Suzanne Cory high school essays

[GalacticProcess]

Hey,
I have written a persuasive essay today and it would be great if you guys could correct it. I just wanted to ask, is it OK if I only write 2 arguments instead of 1?

Topic: Should Colleges be Free for Students?

College fees have always been a topic of discussion among university students and parents. Some may say that universities are too expensive while some argue that they are a reasonable price. Universities should definitely not be made free as it allows students to lay back and concentrate less on studying. Furthermore, it is not financially suitable for the government.

To begin with, permitting students to receive a university education free of cost allows students to develop a laid-back approach to learning. Students will use the excuse of "I'm not losing anything" to blame (should have used justify) for their poor efforts in learning. This will result in a negative approach being developed not only towards education but also towards many other departments of life. This will result in a very poor report after university (weird) and and many students will find that they have not learned anything from their university experience. Moreover, a free university education will negative impact the government.

In addition, free education at university level will result in a very poor outcome for the government in terms of financial situation. A great amount of money is spent every year on universities around Australia and a large amount of that is earned back (due to fees). This revenue is used to pay teaching staff and other purposes revolving the university. If all of this revenue was to be removed, all payments would have to come out of the government's pocket. This has a chain effect and will reduce the amount of money available to be spent on other things such as recreational facilities and transportation. Therefore, universities should undoubtedly not be made free as it impacts the government financially.

In summary, getting rid of university fees will allow students to not take learning seriously as they "have nothing to lose". Finally, free universities also reduces the amount of amount of money spent on other important things as the government has to fork out extra money (should be rephrased). Therefore, universities fees should unequivocally not be made free of cost.

I realised some of my errors in the structure of some of the sentences so please do let me know when you find one. I am still working on increasing the amount of content I write. This is a decent improvement from my previous essay so slowly getting there.
Thanks

[akihsay2003]

I am currently at Suzanne Cory HS and for the creative writing last year we got the question "what if you were left in a room with a box that said do not open"

[zhen]

Hey,
I have written a persuasive essay today and it would be great if you guys could correct it. I just wanted to ask, is it OK if I only write 2 arguments instead of 1?

Topic: Should Colleges be Free for Students?

College fees have always been a topic of discussion among university students and parents. Some may say that universities are too expensive while some argue that they are a reasonable price. Universities should definitely not be made free as it allows students to lay back and concentrate less on studying. Furthermore, it is not financially suitable for the government.

To begin with, permitting students to receive a university education free of cost I think this could be worded better allows students to develop a laid-back approach to learning. Students will use the excuse of "I'm not losing anything" to blame I think this could be made more formal and could be expressed better. Something like Students will use the lack of university fees as an excuse to justify their poor efforts in learning is still a simple sentence, but is phrased better. (should have used justify) for their poor efforts in learning. This will result in a negative approach being developed not only towards education but also towards many other departments of life. This will result in a very poor report after university (weird) I agree with you that you need to reword this and and many students will find that they have not learned anything from their university experience. Moreover, a free university education will negative impact the government. In my opinion you shouldn't end a paragraph with what you're going to say next. Instead you should reinforce the point of your paragraph.

In addition, free education at university level will result in a very poor outcome Just saying something like free university education will be detrimental to the government, as this will force them to spend substantial amounts of money on university education is better in my opinion for the government in terms of financial situation. A great amount of money is spent every year on universities around Australia and a large amount of that is earned back (due to fees). This revenue is used to pay teaching staff and other purposes revolving the university. If all of this revenue was to be removed, all payments would have to come out of the government's pocket. This has a chain effect Weird expression here and will reduce the amount of money available to be spent on other things such as recreational facilities and transportation. Therefore, universities should undoubtedly not be made free as it impacts the government financially.

I don't think either of these arguments are very strong. I'd say that the most obvious and in my opinion strongest point would be that making university education free would diminish the level of education in universities, as the money spent on lecturers/facilities would be reduced. I feel that this lack of strong arguments really hurts this essay and is what's really pulling this essay down.

In summary, getting rid of university fees will allow students to not take learning seriously This could be phrased better as they "have nothing to lose". Finally, free universities also reduces the amount of amount of money spent on other important things as the government has to fork out extra money (should be rephrased). Therefore, universities fees should unequivocally not be made free of cost.

