Too late?

[ksh093]

Hello,

The HSC is just around the corner and I'm a little lost on what to do with my lack of motivation to succeed in it, though not for the reason that I am completely unable to do so.

Here's a little bit of context. I go to a school that is consistently within the top 10 of the state each year, and whilst my marks for the internal assessments weren't great, I am definitely proud of what I have achieved throughout the year. The subjects that I do are English Advanced, Extension 1 English, Extension 2 English, Mathematics, Mathematics Extension 1, Economics, Japanese Continuers and Japanese Extension. With the exception of Mathematics, Mathematics Extension 1 and English Advanced, for each of my subjects I rank within the top 5 of my cohort. But then again, my ranks for those three courses are 18, 20 and 9 respectively and are not relatively terrible. Inputting my raw marks into the ATAR calculator on HSC ninja, I am projected an ATAR of 99.15.

My quandary is that in the weeks leading up to the HSC, I have not been able to recover from the stress and anxiety that had accumulated and peaked during trials. In fact, I distinctly remember sitting through their physical manifestations in my English Extension 1 exams in the form of trembling hands, perspiration and the foreboding sense that if I closed my eyes for a second too long, my head would drop to the table and I would fall immediately into sleep. Since trials have ended, the sheer disgust that I feel for the documents that litter my work space, in having to memorise and internalise them, has kept me right away from doing any revision. I suppose that it's a sort of fear of relapsing into the poor state of mind and body that I was in for a long time.

I would like to ask for affirmation whether it would be too late to start trying for the HSC. I am at a limbo where I cannot stand touching revision material again, but at the same time feel like all the agony that I went through would be in vain if I do not demonstrate what I am capable of- even if at this point, I am bound to receive subpar marks regardless of the effort that I put in now.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[r1ckworthy]

Hey!

I am kind of in your situation, except my school is ranked somewhere in the 200's  .

Honestly, the best thing you can (and should) do is to just begin. There is no point in being regretful that you have done nothing in the past few weeks. You needed a break to recuperate.

All you can do now is to start. First thing to do would be to clean up your desk and study environment. Next, take out common distractions like your phone, install a web blocker on your computer, stuff like that.

After that, pick the subject you are weakest on (maybe maths or english?) and just begin. Seeing that english is just around the corner, you should probably start for that. Just review all the notes, essays, class handouts, anything remotely related to english and review them. You can either start doing essays, although that would take an enormous toll and end up making you procrastinate. I recommend essay plans. Expose yourself to as many questions as possible, and write introductions with a paragraph plan. The key is to start small. If you feel very conflicted inside, then just begin with thesis statements. Get someone to check on them, and keep going. Start taking the smallest steps possible to eventually get to a place where you are immersed into revision.

The key for getting into revision is to just take small baby steps. One step at a time. Keep increasing the intensity of work at a level where you feel comfortable and eventually, eventually, you will hopefully reach a place where you are doing sufficient study. If you feel like you are pushing yourself too much, take a deeeeep breath and keep going. You just want to get to a place where you move past all the frustration and inner conflict to get to a stage where you are purely thinking about content, no distractions. Some call this the flow state. Whatever it is called, you need to make it your goal to get to that mindset.

Don't think about results right now. Think about systems. In particular, think about how efficient you are working right now instead of thinking about results. In my experience, results are something that can overwhelm you so much that it actually stops what you are doing. Become focussed on the task at hand. Take regular breaks between each study session.

Honestly, you have put in the hard work throughout this whole year. Regardless of how much time you wasted during the last few weeks, be proud of yourself for making it this far. And that too at a top 10 selective school! In spite of the intense competition, you made it within top 5 in terms of ranks for most of your subjects. It just goes to show that you actually have the potential to succeed. I can tell that you probably know this as well.

You have 5 days until the HSC english exam. 120 hours left (not counting today). While that might scare the hell out of you, look at it as a blessing. You have this small period of time to drastically change your mark. And given that your rank is pretty alright, all you have to do is to put in as much effort as possible and see what comes out of it. The key is to start small and keep taking steps until you reach a productive state.

Take 10 minute meditations at the end of every night, before you sleep, or at-least something that you enjoy doing like watching 10 minutes of youtube, reading a book, or so on. This is the reward for the day, no matter how small the steps you took were. As long as the steps are there, you will get there.

You can do this. In a few years you will be looking back on this period and feel proud. Seriously, in my experience, year 12 was the toughest year I have endured so far. At some points, things got so, so dark. But whilst I don't have great marks, I know that I will eventually reach a place where I will look back and feel satisfied and proud of my efforts. The things you do now, the small baby steps you take to getting to a state of productivity, will all be worth it.

Hope that helps! Remember that you can do this!