“Experiencing beyond our horizons allows us to achieve greater understandings and form renewed perceptions of ourselves and others.” To what degree do your texts support this statement?Venturing beyond our own horizons, as well as experiencing the worlds of others, will often lead to experiences of self-realization and prompt change within ourselves and those we meet.
Great Thesis - I'd like to see you elaborate on it a bit more though. What sorts of things change, perhaps? Just to go a bit beyond just restating the question itself. Michael Gow’s play Away and Stephen Chbosky’s film The Perks of Being a Wallflower, both demonstrate that it is through the prodigious and inquisitive nature of youth that discoveries are made or precipitated.
Excellent introduction to the texts. However, whilst Gow argues the necessity of understanding or undergoing loss and recovery in order to renew ourselves, Chbosky suggests that merely confronting loss, if not overcoming it, is vital to discovery. Together, these texts demonstrate that it is delving outside our comfort zones that allow a discovery to instigate greater understandings and renewed perceptions of ourselves and others.
Not much I can suggest here at all - This is a great introduction!! You may wish to briefly mention your paragraph topics to give the reader some knowledge of what is to come.The potent enthusiasm of youth and its ability to trigger change and reformation is a pervading aspect of Gow’s Away.
Great! The youth are progressive and creative and, ironically, serve as role models for the adults, exemplified through the characters of Meg and her mother. Gow’s use of juxtaposition in, “It was the girl’s idea completely… my wife, gave up… But the girl kept on at me,” highlights the contrasting ideals of Meg’s youthful vitality - which inspires change and determination - against Gwen’s resigned adult sobriety - which dissuades any opportunity for discoveries to be made.
Fantastic analysis - Try to link it to the audience just a little bit more though! Right now it's sitting a little too text focused. In “Mum just wanted to get back to the Pinocleen and Rinso,” Gow uses the cleaning products as symbols of the bleak sterility of the life Gwen has grown accustomed to; demonstrating to the audience the incompatibility of the sombre adult mentality and the process of discovery unless in the presence of catalysts such as Meg.
Excellent - If you are looking to trim words, you don't strictly need to tie the technique to the Gwen character. You can do the analysis without linking to the plot. That said, this is a fantastic start to this paragraph!Tom, through his awareness of his mortality, is able to live with presence and empathize with people for who they are.
This is a little bit retell-esque; try not to describe characters/plot elements by themselves, it doesn't do anything for you! When discussing Coral, Gow uses the dialogue between Meg and Tom – “is she crazy?” “She has been, she’s better now” - to highlight that it is Tom’s youthful open-mindedness that allows him to connect with Coral and become “great friends” where Roy’s dated approach failed.
What does this show the audience? The greatest curative impact occurs within his allegorical play-within-a-play as he uses the line “You must no longer dwell with the whales… Go back to the land,” as a didacticism directed towards his parents and Coral - and doubtless the responder too - declaring that they must move on and return to reality after the undoubtedly painful discovery of death.
I would, just ditch the bit about the parents and Coral, and just say the responder. That should always be your focus anyway! In forcing the adults outside their rigid horizons, the children demonstrate the insularity of Gwen’s lifeless adult mentality, but also their ability to engender discoveries in Coral who finally understands that she must continue to live despite the death of her son.
This second half of the paragraph is a little too text focused. If you read through, you'll see you are relying just a bit more on the text, and its borderline retell at times. Try to abstract right out of the text - Pull right back until you are saying just, "This technique shows THIS to the audience." No plot details/characters necessary 
Similarly, Chbosky’s coming-of-age film Perks follows the remarkable yet troubled youth, Charlie, as he explores the intrigues of social connection whilst still trying to discover himself.
Try to explore the concept a bit more than just the plot of the film; again, avoid being too text focused. As he enters high school, Charlie is a loner who suffers from PTSD following the death of his much-loved Aunt Helen.
That's retell. He eventually falls in with colourful step-siblings Patrick and Samantha and joins their circle of friends, discovering a sense of place, evidenced by the internal monologue “My favourite time, though, is lunch because I get to see Sam and Patrick.”
Good start to introducing the concept - But still too text focused. The high-key lighting in the cafeteria combined with the enthusiastic body language as the friends argue cuts to a close-up of Charlie’s smiling face indicating that, in a manner similar to Coral, the unexpected rediscovery of human connection has allowed him to overcome his social anxiety, an issue many responders can relate to.
Better again - Now you are tying in the audience! This is great. Still a tad too character focused - See below for an example of how I'd write this.Charlie not only experiences his own self-discoveries, but enables those of others as well. After a disappointing result in her SAT, Charlie offers to tutor Sam to success.
