Sarangiya's 사랑하는 VCE Journal

[Quantum44]

By the way, this is my 100th post on this thread!!
I just wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone for reading thus far!
This journal has ended up being something I look forward to writing every week. Any replies I recieve, I am also so grateful for - I have connected with so many great people.
I hope the next 100 posts will be even more fun

Thank you!!

P.S. The little article I wrote for ATARNotes has been published!! Yay! Please give it a look ❤️
Is Repeating a VCE Subject Worth it?

Congrats on 100 posts on this thread, this is definitely my favourite journal of this year. Great article you wrote as well.

Congrats on your 100th post!! To be honest, I'm always looking forward to your entries. There is so much I can relate to (the pain of methods, change of teachers, overwhelming competition etc)!! It makes me feel better in the sense that I'm not the only one going through this. Sometimes, I even want to start my own journal! Anyway, thank you for sharing your life with us and I wish you the very best everything

You should definitely start your own journal!

[sarangiya]

Thank you to everyone for your kind messages! I'm so flattered.

You should definitely start your own journal!

Totally agree @vcestressed!!
So, I have been agonizing over the impending release of the UMAT results. Will they come out tomorrow? A week from now? When??
I always thought myself to have a cool disposition but I'm on edge every day this week! Wish me luck (I'll need it).

I have very little to update!

Parties

My days were filled with the non-academic: e.g. fake-tanning, dancing, binge drinking, photo-taking, dress-wearing... the lot.
I had a reasonably good time. It met most of my expectations but didn't exceed them. I'm glad I could dress up nicely and take photos with friends.
I managed to exhaust myself with the combination of the after party, work the day after, and another 18th on the weekend. Not to mention I have at least one every weekend for the next seven weeks (and then a concert the week after that!). I think I can go to them all so long as I don't drink at every one... we will play it by ear.

More admissions stuff

I applied for UAC.
My preferences are:
1. UNSW BMed/MD
2. UWS Bachelor Clinical Studies/MD
3. JMP (University Newcastle, University New England)
4. USyd BSc/MD
5. University of Wollongong Bachelor of Pre-Medicine, Health and Sciences

It has been a real pain tbh.

La Trobe's Bachelor of Biomedical Science (Medical) contd.

From a UniMelb external relations manager:
The course is for rural students at either Albury-Wodonga or Bendigo campuses. 15 students will get the DM on enrolment (still to be decided how this will be done but they will do an interview and I expect ATAR will also count – the higher the ATAR the better the chance of getting one of these 15 places). The other 15 will be admitted into DM after completion of the degree and these students will need a min WAM of 75 . In total 30 students will go from B Biomedicine Sciences (medical) into DM at Shepparton.  We have no idea how big the Biomedical Sciences (Medical) course intake will be as its new course but we hope it is very popular. However if less than 30 meet the pre-requisites the intake will reflect that which will be a pity as it is a great pathway and we do want it to succeed.

Sounds good to me. I'll keep it.

Methods

Apparently we are way behind so we now have an extra period after school on Wednesday to bring us up to speed. Sad times.

My phone :(

Sadly I must wait longer for it. I changed to the S9 because there was a plan for it at the same price. I'm not sure whether I want to keep the lease plan or call and change to the "Plus" plan for an extra $10/month so I can own it. I think I probably will. Sigh.
Hopefully it comes this week.

This week:

UMAT results (maybe)
English Language SAC
Chemistry SAC
New phone?? (pls)

