Hey AN. I'm back with another update.
Remember how I was talking about PDT in my last update? Oh boy here she is again for this whole journal update. Before we begin though, today's song of this journal update goes to this song. This has been my go-to song to blast for the past 2 years whenever I do any work for PDT and means quite a lot to me surprisingly. I was going to leave this particular song for the very last update of this journal but it is here now. If my whole VCE journey could be turned into one song it would be this one here:
VIDEO
(Make sure you turn on the subtitles and auto-translate it to English🤣)
I don't really know where to begin this update so let's just start with the exam which was yesterday.
I walked into school just like an ordinary morning, but with the exception of a good old hash brown from Maccas in my hand. My PDT class is quite small so we pretty much chilled and had a mini "picnic" in front of the stairwell we would have to go up for the exam later on. Everything was fine and 10 minutes before reading time began, we walked up those stairs to Level 3, the exam floor. I felt very prepared for this exam, but I had a feeling that something didn't feel right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was definitely out of place with the exam booklet that was lying there in front of me. I brushed it off and put those thoughts to the back of my mind to worry about it later.
Then, reading time began. I opened the exam booklet and was had a look at the first few questions in Section A. I looked at the second question in that section and so many alarm bells were ringing in my head. I could see so many traps with that question and I was shocked to see something of that "difficulty" at the start of the exam. I kept going, intrigued to see what else would be on the paper. The next few questions following for section A had its easy components but some good trap questions that could easily throw someone off. It wasn't until I reached the middle of the exam booklet where the supervisor instructed us to rip out the detachable design brief. Just when I was about to rip it out, I had a feeling something bad was about to happen. That feeling I had at the start before the exam came back and washed over me. I knew while firmly holding onto that design brief that there would be something in it I wouldn't want to see.
And then I opened it, releasing a beast I didn't know existed out of its cage.
Section B, worth 50% of the exam.
This was the curveball of VCE PDT this year.
For the very first time in all of VCE PDT history, they didn't want us to design an outfit.
They wanted us to make a tactile play mat that transforms into a bag.
That was the moment my heart sank.
"I must be hallucinating" I muttered to myself. But no matter how much I reread that piece over and over again, those words on the paper didn't change. The panic mode started to kick in and in that time span, I could feel my mind becoming clouded.
Writing time commenced and that is when I bolted through Section A as quickly as possible, knowing that this new foreign design task for Section B would throw me off guard. I usually can get the PDT practise exams done with 30 minutes to spare, but man, this exam I finished literally 5 minutes left before writing time ended. Section A was great, but Section B was a nightmare. All those precious marks that you need to save in PDT were easily lost to my Section B design response.
Everything that I worked for slipped right through my fingers. All those blood (literally), sweat and tears wasted.
I walk out of that exam room feeling numb. I don't even think I got to the stairwell before I burst into tears. And here I was, standing at the top of the level 3 stairs, alone and crying my eyes out.
One of the only subjects that I care about deeply this year I stuffed up.
I had one job, just to get a measly little subject that scales down a ton right and yet I screwed it up. I will not lie, I feel crushed and worthless. I guess I really haven't learnt anything after all. It was merely just a repeat of my 3/4 from last year. There goes my late nights of creating pages for my folio and SACs that I worked myself to death for.
Honestly, I cannot remember how long my crying session went on today, but the feeling of defeat is today's headline in the Ashmi world.
What does this mean now? It looks like Physics is going to have to singlehandedly carry me into my dream course. I can already feel the pressure accumulating and the Physics exam is still a few days away. So many questions and the feeling of doubt is flooding me. "What happens if I stuff up?" "What happens if the exam is too easy?" "What if I get in there and there is something I cannot answer?"
If there is one thing I'm hoping for this Tuesday, it is for the Physics exam to be hard. Bloody hard. You are my only hope right now and if I look at the exam during reading time and see that it is easy, I will cry in defeat once again.
Sorry everyone, I'll probably just ghost around the forums for a bit and might stay off AN cause I'm not feeling good after that exam. Anyway, that is today's update and probably the last one for a bit. See you around! ❤️