Aw not a problem! Hahaha, my weekends are spent strictly like this: 5 hours in the library, 5 hours at work. I think working forces me to manage my time better, because I literally cannot afford to procrastinate. And I love the people I work with - being surrounded by non-HSC stressing people is its own special thing, idk HAHAHA.
And dude, don't worry. I'm literally the same - I'm so emotionally attached to my marks that I think it's actually unhealthy HAHHAHAHA. My teachers have pointed this out several times too, but I can't help it. I remember one time in year 9 (yes fucking year 9, when no one should have been obsessed with their marks), I got 68 in my maths test and I was balling my eyes out when I walked home that day because my friend beat me by 4 marks. I think it's because my 2 best friends are very academically inclined too, and we never admit it, but we all know deep down that we're quietly competing with eachother. I don't think competition is ideal, but I think this is beneficial in the sense that it pushes us all to study as much as each other. In the end, we all have the same goals academically so it's really nice to have people in real life to express my tribulations to (in regard to study) that no one else could possibly care/understand. So essentially, surround yourself with people who are likeminded if you don't have that already - whether it's a study group or what not. It works wonders. Also, maintain strong relationships with your teachers!! I feel this is often undermined, but it is so, so crucial in my opinion. I've had a fair share of cries to my English teacher (about personal issues beyond academic frustrations), and I've found that having the insight of a trusted adult is so rejuvenating, as opposed to just your peers. Honestly. My legal studies teacher is also my mentor, and I feel comfortable enough to just hit her up with any questions or rants I may have and she is ALWAYS so good with advice. This is imperative imo.
I'm so worried about my half-yearlies because I have a feeling I'm going to fail one of them (failing in my books is <80) due to lack of prep. I know for a fact that it will kill me mentally if it comes to fruition, but I'm trying to look past that possibility and focus on what I CAN do in the moment. It's easier said than done though, but you just have to make a start. I literally had a mental breakdown yesterday because I got so overwhelmed looking at the sheer amount of study that I was beset with for economics, and my motivation levels were subdued for the rest of the day. I spent it fully in irrational thought a contemplating dropping out of school, how life would be so much better if that happened etc. I ended up just skimming through news articles online for legal for the rest of the day, nothing else. But today, I spent 5 hours straight in the library writing out essays for potential legal questions USING evidence I'd acquired from those perusals.
I think for legal, it's absolutely imperative that you're on top of your cases and stuff like that. Check the news for contemporary reports everyday, I've liked a paraphernalia of reputable news sources on Facebook, aswell as enabling notifications for them on my phone. My sources mainly emanate from scholars, which I find have the best rounded information, such as The Conversation, UNSW Law Journals etc. For news, I find The Guardian, Reuters, SMH, The Australian and ABC are the way to go. Our teacher never gives us the question for the essay, so I never regurgitate anything EVER. What I do, is know my shit inside out and formulate sophisticated arguments before the exam - for all of the possible and probables. I ensure I know all of the relevant evidence behind everything that can be assessed; all the amendments to contemporary issues, media responses, Law Commission reports, statistics etc. I write several practice responses sporadically when I'm studying and send them to my teacher. I've written 4 in preparation for my upcoming legal exam this Tuesday, which I think is a good amount. I make sure the issues I centralise my paragraph overlap a variety of syllabus dot points - that way I'm maximising my efficiency by cutting down study time, with a little bit of tweaking of course. I never memorise essays however, because it's far too risky when there are so many possibilities. But I find that, because I've written so many practise responses, they come to my mind naturally anyway. Always have fallback cases for when in doubt. I have gotten 25/25 on every single legal essay I've done with this method, except for one which I got 23/25 in. And I prefer to write on issues that I'm passionate about (that is pertinent to the syllabus in some way of course), because it fuels my writing power lol. I'm 99% sure the reason behind my success in legal is because I love the subject. So, IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE SUBJECT. It is so interesting if you voluntarily expend efforts into it. I literally just waste hours reading law journals because I genuinely am fascinated by them.
