English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[elysepopplewell]

Could I please get feedback on my practise response?
I also have a quick question. What is the name for the extra text at the bottom of an advertisement? Byline?

For your question, yeah, it's likely a byline Sometimes called a sell!

Spoiler

Q. Explain how the generic conventions of an advertisement have been subverted/ manipulated to persuade an audience on the reality of human trafficking in the Western world.

Human trafficking in the Western World is a prevalent issue in which many people lack knowledge of. Written and visual codes in the advertisement have been manipulated to persuade the audience the existence of human trafficking in modern society.

Visual codes of an advertisement have been manipulated in such a way that promotes human trafficking in a positive light. Typically the archetypal label ‘child sex worker’ creates the imagery of a malnourished, neglected and abused child. In the advertisement however, the female model is shown to be a healthy, energetic and well treated suggests that being a child sex worker is not difficult. Perhaps discuss what gives this healthy light? Is it her facial expressions? The lighting? The vibrancy of the colour on her clothes? This gives the impression that ‘start(ing) a rewarding career today’ in ‘customer service’ is a career worth pursuing. Through the subversion of visual codes of an advertisement the unconventional idea of promoting human trafficking spreads awareness through irony irony or lie? that is a ‘rewarding career’ for ‘child sex workers’.

Written codes have also been subverted in a way that promotes human trafficking to encourage the awareness of its existence even in modern society. The idea of human trafficking is typically tied to the notion that it occurred in the past and was ended in the past or to shorten "Human trafficking is often wrongly believed to be an issue of history." . In the advertisement however, this idea has been challenged by the use of bold text ‘Now Recruiting child sex workers’ with a casual tone to emphasise the prominence of child prostitution. The word prostitution is commonly tied to the notion of being deemed vile or in a sense degrading of oneself. Hence, the very idea of promoting human trafficking evokes strong emotive responses from the audience through the successful manipulation of written codes to promote its presence and existence in modern society.

I don't know the length of the response required of you, nor do I know the ad being analysed, but I think you could go a little deeper with analysis. Placement of text? Salient image? Colours? I think these could be added to what you have, without adding too much extra, but would make a big difference by making your work more dense and tight? But of course, take this with a grain of salt because I don't know the task or the text

[anotherworld2b]

Ah I see. This is a response to a practice question for our test. We will only have one hour to answer three questions to three unseen texts like this so I was trying to allocate 20 minutes to each question and I was only able to write this much. What would the best way to make it more dense and tight?

For your question, yeah, it's likely a byline Sometimes called a sell!

Spoiler

Q. Explain how the generic conventions of an advertisement have been subverted/ manipulated to persuade an audience on the reality of human trafficking in the Western world.

Human trafficking in the Western World is a prevalent issue in which many people lack knowledge of. Written and visual codes in the advertisement have been manipulated to persuade the audience the existence of human trafficking in modern society.

Visual codes of an advertisement have been manipulated in such a way that promotes human trafficking in a positive light. Typically the archetypal label ‘child sex worker’ creates the imagery of a malnourished, neglected and abused child. In the advertisement however, the female model is shown to be a healthy, energetic and well treated suggests that being a child sex worker is not difficult. Perhaps discuss what gives this healthy light? Is it her facial expressions? The lighting? The vibrancy of the colour on her clothes? This gives the impression that ‘start(ing) a rewarding career today’ in ‘customer service’ is a career worth pursuing. Through the subversion of visual codes of an advertisement the unconventional idea of promoting human trafficking spreads awareness through irony irony or lie? that is a ‘rewarding career’ for ‘child sex workers’.

Written codes have also been subverted in a way that promotes human trafficking to encourage the awareness of its existence even in modern society. The idea of human trafficking is typically tied to the notion that it occurred in the past and was ended in the past or to shorten "Human trafficking is often wrongly believed to be an issue of history." . In the advertisement however, this idea has been challenged by the use of bold text ‘Now Recruiting child sex workers’ with a casual tone to emphasise the prominence of child prostitution. The word prostitution is commonly tied to the notion of being deemed vile or in a sense degrading of oneself. Hence, the very idea of promoting human trafficking evokes strong emotive responses from the audience through the successful manipulation of written codes to promote its presence and existence in modern society.

I don't know the length of the response required of you, nor do I know the ad being analysed, but I think you could go a little deeper with analysis. Placement of text? Salient image? Colours? I think these could be added to what you have, without adding too much extra, but would make a big difference by making your work more dense and tight? But of course, take this with a grain of salt because I don't know the task or the text

[shamus.clarke]

Hi ATAR Notes, this is my Module B essay, where we are studying Hamlet. Can you please check to see that my arguments are sophisticated and makes sense? I'm trying to achieve  an "A" range response, and I've included the criteria:‘A’ response -

* Argues skillfully to the extent to which the response to the quote and closing scenes informs their interpretations of the tragedy as  whole
* Demonstrates a perceptive understanding of context, language, form and ideas with detailed textual references
* Composes a sustained argument using language appropriate to audience, purpose and form





“There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, Rough-hew them how we will” Act 5, Scene 2.

With reference to the quote and the closing scenes, to what extent does your response to this insight inform your interpretation of Shakespeare’s tragedy as a whole?