I thought since this is such a measly entry, I'd write something a little more ~sentimental~.
But, honestly, at this point, I'm so over year 12. It seems lots of people are in the same boat.
Without further ado,
Looking back over my time at school
What’s your most embarrassing in-school memory? What happened and did you learn anything from it?
It is the morning of my 2015 Japanese SL oral exam. The night before, I had packed my bag meticulous. Everything I needed and more was in there. On my floor, I laid out my skin care products so that I could sit in front of the heater and have a little pamper-session before leaving for the exam venue. I knelt down, cleansed, toned, and moisturized. As I get up, I lean my knee forward and crush the only pair of glasses I had. They weren't even broken at the hinges - the arms had completed snapped off. Going into a state of absolute panic, my mum and I decide the only solution is to tape the arms back to the frame.
So, I set out to the venue with blobs of cellophane tape on either sides of my head.
All was well upon arriving. I practiced and had fun with my classmates. When my turn came and went, I knew I had absolutely smashed it. I knew I did well. I was sitting in my chair across from the assessors, finally feeling a weight from my shoulders lift as they began concluding our conversation.
In the Japanese oral, it is important to bow upon entering, greeting, farewelling and exiting.
Of course, the smart thing is to rise, bow, go to the door, bow, then exit. This day, the great relief of finishing the exam must have came over me too suddenly because when I - seated - farewelled the assessors with a bow, I smashed my head (with reasonable force, I may add) into the desk. The assessors were quick to ask if I was okay (in Japanese lol) and I could do nothing but mutter "I'm fine... thank you" and scurry out the door. In hindsight it's funny but in the moment, I couldn't have cared. I felt like my soul had left my body already, anyway!

Which school tradition are you most proud of?
I think our founder's days are most memorable for me. People really came together to set up stalls, dress up, and enjoy a great entertainment show afterwards. Not only that, but we consistently raise $10,000+ for members of the local community through the fundraising efforts on the day. I'm really proud of the school community's charity, and the general enjoy-ability of the day.

Which subject do you think prepares you most for life after high school? Why?
Methods. It's hard to admit, but I've actually been able to use methods in real life.
If not from this year, philosophy is definitely the most relevant to life beyond school. It builds good logic and critical thinking skills, as well as exposing you to different philosophies, debates and concepts that are important to consider as you begin to take responsibility for your actions as an adult!

Describe your senior year in three words.
A long journey.

"I will always remember…”
On our Year 12 religious retreat, we received letters written from our parents reflecting on us over the past 18 years. It is not any exaggeration to say every person cried. I will always remember that feeling - the love from my mum, the sadness of our final retreat, the new bonds made. It was a special event this year.

What advice do you have for incoming students?
My advice is simple: fall in love.
Once you find something you can revolve your world around, everything else starts to fall into place by the pull of your gravity.

What was the dumbest saying of the year?
Rather, the dumbest thing I said this year: "good night!" to a teacher (and later, a librarian) as I was leaving school for the day.

What weird habit do you have when you’re nervous and how long has it been going on?
Some people have noticed this year that during exams, I slip my shoes on and off (or keep them off all together) and bounce my knee in a rhythm. The rhythm reflects the speed at which I'm writing (haha).
I was so embarrassed to have been caught but those habits are exam rituals I have had since I don't know when!

[possibly to be continued...]

Hope you all also have a fun and reflective week!

“If you have a strong purpose in life, you don't have to be pushed. Your passion will drive you there.”

[sarangiya]

Hi everyone and welcome to the Worst Week of the Year.
On the Thursday last week, UMAT results dropped. Yup.
I'll be your host tonight for our ~UMAT Reveal Special~
_{expletives ahead}

Before
I cannot express how agonising the wait had been since the first day of September. There was not a single day during which I didn't think about the UMAT. For a couple of days I had wound myself up so much that I had to make the decision to not check the ACER website or any UMAT-related forums. People were constantly asking me whether they had come out yet, what my plan B was, what I thought I would get… it was inescapable and wholly due to the fact ACER does not give a definitive date.
On Thursday morning, I broke my no-peeking agreement for the first time. I was bored, and so I checked to see if anything had happened. Nothing. I went onto a forum and the general consensus that it wouldn't be the day because it was already after 11. I naively acknowledged that and resigned myself to waiting another day.
I was writing a practice essay for my English Language SAC coming later in the day. A notification pops up on my computer screen. The logical thing would to do would be to show some self restraint and look at it at home. Of course, I ripped open the ACER website like a kid at Christmas.

During
I scrolled down and the first thing I saw was my Section 1 score.
S1: 53
Honestly it doesn't even register. I don't think I even read the number. Next.
S2: 60
I felt like I was crossing my eyes so as to blur my vision. So that I didn't actually see any numbers, as if they weren't there.
S3: 46
…

Spoiler

Fuck.

