God, that sound awful! You would think that this wouldn't happen in today's age, especially in Australia, but apparently it's too hard. Keep pushing through Mango! As you said, only four months to go then you can tell them to Spoiler
Go Fuck Themselves
Thank you so much Geoo <3 This really uplifted me and reminded me that they aren't even worth it. At all.
so first of all. I just want to say a huge thank you to all the people who sent me messages after my last post. Each one of them already knows how much I appreciate them, but I seriously could not believe it, when I made that post on Saturday, I went to have a shower, and came back to THREE messages. That’s insane. Some people here are genuinely so much better than people in real life. In real life people are so draining, and I would rather the world be filled with dogs instead and spend all my time with dogs. And I got more, and I kept re reading them, a wonderful solace to remind me that at least, some people genuinely cared for me, and made an effort to understand me. It means more than any of them will ever know, and you never ever realise how a simple message to someone can truly change their lives. You guys who took time for me, you are so treasured by me and so special.
weekend unproductivity due to shit people
Anyway, over the weekend I was honestly very unproductive, unable to get anything done, because one of those people (who can’t even fucking speak english, and how the fuck can someone be a coordinator in the highest position if you CAN’T SPEAK ENGLISH), kept getting on my back and sending me these stupid emails, and I replied twice before finally realising, HE IS SO FUCKING STUPID HE LITERALLY JUST HEARS HIS OWN VOICE like I repeated the same thing over and over, and he wouldn’t shut the fuck up with his accusations and implications despite what I was saying (it’s basically about me not going to homeroom thing for certain reasons, and I go sit in the ‘counsellors chairs’. And my Mum spoke to him on the phone today, to knock some damn sense into his idiot brain. Honestly all these assholes have just tried to make my life even harder than it already is so yeah, can’t wait to (as Geoo said) tell them to go fuck themselves soon. LOL I just think, they think they’re so fucking important and abuse their power and constantly are rude and make me feel small, and in a few years I’ll have my fucking book and have achieved so many amazing things and they’re nothing more than GRAINS OF SAND. Meaningless pieces of shit.
04-06-19
Winter is finally upon us. I am constantly freezing to the core, and whenever I’m outside my nose has a perpetual leaking problem, and regardless of how many layers I wear, I still shiver.
chemThis morning, I arrived at school 10 minutes late, and I was frantically rushing to chem, only to discover, there was no one inside the classroom. We had always been in the same room, there was no reason to change, but I checked, and WHAT DO I DISCOVER BUT IT WAS CANCELLED. So I was rushing and racing to school, for nothing. I was so annoyed with my teacher, and teachers in general (never saying anything until the DAY ITSELF), because I had emailed her yesterday, and never once did she mention she was going to be away (and no, she wasn’t sick but at a conference, so she obviously would’ve known WELL in advance), and once I open my email, she sent an email in the morning, and I DON’T CHECK EMAILS IN THE MORNING WHY WOULD I but I just thought, for once I could’ve slept in, because this year all my frees are never at the start or end of the day (though I don’t much care for sleeping in, I’d much rather leave early), but I worked on my poster.
litI am so uninspired to even do much in lit (so contrary to last year where doing all the work was for once, fun and never even felt like work), so I ignored the looming creative sac, and instead worked on my poster again.
insert venting
So get this. After the incident with the counsellor who’s really a bitch, I did not go there for two weeks. She had never bothered to contact me once, yes, not once, but apparently kept reporting my lack of presence being there everyday to the shit assholes (if anyone thinks of a more creative name, let me know down below), and I go in, headphones in, her door is open, and I don’t look up, and go and sit down. Nothing. She comes out, and from my peripheral vision (since I angled myself away from the door), I clearly see her stop and look for a few seconds, and then walk out. A few minutes later, she walks back in. Nothing. And again, a few minutes, and she leaves (slamming the door like a fucking child), and completely ignores me. Like GOD IT HONESTLY MAKES ME FUCKING MAD SHE IS CONSIDERED A COUNSELLOR WHEN SHE IS SUCH A BITCH LIKE SHE HAS BEEN ALL THROUGH THE YEARS BUT GUESS WHAT I TRY AND SEE THE GOOD IN PEOPLE AND I JUST LET IT GO AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HOW CAN A COUNSELLOR ACT LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING EXIST. Another piece of trash.
revsGod sometimes I just want to scream at people. All the people I’ve made an effort to talk to just simply exclude me each time, and do you know every single time I’m not the first (and only) one to say hi and make conversation, they literally ignore my existence. I’m so sick of them. I just think what’s the point of even bothering to talk to them when they clearly can’t be stuffed. Another powerpoint, and I handed in a practice response. Everything in life is fucking pointless.
