Please give me your thoughts on this context piece?

[shadows]

Context Unit 2 English - Science and the Human Condition

Novel - Frankenstein

I got a 49/50 for this piece, however, I honestly don't think that I had deserved this mark. I think my teacher is a really easy marker, so I need other peoples opinions. Because my teacher doesn't really give any criticisms, and i asked him and he said to just write bigger o.o.  I am curious what standard I am writing at in terms of VCAA ( year 12). Because I don't want to be getting close to full mark on sacs (thinking I will ace the exams), then realise I get terrible results in the exams.

I know lot of you guys are experts in English, so I need you to absolutely tear it to pieces and give me some feedback. I need to know what my weaknesses are in order to work on them for next year. I really want to give it my best next year, and I know my writing has many many flaws.

I honestly did not prepare for this SAC, didn't write any practise pieces, I literally just made it up on the spot.

It actually think it's pretty bad. The end is extremely rushed, repetitive and shallow. (cause I had like only a few minutes to write the last 2 paragraphs)

Word- count - 826.  We had 1 hour to write it, but i probably spent the first 10 minutes trying to think about what to write.

How many words do you think I should aim for? (In terms of a quality year 12 standard?)


Can you give it mark out of 10 (in terms of VCAA year 12 standard?)

(What was good and also what needs improving?) I know there are grammatical. syntax  errors but I this is pretty close to what I wrote in the sac.  I do realise that I year and ages and chronological events were not accurate. I just made them in my head. IS it important to be accurate  when writing context? (Eg. the years, of ages, events have to be spot on?)


prompt :  The more we understand science, the more we understand ourselves.

we weren't given back our written explanation pieces.
TO sum it up:
Its point of view of Victor Frankenstein, and an alternative twist in the story in which he tries to build a time machine. I emphasise that he is extremely eager, yet hinting that he is ashamed and disgusted with his endeavours (he does not tell anyone). This is very similar to how Victor goes about creating The monster.
I used no specific details/ names (I actually didn't remember) in order to generalise it, allowing for the ideas to relate to a more wider audience. The start is extremely vague and it allows for the audience to think about and is kinda open to their interpretation. I tried to conjure a slightly ominous vibe, which links in tandem with horrific nature with the themes and events of Frankenstein. 
I attempted to write to the style of Mary Shelly.

The end is about self reflection, him realising that his sickening indulgence in science has resulted in his downfall. ( I attempted to link it back to the prompt)


I put pen to paper at a fickle attempt to conjure up an idea. An idea that no one had let their minds delve into, let alone ponder on. To peer into the past, and see what series of event have passed for me to look at them with an unsettling ardour. There was just something so enchanting and mystical about tampering with the laws of time. And it was my single aspiration I sought for, and till I have exhausted all my efforts into this probable creation, I will not rest. I must say, I was keen. Locked away in the house, I relentlessly read all the books I could get my hands on. My endeavours lasted until the summer of 1785, I was 17. For 2 years I had worked on it in utmost secrecy. Because this was my idea, and this secret that I cherish is no-one but mine.

There have occasions in which I have been almost exposed of my intentions. But was quick to conjure up an idea, that saved me from being exposed, allowing my inner inhibitions to weave through the cracks of my crumbling morals. Not even my parents, not peeving brother had come to the realisation of what I had been up to. I was apprehensive, maybe slightly selfish as its purpose was placed of higher importance than my family. I made it to and from the discrete places in which I had obtained my materials for the creation, at the earliest and latest of hours. Where the sun’s existence is no more, allowing me to hide beneath the silver darkness of night. I had to be sure no one had known. Because this invention was mine, all these endeavours were mine, no one but mine.

I remember vividly the day when hurricanes tore through the terrains of my nation. When I was finishing the machine that could allow me to peer back on time. A thought that excited yet chilled me to the core. Through the intricacies of wire that lined my workstation, I plugged it on, and I gave it life, a portal; luminous, it opened before me. I set the time, location and place to the moment in which I wanted to go. It was a time and place that I painfully revisited since it had happened. To a time and place where I had done something, something so inexplicably incomprehensible, it questioned my right to continue with my life as a human being. As I was prepared to welcome death with grasping hands, and suffer from my regrets in the in the perils of hell. I had set the time, was so damned, baffled and eager. I had no doubts. It this portal led to a nothingness, it is a place free from the pain I struggle through every moment of my existence. I closed my eyes, mustered up the energy still remaining to cling on my thin and brittle legs. I jumped.

I was there, the exact time and place I had obsessively memorised. The stain of blood on the floor, the same moon peering in on my unthinkable act. I stood there, saw myself working hard. A waft of despondency materialised in the air. I stiffened. I saw myself smirk, sewing the final threads that would bind the ligaments of a creature I pursued to create, but those ghastly ligaments will indefinitely lead to ruin. I screamed, but no voice or sound was produced. The me, prior to the event had prepared to switch on the surge of power that would animate the being. I stood there, aw the devilish and contented smirk I had cynically forced.

I remember the story that the creature had once told me, a recount of this horrific situation in contact with our human race. He had only meant for good. He had tried to learn our culture, to assimilate In order to mask his ghastly apparition I had forcefully bestowed upon. The monster had sought for leadership and direction. I had abandoned him. It was my fault all of this had happened. I guess it was me at fault. It was my fault that he murdered all my loved ones. I had not spoken up. I was reckless and didn't seek to protect them, and me, I,… was the reason why it had all happened.

I had sought to science, a passion that fiercely grew obsessive. It was an interest that I thought could bend, change the rigours of life. An aspirational me, set to change the world for the sake of myself. I was selfish. I had sought to science to unlatch and rip myself from the real world, and recreate a world I wished to have. I sacrificed my life for a pursuit I too selfishly wanted to make. I deserve it. I did nothing… saw myself relive through a hell I had recreated. Because it wasn't the monster’s fault. It was mine.