English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)

[Wales]

It's just occurred to me how annoying going over the time limit is... Now that I look back on it my original 2 paragraphs was around 800 words. The one you marked for me a week or so back. Now my entire speech is down to 700. It was a pain though, I've had to reduce a lot of sophisticated language where it was unnecessary out Even still I'm 20 seconds overtime...

Funny thing though, I was 1000 characters over my friend who's essay was 100 words larger then mine haha.

Anyway, Thanks for all the help for the past weeks I'll be lurking around here still and pop back when my next exams etc are occurring or if I have an essay I need help with

Regards, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

It's just occurred to me how annoying going over the time limit is... Now that I look back on it my original 2 paragraphs was around 800 words. The one you marked for me a week or so back. Now my entire speech is down to 700. It was a pain though, I've had to reduce a lot of sophisticated language where it was unnecessary out Even still I'm 20 seconds overtime...

Funny thing though, I was 1000 characters over my friend who's essay was 100 words larger then mine haha.

Anyway, Thanks for all the help for the past weeks I'll be lurking around here still and pop back when my next exams etc are occurring or if I have an essay I need help with

Regards, Wales

It takes just as long to write an assignment as it does to then edit it to get it below the time/word limit

No worries at all! feel free to ask a question any time!

[anotherworld2b]

Hi
I was hoping to get my practice response to this question marked.

Spoiler

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi
I was hoping to get my practice response to this question marked.

Sure thing! It's attached below:

Response

Q1. Explain how the writer of Text 1 provides a voice for mothers parenting teenage girls.

‘Text 1’ by Rachel Cusk utilizes a range of textual conventions to convey how mothers of teenage girls have no voice; evident in the disdainful mistreatment by the character’s own child. Be careful - This doesn't quite match the question. You need to explain how the voice is provided - Saying they have no voice isn't quite doing what the question asks. Cusk’s ‘Text 1’ utilizes the first person plural ‘I’ and ‘My’ throughout the article to accentuate the personal tone and emotive appeal of sympathy to the reader. Good! But what does this sympathy do? Try to link it to voice! The mother is ostracised by her daughter’s friends, ‘They are silent; they look shiftily to the side. As though I am invisible’, and clearly treated a nuisance. Retell. This incident contrasts with how mothers ‘maintain control’ in teaching children when they are young. Retell - You are describing aspects of the text. Cusk’s use of contrasts illustrates how the powerful persona ‘I am mother you are children’ diminishes while her child’s progressive disrespect  simultaneously increases. The teenage girls dialogue of conversation emphasises the blunt and condescending tone evident in the negative repetitive connotation of ‘she’ with ‘a lot of contempt’ about ‘their mothers’ as though they are irritant nuisances. The use of quotes in those last two sentences seems a bit off - In this sentence, try not to pick so many little snippets of the quote. It ruins the integrity of it - You need to take one big longer section. The teenage girls degrade their mothers ‘I just text her and she comes all the way across town with it. She’s so like - pathetic’ portraying disrespect shown towards the things mothers do for their children. Technique? Don't let the quote do the work for you. This is reinforced in how the mother assumes her role as a ‘servant’ who is assigned to ‘‘tidy up’ the ‘scene of devastation’ left behind by the teenagers. Technique? The vivid imagery crafted by descriptive language ‘The kitchen is strewn with dirty plates and half-eaten food and empty wrappers; a swamp of wet towels’ accentuates the extent mothers are exploited by their children. Excellent! How does this create a voice? Hence, textual conventions emphasise how mothers no voice and are disrespected by the very teenagers they raised with love.

Good work! I think you've got some great analysis in here! That said, I don't think you are answering the question super effectively. The word 'voice' isn't mentioned beyond the first and last sentences - This demonstrates that you've not really been answering the question directly. The analysis and the question aren't brought together nicely. Also be careful of textual retell - There are parts of that response where you are just restating plot elements/describing characters without techniques and/or without linking to the idea of 'voice.'

[anotherworld2b]

Thank you for your feedback jamon I really appreciate it. I will be back after I edit it 

Sure thing! It's attached below:

Response

Q1. Explain how the writer of Text 1 provides a voice for mothers parenting teenage girls.

‘Text 1’ by Rachel Cusk utilizes a range of textual conventions to convey how mothers of teenage girls have no voice; evident in the disdainful mistreatment by the character’s own child. Be careful - This doesn't quite match the question. You need to explain how the voice is provided - Saying they have no voice isn't quite doing what the question asks. Cusk’s ‘Text 1’ utilizes the first person plural ‘I’ and ‘My’ throughout the article to accentuate the personal tone and emotive appeal of sympathy to the reader. Good! But what does this sympathy do? Try to link it to voice! The mother is ostracised by her daughter’s friends, ‘They are silent; they look shiftily to the side. As though I am invisible’, and clearly treated a nuisance. Retell. This incident contrasts with how mothers ‘maintain control’ in teaching children when they are young. Retell - You are describing aspects of the text. Cusk’s use of contrasts illustrates how the powerful persona ‘I am mother you are children’ diminishes while her child’s progressive disrespect  simultaneously increases. The teenage girls dialogue of conversation emphasises the blunt and condescending tone evident in the negative repetitive connotation of ‘she’ with ‘a lot of contempt’ about ‘their mothers’ as though they are irritant nuisances. The use of quotes in those last two sentences seems a bit off - In this sentence, try not to pick so many little snippets of the quote. It ruins the integrity of it - You need to take one big longer section. The teenage girls degrade their mothers ‘I just text her and she comes all the way across town with it. She’s so like - pathetic’ portraying disrespect shown towards the things mothers do for their children. Technique? Don't let the quote do the work for you. This is reinforced in how the mother assumes her role as a ‘servant’ who is assigned to ‘‘tidy up’ the ‘scene of devastation’ left behind by the teenagers. Technique? The vivid imagery crafted by descriptive language ‘The kitchen is strewn with dirty plates and half-eaten food and empty wrappers; a swamp of wet towels’ accentuates the extent mothers are exploited by their children. Excellent! How does this create a voice? Hence, textual conventions emphasise how mothers no voice and are disrespected by the very teenagers they raised with love.