The denouement of William Shakespeare’s revenge tragedy ‘Hamlet’ effectively illuminates the tragic hero’s realisation of the effect of divine providence upon fate, achieved as a result of his mental transition from disillusionment to an ultimate state of clarity and resolution. As a Renaissance humanist, Hamlet’s introspective dilemma between considerations of Christian ethics and the filial duty of vengeance is ultimately resolved through his adoption of a fatalistic perspective, emboldening him to achieve divine justice. The dubious morality of the surrounding characters and Hamlet’s own loss of moral integrity reflects the period of political uncertainty and instability during the Jacobean era. Hence, Shakespeare’s dramatic delineation of Hamlet as a moral avenger, along with his conflicted conscience is present in the play’s conclusion.


The moral corruption of Elsinore, manifested by Claudius’s regicide and Gertrude’s swift descent to licentiousness consequently leads to Hamlet’s disillusionment and struggle with religious ethics and chivalric duty. This in turn results in Hamlet’s reluctance to take revenge. Shakespeare portrays Elsinore’s corruption through the image, “Tis an unweeded garden that grows to seed things rank and gross in nature.” Through metaphor, Shakespeare signifies Hamlet’s discontent with the Kingdom’s decay into a garden infested by evil due to the unnatural death of his father and the incestuous and prompt remarriage of his mother. Hamlet’s struggle to confront the Machiavellian Claudius’s regicide is expressed through the religious metaphor, “O cursèd spite, that ever I was born to set it right!” Shakespeare effectively portrays Hamlet’s disillusionment towards life and the conflict that arises between his desire to commit suicide and the overarching Christian concern about purgatorial punishments which will strip off his nobility. Samuel Coleridge in his ‘Criticism of Shakespeare’ similarly pinpoints Hamlet’s problem as excess “intellectual activity, and the consequent proportionate aversion to real action.” As a result, Hamlet morally struggles between religious conscience and the necessity of revenge, demonstrated through soliloquy “O what a rogue and peasant slave am I” Hereby, Shakespeare elucidates the intensity of prince Hamlet’s private struggle as a result of his irresolution. Hamlet juxtaposes himself to a bonded slave, the most inferior being in the Elizabethan hierarchical order, as his inaction defies the contextual honour code for immediate revenge. The political tension in Denmark and Hamlet’s vividly striking, conflicting conscience is effectively



The shift in Hamlet’s psyche, from hesitation and tentativeness to clarity and belief in the influence of divinity, results in the loss of his moral integrity after the startling murder of Polonius and the determination of his foil Laertes. His accidental murder of Polonius as a result of his antic disposition, “Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool! Farewell!” Hamlet’s contemptuous, unfeeling tone reflects his consequent moral descent, with his disrespect to death and” Polonius death is a turning point that spurs Hamlet on to vengeful action. As a foil to Hamlet from a different spectrum, Laertes’ rebellion and eagerness in his revenge, expressed through the compelling word play “There’s special providence in the fall of a sparrow... If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now.” Hereby, Hamlet realises the importance of decisive action, in spite of his moral considerations and as well as a possible reason as his attempt to delay fate. in turn stimulates his transformation. Furthermore, Hamlet demonstrates his faith in the ubiquitous presence of divine providence. Consequently, Hamlet’s shifting psyche from irresolution to assertiveness is demonstrated in his final soliloquy, through the determined tone of his outcry, “My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!” Shakespeare demonstrates the change of Hamlet’s mentality and his utter desperation to restore order.

Hamlet is ultimately emboldened to act by his epiphany towards the inevitability of his death, and through his execution of divine justice, both his morality and the hierarchical Great Chain of Being in Denmark are restored. Through his epiphany, Hamlet’s newfound fatalistic outlook on life is illuminated by the symbolism of Yorick’s skull, paired with the stage direction, “Hamlet takes the skull.” The proleptic irony signifies Hamlet’s acceptance of ‘Memento Mori’, the inevitability of death for all humanity and foreshadows Hamlet’s actions in the denouement. This epiphany ultimately frees Hamlet from his contemplation, as Shakespeare further depicts the idea of Vanitas through Hamlet’s religious connotation “Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander was returneth to dust, the dust is earth”. Shakespeare’s anaphora based allusion to Alexander the Great provides Hamlet with the greater understanding that no amount of wealth and power can make a man immortal, and death is neither divine nor humble. The anaphora of ‘Alexander’ emphasises Hamlet’s attempt to come to terms with the inevitability of his fate. His realisation is followed with the declaration, “I am Hamlet, the Dane!” With his proclamation, Hamlet asserts his pride in his identity as both a citizen of Denmark and the rightful King. Shakespeare characterises Hamlet as a noble avenger through Laertes’ sincere tone, “exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet,” as his Humanist moral convictions are finally reconciled with his filial duty of revenge. Consequently, Hamlet’s fulfilment of vengeance comes as a result of his transition from reluctance and disillusionment to in the denouement.



Ultimately, the conclusion of Shakespeare’s revenge tragedy illuminates Hamlet’s freedom from his intellectual and emotional struggle and humble acceptance of divine providence’s influence and its impact on his fate. The play explores the blurred line between divine providence’s influence, and the subsequent loss of his original morals. The Renaissance humanistic values and concerns on death and revenge remain. Consequently, Hamlet’s acceptance of divine influences splinters his stasis in order to achieve divine justice in the play’s denouement.