Not sure how this turned out to be so long, but I hope it helped in some way!! I really understand how you feel, and it sucks for sure. I have spent days just contemplating the meaning of my existence over bad marks in the past, truly. I hope it gets better for you!! When are your exams?
Hey Lumenoria,
Honestly I need so much guidance from you in terms of Legal. It is currently my worst subject and honestly your marks are goals, I wish I got your advice at the start of the year before my legal tasks. Initially, I wanted to do law at university, but seeing as how bad I am compared to the rest of the class (literally the lowest in the class), I feel like I should give up on that, because I don't want to have to slog 6 years of my life in competition with others. I have already been doing that 6 years in my high school lol.
Speaking of marks, I am glad I have someone to relate to. Marks have had such a negative impact on my self worth. I have so many cases of me having a melt down because of my grades in the recent exam. No matter how much or how hard I study, my marks are never as high as the grades of the kids around me. Except for English, I have never gotten a mark that was considered outstanding or particularly exceptional. For example in Year 10 maths, I would get around 80+ marks, whereas everyone around me would get 90+ marks. When I look back, I think "Man, my study methods were really inefficient. I shouldn't have wasted my time in just doing all the textbook questions, I should have practiced past papers instead." And this was a common occurrence. In years 7-8, I was around the top of my cohort. But then in the following years 9, 10 and 11, I found my grades dropping. I was no longer at the top anymore. In fact, my grades were around middle of the cohort and slightly below average (by like one or two percent). No matter how hard I studied, my grades wouldn't go up. In year 10, my ranks were really low, so low that in year 11, I wasn't selected for being a school prefect because my grades were around average. That felt really disheartening because I had worked so hard and put so much pressure in order to achieve. In year 11, it was the same thing. I tried super hard and put so much pressure on myself to get the best marks, even more pressure than before. I ended up burning out till the end of the year, where I aced some exams and flunked some. My self confidence was at an ultimate low.
This year at least, my aim was not to put so much pressure on myself, relax and stay balanced. That did help considerably. I wasn't as panicked as before. But now, as you saw in my previous entry, that my marks are yet again below average, despite me trying so hard. My marks have put such a negative impact on me, that I find myself considering dropping out of my school and running away to a distant land. So far, I haven't done that yet. I am trying to reaffirm this notion that marks are not a reflection of my self worth, and that just because my marks were not as good as everyone elses, doesn't make me any less of a person. It is hard thinking this way, because of all the years of brainwashing myself to think I wasn't good enough because of my less than superior grades. Back in earlier years, I thought I was pretty intelligent. Now at a competitive school, I feel less than everyone else, because everyone is super smart, well rounded and accomplished, and I'm not.
I'm trying to overcome this day after day. Maybe one day it will get easier. As for half yearlies, I am freaking out. I am in a mad rush trying to memorise everything, and I honestly feel like I am going to fail ALL of them. And my idea of fail is below 85%.
My exams start next week tuesday and finish the week after onWednesday.
Today, I literally just started doing a maths past paper (which I flunked, just over 50%, so need to revise a lot because I had forgotten a lot of the concepts). I was sick for the past two days, so I couldn't do as much revision. In terms of legal and eco, I am honestly so screwed because I am trying to memorise as much as possible, but I feel like nothing is going into my head. I am literally panicking in my head. I just wish I can freeze time for like a year so I can prep for these exams and be confident. I am so scared AHHHHHH. I feel like I am the only person who is legit screwed. Teach me how to be as beast as you in legal Lumenoria! The exam is two essays (one family, one crime) and you have to know the entire damn syllabus. How do I prep for everything and ace it! Its out of 70 (30 multiple choice, 25 family law essay and 15 mark crime essay). I need to get above 90 so I have some chance in getting a band 6 (looking impossible so far). HELP!