Suzanne Cory high school essays

[zhen]

Hey everyone!
Oh this persuasive was bad and I definitely know why. This topic was surely not for me. I really tried not to sound sexist, but in the time frame given, it was really hard not to. So I dearly apologise to any females who read this who are offended by my writing. 

Can anyone explain if I can write two points that are similar? Can the arguments link up or does that create a weak persuasive? I ask that because in my eyes, the arguments I wrote are very similar and the first one leads on to the next one. Correct me if I am wrong. 

This was once again quite a short essay and definitely not up to standard. 

Topic: Should girls be allowed to play on boys sports teams?

In the modern era, sporting has become a vital factor in ones life. Competitiveness is at an extremely high level and it is so between boys and girls. Boys and girls should definitely not be able to join boys sporting teams as it will give boys an advantage at a physical level. It also creates a very unsafe environment for females to compete in.

To begin with, boys are seen as physically stronger and more capable at a genetic level. This heavily disadvantages females as it does not create an even playing surface. It is known to all, with exceptions, that men can hit further, kick further and hit harder than women. However, it is not always  the case but because of exceptions, the rest can not be left at a disadvantage. Generally, a boys sporting event is equipped with larger boundaries and larger grounds. If girls were to join boys sporting teams, they will have to compete at a matching level to that of a male. This means having to hit a ball further than they would have in a girls event and even running a further distance to achieve the same result. Consequently, girls should not be permitted to join boys sporting events.

In addition, due to the physical advantage held by males, mixed sporting teams result in a very unsafe environment for women. The physical strength attributed to men means that women are at more of a risk of becoming injured. Cricket can be used as a great example. Men undisputedly bowl faster and hit the ball harder that women. As a consequence of that, women will be threatened to injury resulting from the greater impact of the ball. (weird sentence). Therefore, women should undoubtedly not be allowed to join in male sporting teams.

In conclusion, men and women sporting teams should unequivocally be separated. Due to the advantage held by men and the physical risk to women, they should not be allowed to participate in boys sports teams.

Thanks!

I feel like if you want to have the two arguments proposed, just change the topics sentence. Basically say that having mixed teams doesn't create an equal playing field for body paragraph 1 and say that it's unsafe for body paragraph 2, rather than starting off focusing on boys being stronger. I feel like the arguments are sound, but your expression at times isn't formal enough or not expressed well. "Men undisputedly bowl faster and hit the ball harder that women." and "It is known to all, with exceptions, that men can hit further, kick further and hit harder than women" are some examples. I agree with you that this was not a strong persuasive, especially since you seemed really hesitant to present your argument throughout the persuasive. It sounds like you're trying not to offend someone, which makes your piece not very persuasive.

[GalacticProcess]

I feel like if you want to have the two arguments proposed, just change the topics sentence. Basically say that having mixed teams doesn't create an equal playing field for body paragraph 1 and say that it's unsafe for body paragraph 2, rather than starting off focusing on boys being stronger. I feel like the arguments are sound, but your expression at times isn't formal enough or not expressed well. "Men undisputedly bowl faster and hit the ball harder that women." and "It is known to all, with exceptions, that men can hit further, kick further and hit harder than women" are some examples. I agree with you that this was not a strong persuasive, especially since you seemed really hesitant to present your argument throughout the persuasive. It sounds like you're trying not to offend someone, which makes your piece not very persuasive.

Thanks zhen!
I completely agree when you said that I shouldn't have started the first paragraph by focusing on boys being stronger. My expression does sound clunky and not written well at times in my writing and I will try to improve that. Just a question... Could the reason for the clunky sentences and weird expressions be that I try to make my sentences sound too complex? Yes, I definitely was trying not to sound offensive. I felt like I was going to say something that people wouldn't take very well. Maybe I should just write whatever I want next time.

Thanks!