[elysepopplewell]

Ah I see. This is a response to a practice question for our test. We will only have one hour to answer three questions to three unseen texts like this so I was trying to allocate 20 minutes to each question and I was only able to write this much. What would the best way to make it more dense and tight?

The best way to make it more dense is by compounding techniques - don't refer to just one per sentence, but talk about the way mise-en-scene, salience, colours, size...etc, all work together to create an effect. You don't have to discuss four in a sentence, but instead of dealing with each technique individually, you can talk about the way they interact together to create a more dense effect. Kind of piggy-backing the techniques would work well to give your work a sense of coherence, rather than isolation of ideas. Does this make sense?

[elysepopplewell]

Hi ATAR Notes, this is my Module B essay, where we are studying Hamlet. Can you please check to see that my arguments are sophisticated and makes sense? I'm trying to achieve  an "A" range response, and I've included the criteria:‘A’ response -
* Argues skillfully to the extent to which the response to the quote and closing scenes informs their interpretations of the tragedy as  whole
* Demonstrates a perceptive understanding of context, language, form and ideas with detailed textual references
* Composes a sustained argument using language appropriate to audience, purpose and form

Hey Shamus, glad to see you aiming high!
I haven't studied Hamlet (blushes with shame) so unfortunately I won't be able to suggest anything to add in the analysis, but of course I can still comment on structure, expression, ideas, arguments...etc.

Spoiler

“There’s a divinity that shapes our ends, Rough-hew them how we will” Act 5, Scene 2.

With reference to the quote and the closing scenes, to what extent does your response to this insight inform your interpretation of Shakespeare’s tragedy as a whole?


The denouement of William Shakespeare’s revenge tragedy ‘Hamlet’ effectively illuminates the tragic hero’s realisation of the effect of divine providence upon fate, achieved as a result of his mental transition from disillusionment to an ultimate state of clarity and resolution. As a Renaissance humanist, Hamlet’s introspective dilemma between considerations of Christian ethics and the filial duty of vengeance is ultimately resolved through his adoption of a fatalistic perspective, emboldening him to achieve divine justice. The dubious morality of the surrounding characters and Hamlet’s own loss of moral integrity reflects the period of political uncertainty and instability during the Jacobean era. Hence, Shakespeare’s dramatic delineation of Hamlet as a moral avenger, along with his conflicted conscience is present in the play’s conclusion. I'd be taking on the ideas of the quote more directly in my introduction, if I were writing this. Everything you have written is stellar, very clear and well expressed. But, I would explicitly reference the quote, even if not in its entirety, to put it at the forefront of your analysis right from the beginning. Markers, in the HSC, will look for your direct and unique response to the quote. You could comment on textual integrity here (a term from the rubric), by talking about how the ending is only as powerful as the coherency of the rest of the text - because the textual integrity is so high, the ending prompts... Just an idea, not a necessity for the top marks


Not so much the kind of concept statement we would see in a discovery piece, but I think a sentence here about the ideas you'll explore would be powerful. What aspect of divinity, power, ascension, morals, or politics will you be approaching here? This is another opportunity to set you apart frmo other students, but expressing an idea concisely and uniquely, so the rest of the paragraph works as a testament to the thesis. You can have this sentence mention the text or not at all, it can simply be about the idea itself. The following sentence jumps right into textual detail and doesn't give the reader time to appreciate the originality of any ideas you put forward. The moral corruption of Elsinore, manifested by Claudius’s regicide and Gertrude’s swift descent to licentiousness consequently leads to Hamlet’s disillusionment and struggle with religious ethics and chivalric duty. This in turn results in Hamlet’s reluctance to take revenge. Shakespeare portrays Elsinore’s corruption through the image, “Tis an unweeded garden that grows to seed things rank and gross in nature.” Through metaphor, Shakespeare signifies Hamlet’s discontent with the Kingdom’s decay into a garden infested by evil due to the unnatural death of his father and the incestuous and prompt remarriage of his mother. Wonderful analysis! Hamlet’s struggle to confront the Machiavellian Claudius’s regicide is expressed through the religious metaphor, “O cursèd spite, that ever I was born to set it right!” Shakespeare effectively portrays Hamlet’s disillusionment towards life and the conflict that arises between his desire to commit suicide and the overarching Christian concern about purgatorial punishments which will strip off his nobility. Samuel Coleridge in his ‘Criticism of Shakespeare’ similarly pinpoints Hamlet’s problem as excess “intellectual activity, and the consequent proportionate aversion to real action.” As a result, Hamlet morally struggles between religious conscience and the necessity of revenge, demonstrated through soliloquy “O what a rogue and peasant slave am I” Hereby, Shakespeare elucidates the intensity of prince Hamlet’s private struggle as a result of his irresolution. Hamlet juxtaposes himself to a bonded slave, the most inferior being in the Elizabethan hierarchical order, as his inaction defies the contextual honour code for immediate revenge. The political tension in Denmark and Hamlet’s vividly striking, conflicting conscience is effectively...? This paragraph works well because your analysis of the text is great, but it still has potential to be better. Without the conceptual statement at the start, the paragraph doesn't have direction. Moreso, the direct response to the question and quote is absent. Your analysis is great, but will be even stronger with explicit links to the question. The ending quote hasn't been tied in enough yet to satisfy the first criteria, in my opinion.