I realised some of my errors in the structure of some of the sentences so please do let me know when you find one. I am still working on increasing the amount of content I write. This is a decent improvement from my previous essay so slowly getting there.
Thanks

I agree on the places where you realised that your expression was dodgy. I feel like the main problem in this essay was the content (in my opinion) and at times the expression. Anyway keep up the good work. 

[GalacticProcess]

I agree on the places where you realised that your expression was dodgy. I feel like the main problem in this essay was the content (in my opinion) and at times the expression. Anyway keep up the good work. 

Thanks for correcting the essay. I will post my next one tomorrow as I don't have time today (MAYBE today). Got heaps of homework. Thanks

[GalacticProcess]

Hey guys,
I have been quite busy over the last few days and haven't been able to post any new essays so I have finally been able to write something. I wrote this really quickly as I am still quite busy. This has probably been one of my worse pieces but it's better than not writing at all.
Topic: Pictures of a radio, a shack and a fire.

As I sat there waiting, I noticed how great the view was. The tall skyscraper overshadowed everything around it. The Memorial Hall looked incredibly minuscule I could barely notice it. It had been almost forty-five minutes ago that I was told to wait for ten minutes. I was becoming quite nervous. The forty-five minutes had stretched on forever. I was just about to ask once more how much longer I would have to wait when I heard footsteps coming from the hallway. I started to feel butterflies in my stomach as my anticipation grew for what was about to come.

"Good morning Mr. Rhodes." greeted a man dressed in an expensive looking suit and purple tie.

"G-good morning sir. H-how are you?" I stuttered back. I tried to sound as calm and composed as possible but judging from the expression on the man's face, I hadn't made a great impression.

"Ok enough of that. Let's get to business." he quickly got things going. I had been invited to a meeting with Dr. Smith, a notable research scientist well-known for his inhumane experiments and as a global businessman. I had involuntarily been chosen to participate in an experiment designed by Dr. Smith. It was planned that I would be transported to an island situated thirty-five kilometers from the south of Adelaide and be left there for one week. According to me, this was utterly atrocious. Without my consent, I was being sent somewhere I was undoubtedly going to be murdered by animals. According to Dr. Smith (used according to twice), my participation would help scientists find out about how wild animals change behaviour in their own environment when a human is introduced. I certainly had not interest in taking part i this experiment.

"You will be provided with a radio to listen to orders from us, a shack used for shelter and equipment to make a fire." explained Dr. Smith.

"I don't want to go! I never wanted to and never will I! I don't want to be a part of your experiment you maniac! Let me out of here!" I roared in anger and frustration. I began walking out of the room and was stomping away when I felt a CRACK in my head. CLANK, I was being hit and my head started to feel numb. My vision was becoming deteriorated and was blacking out. I slowly fell forward with a thud.

Once again, this wasn't a very good piece and I just wasn't feeling it while writing. I'll make sure to write a better one next time  .
Thanks

[GalacticProcess]

Hey guys,
I have written a persuasive essay today. I found that no one had corrected my previous piece (shack, fire and radio) so it would be great if someone also corrected that one. This was probably not a very great piece either but I continue to try and improve. Can you guys please just provide some suggestions on how to think of ideas really quickly as I continue to struggle with that. Some of the sentences in this piece are again weirdly structures so please provide an alternative, although if possible, don't worry about it. The word count continues to get better though so that's a positive. Thanks

Topic: Should money be spent on space exploration?

Billions of dollars a year are spent on space exploration. It is worth it or is it just a waste of money? Space exploration is the discovery and investigation of celestial structures in outer space. It is undoubtedly necessary to spend money on space exploration as it provides jobs for thousands of people around the world and allows for discoveries to be made that benefit humankind.

To begin with, space exploration is a field that provides jobs for many people around the world. With countries as populous as India, China, Russia and the United States of America, space exploration is a major factor in the economy. Rockets and spaceflight instruments require a large number of people to be designed and built. A vast portion of money spent on space exploration is used for salaries to pay these professionals. The community engaged in the space industry includes specialist scientists, engineers, designers and IT programmers and all of these occupations provide jobs for thousands of workers. More jobs in the space exploration field will be a major boost for a nation's recognition and wealth. Therefore, money should definitely be spent on space exploration as it is a major source of jobs.