Retell. Through this, Sam – whose self-esteem has suffered due to poor marks and failed relationships – is provided a renewed sense of self- belief, which she attributes to Charlie, admitting she feels she now has “a chance.”
Retell. Chbosky uses soft lighting and facial expressions as Sam tears up at Charlies heartfelt “It’s true. You can do it,” in order to convey that, through his youthful earnestness, Charlie catalyses Sam’s realisation of her self-worth. Thus, it is evident that in Charlie’s venturing beyond his horizons he forms renewed perceptions of himself and helps others do the same.
Definitely more audience recognition required here, quite a significant chunk of this is textual retell. This is where you should focus on trimming your word count!In Away, Gow demonstrates the necessity of undergoing and accepting loss in order to make realisations about ourselves and renew our understanding of others.
Excellent first sentence. When “The fairies return and stage a spectacular storm,” Gow alludes to a similar metatheatrical storm in Shakespeare’s King Lear in order to emphasise that stripping away Gwen’s worldly possessions is necessary in opening her to discoveries. Whilst walking with Vic in the next Act, Gow uses emotional imagery in the stage directions “The women come back. They have been crying and are supporting each other,” to indicate that in Gwen’s raw state, having lost the occluding layers of material trappings in the storm, she is receptive to Vic’s suffering - her loss of home, hope and child - and is hence able to find herself.
Excellent analysis - A bit more audience recognition would elevate it further!Roy makes similar realisations after losing his wife, Coral. Through the contrast of his threatening tone in “I’ll lock you up if that’s what it takes,” and the atmosphere of helplessness as he begs Coral to “Please, please stop doing it to me,” Gow allows the audience to empathise with Roy’s frustration at the transformative impact of their son’s death on Coral.
Excellent - What understanding/conceptual meaning is garnered through this empathy? What is the composer trying to teach the audience? It is only when she leaves that Roy again remembers the experience of loss and, thus, discovers empathy and the ability to connect with Coral.
Retell. As the play comes to a close, the two are reunited and “Roy… kisses the shells and her hands.”
Retell. The omission of dialogue signifies that the couple’s newfound understanding of each other as they rediscover their lost love. Gow uses Gwen’s transformation and Roy’s dynamic characterisation throughout the play as vehicles to convey the concept that experiencing loss, or exploring the loss of another, is essential to self-realisation and greater awareness of others.
This analysis is not as powerful as what you did in your first paragraph - See if you can compare the two and see the difference!Likewise, by coming to terms with his loss and making new discoveries, Charlie is able to transform his outlook on life. When Charlie causes a schism in the group and loses their support, his PTSD resurfaces, indicating that his earlier discovery of love and friendship had only palliated his struggle.
Retell. As he attends Church, he has abrupt flashbacks of the scars on Helen’s wrists.
Retell. Chbosky juxtaposes the hallowed ideals of Easter Mass and the grievous sin of self-harm to underline Charlie’s own internal division resulting from his fear of exploring his past.
What does this show the audience? Chbosky enters Charlie’s point of view to allow the audience to empathise with his anguish as amongst his repressed memories Charlie discovers his Aunt Helen molested him. He suffers from a breakdown and the flashbacks worsen; Chbosky uses rapid cross-cutting between Charlie’s crying face and his memories of the suffering he’s witnessed to emphasise to the responder that the repression of his most harrowing discoveries only exacerbated his existing loss.
Better - What you need to start doing is generalising your conceptual statements. We don't want to learn things about the characters, we want to learn things about DISCOVERY as a whole. As it is, you are focusing more on how we gain insight into the characters. The disjointed, fast-paced structure creates a disconcerting and unstable experience for the viewers; mimicking Charlies own confusion and distress. This allows the audience to engage with the character’s experiences on a deeper level, and prompts them to consider or potentially rediscover and confront their own hidden and repressed memories.
Fantastic - Excellent audience consideration. Hence, forced beyond his comfort zone by the loss of support, Charlie makes an unwelcome yet necessary finding; and in a cathartic expulsion of pain he comes to the understanding that “we can’t choose where we come from, but we can choose where we go from there.”
Ensure that you have a proper conclusion for your paragraphs - This still feels a little open to me.Hence, exiting or being forced outside of our comfort zones and experiencing beyond what we know allows us to re-evaluate our understanding of ourselves and our impact on others.
Excellent. Gow and Chbosky effectively argue the ability of the youth to undergo and enact change in their generation but also to act as transformative agents for others. In similar fashions, both composers also enforce the idea that loss can open pathways to discovery but only if one can accept and overcome its effects. In light of these notions we are driven to consider the extent to which we, as youth, re-evaluate and augment the discoveries made by our predecessors and to rethink our understanding of loss.
Great conclusion - Excellent length. Many conclusions are too short but yours rounds everything out nicely. 
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