The shift in Hamlet’s psyche, from hesitation and tentativeness to clarity and belief in the influence of divinity, results in the loss of his moral integrity after the startling murder of Polonius and the determination of his foil Laertes. Your next sentence gives this information, and it ties it in with a quote His accidental murder of Polonius as a result of his antic disposition, “Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool! Farewell!” Hamlet’s contemptuous, unfeeling tone reflects his consequent moral descent, with his disrespect to death and” Polonius death is a turning point that spurs Hamlet on to vengeful action. As a foil to Hamlet from a different spectrum, Laertes’ rebellion and eagerness in his revenge, expressed through the compelling word play “There’s special providence in the fall of a sparrow... If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now.” Hereby, Hamlet realises the importance of decisive action, in spite of his moral considerations and as well as a possible reason as his attempt to delay fate. in turn stimulates his transformation. Furthermore, Hamlet demonstrates his faith in the ubiquitous presence of divine providence. Consequently, Hamlet’s shifting psyche from irresolution to assertiveness is demonstrated in his final soliloquy, through the determined tone of his outcry, “My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!” Shakespeare demonstrates the change of Hamlet’s mentality and his utter desperation to restore order. Again, the personal response that this module demands isn't as prominent as it could be here. Again, you have a great paragraph! It's just lacking the personal voice, delivered through the unique response to the question.

Hamlet is ultimately emboldened to act by his epiphany towards the inevitability of his death, and through his execution of divine justice, both his morality and the hierarchical Great Chain of Being in Denmark are restored. Through his epiphany, Hamlet’s newfound fatalistic outlook on life is illuminated by the symbolism of Yorick’s skull, paired with the stage direction, “Hamlet takes the skull.” The proleptic irony signifies Hamlet’s acceptance of ‘Memento Mori’, the inevitability of death for all humanity and foreshadows Hamlet’s actions in the denouement. This epiphany ultimately frees Hamlet from his contemplation, as Shakespeare further depicts the idea of Vanitas through Hamlet’s religious connotation “Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander was returneth to dust, the dust is earth”. Shakespeare’s anaphora based allusion to Alexander the Great provides Hamlet with the greater understanding that no amount of wealth and power can make a man immortal, and death is neither divine nor humble. The anaphora of ‘Alexander’ emphasises Hamlet’s attempt to come to terms with the inevitability of his fate. His realisation is followed with the declaration, “I am Hamlet, the Dane!” With his proclamation, Hamlet asserts his pride in his identity as both a citizen of Denmark and the rightful King. Shakespeare characterises Hamlet as a noble avenger through Laertes’ sincere tone, “exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet,” as his Humanist moral convictions are finally reconciled with his filial duty of revenge. Consequently, Hamlet’s fulfilment of vengeance comes as a result of his transition from reluctance and disillusionment to in the denouement.



Ultimately, the conclusion of Shakespeare’s revenge tragedy illuminates Hamlet’s freedom from his intellectual and emotional struggle and humble acceptance of divine providence’s influence and its impact on his fate. The play explores the blurred line between divine providence’s influence, and the subsequent loss of his original morals. The Renaissance humanistic values and concerns on death and revenge remain. Consequently, Hamlet’s acceptance of divine influences splinters his stasis in order to achieve divine justice in the play’s denouement. Wonderful conclusion!

You've got a great essay, I'd suggest it is in the low band 5 range now. Module B requests a personal response from you, it expects a more unique take on the way this has been perceived by audiences. The responders of Shakespeare's work doesn't receive much talk in this essay, and the focus is purely on the internal contents of the text. I suggest bringing it out to Shakespeare's contemporaries, and audiences now (and everyone in between!). You don't have to directly specify each audience type, but talking about the audience is important. This module is about responses to texts - so you've got the treatment of the text down pat and wonderful, but we need to zoom out a little and look at the macro level and how it is received. Have a look at this guide and essay on Hamlet in module B to get an idea about the way audience is treated. I do disagree with the use of first person, which the essay uses, but the rest is full of merit. There is no problem with what exists, the problem is with what lacks. More explicit reference of the question, and a more unique treatment of audience.

Please let me know if anything is unclear. Perhaps looking at how scholars have received Shakespeare's Hamlet will give you some ideas about how to approach describing the reception of the text!

[mohanedibrahim1]

Spoiler

Distivisual images evoke profound emotions, interpretations and implications of ideas, worlds and individuals, elucidating new perspectives on thematic concerns underpinning texts to challenge the responder to consider the settings and characters in texts in different ways. Through the utilisation of distinctively visual images, composers are able to create depth and give meaning to unique and complex worlds that in turn assist the responder in expanding their understandings of the tensions between individuals within their societies. In the postmodern novella “Vertigo” by Amanda Lohrey, distinctively visual images are used to convey the schism between urban and rural life and the way in which change can function to strengthen relationship ships in times of  grief and despair.  Additionally Lohrey utilises a range of distinctively visual images to elucidate the contrasting role of the urban and the rural in facilitating a confrontation of grief and loss through the central protagonists’ decision to move to the coastal hamlet of Garra Nalla in a manner reminiscent of the ‘sea- change’ genre popularised in the early 1990s. It is through this change that protagonists Anna and Luke find serenity and peace of mind after dealing with the emotional and spiritual burden of their son’s death. Similarly, I have used distinctively visual images within my collage to represent the schism between rural and urban life, allowing audiences to see the drastic change both and Anna and Luke were faced with in an attempt to escape the expensive and frenetic city lifestyle.
 