In addition, as more money is spent on space exploration, more discoveries are made. The discoveries can then be implemented in various other fields of study such as the medical field. An example can be given using NASA, the world's leading space science and technology agency. For example, NASA has invented technologies that were later used in MRI's and even artificial heart pumps. It has been discovered that one of Saturn's moons, Titan, has enough lakes and oceans to provide residence of humans for at least thousands of years. This discovery was only possible by the money spent on space exploration. Recently, India launched the most number of satellites in a single rocket mission and that too at the cheapest cost. These technologies will allow other discoveries to be made on earth using the same technologies. Space exploration has also allowed scientists to predict the amount of time humans will be able to occupy the earth before natural causes force mankind to leave. Hence, space exploration not only allows for discoveries to be made in space but also on earth.

To sum up, money should unequivocally be spent on space exploration. First of all, space exploration provides jobs for occupations such as scientists, engineers and IT professionals. Furthermore, through space exploration (what's an alternative to use instead of space exploration?), discoveries can be made in various other fields such as medicinal purposes.

Thanks.

[patriciarose]

Hey guys,
I have been quite busy over the last few days and haven't been able to post any new essays so I have finally been able to write something. I wrote this really quickly as I am still quite busy. This has probably been one of my worse pieces but it's better than not writing at all.
Topic: Pictures of a radio, a shack and a fire.

As I sat there waiting, I noticed how great the view was. The tall skyscraper overshadowed everything around it. The Memorial Hall looked incredibly minuscule I could barely notice it. It had been almost forty-five minutes ago that I was told to wait for ten minutes. I was becoming quite nervous. The forty-five minutes had stretched on forever. need more variation in sentence structure. i'm quite hypocritical because i unashamedly abuse the oxford comma, but this would benefit from some of that, because it honestly just doesn't flow enough.
 try to vary your sentences a bit more; not necessary in a formulaic way (ie. one short sentence, one long sentence, rinse and repeat), it can be a little haphazard. but if you read this out loud, you (hopefully) will hear how sort of stilted it sounds? like, i did this. then this happened. i felt this. instead, you could maybe link two of the sentences together. for example, It had been almost forty-five minutes ago that I was told to wait for ten minutes, AND I was becoming quite nervous. that breaks up the short sentences around it and helps it flow better. the opposite of this would be making every sentence super long and that is just as bad and i do not recommend it and please do not do that because just like this one it gets very tedious to read. (aka what you've done is not incorrect but creative writing is super subjective and making your writing flow better is probably a good habit to get into.) I was just about to ask once more how much longer I would have to wait when I heard footsteps coming from the hallway. I started to feel butterflies in my stomach as my anticipation grew for what was about to come.

"Good morning Mr. Rhodes." greeted a man dressed in an expensive looking suit and purple tie. grammar: "Good morning, Mr Rhodes," greeted a man dressed in an expensive looking suit and purple tie. and yes, i typed this all out solely so i could comment on the garish tie. i like that detail, it's definitely the kind of thing that would catch your eye enough to warrant an explanation. good job (:

"G-good morning sir. H-how are you?" I stuttered back. I tried to sound as calm and composed as possible but judging from the expression on the man's face, I hadn't made a great impression.

"Ok enough of that. Let's get to business." he quickly got things going. okay, so. "he quickly got things going" is not a substitute for "said" or "growled" or even "commented briskly." therefore, it is nt a part of that dialogue sentence before it. therefore, capitalise the first letter. had it been something like "said" etc, you'd be right, except that the full stop should be a comma because grammar is super weird. I had been invited to a meeting with Dr. Smith, a notable research scientist well-known for his inhumane experiments and as no as. cut the as. a global businessman. I had involuntarily been chosen to participate in an experiment designed by Dr. Smith. ethical? this is kind of super illegal omg. It was planned that I would be transported to an island situated thirty-five kilometers from the south of Adelaide and be left there for one week. According to me, this was utterly atrocious. good word. Without my consent, I was being sent somewhere I was undoubtedly going to be murdered by animals. this is kind of a thing you could probably close with an exclamation mark! i'm sure he's quite worried by the prospect.
 According to Dr. Smith (used according to twice), my participation would help scientists find out about how wild animals change behaviour in their own environment when a human is introduced. you did use according to twice. want synonyms? there aren't any super easy ones but you could shake the sentence up as bit maybe? My participation would help scientists find out how animals change behaviour in their own environment when a human is introduced, Dr Smith claimed. or: My participation, he promised, would etc etc. I certainly had not interest in taking part i this experiment.

