hey, my PIP is about the stresses caused by HSC stress fir the generation of y and z and this is my introduction and just wanting some advice on what i would need to fix and add if necessary...
Heya! So sorry for the late reply! You can find my comments in bold in the spoiler below
Spoiler
As Year 12 students around New South Wales prepare to sit their HSC exams, stress factors of social, emotional and psychological changes may affect the well being of young adults (Just HSC exams or the lead up to the HSC as well? Also the use of the word ‘may’- seems you feel a bit unsure evident by the use of a low modality word. What is your argument here? Does it affect the wellbeing of young adults or not at all? But besides from that good intro for your chosen topic). The Personal Interest Project I have chosen to research (I think you’re missing the word ‘topic’ after Personal Interest Project. You cannot research a personal interest project) about is the topic of students and the way in which they interrelate their feelings in an emotional, social and psychological manner . Young adults are constantly experiencing change within their personal and social life, which contributes to the many factors that may affect a student who is undergoing the requirements of achieving a higher school certificate (I feel that the last two sentences can be put into one) The topic chosen examines the experiences of past students who have undergone the HSC. This topic was chosen, as I will be undergoing the emotional, social and psychological changes (I’m confused, will this PIP examine experiences of past students or your experiences now? Unless you’re planning on contrasting them) that will affect my capability to achieve a Higher School Certificate mark to the best of my ability. (So I understand the reason for your topic but I feel that there could be something ~deeper~. What is it with the HSC that affects a young adult’s personal and social life and change? Why do we even have this system in the first place? Is the government to blame? Is the HSC necessary? What does this say about our society? Also- I would suggest having another [personal] reason why you chose this topic. I’ve seen topic chosen so many times before with the same exact reason. Having a personal voice from you will make your reason and aim for your PIP unique. What sets you apart from the many students undertaking their HSC this year?)
The main hypothesis that I am setting out to prove is if the HSC stress affects a student in many factors including psychological, emotionally and socially. Throughout the course, I will gain an understanding of the stresses they faced and similarly if it the stress was worth it by receiving their highest outcome in ATAR marks (If you were to examine past students- that’s fine. Though if you were examining current students, you really can’t mention ATARs seeing that they are released in December and the PIP is due in the next two months. Do you plan on studying past students or current students?)
Methods taken to examine the previous experiences throughout the past HSC students include: conducting a survey, questionnaire and interview in order to understand the affects that the HSC had on them. The advantages that the research methodologies I have conducted within my course, help correlate and gain a wider variety of understanding of the stress caused by the HSC. This is shown by the advantages I have gained from the variety of answers and statistics I have extended from people I don’t know as well as the ones I know personally. Surveys, questionaries and interviews are best suited towards my research topic, as it will help outspread the understanding of stress throughout the HSC, and how it affected students as well as teachers and family members through this period of time in a person’s life. (Statement of primary research methodologies can be shorten if possible- though where is the mention of your secondary research? This is as equally important as your primary research)
By attaining information of past year 12 students and their experience with the Higher School Certificate, I am more accurately able to understand the stress caused (Good). The PIP will address the cross-cultural component of gaining an understanding between the differences each cultural (do you mean culture?) might experience going through the HSC. Some cultures can be more understanding then others in a time of someone’s life. I am more accurately able to understand this issue and its integration into the cross-cultural framework (be more specific on which cultures you want to research for your cross cultural component). I believe the topic of “HSC stress” for my personal interest project contributes to a better understanding of Society and Culture (Society & Culture- like the subject itself OR society and culture in general?), as it is a widespread issue, which affects all year 12 students on different levels in their academic excellence.
Throughout my Personal Interest Project journey I would like to have accomplished knowledge about what the stress caused by the exams would be, side effects and if it is really worth all the worrying and stressing in the end (sentence could be a bit more formal). During this project I also hope to achieve investigating skills that assist me in the near future to be able to put together the statistics and information I gain from my surveys and interviews and correlate into my social and cultural literacy effectiveness.
General comments:
- Sentences could be a bit more concise. There are some parts where you are repeating yourself.
- You've mentioned that you wanted to do generation Y and Z in your post here on the forum but you did not mention that at all in your introduction. You only mentioned past students but never specified which past students.
- I feel that you could go much much deeper and more personal with your PIP because it does seem a bit generic. You just need to add your own personal twist to it- after it is called a personal interest project. What makes your HSC journey stand out from the rest? And did that influence you to do this topic in particular for your PIP.
- Would it be possible to add an aim somewhere in your introduction?
There were some parts missing from your introduction as well;
- outline of your chapters: what do you plan on doing for each of them?
- statement of secondary research methods: this is as crucial as your primary research methods
- statement of abiding by ethical research practice
- course concepts: what fundamental and additional concepts do you plan on referencing? This could be literally a sentence.
- reference to continuity and change: I could see how to can relate back to Gen Y and Z but this wasn't specifically mentioned in your introduction! Time is such a crucial concept to the PIP
Here's a small guide on how to write your
PIP introduction if you want to go and give it a read.
Good luck with the rest of your PIP
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