This number was the first thing that actually registered. I felt like I had the breath taken out of me. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest.
That's it, I thought. I've fucked it.

For a grand total of 159 and 65%ile, I have officially ruined most of my chances of getting into medicine.

I began crying. Uncontrollably. One of my Year 11 friends from VET took me outside, where I was almost wailing. I desperately tried to call my mum, who didn't answer. A thousand things were running through my head:
I had envisioned myself there. I walked through the residence where I thought I'd be staying on Open Day. I felt myself there. I imagined going out for lunch with a friend of mine who was already at Monash, with my younger friend who would try to follow my footsteps in med. I'd submitted the applications, chosen my preferences, and truly and honestly believed I would make it.
I wouldn't.
I have to tell my mum that the $160 was wasted. I have to admit to my friends and my rivals that I can't anymore. The patients at oncology who made sure to ask me every week whether I'd heard anything. My mentors. My teachers. Myself.

Some support staff and our careers counsellor (a beautiful being) came down to see me. I wiped at my nose, thinking I was leaking snot. It was blood. I had tissue after tissue soaking up the massive clots. “Do you get these often?” Asked a teacher. “Only recently,” I reply. “They could be due to stress… do you feel stressed recently?
A recent graduate chimes in: “This is [me] you're talking about! She's been stressed since she was like in Year 9!”
My heart lurched.

My mum ended up coming to get me from school. She hugged me and I cried. We left the room and I couldn't help myself. My mum cried too.
We went out for lunch and went home. Mum fell asleep in the armchair. I kept myself distracted with my new phone.

After
It took a while (+ a bit of alcohol and a sneaky underaged entry into the local nightclub) for me to begin thinking: what am I going to do?

Here are the options:
Take a gap year
My mum does not approve of the mere concept of a gap year. For a long time I agreed. At the moment, I'm not so sure. I could collect some cash and study like a bat out of hell for UMAT 2019. What's an extra year when I'll be getting dough anyway? What's an extra year if I can live out the dream I had for this year?
...but what if I can't? It's another $160 wasted. There's no guarantee of improvement. There's no guarantee of a place. It's a whole year wasted when I could be 1/5th of the way.

Go interstate
I will forever be grateful to a few users of a particular forum who picked me up when I thought everything had turned to ash. One told me: “I wouldn't rule yourself out”.
I only then realised that I had done exactly that. Sure, I mourned for all the years that I slaved over my ATAR. When A reminded me I had spent since Year 9 building up this moment, I could have died. But only from this did I realise that I owe it to myself at 14 years old, wondering why a substitute teacher was eyeing me while highlighting my first SAC for VCE during reading time, to not give up.
Leaving my family and everything I know will be hard. The only other family I have is on the Gold Coast. I'll likely be alone, but I'll be there.
I have now registered for not only VTAC, but for UAC, QTAC, SATAC and the University of Tasmania.
It's not over until the fat lady sings.

Study post-grad
I used to hate the word “pathway”. Note it's all I think about. There's La Trobe here in Victoria, with UoM if I felt lucky. There's Griffith, walking distance from my family's place. There are provisional entry schemes and guarantees. I'm scared of the GAMSAT and not getting in. But in the world of tertiary admissions, there's always a pathway.

I'll be thinking about all these options for sure.

But for now, my dramatized writing has finished.
I'll update you all with more next week! Luckily nothing too significant has happened (I got good results from our EL AOS1 SAC!)

All the best to you guys, for everything. Make sure you know that things are meant to be, and that God has plan for you

And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it

[Quantum44]

I remember what it was like last year. The UMAT result was quite a shock for a lot of people, myself included. I think in my mind up until that point, the dream of doing Monash med seemed possible. There was tangible hope and belief that it could and would happen. But then my result came in. Initially, I was content with my percentile score, but I quickly realised not getting above 50 in section 3 made me ineligible for a Monash interview. This completely devastated me, and left me unmotivated and goal-less for a period of time (with many tears shed).