[zhen]

Thanks zhen!
I completely agree when you said that I shouldn't have started the first paragraph by focusing on boys being stronger. My expression does sound clunky and not written well at times in my writing and I will try to improve that. Just a question... Could the reason for the clunky sentences and weird expressions be that I try to make my sentences sound too complex? Yes, I definitely was trying not to sound offensive. I felt like I was going to say something that people wouldn't take very well. Maybe I should just write whatever I want next time.

Thanks!

I think there are 2 reasons why your expression at times sounds clunky. In my opinion first reason is that you just write down what you would say out loud.
"It is known to all, with exceptions, that men can hit further, kick further and hit harder than women."
The second part of this sentence just seems out of place, since it seems like something you would say but not write in a formal essay.
It think second reason why your expression is clunky at times is because you're trying to make your sentences sound complex. This is an example.
However, it is not always the case but because of exceptions, the rest can not be left at a disadvantage.

[GalacticProcess]

I think there are 2 reasons why your expression at times sounds clunky. In my opinion first reason is that you just write down what you would say out loud.
"It is known to all, with exceptions, that men can hit further, kick further and hit harder than women."
The second part of this sentence just seems out of place, since it seems like something you would say but not write in a formal essay.
It think second reason why your expression is clunky at times is because you're trying to make your sentences sound complex. This is an example.
However, it is not always the case but because of exceptions, the rest can not be left at a disadvantage.

Hmm ok,
Can you please give me an example on how to reword the first sentence so it sounds more free flowing but still delivers the message across to the reader and a better way to rewrite the second sentence so that it is concise and conveys the same message?

I have just finished my creative piece for today and am about to post it so hopefully you will look forward to that. 

Thanks!

[GalacticProcess]

Hey everyone!
I have written a creative piece today and in my opinion, it's not too bad. I quite liked the prompt and the first idea that came to my mind was the one you're hopefully about to read.

This was also one of my longest pieces of writing. It increased so rapidly!

I just wanted to quickly mention zhen and thank him for his continuous effort to help me improve my writing. Don't worry everyone else, I haven't forgotten you and I would like to thank you all for your great feedback and posts!  Making me emotional...    nah kidding! 

Topic: A picture of an old wooden house

I stood in front of the stairs, admiring the old wooden floorboards. The exact ones I have ran, jumped and fallen on. The peeling paint on the walls was reminiscent of my own life, slowly fading away until it fell into nothingness. I started to question my purpose, but was distracted by a nail I merely dodged. The old, wooden dinner table brought back memories of my whole family gathered, exchanging conversations. It brought a tear to my eye as I realised it was no longer possible. My life had dramatically changed. Once it was filled with vibrance and adventure and then overnight it turned into a depressing movie reel that was being played without any actors or audience. The balcony overshadowed they area below it and memories of my fathers fall flooded into my mind. That was the last time I saw him before they took him away.

As I walked around the house to have a final appreciation of my childhood home, I heard a knocking from my old bedroom. I suddenly became ever so quiet and an eerie silence filled the air. I was surrounded by an ominous atmosphere. It was a very odd noise. I sounded as if something had been knocked over, maybe from a table. I quickly realised that all of the furniture had been removed, so the possibility of something falling was zero. A very weird tingling sensation shot up my spine and my hair stood on end. I slowly began to tip toe out of the room and towards the bedroom. My hearing sensitivity was extremely high and every creak and noise worried me. As I got nearer to the suspected bedroom, I became slowler and slower. My legs were not willing to follow my instructions. My increasing anxiety was leading my brain into very dreadful thoughts. (Is anxiety the right word to choose?)

I tried to push these thoughts aside and focus on the task at hand. I jumped in front of the bedroom door and landed softly so that the floorboards did not give way below me. I was shocked to see, nothing. An empty room stared at me as I stared into emptiness. As I took one, long stride into the room, I was greeted by a slim man, not very tall. He looked at me without blinking and pulled out a long butcher's knife.

"Get out!" he ordered me loudly.

I quickly came back to my senses and hurried out of the room. I took one last glance at the man and sprinted out of the house.