To begin, Lohrey uses distinctively visual images to highlight the clear schism between rural and urban life, elucidating the emancipatory experience of Anna and Luke’s move to Garra Nalla. The metaphoric reference to a “dizzying spiral of excess” to describe the city life elucidates the way in which city life burdens Luke and Anna with financial stress. The material demands of city life in turn functions to alienate both Luke and Anna from the “cramped apartment” in which they desire to escape. This distinctly visual image accentuates the schism between rural and urban life by showing how the financially demanding lifestyle of living in the city can alienate one from their inner emotional lives. Similarly, the strong auditory image “there is too much urban jazz in the air: the drone of jets roaring in, the manic whine of the sirens or the thumping bassline ….” elucidates the sounds of the city environment and imbues them with negative connotations.Further, the onomatopoeic words “roaring…. Manic….. (and) whine” make negative connotations of the city and the sounds that encompass both Luke and Anna continuously. The metaphoric reference to “urban jazz” and the aural imagery created and enhanced through words ‘drone’, ‘whine’ and ‘thumping’ enable the responder to empathies the excessive noises that combine to create a hostile living environment that both protagonists wish to escape. This further emphasises the chaotic and uncontrollable city environment that elucidates Luke and Anna’s disconnection from the city lifestyle. It is through these visually distinctively visual images that Lorhey is able to depict the alienating nature of the highly demanding city lifestyle and the difference of the rural lifestyle in comparison.
 
 
 




Correspondingly, I have used a range of visual techniques in my collage to portray the schism between urban and rural life. The salient image of the two roads blended in show the transitioning of both Luke and Anna into the rural lifestyle of Garra Nalla. The faded city street is symbolic of the passing of time and the need for change in Luke and Anna’s lives that is emphasised through the long vector created by the rural road. The dimly lit untidy bedroom conveys the disorganised and monotony lifestyle of Luke and Anna while living in the city. Additionally, the image of the overcrowded and busy city night enables the responder comprehend the lack of rest they get due to the noises and city lights which reinforces the notion of chaos experienced in both of their lives. The vector of the salient road emphases Luke and Anna’s desire to escape far away from the insecurities and troubles they are faced with daily while living in the city. Through these images the responder is able to clearly identify the schism between urban and rural life and the emotional impacts it can have on individuals in the process of transitioning from one to another.
 
 
 
Furthermore, the postmodern novella uses a range of distinctively visual images to highlight the schism between the rural and urban and how it influences people’s perceptions on individuals, places and ideas. As the narration dictates “You looked out to a smoggy curtain across the built-up sky or down a long drop to the bitumen road below. You were not earthed” the responder is able to comprehend Luke and Anna’s disconnection from the urban life they desire to escape. The switch to second-person through the word “you” automatically forces the responder to engage with the image being presented. The composer required to observe and agree with the feeling of disconnection presented by the metaphorical “you were not earthed” and to comprehend the polluted nature of the city air. Conversely, the use of strong visual imagery within the line “Now they have calluses on their hands and the pleasure of rhythmic physical movements, like raking leaves, can bring on a state of mindless contentment” enables the responder to comprehend the positive faucets of rural living and the schism rural life has upon urban. The description provided here creates an image of the engagement and connection with the natural environment that overcomes Luke and Anna once they move to Garra Nalla. The image is provided to show the ease at which Anna and Luke have adapted to their natural environment, and the satisfaction that they achieve as a result of connecting with the environment. Through these images the audience is able to clearly identify the schism between urban and rural life and the comfort that one may feel after transitioning from one to another.
 
 
 












To add more, I have used a range of visual techniques in my collage to portray the schism between urban and rural life. The positioning of the two roads in the center of the image in conjunction with the bright and harmonious colours of the rural road symbolises the contrasting behaviors of each setting and the way in which it has a warm and welcoming atmosphere for viewers. Moreover, the utilisation of the saturated colour hue within the traffic of the city highlights the monotony and tedium of the urban environment which Luke and Anna desire to escape from.Further, the depiction of the palisades on the coast of ‘Garra Nalla’ enables the responder to understand the emancipatory nature of moving to the rural and how it may change an individual’s perception of life. The long shot of the cliff face shows the free and non-constricted area in which both Luke and Anna are able to live in serenity and peace without the distractions of busy city life. Through these images the responder is able to clearly identify the schism between urban and rural life and the emotional impacts it can have on individuals in the process of transitioning from one to another.
 
 
Therefore, Distinctively visual images evoke profound emotions, interpretations and implications of ideas, worlds and individuals, elucidating new perspectives on thematic concerns underpinning texts to challenge the responder to consider the settings and characters in texts in different ways. Through the utilisation of distinctively visual images, composers are able to create depth and give meaning to unique and complex worlds that in turn assist the responder in expanding their understandings of the tensions between individuals within their societies. Through both Lohrey’s and my depiction of how the transition from urban to rural function to strengthen relationships in times of grief and despair and renew perspective about individuals, places and ideas.

