark you down for using a related text you have analysed previously, unless they said not to

Thanks The intro will probably be extended a bit once I get a related so I'll need to revise that again.

I'll take a look at the related list. Big World by Tim Winton is the only one I've studied and I'll use if I cannot find anything. I just don't want to re-use something in class haha. It should be fine as a backup

Regards, Wales

[Wales]

I think I'm finally understanding the essence of discovery and how to relate the texts to them. I understand more what you meant by cutting out the redundant retelling of the plot and rather to explain discovery more. It actually shocked me when I read over it again and found the amount of flaws within my speech and the lack of connection between given quotes and discovery. I find it genuinely enjoyable to ponder the emotions Hurley had undergone throughout his journey.  I think I may of undergone some spiritual transformation haha

[jamonwindeyer]

I think I'm finally understanding the essence of discovery and how to relate the texts to them. I understand more what you meant by cutting out the redundant retelling of the plot and rather to explain discovery more. It actually shocked me when I read over it again and found the amount of flaws within my speech and the lack of connection between given quotes and discovery. I find it genuinely enjoyable to ponder the emotions Hurley had undergone throughout his journey.  I think I may of undergone some spiritual transformation haha

Good on you! It's a great feeling when you go back over something and realise how far you've moved forward!

[Wales]

Hey

So it's been a week and a bit and I think I've finished my essay so far. There are still definitely places where I can fix up I know for sure.

Would you mind taking another look? Length is no longer a concern. How are the links to discovery and my analysis etc?

Thanks, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey

So it's been a week and a bit and I think I've finished my essay so far. There are still definitely places where I can fix up I know for sure.

Would you mind taking another look? Length is no longer a concern. How are the links to discovery and my analysis etc?

Thanks, Wales

Hey Wales! Great to hear you've been working on it.

I mentioned previously that I waived the essay marking rule for you because it was quiet; well, we are getting busy again, so unfortunately we are now back into the proper rules. You'll need 15 posts on ATAR Notes before we can give you feedback on this one full essay marking rules are here for everyones reference btw!

You are only 6 short! If you hang around the site a bit over the weekend then you'll rack them up really quick

[Wales]

Ah yes I can understand After all, HSC Task 1 should be around the corner for many schools.

I took a read through the Guidelines you posted, it does truly make me appreciate a community like this. It's genuinely heart warming to see people like you willing to dedicate their time to helping students. I've been active in some forums and it's time to add this to my list  

I've reevaluated my essay again, I've taken my teachers feedback into consideration albeit was a bit brief, eg; this could be more concise or you can add more here, so on... So it is greatly appreciated that I can get valuable feedback here.

This *should* be my 15th post so Hooray I shall aim to be a active member of this forum from now.

Onwards, so my essay so far. I feel that it is a bit waffley in certain areas, I cannot quite transcribe what I want to express into words there. Some quotes might be integrated poorly from what I think. Length is still a bit of a issue (I'm about 40 seconds over time limit atm) so pointing out where I could cut out would be appreciated. I feel like the way I've linked my texts are a bit weak, it probably isn't too late to change quotes so let me know if that is the case.

Thanks again, Wales 

[Happy Physics Land]

Thank you very much for the extensive feedback, I feel blessed to have come across this forum I've only just got around to editing it so I'll attach it in a few once I'm done.

You brought up a really good point about taking breaths, I had just tried to read my speech out loud and found myself almost dying due to suffocation. Definitely going to keep it in mind. I feel like I fell too far on the essay portion of the speech rather then considering it as a speech. Would your recommend a intro alike to a speech? eg, Good morning X today i'll be talking about X or better to stick to this form? The notification says "Write it in the form of a essay" so I'm unsure.

Might be a bit too much to ask but do any related texts spring to your mind? I've currently considered Big World, Heart of Darkness, Messenger by Markus Zuzak, The Road Not Taken - Frost and Capitol of the World - Hemingway. I've got a week and a bit so it's a bit unreasonable to find a large novel to read and understand. If nothing comes to mind I may stick to HoD or Big World as we analysed these last term in class however I feel like I may be penalized for choosing a previously studied text (Might come across as taking the easy way out? Maybe..?)

Appreciate the feedback

Regards, Wales

Wales if you did well with Messenger in year 10 and you enjoyed reading it, use The Messenger because you are more familiar with it.
The Big World is definitely a good one to choose so if you dont like Zusak's Messenger, use The Big World.
I assumed you didnt like HoD so dont use that because you wont enjoy it.
Messenger is a safer choice since you had a read of my essay and know what you have to write.