Thanks!

[zhen]

Hey everyone!
I have written a creative piece today and in my opinion, it's not too bad. I quite liked the prompt and the first idea that came to my mind was the one you're hopefully about to read.

This was also one of my longest pieces of writing. It increased so rapidly!

I just wanted to quickly mention zhen and thank him for his continuous effort to help me improve my writing. Don't worry everyone else, I haven't forgotten you and I would like to thank you all for your great feedback and posts!  Making me emotional...    nah kidding! 

Topic: A picture of an old wooden house

I stood in front of the stairs, admiring the old wooden floorboards. The exact ones I have ran, jumped and fallen on. The peeling paint on the walls was reminiscent of my own life, slowly fading away until it fell into nothingness. I started to question my purpose, but was distracted by a nail I merely dodged. The old, wooden dinner table brought back memories of my whole family gathered, exchanging conversations. It brought a tear to my eye as I realised it was no longer possible. My life had dramatically changed. Once it was filled with vibrance and adventure and then overnight it turned into a depressing movie reel that was being played without any actors or audience. The balcony overshadowed they area below it and memories of my fathers fall flooded into my mind. That was the last time I saw him before they took him away.

As I walked around the house to have a final appreciation of my childhood home, I heard a knocking from my old bedroom. I suddenly became ever so quiet and an eerie silence filled the air. I was surrounded by an ominous atmosphere. It was a very odd noise. I sounded as if something had been knocked over, maybe from a table. I quickly realised that all of the furniture had been removed, so the possibility of something falling was zero. A very weird tingling sensation shot up my spine and my hair stood on end. I slowly began to tip toe out of the room and towards the bedroom. My hearing sensitivity was extremely high and every creak and noise worried me. As I got nearer to the suspected bedroom, I became slowler and slower. My legs were not willing to follow my instructions. My increasing anxiety was leading my brain into very dreadful thoughts. (Is anxiety the right word to choose?)

I tried to push these thoughts aside and focus on the task at hand. I jumped in front of the bedroom door and landed softly so that the floorboards did not give way below me. I was shocked to see, nothing. An empty room stared at me as I stared into emptiness. As I took one, long stride into the room, I was greeted by a slim man, not very tall. He looked at me without blinking and pulled out a long butcher's knife.

"Get out!" he ordered me loudly.

I quickly came back to my senses and hurried out of the room. I took one last glance at the man and sprinted out of the house.

Thanks!

I'm happy to help.  Anyway as always a really great creative with some really remiscent vibes. I feel like to really enhance this reminiscent feeling, you should describe his past and sense of happiness and contrast it with the sorrow he's feeling at the moment.

[GalacticProcess]

Thanks zhen for the correction!
Hello to everyone else! Today I wrote a persuasive essay. This one wasn't very strong and I believe that for the arguments I chose to write, I could have expressed my views in a much more powerful way. I actually wrote three arguments for today's piece and managed to finish it in 14 mins and 20 seconds, leaving 40 seconds to have a quick re-read.

This essay was only 347 words...  Is that enough for year 11 entry?

Can anyone please confirm if I have used "affect" in the correct context? I know the difference, but usually forget it after a few days lol.

Topic: Should smoking be allowed in parks and other outdoor public venues?

Smoking is a very highly addictive habit and common to a major population of the world. A cigarette contains tobacco, a substance that is extremely dangerous for the human body when consumed continuously. Smoking in public areas is a major health risk to humans and when people smoke in public, it is encouraging for other to do the same. Smoking is also very harmful to the environment, therefore, smoking in public areas and parks should not be allowed.

To begin with, smoking very negatively affects the human body. Smoking increases the chances of developing lung cancer and heart diseases. By banning smoking in public places, people will be discouraged to smoke, hence decreasing the smoking population. It has been scientifically proven that cigarettes contain over four thousand chemicals. All of these chemicals are extremely dangerous for the human body. Therefore, smoking should not be permitted in public places as it is very harmful to the human body.