Hello this essay is about vertigo which is a book by Amanda, and its a distinctive visual text thanks.
 
Mod edit: added spoiler

[elysepopplewell]

Hello this essay is about vertigo which is a book by Amanda, and its a distinctive visual text thanks.

Hey there! On the forums here, we require 15 posts in order to receive one essay or creative's worth of feedback. But I've had a quick skim of your work, and it's very good. I like the way you've described the "schism" between rural and urban life - very good use of vocabulary to inject sophistication into your response. In saying this, I think that you let yourself down in terms of sophistication with your paragraph-openers. "To begin" and "to add more" put your response into a listing-style and it undermines the sophistication of your work overall. Often if you just remove those words, the sentence will still make sense!

[Ellie__]

Hi ATAR Notes,

Firstly just want to say, you guys are absolutely AMAZING!!

Could you please have a read through my essay for Module A
Texts used are- Metropolis Film- Fritz Lang
                        - !984- George Orwell
The question is- Compare the ways in which mankind’s values are lost and silenced through the lack of ability to speak in both Metropolis and 1984, where language is a controlling factor

And we had to uses the scene where Maria saves the children and where she visits the eternal gardens
as well as Styme's comment to Winston in Chapter 5 where he talks about Newspeak's reduction of language.

It's due on Friday and I'm really struggling to cut it down or if it even suits the question.


Thankyou!!!!!
Intro
A comparison of both texts illuminates the responders understanding of the importance of appreciating the potent effects beauty and compassion can have on the formation of positive human relationships and its capacity to inspire significant human achievement. Lang’s German expressionist film, Metropolis, employs the pervading threat of technology to illuminate the silencing of human integrity as a result of distinct class and communication division evident within Lang’s post-WW1 society. Similarly, George Orwell’s novel 1984 parallels this dystopic vision, extending it to represent a more nihilistic  vision of the future where personal freedoms have been annihilated, acting as an allegorical warning against totalitarian regimes that have dominated the landscape of twentieth century society. Despite differing context and textual form both texts coalesce through envisioning a futuristic dystopic society where language is suppressed, to illuminate the dangers of accepting a world devoid of fundamental innate qualities, such as the desire for intimacy and fertility that define our humanity.

Both texts reflect a world lacking fundamental human values such as trust, integrity and compassion to warn the audience of the silencing of humanity that occurs in totalitarian regimes. Lang’s futuristic 1927 film utilises the pervading danger of technology to expose the loss of love, integrity and communication as a result of the aristocratic excess indulgences in hedonistic pleasures, a dominant paradigm within Weimar Germany’s upper class. The fading flashing of Rotwang’s robotic creation’s ‘heart’  in the mid-shot of the transformation process symbolises the erosion of integral human qualities, as the heart, a traditional symbol of emotion, loyalty and love, juxtaposes the robot’s intended purpose. This notion is confirmed in the close up shot of Maria’s body turning lifeless as the transformation is complete, metaphorically accentuating the silencing of the human voice as a result of hedonistic desires. Moreover, within the Yoshiwara Club scene, Cyborg’s overt sexuality clearly represents the depletion of humanity within the oppressor’s regime. The direct centring of Cyborg in the mid shot of her dance, as well as her stagnated jerking movements clearly exposes her lack of understanding of innate values such as intimacy and human frailty in favour of overt erotic desires, a common quality of the upper classes in Weimar Germany, as a way of escaping the complete devastation of both WWI and the Treaty of Versailles. Moreover, Lang further censures this exploitation of humanity through a direct correlation to the biblical allusion of the “Whore of Babylon” . The repeated fading of this mis-en-scene to a replication of the “Whore of Babylon” bible excerpt visually connects Cyborg to the corruption of the holy illusion of the ‘fallen woman’. ‘Babylon’ has distinct connotations to the failure of unification and communication represented through ‘Babel’, hence exposing the lack of humanity within society as a result of silencing the human voice for the fulfilment of sexual desires. Thus, through an array of cinematic techniques, Lang warns the audience of the corruption and silencing of humanity as a result of suppressing innate human qualities such as fertility and nurture through technology and excessive hedonistic indulgences.

