How do I stop feeling undermined by my younger brother?

[h0wLze]

My younger brother is a genius.
Not just a genius I mean, I'm talking 1% of the top 1% genius.
My family knew when he was only a toddler that he was very gifted. Fucker could read before he could walk.
He has an eidetic memory as well.
It's honestly shit.

Anyway, he skipped grades 3 and 4 in primary school. Right now he's in my year, 11, at 14 years old.
Everything he fucking does makes me feel like an idiot.
I've NEVER seen him doing ANY homework.
All he does is sit in his room playing videogames, and he's practically getting all 100s in the 'Asian Five'.
Everyone says he's the smartest kid they've ever met, saying he's guaranteed a 99.9+ ATAR, while I'm just sitting here feeling like a fucking dumbass constantly.
I do okay in school, at least I do now.
In previous years, I basically gave up because I knew I could never be as good or even equal to him no matter how hard I tried.
Now I'm getting avg 90s after putting in some work, but it's still nothing compared to him.
I hear it all the time, seriously.
My dad is a genius as well, and he's always fucking talking about how "incredible" *** (censoring his name) is. You know, continuing the bloodline of geniuses. Not me though, apparently I'm an idiot.
I show him my results and I want him to be proud of me, or even acknowledge me. But NO. Compared to fucking *** I'm a caveman, and I always will be in his eyes.
It fucking pains me that *** can put no effort into ANYTHING and still do substantially better than me at everything!
Do you guys have any idea what it's like having your younger sibling in grade 5, doing fucking circular functions next to you while you try to learn the times tables?
If I goddamn hear someone say how smart he is again, I swear to god I will fucking...
I'm so fucking pissed at him, I HATE HIM. WHY DOES HE GET TO BE SMART??? WHY AM I AN IDIOT WHILE HE IS SMART???
I love him, I don't know what I'm saying. I'm kind of angry right now. I just got a bad mark after trying so hard.
I don't know what to do. Is anyone else in a similar situation, if so what did you do to increase your self esteem and motivation?

[Geoo]

I don't know if this will help or not, but I am in the same situation but "switched."
So I am generally the smart one in the family, no where near your brother, but compared to my younger sibling it's just how it is. I know that it's really tough when your are undermined, especially when it is talked about all the time right in front of you. In my case, even though I am the one who on average has better grades, everyone in my family loves to talk about my sibling, sometimes even ignoring me, which is why I strived to get good marks to try get some validation from my family.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I tried, nothing changed. I am really lucky that I have supportive parents, but I can kind of understand where you are coming from. I don't think you can have a automatic mind switch where you are suddenly over feeling like this, but it will take time.
One thing everyone needs to remember, is that we are all different, and not everyone can achieve what others can. For instance, I am a massive science nerd, it is where I get my highest marks and what I excel at, however, I am terrible at sports due to a health condition and bad ability. My sibling on the other hand, is great at sport, and always gets alot of attention for it when I never did.

I think one of the best things you can do, is try come to terms with the situation. Yes your brother may be hella smart, and be able to do it with no study, but he can't be perfect at everything. Be proud that you are trying in your school work! And try to strive in the things that you excel at! This may not work for you, but try not to get gratification from your parents. As you said, your father boosts about the family genes being passed on, and yeah, they are, but that doesn't mean you don't have anything to give. Be happy with who you are, come to terms with, yeah, i'm not as smart as my brother, but I am amazing at.......

Everyone is different, and a change in how you feel won't come quickly. You may find that it takes months, maybe even years after your schooling to come to terms with it, but it will happen eventually. If it is really getting to you that much, try talk to you parents about it to make sure they know how you feel so they could potentially support you. Consider going to talk to someone, as you should never let these feelings bottle up.

As I said above, I don't know if this is helpful, but it is just my two cents on it.

[h0wLze]

Oh man, thanks. I know I was just waiting for someone to make me feel better, but this seriously means a lot.

[r1ckworthy]

Really great advice from Geoo! Glad you have felt better!

To be honest, this is something I had to cope with as well. I had always strived to reach insane goals but in fact never reach them. While my situation isn't as dire as yours, consider this.

We only have one life . To be honest, it doesn't really matter what others think of you. You should not define your effort or dedication by other's standards. You choose your own standards, because this is your life. No one needs to validate your existence at all.

I think you just need to shift your mindset. Stop focussing on how other people (your brother) is better than you. There will always be people who are better than you, and so you should shift your mindset to that of growth. A growth mindset where you accept yourself as inferior with no shame and a passion to learn from those smarter than you.

I kind of know how you feel. I have never reached to the level my parents have at this stage of life. But honestly, I don't care. At the end of the day, your mind, your soul, your consciousness, will remain with you until the end of your life. Don't focus on other people's success. Take a deep breath, and just keep going. Keep earning those 90's. Keep memorising those times tables. It doesn't really matter whether people are better than you.

What matters is how you view your own life. You are gifted by your own right. I mean, come on, some kids in your class will be feeling inferior to you, looking at your marks. There are some kids (me included ) who try as hard as possible to reach 90's but fail nevertheless.

Please, don't compare yourself to your brother. Comparing myself with my parents have lead me to experience really dark situations where I felt quite suffocated. Talking to my parents has definitely helped this, and I encourage you to do so as well. I still get into those situations here and there, but for the most part I take in a deep breath and continue to work.

Your life is not defined by how successful or smart you are. Your life is defined by your past experiences, so please just accept the truth and just live in the moment . This should not be something shameful or agonising.

I feel so sorry for you, but you must shift your mindset to focus on growth. It's hard, but it's way more manageable. While in the future you may feel regret being inferior to your brother, I can promise you of much more regret to come when you know you have wasted your high-school experiences feeling inferior to those around you. So take 2-3 deep breaths, go outside and feel the fresh air and just remain calm. Remain calm. There's nothing you can do about it, so why bother worrying about it ?

Now don't take this the wrong way. Continue to strive reaching the level of your brother but don't put so much emotion into it. Don't put so much meaning behind it.  Just take in a deep breath and continue to work. Continue to make new friends, continue to make memories with friends and put effort into the stuff you care about most.

Your life is not defined by others. Your life is defined by you. You get to make the choice to feel inferior or feel fulfilled. And there will be days when you feel nothing but inferior. Those days, talk to someone! Anyone. Go to eheadspace and talk online with a professional, I can guarantee that it helps to get it out there. The most important thing is to reach fulfilment, and knowing that good things will come at some point or another.

Hope that helps! Remember to talk to someone, that will free you of this kind of thinking!

[PhoenixxFire]

What do you like to do? What are your hobbies? What are you passionate about?

It seems like you're constantly comparing yourself to your brother, in an area that he is good at. Instead of chasing him and worrying about trying to be better than him in an area that it seems like he will always excel in, explore areas that interest you and/or that you are good at. Maybe you'll never do as well as him on tests, and maybe you'll always have to study more than he does, but that doesn't reflect on your value as a person, he's just better than you at one small aspect of life. What you're doing here would be like basing your self worth on whether or not you can beat Usain Bolt in a race, now i don't know about you, but I'm never going to beat him so that's a really bad metric to use. Obviously far easier said than done, especially whilst you're in school and academics are a large part of your life, but try and shift the focus away from school. Try and be your favourite version of yourself, rather than comparing yourself to him in one small area where he is better.