In addition, smoking in public encourages others to do the same. It is a fact that the fumes released by cigarettes are very addictive. When these fumes are inhaled by nearby humans, they too are affected by the toxins. These addictive fumes encourage others to smoke, consequently increasing the smoking population. Public places are very populated and due to the high number of people, more are negatively impacted by other smokers. Thus, smoking in public places should not be allowed as it encourages others to smoke as well.

Finally, smoking is very harmful to the environment. The chemicals released from cigarettes, when added, have a very significant impact on the environment. Public places are purposely made to look appealing to citizens and in doing so, cost a lot of money. The landscape is heavily ruined by the toxic fumes released by cigarettes. Therefore, people should not be permitted to smoke in public places as it is harmful to the environment.

In conclusion, smoking should unequivocally be banned in public places. Smoking is very harmful to the human body, smoking in public spaces promotes smoking and it negatively affects the environment.

Thanks!

[zhen]

Thanks zhen for the correction!
Hello to everyone else! Today I wrote a persuasive essay. This one wasn't very strong and I believe that for the arguments I chose to write, I could have expressed my views in a much more powerful way. I actually wrote three arguments for today's piece and managed to finish it in 14 mins and 20 seconds, leaving 40 seconds to have a quick re-read.

This essay was only 347 words...  Is that enough for year 11 entry?

Can anyone please confirm if I have used "affect" in the correct context? I know the difference, but usually forget it after a few days lol.

Topic: Should smoking be allowed in parks and other outdoor public venues?

Smoking is a very highly addictive habit and common to a major population of the world. A cigarette contains tobacco, a substance that is extremely dangerous for the human body when consumed continuously. Smoking in public areas is a major health risk to humans and when people smoke in public, it is encouraging for other to do the same. Smoking is also very harmful to the environment, therefore, smoking in public areas and parks should not be allowed.

To begin with, smoking very negatively affects the human body. Smoking increases the chances of developing lung cancer and heart diseases. By banning smoking in public places, people will be discouraged to smoke, hence decreasing the smoking population. It has been scientifically proven that cigarettes contain over four thousand chemicals. All of these chemicals are extremely dangerous for the human body. Therefore, smoking should not be permitted in public places as it is very harmful to the human body.

In addition, smoking in public encourages others to do the same. It is a fact that the fumes released by cigarettes are very addictive. When these fumes are inhaled by nearby humans, they too are affected by the toxins. These addictive fumes encourage others to smoke, consequently increasing the smoking population. Public places are very populated and due to the high number of people, more are negatively impacted by other smokers. Thus, smoking in public places should not be allowed as it encourages others to smoke as well.

Finally, smoking is very harmful to the environment. The chemicals released from cigarettes, when added, have a very significant impact on the environment. Public places are purposely made to look appealing to citizens and in doing so, cost a lot of money. The landscape is heavily ruined by the toxic fumes released by cigarettes. Therefore, people should not be permitted to smoke in public places as it is harmful to the environment.

In conclusion, smoking should unequivocally be banned in public places. Smoking is very harmful to the human body, smoking in public spaces promotes smoking and it negatively affects the environment.

Thanks!

Your structure and ideas are good, but your expression isn't always optimal. Here are examples
When these fumes are inhaled by nearby humans, they too are affected by the toxins
Public places are purposely made to look appealing to citizens and in doing so, cost a lot of money
Public places are very populated and due to the high number of people, more are negatively impacted by other smokers

[GalacticProcess]

Your structure and ideas are good, but your expression isn't always optimal. Here are examples
When these fumes are inhaled by nearby humans, they too are affected by the toxins
Public places are purposely made to look appealing to citizens and in doing so, cost a lot of money
Public places are very populated and due to the high number of people, more are negatively impacted by other smokers

Thanks zhen!
I haven't been writing essays in the last couple of days because of exams. They'll end soon so I"ll try write some more essays on the weekend. Can you please advise on how I can reword the sentences that sound weird?