Fritz Lang’s unique characterisation of Cyborg to amplify the lack of humanity as a result of silencing the human voice is cleverly foregrounded through Orwell’s dystopic vision in “1984”. In contrast to the excessive erotic indulgences that shaped the concept of beauty in Lang’s futuristic society, Orwell utilises a reserved and clinical tone to forcefully satire the totalitarian notion of beauty. Syme’s sarcastic dialogue “It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of dialogue” distinctly exaggerates the oppressor’s indoctrination of the people which supresses the innate human qualities of individualism, integrity and freedom, notions that define our humanity. The juxtaposition of ‘beautiful’ and ‘destruction’ subtly underscores the powerful control totalitarian regimes of the 20th century exert over the masses through the ‘destruction’ of individual thought and liberty- notions that are traditionally associated with beauty. This concept is again amplified through Syme’s dialect, “What sense is there in having a whole string of vague useless words like ‘excellent’ and ‘splendid’…” which parallels with Lang’s film as both composers expose the loss of humanity as a result of the oppressive regimes that riddle both societies. The ironic use of two adjectives ‘vague’, ‘useless’ when commending the reduction of language cleverly accentuates the corruption of the Big Brother’s regime. Syme’s lack of ability to recognise the purpose of ‘excellent’ and ‘splendid’ metaphorically represents the total indoctrination of the masses which has ultimately silenced the importance of appreciating the potent effects of beauty, compassion and integrity, notions which define our humanity. In extension, Orwell’s clinical tone in foregrounding the Party’s future endeavours “All children were to be begotten by artificial insemination (artsem it was called in Newspeak) and brought up in public institutions” affirms the depletion of these instinctive human values. ‘Artificial insemination’ metaphorically suggests similar futuristic visions to Lang’s “Metropolis” as Orwell fears the progression of technology will ultimately corrode the concept of familial bonds and hence humanity. By reducing such fundamental instincts to such a derogatory term, ‘artsem’, symbolises the foreboding concept of eliminating the belief of personal relationships is already embedded within ‘Newspeak’, the language of the Party. Therefore, both Orwell and Lang coalesce by exposing the silencing of individual thought, integrity and fertility, values that define our humanity as a result of the oppressive totalitarian regimes that dominated the 20th century.

In juxtaposition to the corrupted oppressor’s creations, both composers suggest a resolution to the lack of humanity is found within the suppressed voices of the totalitarian dictatorships, which is riddled within both composer’s text setting and their respective social landscape. Fritz Lang’s characterisation of Maria who epitomises the archetypal protective mother-figure, underscores Lang’s subtle hope in the revival of humanity and personal liberty which has been lost as a result of the decimation of Germany in World War One. Within the Eternal Gardens scene through long-shot Maria is immediately emphasised as a symbol of humanity’s beauty and frailty. The use of iris effect frames and softened high-key lighting on Maria as the children naturally gravitate towards her visually illustrates the splendour of nurture and fertility which has been depleted as a result of oppressive regime. Lang’s use of direct gaze between Maria and Freder overtly opposes contextual concerns of the class division within Weimar Germany as Lang underlines the importance of unity and the collective in order to revive the lost humanity as a result of oppressive regimes.  Maria’s purity is further foregrounded in the ‘Rescuing of the children scene’.  Through the flooding of the water, biblical allusions to the cleansing of the human condition symbolises the rebirth of humanity. The juxtaposition of the tall city buildings in the background compared to the small children and Maria as well as the location of these characters within the ‘depths of Metropolis’, visually symbolises the insignificance of the human voice and its lack of ability to speak within this totalitarian society. Also, the low angled mid shot of the children’s hands reaching towards Maria as well as Freder’s appearance subtly represents the need for the unification of the ‘hands’ underscored by the children, the ‘head’ represented by Freder’s aristocratic dress and the ‘heart’ personified through Maria’s rescuing of the children, in order to revive the mankind’s silenced values as a result of the oppressor’s total control of communication between the social classes, a prominent concern within Weimar Germany.

Comparatively, Orwell continues this notion of subtle hope in humanity through the characterisation of the Prole Woman. Orwell’s descriptive language, ‘The solid, contourless body, like a block of granite, and the rasping red skin, bore the same relation to the body of a girl as the rose-hip to the rose’ accentuates a strange sense of beauty about the Prole Woman. The alliterative language and extensive use of similes, juxtaposes the austere nihilistic tone that forebodes the novel to exaggerate the beauty of humanity which is completely inhibited by the totalitarian regime. Like Maria, the Prole Woman represents the fundamental qualities of humanity such as fertility, compassion and integrity as symbolised through her appearance, ‘She had only strong arms, a warm heart and a fertile belly’. Continuing this, Orwell’s extended metaphor of the Prole Woman representing a ‘wild rose’ parallels with Lang’s representation of Maria to emphasise the significance of preserving the human condition and its integral values of humility, family and compassion that inspire human growth. Orwell’s illumination of the Prole Woman’s human frailty and beauty is ironically contradicted through Syme’s dialogue, ‘”The proles are not human beings” he said carelessly’, clearly exaggerates the removal of the significance of human imperfection within the oppressive regime, allowing Orwell to forcefully expose the dangers of totalitarian regimes and the control of language and individual thought which results. It is through both composer’s Illustration of the lower class’s beauty and human integrity within these dystopic forecasts to emphasise the importance of unification and the breakdown of social divides becomes in order to revive humanity which has been silenced by these oppressive regimes.

In conclusion, through the comparison of both texts and their respective contexts, the importance of appreciating the potent effects beauty and compassion have on the formation of positive human relationships and its capacity to inspire significant human achievement is heightened. Despite differing context and textual form, both composers coalesce in emphasising the forceful control totalitarian regimes exert over the masses through the control of language and it’s destruction of mankind’s values to illuminate the importance of challenging the erosion of fundamental innate qualities such as the desire for intimacy and fertility that define our humanity.

