Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[jswimj]

Hey everyone!

This is my thesis for Stopping by the woods, Tuft of flowers and Witness.

The confronting and provoking nature of discoveries explore multiplicitous ramifications within the individual, causing transformation and change.

Any thoughts of how it can become awesome and mind-blowing would be greatly appreciated 

(Special thanks to Opengangs for the help and suggestions)

Thank you!

[as111]

Hi,
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp

[theyam]

Hi~

I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL

And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.

My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?

For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments?

Thank you~~

[Mada438]

Hi,
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp

Hey!
Try to talk about all 3 parts:"need, wonder and curiosity" it is essential to answer the full scope of the question in order to achieve the highest marks.
I'd take a semi integrated approach, talking about all 3 of those ideas for both of my texts using different techniques and critical analysis.
Apologies if that doesn't make much sense, or isn't what you're asking
but i hope it helps! 

Hi~

I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL

And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.

My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?

For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments?

Thank you~~

I think what your teacher means is that it sounds very vague, very general. To me it sounds like a general thesis you'd develop before seeing a question and THEN slot the question into said thesis, but thats just how it looks to me.
It seems to be a bit short too, it seems to be missing a sentence or two.
The first line especially sounds very vague and disjointed, and abit long too (like it could be split into two) "The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth" doesn't seem to make much sense in my head.

My apologies for the vague and bad advice, its all i can give. I'm not the best with actually marking english thesis' and responses, and i don't want to lead down the wrong track with bad advice, so thats the most i can give.
I know other people will definitely be of more help than me. Good luck with it though, all the best!
Again, really sorry! 

[dancing phalanges]

Hey everyone!

This is my thesis for Stopping by the woods, Tuft of flowers and Witness.

The confronting and provoking nature of discoveries explore multiplicitous ramifications within the individual, causing transformation and change.

Any thoughts of how it can become awesome and mind-blowing would be greatly appreciated 

(Special thanks to Opengangs for the help and suggestions)

Thank you!

Hey! I don't know any of the texts but the only suggestion I have is that I don't personally think 'explore' is the right word. The composers themselves explore the ramifications while the discoveries 'cause' or 'lead to' ramifications within the individual. Hope you understand Otherwise it's effective and simple!

Hi~

I tried doing a practice essay to the question: THE MAJOR IMPORTANCE OF DISCOVERY IS THE IMPACT ON THE INDIVIDUAL

And my thesis was: The importance of the confronting discovery of a shameful truth about our world and humanity is characterised by the impact upon the individual. Such discoveries are significant as they have the ability to evoke an emotional response and prompt individuals to reconsider one’s perspective on our current world and humanity.

My teacher said it wasn't specific enough, any tips?

For reference, this is the essay, and if you're not busy, could you maybe mark my essay please or give suggestions to build upon my teachers comments?

Thank you~~

Hey The Yam! I would say that your thesis is, as Mada438 pointed out, a bit wordy. I think it is the same for the second sentence. I don't think it should be more specific as you should be introducing your texts and how they relate after. I would suggest rewording your thesis simply to something like: The confronting discovery of the truth about the world and humanity is important as it prompts individuals to reconsider their perspectives on global issues.

So, I effectively just summed up what you were trying to say into one sentence Hope that helps you!

Hi,
when the question asks how accurately a statement reflects the view of discovery you explored in your texts, are you meant to state highly accurately or something like that, or can you just let it be implied.
eg. for the 2017 q, "whether motivated by wonder, curiosity or need, discoveries have the power to be transformative", I was kinda planning on writing about how each of them can lead to diff transformations.. eg. values/ideas/understanding.. but then realised I wasn't really addressing the question. Please helpppp

Hey! I did this question for my HSC! I had 3 texts (2 poems as related texts and 1 ORT) and did one text for wonder, one for curiosity and one for need. Thus, in my intro I said the statement was highly accurate (you must make a judgement to show you are answering the question, implying it is too risky!)
You need to address the question as to how your texts display how discoveries can come from wonder, necessity etc. and then the parts you were saying eg. values/ideas can be discussed but are the result of these discoveries. So, for example, when I discussed Robert Gray's Late Ferry, I expressed how the narrator was captivated by the allure (wonder) of the city to discover it and then discussed the ideas/values discovered as a result. Hope that helped

[theyam]

@dancing phalanges
@Mada438

Thank you very much for your advice!