Thanks!

[zhen]

Thanks zhen!
I haven't been writing essays in the last couple of days because of exams. They'll end soon so I"ll try write some more essays on the weekend. Can you please advise on how I can reword the sentences that sound weird?

Thanks!

Smoke from cigarettes could potentially be inhaled by bystanders, thus adversely affecting them.
Second sentence is more a dodgy sentence then badly expressed.
As public places are highly populated, numerous people can be adversely affected by smoking in these areas.
These are still dodgy but a bit better than before. Next week I have SAC week, so I'm probably not going to correct anything.

[GalacticProcess]

Hey everyone!
I only have one exam left (tomorrow)! I decided to write something today as the exam is on Wednesday the 14th. I felt like I needed to get back into the  groove of writing narratives and persuasive essays. I feel like the narrative I wrote today was decent. I believe the start was alright but then the end sort of just finished. It didn't really end smoothly and just sort of abruptly ended. Can someone please confirm whether I am correct or if it's fine? I also feel like there were too many short sentences in there. Is that true or am I just overthinking?

Also, I am not exactly sure if I answered the prompt question or not. Can someone also check this? Thanks

If someone has any exam tips for the other subjects that would also be greatly appreciated!

Topic: A hostage situation at a bank was not how I wanted to spend my morning.

The rose from it groggy sleep. The birds began their morning ritual of chirping and formed a peaceful atmosphere. It was a very humid, sticky morning. The ground was wet from the sporadic showers throughout the night. Daily commuters waited at their regular bus stops, dreading the bust day awaiting them. I made my way towards the bank, my second home. I still noticed the large windows everyday, even though my long career here. (Very dodgy sentence?) I entered through the large, wooden doors and greeted my co-workers. As always, they greeted me back with their sarcastic smile. Their glum faces made me question why they still worked here.

I made my way towards the counter and laid my belongings in front of me. I exhaled deeply as I prepared for the heavy workload of the day. It was close to the end of the financial year, which always meant more work. I looked at the clock nearby, it read eight fifty. I still have ten minutes before I was scheduled to start. Staring out of the window, I noticed the chaos and frozen expressions on people's faces. My curiosity grew and chills shot down my spine. I leaned forwards and pressed my head against the window so I could see as far to the right as possible. Three black sedans were speeding down the street, A heavy silence filled the atmosphere as people paused to see what was happening.

The cars abruptly stopped a few meters from the bank. I froze and my heart began to race. The large doors burst open and ran in a number of men. They were all dressed in grey. Long pants covered their legs and thin, stretched shirts were worn on the upper body. (weird expression?) They were equipped with black pistols. Everyone in the vicinity began yelling and some ran towards the exit. They were quickly shut down and threatened to get shot. My mind told me to reach down and pres the round, red button located under the table. My arms told me something else however and they were unwilling to move.

"Hey! What do you want?" Before I could stop myself, regretful words shot out of my mouth. I quickly came to my senses and reached down under the table. I pressed the button with my right palm. One of the men raised his weapon and before I could duck, he pressed the trigger. I felt an excruciating throbbing pain in my right shoulder and I screamed in agony.

Thanks

[patriciarose]

Hey everyone!
I only have one exam left (tomorrow)! good luck! (: I decided to write something today as the exam is on Wednesday the 14th. I felt like I needed to get back into the  groove of writing narratives and persuasive essays. I feel like the narrative I wrote today was decent. I believe the start was alright but then the end sort of just finished. It didn't really end smoothly and just sort of abruptly ended. Can someone please confirm whether I am correct or if it's fine? I also feel like there were too many short sentences in there. Is that true or am I just overthinking?

Also, I am not exactly sure if I answered the prompt question or not. Can someone also check this? Thanks

If someone has any exam tips for the other subjects that would also be greatly appreciated!

Topic: A hostage situation at a bank was not how I wanted to spend my morning.

