Can anybody give me some tips on my argumentative writing?

[chingchongling]

So I've been writing a few and this is one of them  Any comments appreciated

The topic is: Single sex schools are better for education

The topic of whether single sex schools are better for education has been widely debated. Some people may disagree, however single sex schools are good for educations. In having a single sex school, it avoids problems with boys and girls and helps boost the self esteem of both genders. Therefore although co educational schools may have some merits there are many flaws which prove that single sex schools are better for education.

Having single sex gender schools deters both genders from distracting each other. A lot of relationships are formed during school due to opposite genders socialising and flirting with each other. By having a single gender at one school there is no one to flirt with apart from the same gender.  Therefore, there is no appeal to start a relationship. Single sex schools are better for education as it allows student to focus on their studies/education as there is no distraction from the opposite gender.

Furthermore, single sex schools help boost self esteem for both genders as neither of the opposite gender is present. It has been proven by researchers that the opposite gender tends to make them feel nervous. By having only one gender at a school students are less nervous, able to talk more freely and concentrate with ease.  Student’s education would be greatly assisted as they would be more involved with their studies rather than being worried about what others will think.

Other people from the opposition would argue that by having a single gender at school students will not learn to deal with life lessons such as mixing with the other gender and holding a relationship whilst being occupied. However, students are able to develop their socials skill with the opposite inside and outside of school. Furthermore, research has shown that students in a relationship are more preoccupied with talking to their spouse rather than studying. Therefore, the student’s grades would decrease as they are unable to concentrate on their education.

In sum, single sex schools are better for education as it avoids the distractions of opposite genders as there is only one gender attending the school and helps boost self esteem due to not having the presence of the opposite gender. Not only does it help students with their education, it also helps them with things in life.

[Hannibal]

It's an alright piece of writing, there are a few things you could do to make it even better though. I can see that you support single sex education, however your introduction needs to be a little more direct, outlining your key points. It's important to recognize the opposition and have counter arguments, however because you are trying to write persuasively, avoid being too neutral. The paragraphs are also a little short and lack substance, try and beef them up with some more detail in your arguments. For example, rather than simply stating that single sex education is better because of less distractions, perhaps build on the argument and provide examples as to why. Also try and improve the vocabulary and 'flow' of the piece, but that comes with more and more practice, and there aren't any immediate fixes.

But honestly, the base you have here is awesome! Just keep working on it and I'm sure it'll become better.

[chingchongling]

Thanks Hannibal I appreciate it . The main problem I have is explaining why :\. I feel as if I'm repeating myself and I don't know to to elaborate.

For example, same sex schools are better as there are less distractions. I said: By having a single gender at one school there is no one to flirt with apart from the same gender.

What else can I do? I'm not sure how to make it more in depth.

[Hannibal]

Thanks Hannibal I appreciate it . The main problem I have is explaining why :\. I feel as if I'm repeating myself and I don't know to to elaborate.

For example, same sex schools are better as there are less distractions.

What would I say  got any tips for me?

I'll give it a shot

Distractions are a students worst nightmare, preventing them from reaching their full academic potential, going hand in hand with the malicious likes of procrastination. Distractions can easily occur in co-educational secondary schools, where there are no measures taken to prevent the potentially deadly interaction between the different sexes. Single-sex education is a brilliant way to combat distractions, as segregating males from females can result in increased productivity and performance across numerous faculties. Research has shown that females perform stronger academically when surrounded with other females, likely due to increased confidence and respect in the classroom. Why waste the academic potential of our youth, when they will be the ones tackling global issues such as global warming? A simple change in the curriculum can result in a more dynamic classroom experience for both sexes, and all it takes is separation. No fees, no dilemma, only results.

[chingchongling]

Thanks Hannibal that's great .

[waftj]

I'll give it a shot

Distractions are a students worst nightmare, preventing them from reaching their full academic potential, going hand in hand with the malicious likes of procrastination. Distractions can easily occur in co-educational secondary schools, where there are no measures taken to prevent the potentially deadly interaction between the different sexes. Single-sex education is a brilliant way to combat distractions, as segregating males from females can result in increased productivity and performance across numerous faculties. Research has shown that females perform stronger academically when surrounded with other females, likely due to increased confidence and respect in the classroom. Why waste the academic potential of our youth, when they will be the ones tackling global issues such as global warming? A simple change in the curriculum can result in a more dynamic classroom experience for both sexes, and all it takes is separation. No fees, no dilemma, only results.

Holly man Hannibal!!!! That is a very well written paragraph!!!
haha must be a smart guy!!!

[Hannibal]

Thanks Hannibal that's great .