"You will be provided with a radio to listen to orders from us, a shack used for shelter and equipment to make a fire." explained Dr. Smith.

"I don't want to go! I never wanted to and never will I! I don't want to be a part of your experiment, you maniac! Let me out of here!" I roared in anger and frustration. I began walking out of the room and was stomping away when I felt a CRACK in my head. unless he's literally had his skull cracked open, you want to say I felt a CRACK on (the back of?) my head. which sounds odd kind of, so you could also say something about feeling a heavy blow connect with his skull or something. idk. either way, it works. CLANK, I was being hit and my head started to feel numb. My vision was becoming deteriorated and Iwas blacking out. I slowly fell forward with a thud. too many short sentences i think. i'd flip the last one, so, Slowly, I fell forward with a thud.
 simple thing but it breaks up the short sentences with no commas.

Once again, this wasn't a very good piece and I just wasn't feeling it while writing. I'll make sure to write a better one next time  . i preferred your other one tbqh but this isn't bad! (: hope this wasn't too harsh btw,
 i liked a lot of it: basically if i didn't mention it, it's good. good luck with your next one (:
Thanks

[GalacticProcess]

Thanks for correcting my piece patriciarose. I am pleased that you like my narrative though while writing it, I could not say the same. I just wanted to ask, is the word count for the piece good enough (402 words) or do I still need to write more? Thanks.

[GalacticProcess]

Hey,
I wrote a narrative piece today. I actually enjoyed writing it and felt confident with the way I wrote it. Tbh, it's probably the better ones I have written so far. It would be great if you guys could correct it. The word count is 407. The word count is currently hovering around 420 so it's slowly increasing. Also, I wrote this in approximately 15 and a half minutes. Thanks
Topic: Car with pickaxes driven into it.

I was driving home from a tireless day at work and frustration built up inside me as I had to stop at every traffic light. It was always on the days when I wanted to quickly get home that the traffic lights would stay red for longer than usual. It was as if they didn't want me to get home. While I was venting out my frustration through my usual screaming, I heard loud screeches and multiple BANGs. The screeches were that of when a car brakes suddenly. I looked through my rear view mirror and the sight horrified me. Multiple cars were driving in my direction at extreme speeds. Not far behind them were disgusting looking bodies wearing torn, white shirts and ripped pants. They had abnormally large heads and ran in an unnatural manner.

For a while I sat there, not realising that the cars and creatures were getting closer by the second. I swiveled my head into its normal position and slammed the accelerator. I was driving very wildly, not knowing where I was going. On the sides of the road, I could see the same unearthly looking animals destroying cars with pickaxes and smashing shop windows. Not far from that were burning houses and destroyed buildings. A man standing next to his car had a perplexed and terrified look on his pale face. He watched in horror as the dreadful creatures brutally murdered civilians right in front of his eyes, before his turn came up.

I tried to put the traumatic sight at the back of my mind and concentrated on driving away as quickly as possible. I myself, has close to no hope of escaping those scenes, but what was better than sitting there and being torn apart? I drove on as a sharp turn caused the wheels of the car to lose grip and the car went sliding to a stop. I quickly exited the vehicle and as I got out, a number of the terrible creatures surrounded me. Their skin looked very green and big, black, pimple-like blemishes covered their faces. They were equipped with unusually long arms with extremely long fingers. They had thick, curly hair that looked as if strong winds had ruffled it. As I took a small step to my right, one of the creatures swiped his pickaxe across my neck, unveiling a large gash. I screamed in pain as I was kicked to the ground.

Thanks for reading.

[zhen]

Hey guys,
I have written a persuasive essay today. I found that no one had corrected my previous piece (shack, fire and radio) so it would be great if someone also corrected that one. This was probably not a very great piece either but I continue to try and improve. Can you guys please just provide some suggestions on how to think of ideas really quickly as I continue to struggle with that. Some of the sentences in this piece are again weirdly structures so please provide an alternative, although if possible, don't worry about it. The word count continues to get better though so that's a positive. Thanks

Topic: Should money be spent on space exploration?