The i'm going to assume you mean sun but you could also mean you so? either way that's a nice start.rose from it groggy sleep. The birds began their morning ritual of chirping and formed a peaceful atmosphere. It was a very humid, sticky morning. The ground was wet from the sporadic showers throughout the night. Daily commuters waited at their regular bus stops, dreading the bust day awaiting them. I made my way towards the bank, my second home. I still noticed the large windows everyday, even though my long career here. (Very dodgy sentence?) yes, a little dodgy. um, try: "I still noticed the large windows every day, even though I'd had a long career working there." or, if you're feeling fancy, "even though my career working there spanned decades."
 unless it didn't span decades in which case maybe not omg. but yes that was dodgy. still got your point though (: I entered through the large, wooden doors and greeted my co-workers. As always, they greeted me back with their sarcastic smiles. Their glum faces made me question why they still worked here. yeah, i'm picky as heck, but short sentences. there's nothing wrong with them, but just for a nice flow, link two of them together with a comma and an and. or even just an and tbh. but yeah i don't know how they mark these so idk if that matters but hey it's a thing. sidenote: good start. i suck at remembering to compliment but this is v nice.

I made my way towards the counter and laid my belongings in front of me. I exhaled deeply as I prepared for the heavy workload of the day. It was close to the end of the financial year, which always meant more work. nice detailI looked at the clock nearby, it read eight fifty. I still have tense! had. have is present and you're hanging out in past here. ten minutes before I was scheduled to start. Staring out of the window, I noticed the chaos and frozen expressions on people's faces. My curiosity grew and chills shot down my spine. I leaned forwards and pressed my head against the window so I could see as far to the right as possible. so, like, in the interests of alternating your sentence length: "My curiousity growing, and chills shooting down my spine, I leaned forward, pressing my head against the window so I could see as far to the right as possible." haven't changed any of your word choices, just tenses for grammar, and it alters the matter of fact delivery of the paragraph a little, which is nice because whilst short sentences are great textbook material, narratives are nicer on the eye when they're flexible with sentence structure. Three black sedans were speeding down the street, andA heavy silence filled the atmosphere as people paused to see what was happening.

The cars abruptly stopped a few meters again, v minor thing but australian english is british so we have to say metres haha. from the bank. I froze and my heart began to race. The large doors burst open and ran in a number of men. They were all dressed in grey. Long pants covered their legs and thin, stretched shirts were worn on the upper body. (weird expression? yes omg. i guess if you want to describe what they're wearing, the best way i can make it fit is "They were all dressed in grey, clad in long pants and thin, stretched shirts." it's not necessarily imperative to mention where all the garments are being worn because unless your bank robbers have pants on their arms i'm really not that fussed. the whole robbing thing is what your reader and also your protagonist will be focusing on. nice to touch on clothes though! ) They were equipped with black pistols. yup, that's the good bit to mention.Everyone in the vicinity began yelling and some ran towards the exit. They were quickly shut down and threatened to get shot. odd phrasing. threatened to get shot is clunky, not wrong, but maybe: "They were quickly shut down, the robbers threatening to shoot at the first sign of movement." a cool thing is that sometimes if an and doesn't work in your sentence, you can add in a comma and switch up the tense of a word (ie. threatened to threatening) and make it sound less clunky. idk if that makes sense but that's basically what i do whenever i'm correcting these and something sounds off (: My mind told me to reach down and pres the round, red button located under the table. My arms told me something else however and they were unwilling to move. nice. accurate. people freeze with fear.