From theyam~

[ghewitt]

Hello!
I'm analysing The Little Prince as my related text for discovery and I'm trying to find what technique is in this quote, but I can't for the life of me! I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated!
The quote is:
"But it cast a spell over that whole house. My home was hiding a secet in the depths of its heart"

Thank you so much!

[Opengangs]

Hello!
I'm analysing The Little Prince as my related text for discovery and I'm trying to find what technique is in this quote, but I can't for the life of me! I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anyone could help it would be greatly appreciated!
The quote is:
"But it cast a spell over that whole house. My home was hiding a secet in the depths of its heart"

Thank you so much!

Hey there,
I'm not sure what your analysis is going to be based around, but here is one from the top of my head:

Personification - "My home was hiding a secret"

[ghewitt]

Hey there,
I'm not sure what your analysis is going to be based around, but here is one from the top of my head:

Personification - "My home was hiding a secret"

Thank you! that was the one I was looking for!

[ghewitt]

Hi again!

I'm trying to analyse my related text The Little Prince, and I want to talk about the little prince's first time discovery of true friendship. I found these two quotes which I think encapsulate this idea, but I can't really find any techniques or anything to analyse:

"You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye"

"One only ever understands what one tames. If you want a friend, tame me!"

If any one is able to help it would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you so much

[Opengangs]

Hi again!

I'm trying to analyse my related text The Little Prince, and I want to talk about the little prince's first time discovery of true friendship. I found these two quotes which I think encapsulate this idea, but I can't really find any techniques or anything to analyse:

"You can only see things clearly with your heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye"

"One only ever understands what one tames. If you want a friend, tame me!"

If any one is able to help it would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you so much

Hey there,
For the first quote, I think you could definitely discuss the metonymic technique.
For the second quote, you could definitely discuss diction as a stylistic device used by the composer.

Hopefully, these help with your analysis.

[ghewitt]

Hey there,
For the first quote, I think you could definitely discuss the metonymic technique.
For the second quote, you could definitely discuss diction as a stylistic device used by the composer.

Hopefully, these help with your analysis.

Thanks again!
Can I just ask what a metonymic technique is?

[Opengangs]

Thanks again!
Can I just ask what a metonymic technique is?

Hey,
No problem! A metonymy is a figure of speech that essentially replaces the name of an object with something that is closely related. It's typically used in close with symbolism, giving a more profound comparison and meaning to otherwise common objects in everyday life. It draws the reader's attention by giving the text a deeper meaning, and it often improves clarity.

To give you an example, consider this excerpt from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears."
Instead of directly asking Mark Anthony's people to listen to him, Shakespeare cleverly employs metonymy of the ears to represent the idea of attentive listening.

There are many different examples of metonymy you can find in everyday language.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
"Let me give you a hand"

If you have any more questions, feel free to reply. I'd be more than happy to address them

[ghewitt]

Hey,
No problem! A metonymy is a figure of speech that essentially replaces the name of an object with something that is closely related. It's typically used in close with symbolism, giving a more profound comparison and meaning to otherwise common objects in everyday life. It draws the reader's attention by giving the text a deeper meaning, and it often improves clarity.

To give you an example, consider this excerpt from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears."
Instead of directly asking Mark Anthony's people to listen to him, Shakespeare cleverly employs metonymy of the ears to represent the idea of attentive listening.

There are many different examples of metonymy you can find in everyday language.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
"Let me give you a hand"

If you have any more questions, feel free to reply. I'd be more than happy to address them

Thank you, you made that really clear and easy to understand!
I was also wondering what effect the diction has as a stylistic device? Is that the plosive of the 't' or something else?

Thank you

[Opengangs]

Thank you, you made that really clear and easy to understand!
I was also wondering what effect the diction has as a stylistic device? Is that the plosive of the 't' or something else?

Thank you

Hey there,
Close! Diction covers everything!! It's the composer's choice of words, and we use diction everywhere. How we communicate ideas and how we convey information are all examples of diction. In this instance, we can discuss the diction as the composer's stylistic device, and how that conveys meaning in the second quote. It creates a very philosophical tone, and much like the first example, it gives a more profound meaning to the text. How you interpret this analysis will entirely depend on your own representation of the meaning behind the quote.

Because we see diction everywhere, it's often hard to pinpoint the function of diction on literature. It plays a part in highlighting the composer's tone, mood, and atmosphere to the reader, allowing them to immerse themselves into the world constructed by the composer.