Billions of dollars a year are spent on space exploration. Is it worth it or is it just a waste of money? Space exploration is the discovery and investigation of celestial structures in outer space. It is undoubtedly necessary to spend money on space exploration as it provides jobs for thousands of people around the world and allows for discoveries to be made that benefit humankind. Decent introduction of issue and arguments.

To begin with, space exploration is a field that provides jobs for many people around the world. Decent topic sentence With I feel like with normally goes into the middle of the sentence rather than the start, but that's just my opinion countries as populous as India, China, Russia and the United States of America, space exploration is a major factor in the economy. Rockets and spaceflight instruments require a large number there are heaps of better words for this like plethora/myriad/numerous/several of people to be designed and built. A vast portion of money spent on space exploration is used for salaries to pay these professionals. The community engaged in the space industry includes specialist scientists, engineers, designers and IT programmers and all of these occupations provide jobs for thousands of workers. More jobs in the space exploration field will be a major boost for a nation's recognition and wealth. Therefore, money should definitely be spent on space exploration as it is a major source of jobs.  I feel like this paragraph is definitely an imrpovement from last time.  But, overall I feel like you're kind of really stating the obvious and not supporting your argument and being persuasive, which is the main issue. For most of the paragraph you're just listing the places that are being paid by space exploration, which in my opinion doesn't make for a good persuasive argument. Instead I feel like you need to be providing evidence and exploring your pieces of evidence

In addition, as more money is spent on space exploration, more discoveries are made. The discoveries can then be implemented in various other fields of study such as the medical field. An example can be given using NASA, the world's leading space science and technology agency. The phrasing here is weird For example Repitition, NASA has invented technologies that were later used in MRI's and even artificial heart pumps. It's great that you're providing evidence, which is really the main issue with the previous paragraph which was the lack of evidence, so you couldn't really further your argument. I feel like you should really finish this point off with something like therefore space exploration will greatly assist medical research It has been discovered that one of Saturn's moons, Titan, has enough lakes and oceans to provide residence of humans for at least thousands of years. This discovery was only possible by the money spent on space exploration. Recently, India launched the most number of satellites in a single rocket mission and that too at the cheapest cost. These technologies will allow other discoveries to be made on earth using the same technologies. Space exploration has also allowed scientists to predict the amount of time humans will be able to occupy the earth before natural causes force mankind to leave. Again good use of examples and evidence, but really expand upon what's so great about each of these examples. Alternatively you could cut out some of your worse pieces of evidence and really talk about certain pieces of evidence you provide Hence, space exploration not only allows for discoveries to be made in space but also on earth.

To sum up, money should unequivocally be spent on space exploration. First of all, space exploration provides jobs for occupations such as scientists, engineers and IT professionals. Furthermore, through space exploration (what's an alternative to use instead of space exploration?), discoveries can be made in various other fields such as medicinal purposes.

Thanks.

A couple of things overall that I'd like to see more
-Providing evidence in every body paragraph
-Explaining what these pieces of evidence show and how it really benefits people

I think you've improved from the last piece so good job overall.    Sorry my feedback isn't as indepth as before. It's just that I have heaps of homework and SACs coming up.

[zhen]

Hey,
I wrote a narrative piece today. I actually enjoyed writing it and felt confident with the way I wrote it. Tbh, it's probably the better ones I have written so far. It would be great if you guys could correct it. The word count is 407. The word count is currently hovering around 420 so it's slowly increasing. Also, I wrote this in approximately 15 and a half minutes. Thanks
Topic: Car with pickaxes driven into it.

I was driving home from a tireless day at work and frustration built up inside me as I had to stop at every traffic light. I feel like to step your essay up to the next level, you need to show more and tell less. For example instead of saying that it was a tireless day of work, you could show it by stating that beads of sweat were running down his face/panting heavily. Also you could show his frustration by describing him smashing his arms against the dashboard. This is really difficult to do under these strict time conditions, but if you can pull it off, it'd be great It was always on the days when I wanted to quickly get home that the traffic lights would stay red for longer than usual. It was as if they didn't want me to get home. While I was venting out my frustration through my usual screaming, I heard loud screeches and multiple BANGs. The screeches were that of when a car brakes suddenly. I feel like I heard the screeches of tires as a car veered suddenly to a stop would be better I looked through my rear view mirror and the sight horrified me. Multiple cars were driving in my direction at extreme speeds A simple but better description in my opinion better description could be several cars were rushing towards me, with their engines howling violently . Not far behind them were disgusting looking bodies wearing torn, white shirts and ripped pants. They had abnormally large heads and ran in an unnatural manner. Good description here