[Wales]

Wales if you did well with Messenger in year 10 and you enjoyed reading it, use The Messenger because you are more familiar with it.
The Big World is definitely a good one to choose so if you dont like Zusak's Messenger, use The Big World.
I assumed you didnt like HoD so dont use that because you wont enjoy it.
Messenger is a safer choice since you had a read of my essay and know what you have to write.

Bit late for that haha, check above. I've just posted my entire essay and I've stuck with The Messenger. Hope you don't mind me borrowing a few quotes (explained it myself of course, just thought your quotes fit the theme well)

Re-reading the novel and love it

Thanks though,

[Wales]

Not to rush anyone but I need to finalise the speech by tomorrow. Would you be able to give some feedback asap? If it's too busy around here it's okay but it would be greatly appreciated

Regards, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

Not to rush anyone but I need to finalise the speech by tomorrow. Would you be able to give some feedback asap? If it's too busy around here it's okay but it would be greatly appreciated

Regards, Wales

My plan was today sorry! I needed the weekend to take care of some other business, but you'll definitely have some feedback today to work with tonight

[Wales]

My plan was today sorry! I needed the weekend to take care of some other business, but you'll definitely have some feedback today to work with tonight

Aha sorry. Yeah that's fine. Anytime tonight is fine thanks

Regards, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

Aha sorry. Yeah that's fine. Anytime tonight is fine thanks

Regards, Wales

I normally wouldn't do the feedback in a Word document, but I was working offline for a bit, so your comments are in the attachment to this post (let me know if they don't show up)

Best of luck with the speech tomorrow! Remember, what you've written is only half the battle, present it convincingly!

[Wales]

I normally wouldn't do the feedback in a Word document, but I was working offline for a bit, so your comments are in the attachment to this post (let me know if they don't show up)

Best of luck with the speech tomorrow! Remember, what you've written is only half the battle, present it convincingly!

Just finished reading and fixing up some things in the speech.

I'll be honest, after seeing your criticisms I felt a bit disheartened to see that my work had so many flaws. None of which my teacher or any other people have pointed out. However I do want to thank you because I most definitely would rather the disheartened feelings of dissatisfaction to be felt during the draft phase I'm going to put my best effort into taking all your criticisms into effect and perfecting the essay to the best of my ability. I feel that my evidence for The Messenger was definitely a bit weak so I've gone back and found some better pieces with better techniques and so forth. Onto the cutting process now, time to slim down the essay and eradicate redundant language.

I do find it a bit hard to cut down without removing affecting the sophistication of the essay. I may need to end up taking out an entire chunk of analysis as well as the speech goes beyond 5 mins while 4 is the absolute maximum.

As a whole though, thanks for the extensive feedback Miles beyond what my teachers have give me combined.

Regards, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

I'll be honest, after seeing your criticisms I felt a bit disheartened to see that my work had so many flaws. None of which my teacher or any other people have pointed out. However I do want to thank you because I most definitely would rather the disheartened feelings of dissatisfaction to be felt during the draft phase I'm going to put my best effort into taking all your criticisms into effect and perfecting the essay to the best of my ability. I feel that my evidence for The Messenger was definitely a bit weak so I've gone back and found some better pieces with better techniques and so forth. Onto the cutting process now, time to slim down the essay and eradicate redundant language.

Don't be disheartened! Once you've been around the site for a bit, you'll come to know I'm the harsh marker. Often the marks I assign to essays (when I'm asked to give one) are a couple of points below what are granted by a teacher for the same essay. I'd much prefer to rip an essay to shreds now so that it is really effective when it counts as I said, you did a lot of things right, it's all about polish! best of luck with it! Of course, come back with later drafts for more feedback if you want to!

[Wales]

Don't be disheartened! Once you've been around the site for a bit, you'll come to know I'm the harsh marker. Often the marks I assign to essays (when I'm asked to give one) are a couple of points below what are granted by a teacher for the same essay. I'd much prefer to rip an essay to shreds now so that it is really effective when it counts as I said, you did a lot of things right, it's all about polish! best of luck with it! Of course, come back with later drafts for more feedback if you want to!

It'll be hard but I can 100% see the good side of it I prefer how you rip an essay to shreds, analyse each flaw and point out any imperfections. I'm going to probably focus on Legal tonight cause it's tomorrow but will definitely polish the speech up til it's proud and presentable Thankfully we're not marked on eye contact too much etc so I don't need to rehearse it but given that I already know most of it off by heart because it's been my life for the past weeks haha.

Anyway, thank you very much for the help I might pop back for a few questions if that's okay.

Regards, Wales