"Hey! What do you want?" Before I could stop myself, regretful words shot out of my mouth. I quickly came to my senses and reached down under the table. I pressed the button with my right palm. One of the men raised his weapon and before I could duck, he pressed the trigger. I felt an excruciating throbbing pain in my right shoulder and I screamed in agony. so i'd agree that ending here is very abrupt. but you have fifteen minutes so it is quite impressive still. possibly, if i was you and running out of time, to get in an ending that feels realistic i'd have him (or her!) maybe slump to the floor and close their (gender neutral pronouns, yup) eyes? people do pass out from pain a lot. or just kill him tbh. not that i'm advocating for that ending, but i just think you get a little bit more closure because at least once the narrator is dead, you know there's nothing more coming. the ending you have currently makes it seem like a lot more could happen, and therefore it feels unfinished. (so i guess i'm saying, when in doubt commit murder? this is bad role-modeling 101 oops.)

i liked this, though! you're good at description and plot and this was really nice to read. there's a nice balance between progressing the plot and showing me what the character feels (: i'd maybe just like a more concrete ending!
 good luck with the exam tomorrow and the test on wednesday (:
Thanks

[GalacticProcess]

Thanks Patricia!
I appreciate the time taken to correct my piece. I will certainly take on board the suggestions and improvements. Thanks for the good luck comments and I will definitely do my best! 

I am probably going to write one or two more essays tomorrow as I finish early (exams). I hope you can also have a read of them if you like. 

Thanks!

[patriciarose]

Thanks Patricia!
I appreciate the time taken to correct my piece. I will certainly take on board the suggestions and improvements. Thanks for the good luck comments and I will definitely do my best! 

I am probably going to write one or two more essays tomorrow as I finish early (exams). I hope you can also have a read of them if you like. 

Thanks!

no worries! i'll definitely look at your narratives if you do another one/s, and if no one's around to mark persuasives i can /try/ to help with that although my only qualification to do so is that i have almost completed high school oops i don't know enough really. (: good luck with you exam/s! (:

[GalacticProcess]

Hello everyone!
I've finished my exams. YAY! 

The Suzanne Cory exam is tomorrow so I thought I would use today to practice some more writing pieces just to keep in touch with the time frame. I have written a persuasive essay today. I feel like I could have written so much more for each body paragraph but I didn't know what I could have written. Can someone please suggest how I can expand more on any argument I choose to write and what else I could have written in the following piece? 

Also, is the structure of my persuasive alright or does it need touching up? 

This piece was only 352 words...  Do I need to write a lot more or is it fine?

If someone could also check my narrative piece that was posted on reply #64, I don't think someone has read it, that would be greatly appreciated. 

Topic: Should people be allowed to keep exotic animals such as chimpanzees and tigers?

It is customary for people to adopt pets, but the prospect of keeping exotic animals looms throughout society. Exotic animals can be defined as tigers, chimpanzees, lions and other animals not commonly adopted. These animals should certainly not be kept as they are very dangerous animals that can be seen as a severe threat to humans. Keeping these animals also brings about great expenses, which requires great dedication to be able to take care of the animals. Therefore, exotic animals should definitely not be kept by people.

To begin, exotic animals are very dangerous and pose a threat to humans. Animals such as tigers and lions are strictly kept in environments where one cannot be harmed or threatened by the animals existence. Exotic animals are not very human friendly and can be dangerous to humans, namely children.  Hence, exotic animals should not be allowed to be kept by people. (I feel like I could have written so much more for this but I didn't know what to add)

In addition, taking care of exotic animals is a very expensive commitment. The danger that these animals pose means that special care needs to be taken to be able to accommodate these animals in a human home. These animals require special housing, diets and maintenance, all of which a human cannot provide. If one was to adopt an exotic animal, it would require great commitment and dedication to be able to provide the animals with basic requirements. Consequently, people should not be allowed to keep exotic pets.

One may suggest that the adoption of such pets is purely a personal choice. However, the person's life will still be put at a major risk and the presence of an exotic animal still looms as a threat to people. Therefore, people should not be permitted to keep exotic animals as pets.

In conclusion, people should unequivocally not be authorised to keep exotic pets. These animals are very dangerous and pose a great risk to human lives. Keeping these animals is very expensive and requires great commitment. Even though the adoption of such animals is a personal choice, it still remains a threat to people's lives. Therefore, exotic animals should undoubtedly not be kept by people.

Thanks!