After doing a lot of research, I pretty much came to the same conclusion as you: that there were three options. I toyed with the idea of a gap year, but in the end I couldn’t imagine seeing all my friends going to uni while I stayed at home and studied the dreaded UMAT again, with no guarantees of anything. The postgrad route again was filled with the uncertainty of the GAMSAT and required a three year investment, so I pretty much ruled that one out. I was left with what I saw then as the best of a bad bunch: going interstate.

I looked at all the interstate universities, and ended up applying for Adelaide and Griffith since those were the only universities I had a good shot at getting into and would enjoy studying at. In retrospect, I’d just say apply for every university and choose which one you want to go to after you get all your offers. Adelaide was definitely my number one preference and the thought of going there motivated me to do well in VCE and kind of replaced the dream of going to Monash, especially after my interview when I saw the new medical school and realised how nice the city was.

In the end I got into Adelaide and now I realise getting rejected by Monash was the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s perfectly normal to be upset and I wouldn’t expect you to think this now, but sometimes the things that hurt the most can really be a blessing. There are so many great things about living interstate. I get so much independence, I get to study my dream course, I’ve met amazing new people and developed very close friendships, I could go on for a very long time, but you probably get my point. Of course, I’d encourage you to closely examine all your options and spend some time really thinking about what you want to do, but I just wanted to give my two cents on the matter.

[vcestressed]

Hey Sarangiya,
I just wanna say that your entry made me cry. It is so relatable. I fainted when I saw my results. I've been crying every single day since. I opened my results and saw a 79th percentile and my heart crushed. Also, I'm not even rural so I have no chance of getting into Adelaide Uni. I've been dreaming for doing dentistry from the start of the year which needs a higher UMAT score than med. I, along with my parents had a day off when UMAT results came out, as if my life knew that I was going to get a bad UMAT and that I'd need their support.
All my friends were in the same boat. We’ve all got our scores between 75-82nd percentile and it breaks my heart that we all spent hours and hours doing UMAT prep. I could’ve spent that time prepping for a test, which could have at least reflected my hard work. 
I just want to say that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Focus on getting that perfect ATAR like you mentioned in your first post and you’ll become a doctor. An amazing one in fact.
I know you can do it. I’m rooting for you.

[Bri MT]

Your hardwork has not been wasted. No matter what courses you get offers from, your hardwork cannot have been wasted, because it has built learning,  determination, and resilience into you. These attributes, and your empathy, are going to make you a brilliant doctor.  That Monash doesn't see that right now - that's their loss, because wherever you go you're going to take vital attributes that can't be measured by a test. It's incredibly difficult when your resilience is tested like this,  and it leaves you no choice but to prove your commitment to your future career again and again.  But I know that no matter how many times you need to make that choice your answer will be the same.

You're going to help a lot of people - please let us know how we can help you.

[Poet]

Okay so feeling you so much on the blood nose thing right now - the morning of my maths SAC I was late because I woke up that morning, thought, 'oh the last SAC's today' and my nose went, 'lol fuckin' nope Imma bleed for 10 minutes now'.

I'm so glad you can see your options. Keep working at it - this is definitely not the end for you. Your passion and your excitement for the world of medicine, as well as your determination, does not count for nothing. That $160? You've paid for an experience that will make you stronger. You are not a failure, in any sense of the word. The UMAT isn't everything. In fact, my mother, who studied medicine at UCLA, looked at stuff on the UMAT and told me it was ridiculous to put kids through something like that. And yet still, you had the determination to study and push through. Your results in that test don't reflect your true potential, in any form. You'll get back up again, and you'll make it there. Keep doing what you're doing. We believe in you. If you really want it, you'll get it. And as miniturtle said so beautifully, you're going to help a lot of people. The least we can do is help you get there.

And the least you can do it believe in yourself. <3

[Daweiii]

In year 11 I got 23% on my methods exam application task and 47% on my exam skills test and failed my first SAC for year 12 methods, but I'm currently studying Medicine at Monash.
I can roast myself more if it gives you motivation, I can go on forever 

If I can do it, so can you!!!