For a while I sat there, not realising that the cars and creatures were getting closer by the second. I swiveled my head into its normal position and slammed the accelerator. I was driving very There is no problem with this, but it just sounds weird in my opinion wildly, not knowing where I was going. On the sides of the road, I could see the same unearthly looking animals destroying cars with pickaxes and smashing shop windows. Not far from that were burning houses and destroyed buildings. A man standing next to his car had a perplexed and terrified look on his pale face. He watched in horror as the dreadful creatures brutally murdered civilians right in front of his eyes Great descriptive language used , before his turn came up. I feel like this could be phrased better

I tried to put the traumatic sight at the back of my mind and concentrated on driving away as quickly as possible. I myself This just sounds weird. I would just drop the myself, has This is present tense, whereas the whole thing is in past tense. You need to keep constant with your tenses close to no hope of escaping those scenes, but what was better than sitting there and being torn apart? I drove on as a sharp turn caused the wheels of the car to lose grip and the car went sliding to a stop. I quickly exited I feel like more descriptive language could be used. Something like I sprinted/rushed out of my vehicle would be better in my opinion the vehicle and as I got out, a number of the terrible creatures surrounded me. Their skin looked very green and big, black, pimple-like I don't really like this description. It seems informal, but it's creative so it might not matter blemishes covered their faces. They were equipped with unusually long arms with extremely long fingers. They had thick, curly hair that looked as if strong winds had ruffled it. As I took a small step to my right, one of the creatures swiped his pickaxe across my neck, unveiling a large gash. I screamed in pain as I was kicked to the ground. Great description

Thanks for reading.

Again an amazing creative. I feel like you're really good at writing creatives. It's pretty amazing that you wrote this in fifteen and a half minutes. I'm just wondering if you've addressed the prompt, since I don't think you've mentioned the scene with a pickaxe in a car. It might just be me not paying attention. Anyway awesome job! 

[GalacticProcess]

Again an amazing creative. I feel like you're really good at writing creatives. It's pretty amazing that you wrote this in fifteen and a half minutes. I'm just wondering if you've addressed the prompt, since I don't think you've mentioned the scene with a pickaxe in a car. It might just be me not paying attention. Anyway awesome job! 

Thanks so much zhen for taking the time to correct my pieces. Thanks for the compliments as well. I'm pretty sure I did answer the prompt but it wasn't a big part of the narrative so you may have missed it. Is the word count fine or do I need to write more? Also, would this quality of writing be good enough to get me a good result in the exam for year 11 entry?
Thanks

[zhen]

Thanks so much zhen for taking the time to correct my pieces. Thanks for the compliments as well. I'm pretty sure I did answer the prompt but it wasn't a big part of the narrative so you may have missed it. Is the word count fine or do I need to write more? Also, would this quality of writing be good enough to get me a good result in the exam for year 11 entry?
Thanks

I don't think you need to write more. I think 400 words is fine for 15 minutes. I don't know the quality needed for a good result, since I haven't sat the suzanne cory entrance exam for year 11 entrance, but I feel that your creative writing is really good for something with that time condition and just needs a few touch ups to really nail the entrance exam. On the other hand, I feel like your persuasive writing still needs quite a bit of work, but it's slowly getting better.

[GalacticProcess]

I don't think you need to write more. I think 400 words is fine for 15 minutes. I don't know the quality needed for a good result, since I haven't sat the suzanne cory entrance exam for year 11 entrance, but I feel that your creative writing is really good for something with that time condition and just needs a few touch ups to really nail the entrance exam. On the other hand, I feel like your persuasive writing still needs quite a bit of work, but it's slowly getting better.

Ok thanks,
I might write a persuasive now so I'll see you later and if you have time maybe today or tomorrow, feel free to have a read. Slowly trying to improve everyday heh.
Cheers

[GalacticProcess]

Hey zhen,
I just wanted to ask is it possible to write a persuasive piece with 2 main arguments but have them opposing each other? For example, for space exploration, is it possible that I write about the positive impact it has on other fields of study AND in the second argument write about how the money should be sent to get rid of poverty instead or something?
Thanks