Good work! I think you've got some great analysis in here! That said, I don't think you are answering the question super effectively. The word 'voice' isn't mentioned beyond the first and last sentences - This demonstrates that you've not really been answering the question directly. The analysis and the question aren't brought together nicely. Also be careful of textual retell - There are parts of that response where you are just restating plot elements/describing characters without techniques and/or without linking to the idea of 'voice.'

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you for your feedback jamon I really appreciate it. I will be back after I edit it 

Not a problem at all!! Happy to help, looking forward to it

[anotherworld2b]

Not a problem at all!! Happy to help, looking forward to it

I have edited my response hopefully I am addressing the question properly this time

[jamonwindeyer]

I have edited my response hopefully I am addressing the question properly this time

Let's take a look!

Response

Q1. Explain how the writer of Text 1 provides a voice for mothers parenting teenage girls.

In ‘Text 1’ by Rachel Cusk, the author uses diction, tone and first person narration to provide a voice for a mother who struggles to parent her teenage daughter. This first sentence is loads better - Already, you have addressed the question far more effectively than you did in the previous response. Cusk’s use of colloquial and plain diction in ‘Quickly they forget I am there,... as though I am invisible’ constructs the mother’s tone of defeat and helplessness to the disrespect she endures from her daughter and her friends. The impact of crafting a tone of defeat and helplessness along with the use of the first person plural ‘I’ and ‘My’ allows Cusk to accentuate the personal tone and emotive appeal of sympathy by focusing on the disrespect and mistreatment endured by the mother. Great analysis - Try to talk a bit about the effect on the audience here too, ultimately this voice that is being constructed is talking TOO someone! In addition, the use of vivid imagery crafted by descriptive language ‘The kitchen is strewn with dirty plates and half-eaten food and empty wrappers; a swamp of wet towels’ accentuates sympathy towards the extent mothers are exploited by their children. This enables Cusk to further enhances the mother’s voice ‘Text 1’ as one of defeat and helplessness by how the mother is assigned the role of a ‘servant’ who is assigned to ‘‘tidy up’ the ‘scene of devastation’ left behind by the teenagers. Nice integration of the text into your ideas here. Hence, Rachel Cusk’s effectively uses a range of textual conventions to craft the helpless and defeated voice of a mother mistreated in her own home by her own daughter and her friends. Awesome!

Yep, this is loads better, well done! I'd say from here that you should work on addressing the audience just a little bit more, talking about the creation of a voice for the audience. But you've done really well here, great work!

[Aaron12038488]

Just wondering, in future, if I post an essay and you mark my essay and give feedback. Will my school teachers be able to count this is as plagiarism. I know its badly worded, but if you know what I mean please let me know.

[anotherworld2b]

thank you for you feedback jamon

[jamonwindeyer]

Just wondering, in future, if I post an essay and you mark my essay and give feedback. Will my school teachers be able to count this is as plagiarism. I know its badly worded, but if you know what I mean please let me know.

I do! Plagiarism is defined as you using the work of another as your own without reference. This is not that - It is having someone give you some broad feedback on how your work can be improved. We'll never actually write your essay for you

We marked essays in NSW all of last year, with no plagiarism issues

[jamonwindeyer]

Thank you for your feedback
I was also wondering would the length of my response be okay? It is worth 10 marks
I was also wondering for the audience aspect would you pinpoint the effect of voice on a certain group such as adults?
'Ultimately the voice that is created motivates the audience(mothers?) to feel appalled towards the behaviour of the teenage daughter by engaging with the audience(other mothers?) on a personal level.'

I'm not sure how marks line up for WACE - A 10 mark response in the HSC I'd expect to see multiple pages. Best to ask your teacher on that one

You can definitely explore the effect of the voice on specific audiences - It isn't mandatory, but it does work really well when you did it

[Rathin]

I do! Plagiarism is defined as you using the work of another as your own without reference. This is not that - It is having someone give you some broad feedback on how your work can be improved. We'll never actually write your essay for you

We marked essays in NSW all of last year, with no plagiarism issues

What happens if you post your Essay here and you school finds it on this website..assuming its an assessment task. How would you reason for this essay being your own work if your username is not the same as your real name?

[jamonwindeyer]

What happens if you post your Essay here and you school finds it on this website..assuming its an assessment task. How would you reason for this essay being your own work if your username is not the same as your real name?

Although not publicly visible, we also store your real name, and you may be using your school email address. Either way (assuming you aren't providing fake details on sign up), there is proof that it is you who posted the essay, and that could be presented if something were to come up

[anotherworld2b]

Thank you for your feedback I've tried to write another practise response. Could I please get feedback on it as well?