No worries

Holly man Hannibal!!!! That is a very well written paragraph!!!
haha must be a smart guy!!!

Thanks, I sorta wish the JMSS test had an English component (Then again, I'm rubbish at comprehension haha).

[SKGUN11]

So I've been writing a few and this is one of them  Any comments appreciated

The topic is: Single sex schools are better for education

The topic of whether single sex schools are better for education has been widely debated. Some people may disagree, however single sex schools are good for educations. In having a single sex school, it avoids problems with boys and girls and helps boost the self esteem of both genders. Therefore although co educational schools may have some merits there are many flaws which prove that single sex schools are better for education.

Having single sex gender schools deters both genders from distracting each other. A lot of relationships are formed during school due to opposite genders socialising and flirting with each other. By having a single gender at one school there is no one to flirt with apart from the same gender.  Therefore, there is no appeal to start a relationship. Single sex schools are better for education as it allows student to focus on their studies/education as there is no distraction from the opposite gender.

Furthermore, single sex schools help boost self esteem for both genders as neither of the opposite gender is present. It has been proven by researchers that the opposite gender tends to make them feel nervous. By having only one gender at a school students are less nervous, able to talk more freely and concentrate with ease.  Student’s education would be greatly assisted as they would be more involved with their studies rather than being worried about what others will think.

Other people from the opposition would argue that by having a single gender at school students will not learn to deal with life lessons such as mixing with the other gender and holding a relationship whilst being occupied. However, students are able to develop their socials skill with the opposite inside and outside of school. Furthermore, research has shown that students in a relationship are more preoccupied with talking to their spouse rather than studying. Therefore, the student’s grades would decrease as they are unable to concentrate on their education.

In sum, single sex schools are better for education as it avoids the distractions of opposite genders as there is only one gender attending the school and helps boost self esteem due to not having the presence of the opposite gender. Not only does it help students with their education, it also helps them with things in life.

Pretty good easy really! In 15 mins that would be pretty good. However you intro and body needs a bit of work. For the intro: State the topic in your own words and state your contention clearly. Then mark out your key arguments (even like "this, that and that". End the intro with a concluding sentence saying what you would like to be seen done. For body paragraphs: must follow T.E.E.L. In 15 mins, best is 2 body and 1 rebuttal (with intro and conclusion as an extra). Link your topic sentence with the final sentence of the paragraph.

T= Clearly what you are arguing in the paragraph.
E= Explain why and what it is or why it is a problem.
E= Give evidence to prove you know it (such as "public school kids are getting distracted by the opposite sex too frequently and not      focusing on studies".
L = Link it back to the topic sentence in a sophisticated but simple way.

Really, each body paragraph should be 4-5 sentences each! 

Everything else was pretty good! Try practise writing in 15 mins or even try copy a passage from a book in 15 mins to see what your capable of writing in that time frame. Im focusing more on JMSS so I dunno how I will do in the Nossal  yr 10 exam's essays. Gonna hav to practise a couple!

Good Luck Scrub 

[SKGUN11]

I'll give it a shot

Distractions are a students worst nightmare, preventing them from reaching their full academic potential, going hand in hand with the malicious likes of procrastination. Distractions can easily occur in co-educational secondary schools, where there are no measures taken to prevent the potentially deadly interaction between the different sexes. Single-sex education is a brilliant way to combat distractions, as segregating males from females can result in increased productivity and performance across numerous faculties. Research has shown that females perform stronger academically when surrounded with other females, likely due to increased confidence and respect in the classroom. Why waste the academic potential of our youth, when they will be the ones tackling global issues such as global warming? A simple change in the curriculum can result in a more dynamic classroom experience for both sexes, and all it takes is separation. No fees, no dilemma, only results.

WOW! With paragraphs like that, SUPERIOR for sure! Can you do it in the time frame though? Haha 

[Hannibal]

WOW! With paragraphs like that, SUPERIOR for sure! Can you do it in the time frame though? Haha 

The time frame is 15 minutes right? If so, probably not... I spent 10 minutes doing that and was typing .

[SKGUN11]

The time frame is 15 minutes right? If so, probably not... I spent 10 minutes doing that and was typing .

yeah its 15 min. Another thing, i heard that they do not really care too much about finishing the essay! Thats why it is 15 mins. They care to see quality and the way you set it out (as well as grammar, punctuation etc). So just remember its quality over quantity. Last year I only did an Intro, 1 body paragraph and a conclusion (because of the timing), and I thought I would get a below average. I got a high average!
So punctuation, grammar, quality of paragraphs, "readable" handwriting and structure is what they look at. You will only lose like 2 marks for not completing the whole essay, and thats better than losing like 10 because of poor quality and bad (rushed) grammar!