I had my maths sac, it was cas and notes, but I don’t even understand why. Like it was as hard, if not worse then last week’s no cas and notes sac, where every question looked like some ancient language with words just thrown together symbolising no coherence, but just an assortment of values and words I’m supposed to make sense of. I studied hard, and it just was so confusing. I read questions over and over and still nothing would click to understand how to go about solving it. I really, really want to do well in methods (mainly to shove it in all the arrogant privileged assholes faces who thought I couldn’t), and I know I can, but I don’t know what else to do differently. Yes I am so behind, but this holidays, I WILL be back on track (keep me accountable guys), and I have a tutor who is really helpful, I always talk to my teacher, I don’t know how to find it easier, and not like it’s consuming so much effort and time to understand.
Speaking of, I was thinking a lot about going for extra tutoring classes, and last year when I did, he actually didn’t even get me to pay. And this year, actually a few weeks ago in preparation for this sac, I had planned to go for two or three more classes, until I messaged him and he informed me it would still cost $50. I thought to myself, jeez, not everyone is frigging loaded, and there is no way I would have my parents fork out $150+ on maths tuition a week, that is insane to expect I would pay that. I mean, I’m going regularly for classes, and in my mind, it seemed logical and reasonable that I would get a lesser price for additional classes (he is in high demand as well, he has so many students), and when I articulated this realistic notion that I wouldn’t pay that much, it was met by awkward laughter, and then he said: “It’s okay, we’ll manage with one class.”
Oh, and speaking of this, I remembered I wanted to talk about my chemistry tutor. So three weeks ago I had a sac, and usually after class I would ask him questions, but this week he had started a new class right after ours, and he told me to email them to him. That I did, and to cut a long story short, he kept me waiting and waiting, and ended up giving me two answers (which basically rewrote the solutions, if I understood from the solutions, would I have asked??), and I stayed up, waiting and waiting, and ON THE DAY OF MY SAC in the morning he sent one more answer, as if anything would even absorb by then lol and the next week when he asked how my sac was I like to think my answer was passive aggressive, but I just said it was fine (without you, a snarky voice added in my head), and the following two weeks, I witnessed him spending a LOT OF TIME with two students after class. I am really thinking I need to invest in a private tutor, because he just zooms through content, and for crying out loud, paying him A LOT OF MONEY and he can't even help me outside of that, well. And I obviously want to do well, and improve tremendously, which I know I am capable of.
mathsThe day before the
grande finale, the teacher decided to be away. Fantastic. However, I was very productive with doing application task questions, and I appreciate the people I surround myself with in maths, who are all diligent, studious, hard-working, and extremely extremely SMART lol.
geoOh God the sac is next week, I have to get it done my the weekend since the next few days will be spent on my poster. Still don’t enjoy the atmosphere of this class. Never any time to be QUIET and get work done. Which happens in every other class, people know when to shut up. There’s just no respect or proper manners here. And I saw one of the privileged white assholes stride past, don’t want to see your stupid face thank you.
So basically every class minus revs was independent, and was a complete waste of time to go to school. But I was very productive. I’m going to go have a brownie and watch The Voice now. I hope it does not pour down with icy rain the second the sac is over tomorrow, I do not understand why there is such a long waiting period between after school and the sac (like what exactly can I do in that time), and why sacs are constantly after school. Like have some common sense. Why the fuck would I want to stay longer in that trash place if we could do it at lunchtime and through class?
Toodles,
Hugs + love always 💖
OH ALSO MY UNCLE IS COMING ON SATURDAY SO I HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO I CAN’T WAIT!!!! Talk to you lovely humans tomorrow x
PS: Whenever I write venting bad stuff, that's the only part I don't re read because even writing about it, while it's good to let it out, it forces me back into that situation, and I replay all the emotions, and I don't like doing that. So if there's errors, it's a part of it I guess. Sorry.