Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[elysepopplewell]

OMG THIS IS AMAZING WHEN DID THIS GET HERE

Hahahaha, welcome!!!!

Hi All,

Im having trouble coming up with two diffrent sub thesis statments for my discovery essay

Im studying the tempest for discovery and previosuly i would do a sub thesis along the lines of " An individuals preconceptions and personal context places them into Discovery" and " Discvoereys can be signginfacnlty impactufull on ones identity'' but i felt like i was only half of my essay would really be answering any essay question for example " to what extent do discoveires allow for new values" where only my second thesis would be really releventt to the question.

does anyone have any ideas or examples on two diffrent sub thesis that i can use that both answer a question like the one above but still talk about diffrenet elements of the text without overlap

Thanks for your help

Hey Lachlan! I think your existing thesis statements work well with the question you've presented. For example, the question is about new values, and your thesis is about preconceptions and personal context. It is one's personal context that shapes preconceptions, so I think it works really well that a person's preconceptions will be challenged, and therefore leading to new values!

does anyone have any ideas for a thesis statement for mod b - curious incident of the dog in the night time?
i got a really shit feedback for that essay saying that my thesis was really bad
 help!!!!

What's your existing thesis? I might be able to work on that with you!

[Daniyahasan]

What's your existing thesis? I might be able to work on that with you!

My current thesis isnt even a proper thesis tbh, i was rushing and i couldnt think of anything so i just used a quote to open my intro
it was " “Every important text challenges the reader with complex ideas and uses appropriate language to express them.”
i knew it was a mistake but i still did it, learnt the hard way i guess:(

Mod Edit: Fixed quote

[angelahchan]

Hi
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in  first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how  a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.

[Daniyahasan]

Hi
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in  first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how  a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.

ive heard that the thesis should always be short and sharp, this does seem a bit too long tbh

[elysepopplewell]

My current thesis isnt even a proper thesis tbh, i was rushing and i couldnt think of anything so i just used a quote to open my intro
it was " “Every important text challenges the reader with complex ideas and uses appropriate language to express them.”
i knew it was a mistake but i still did it, learnt the hard way i guess:(

Mod Edit: Fixed quote

We should create a thesis that is inspired by the rubric and also relates to your texts (prescribed and related) so that we can engage with them from early on.  Have a look at this guide to get you started and inspired. When you're putting words together I'll happily help out with the wording and structure

Hi
If it doesn't cost any posts for thesis feedback, could you please help with my thesis for mod b standard (curious incident)? My teacher said this was too long, and I've always struggled with mod b - should my thesis be focused on the author's purpose?
In the curious incident of the dog in the night-time, a hybridized murder mystery and bildungsroman novel narrated in  first-person perspective by protagonist Christopher Boone, Mark Haddon invites readers into Christopher's experiences with the struggle to maturity, thereby celebrating individual's bravery to confront the limitations that life has imposed on them. Haddon brings the idea of embracing who we are an the world around us to life by allowing readers to see the beauty of mathematics and astronomy through Christopher's eyes, and notice how  a world that initially may seem defined by constriction and deficit is full of wonder. Haddon extends this idea through Christopher's challenges to accept his father who broke his trust and navigate the chaotic world on his journey to London.

Your first sentence is very long. I'd also swap the syntax so that you are privileging the themes of the maturity and struggle, because at the moment it sits at the end as a bit of an "after thought" at the end of a very long sentence so we don't really digest it the way I'd love to. I wouldn't say your entire thing is a thesis though, it seems like a full introduction. Are you adding more to this to make it an introduction or leaving it as is?

[angelahchan]

We should create a thesis that is inspired by the rubric and also relates to your texts (prescribed and related) so that we can engage with them from early on.  Have a look at this guide to get you started and inspired. When you're putting words together I'll happily help out with the wording and structure

Your first sentence is very long. I'd also swap the syntax so that you are privileging the themes of the maturity and struggle, because at the moment it sits at the end as a bit of an "after thought" at the end of a very long sentence so we don't really digest it the way I'd love to. I wouldn't say your entire thing is a thesis though, it seems like a full introduction. Are you adding more to this to make it an introduction or leaving it as is?

whoops, I somehow equated thesis to intro. but yeah, that's pretty much my intro, do you think I have to add anything more to that? thanks for the advice!

[bellerina]

Hey guys,

Since it is recommended to have at least two creative writing stories, i am slightly struggling because i have one for self-discovery which i have perfected but i cannot think of one for a society discovery without making it complicated. My original idea was around a dystopian society but my teacher recommended to do something simple so it can be written within the time frame. What do you think i should do?

[angelahchan]

Hey guys,

Since it is recommended to have at least two creative writing stories

Just wondering, but who recommended you to have 2 creatives? Is it so that you can cover as much of the syllabus as you can? (just writing 1 took me ages, if it's recommended to write 2 I'm screwed)

[Daniyahasan]

Just wondering, but who recommended you to have 2 creatives? Is it so that you can cover as much of the syllabus as you can? (just writing 1 took me ages, if it's recommended to write 2 I'm screwed)

im pretty sure they mean to have 2 creatives so you can choose the one that is more compatible with the stimulus, because ik theres no way they would ask us to write 2 in 40 minutes

[jamonwindeyer]

A lot of people just prepare one really broad Creative idea that can be adapted to a variety of scenarios - It's really down to personal preference

[Lachlan Morley]

Hi All,

For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of

"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"

And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :

The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered

and

Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self

Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original

My prescribed text is " The Tempest"

Thanks for your help it is much appriciated

[_____]

Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?

For example:

Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

OR

Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?

Thanks!

[justwannawish]

Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?

For example:

Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

OR

Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?

Thanks!

Tbh, both of them sound good. I know some markers don't like you being very definite like that though-my teacher has marked AOS and prefers us to use terms like "often" to not make it seem like the be all or end all. So in that case, the first one is probably better. However, I think the second one does have a nice tone to it

[_____]

Tbh, both of them sound good. I know some markers don't like you being very definite like that though-my teacher has marked AOS and prefers us to use terms like "often" to not make it seem like the be all or end all. So in that case, the first one is probably better. However, I think the second one does have a nice tone to it

Thanks!

Think I'll use the second one, "ultimately" sounds definite/confidence while lowering the modality just a touch from like "Discovery is an analytical or investigative..."

[Tech9]

Is it a good idea to use high modality in thesis statements when saying something that may not be all-encompassing?

For example:

Discovery can be an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

OR

Discovery is ultimately an investigative or analytical quest, whereby we venture beyond the relative normality of our current context to uncover renewed understandings of our wider world.

The first one sounds better imo but I feel I need to have a certain tone in thesis statements. Which is best?

Thanks!

In my opinion a thesis should be your assertion/idea that you are trying to communicate to the marker,  so in relation to your post either one is fine as long your topic sentences in your body paragraphs and your concluding sentences of the paragraph align with your theses. One thing I would watch out for is making the thesis statement too broad or too narrow, which limits flexibility and thus you may get carried away on your own tangent. However, with that being said, if your evidence and content answers the question and reinforces your thesis, by all means go ahead.

Hope this helps