[hums_student]

Hey man, I really suck at offering practical advice, but I just gotta tell you that it's not the end of the world and that I have so much respect for you. Seriously. You've worked so hard for this and honestly I don't think you've wasted the money at all - you've got the experience now! Honestly I know so many people at my school who didn't even have the guts to do the UMAT. You are absolutely amazing and honestly your VCE journey is such an inspiration to all of us.

Be strong!!

On a slightly unrelated note, I know there are many UMAT tutors out there who would sit the UMAT each year, get an amazing score, and use it to advertise themselves. Honestly I think that's so wrong because they're just dragging down those who genuinely want to get into med. Something really should be done to stop people who just do the UMAT to show off from participating.

[rani_b]

Hey,
So I don't have anything useful to add except that I've loved (and will continue to love) reading your journal. Your motivation, dedication, hard work and attention to detail to everything you do is so inspiring. Not only that, but you also work to motivate all of us and remind us that we can get through anything. I just hope you take that advice for yourself and believe that you have the qualities and skills to get through this, one way or another.
Sending lots of virtual love!!

[justwannawish]

Hey,

I've read your journal for a long time and still remember the time you helped me out with applying with VTAC  but I never really got the courage to respond to you until now. When I got my UMAT result, I saw the email notification during my study period and walked out and locked myself in the bathroom because I needed privacy. Tbh, those few moments seemed like a blur and I think it was good luck that made me type the correct password and everything in. When I saw my UMAT,  I think my dreams just collapsed right then. My career's adviser then saw me when I had composed myself and told me my close friend got a 100 and another a 99, expecting I'd do well. When I told him my mark, he bluntly said I failed and that he's never seen someone with my score get in. Like I wasn't crushed enough. My dad was furious because he had been hoping for this UMAT as I was and that was an unpleasant event, probably one of the worst nights of my life so far.

Afterwards, as hard as it was, I realised that everything has a reason for happening. Perhaps this will give you an opportunity that you would have never seen before. But you are more than your mark, you're made of all your strengths and memories and stories, and in five years' time, the UMAT would seem nothing more than a bad dream because I know you will make a difference to the world using your courage and passion and drive. I can't wait to see what you'll do in the future because you are capable of so much more!

[geek123456]

Hey,
even though I have not sat the UMAT yet I can relate 100 percent to the expectations part.The important thing is to just remember to not let a NUMBER define your worth and to NOT EVER give up on the determination that pushed you till now.UMAT might not be your domain but maybe something else is.We are all equipped with different skills and to compare ourselves with others is like trying to balance two stones of different masses on one weighing scale.The point is even though you might be thinking that your pathway to medicine school is a bit blurred and far more complicated than what you initially layed out,it is STILL POSSIBLE but just in a different way.The possibilities out there are numerous.NEVER give up.

P.s your journal is so inspiring.I know one day you will be an amazing doctor as you already possess the core characteristics of an amazing physician.Best of luck!

[Maya24]

Hey,
It's okay to feel disappointed. It's okay to feel like all your hard work has gone down the drain. That you have spent so much money and it has all gone to waste. Everything happens for a reason. All the struggles you went through happens for a reason. If something is meant for you it will happen. Life might have other better plans for you.

[sarangiya]

Before I begin replying to everyone individually, I just want to say a big thank you to all of you together. It was been a really great today just casually checking this thread and my inbox to find so many kind messages. I have said it before but I really must reiterate how much this forum has come to mean to me (as cringey as it sounds). You all have had such a grear impact on me that I am so, so grateful for. Your support is incomparable to anything I was expecting from people around me, let alone from you all, hundreds of kilometres away.
This truly is a community of high-achieving, empathetic, compassionate, understanding, encouraging, empowering and supportive people and I feel so fortunate to be writing this. Thank you, thank you, thank you to every one of you - I hope I can reciprocate the kindness some day soon.