[Ellie__]

Hi ATAR Notes,
Firstly just want to say, you guys are absolutely AMAZING!!
Could you please have a read through my essay for Module A
Texts used are- Metropolis Film- Fritz Lang
                        - !984- George Orwell
The question is- Compare the ways in which mankind’s values are lost and silenced through the lack of ability to speak in both Metropolis and 1984, where language is a controlling factor
...

Hi again ATAR Notes,

It said that I got a response to this essay but I can't seem to find it, are you able to please post it again?

Sorry,

Thankyou!!!!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi again ATAR Notes,

It said that I got a response to this essay but I can't seem to find it, are you able to please post it again?

Sorry,

Thankyou!!!!

Hey Ellie! That notification could have just been for the post by anotherworld above, but I swear I replied to your essay last night!  It was late, like 2am, perhaps I dreamed it? Oh well

Thanks for posting your essay!! Our essay marking rules (which you can read here) require you to have 15 posts on the forums for every bit of feedback. This is just to make sure the markers can keep up while still spending the full 30mins-1hour we like to spend on marking them

SO right now you are at 6 posts, you'll need another 10 posts or so to be eligible for some proper feedback!

That said, I know your essay is due tomorrow so I did have a quick read of your essay last night (and now once again this morning to refresh me) - I'll give you some super quick pointers.

- I would say your Thesis on beauty and relationships at the start, while really interesting, needs to be related to the idea of 'control' a little more strongly to suit the question. Perhaps explore how control LIMITS these things? The thing is, the paragraph topics are fine - It's just that Thesis at the start that doesn't suit (and you aren't really mentioning it again anyway - Perhaps just change it to match the rest of your essay?)
- Fantastic analysis throughout your essay - Lots of techniques, links to context, all the pieces. Great work there. I'd like to see you extend this analysis to considering audience impact just a little bit more - What does the audience learn about the themes you are discussing? This is more effective than just saying what we observe/realise about the text/characters/plot - That's a text focused response and it isn't as sophisticated.
- A little more comparison would be effective in addressing the question. Try to refer to 1984 in your Metropolis paragraphs and vice versa. Draw connections between them, highlight things that are done differently. Doing it just in the first sentence isn't quite enough to REALLY push that comparison idea. Long term, you may want to integrate the response, but for now just a few references throughout would do the trick
- TO cut down, try to look for places where you explain the plot of the text. Those bits are unnecessary. Your analysis can simply be, "The use of TECHNIQUE in QUOTE reveals ______________ to the audience." You don't need to explain where the quote fits, and if describing a film technique, keep the explanation of where it appears as short as possible

I think you should be really happy with this Ellie. Fabulous analysis, and I think it answers the question well. Just make sure your first sentence matches the ideas in the rest of your essay and the question, and that you are making as many comparisons between the texts as possible

[Ellie__]

Hey Ellie! That notification could have just been for the post by anotherworld above, but I swear I replied to your essay last night!  It was late, like 2am, perhaps I dreamed it? Oh well

Thanks for posting your essay!! Our essay marking rules (which you can read here) require you to have 15 posts on the forums for every bit of feedback. This is just to make sure the markers can keep up while still spending the full 30mins-1hour we like to spend on marking them

SO right now you are at 6 posts, you'll need another 10 posts or so to be eligible for some proper feedback!

That said, I know your essay is due tomorrow so I did have a quick read of your essay last night (and now once again this morning to refresh me) - I'll give you some super quick pointers.

- I would say your Thesis on beauty and relationships at the start, while really interesting, needs to be related to the idea of 'control' a little more strongly to suit the question. Perhaps explore how control LIMITS these things? The thing is, the paragraph topics are fine - It's just that Thesis at the start that doesn't suit (and you aren't really mentioning it again anyway - Perhaps just change it to match the rest of your essay?)
- Fantastic analysis throughout your essay - Lots of techniques, links to context, all the pieces. Great work there. I'd like to see you extend this analysis to considering audience impact just a little bit more - What does the audience learn about the themes you are discussing? This is more effective than just saying what we observe/realise about the text/characters/plot - That's a text focused response and it isn't as sophisticated.
- A little more comparison would be effective in addressing the question. Try to refer to 1984 in your Metropolis paragraphs and vice versa. Draw connections between them, highlight things that are done differently. Doing it just in the first sentence isn't quite enough to REALLY push that comparison idea. Long term, you may want to integrate the response, but for now just a few references throughout would do the trick
- TO cut down, try to look for places where you explain the plot of the text. Those bits are unnecessary. Your analysis can simply be, "The use of TECHNIQUE in QUOTE reveals ______________ to the audience." You don't need to explain where the quote fits, and if describing a film technique, keep the explanation of where it appears as short as possible

I think you should be really happy with this Ellie. Fabulous analysis, and I think it answers the question well. Just make sure your first sentence matches the ideas in the rest of your essay and the question, and that you are making as many comparisons between the texts as possible

Ahh thankyou that has really helped!! And okay thankyou, I'll remember that for next time!

You guys are legends!!!

[sophiegmaher]

Is there anywhere to get a Discovery essay marked??

[jamonwindeyer]

Is there anywhere to get a Discovery essay marked??

Yep, right here!

[sophiegmaher]

Yep, right here!

Thank you! I just posted it

[mohanedibrahim1]

Past papers is the most effective way of preparing for your Exams correct.