♥️

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can definitely relate to feel goalless and a bit lost at the moment. I feel so comforted to think that moving interstate could potentially be as a good a decision for me as it was for you.
I'm so glad you were able to get a place at Adelaide because it was obviously very, very well deserved. I will put in that consideration, but thanks to you I feel I can hold my head high with some hope as I do. Thank you so much.

♥️

I was actually wondering how you ended up going! Look, I must say that your score is amazing (!!), but nonetheless I can definitely understand the very unpleasant feelings that come with that uncertainty.
It was the same case with my friends (i.e. all the students at my school who attempted the UMAT!), except that none of us got 50/50/50. It's great that we can sympathize with each other, but I'll share with you something my chemistry teacher told me: the last six students from my school who are now doing medicine couldn't use their UMAT to get in. But, they still did in the end.
It sucks about our scores but there is still hope for us!! In some ways I'm glad we can go through this together.
I have every confidence in you and am so proud of your effort throughout this. You are an inspiration to me and I know you will excel and bring so much to whatever you do (especially in dentistry)! Thank you dearly for your support.

♥️

Thank you so much for your reply miniturtle. I'm so flattered to read this because you have been such an integral part of this forum and someone I admire.
It's hard to deal with because I suppose my resilience hasn't been tested much until now. It has been a shocking but an eye-opening experience. I can only hope that these experiences can help me become as wise and compassionate as you are. Thank you so much for your message and for always being willing to help myself and many others - I'm so, so flattered.

♥️

Poet you lovely thing! Thank you for your kind words. I actually feel quite a connection with you reading about mental health, and your eating (and drinking!) forum. You are the kind of person who puts things into actions, creates change and can inspire change in others.
Thank you for your funny PMs and being someone I can relate to and experience this year with.
side note: UCLA!! that's lit! And I totally agree with your mother hahaha

♥️

This is so inspirational. You say that you can roast yourself further, but it looks like you have so much to be proud of. We all have our own challenges and our own paths to walk. Thank you for encouraging me to overcome mine like you did yours. Also, congratulations to you! No doubt you'll make a fine doctor.

[sarangiya]

♥️

Thank you so, so much. All of this right back at you. I truly admire you and appreciate what you have written. It is actually you guys that inspire me!! I absolutely adore your journal and your future is so intriguing to me. I believe I might have written this before somewhere on your journal but you truly have so much potential to do great things in whatever field you pursue.
Let's work hard together this year thank you always
It is such a crime lol. I was trying to give this guy on Facebook some advice because he supposedly got a bad section score, only to get a dm from him saying he and his mate actually were already in medicine and took the UMAT again for a laugh. I couldn't tell him that I got an awful score but yup... pretty tough (...unfair...) competition indeed. Oh well.

♥️

Sending even more back! Honestly thank you! I'm so inspired by you, esepcially by your disciplined, focus and inquisition (in the psychology question thread, as a particularly topical example!)
You're going to absolutely smash this year. Thank you again and best of luck to you for this year !!

♥️

Oh my! I remember too but now I feel so bad because I could have offered you much more than that lmao! I must admit I seldom visit the HSC forum but I also will admit I had quite the stalk of your activity on it lol.
I saw your score, actually, and I truly hope you know that we all here are so proud of you. Not only do you definitely have a decent shot with such a great score, but your positive attitude is obviously a great asset of yours. I'm sorry that you had to hear those things from your careers adviser and your parents, but you should honestly be so proud of yourself. Congratulations!!
I can see that your passion, drive and could will also take you very far. I wish for you the very best. Hope to chat more soon

♥️

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I'll try to take to heart all that you've said because it is indeed true. I wish I had your insight when I was in Year 11! I can tell you are absolutely going to smash next year (along with the UMAT) out of the park. I'll be rooting for you!! (you should definitely make a journal!)
Thank you again !!

♥️

Thank you so much. We have both gone through some difficulties this year, huh. I'm so lucky to have made such a great friend with whom I can share all these ups and downs with. I wish I could have told you what you have told me back when you were going through your difficulties. Your resilience has been something I could learn from. Thank you always xx



Side note: I still have many more people to reply to! I'll get around to it soon but just know I have read all your kindness and cherish it dearly.