Politics illustrates the ultimate powerlessness of ordinary people.
To what extent is this view represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?Dystopian texts are an hyperbolic representation of the state of political affairs in contemporary society.
Nice! Although, in order to be more true, I would say "societies" instead of society, because usually dystopic authors draw on aspects of various societies at the present time to blend a new setting. Small change, but I think it makes a difference. Composers of such texts utilise the conflicting human ethics of a dystopic society with the goal of exposing the disturbing ideas of human manipulation in order to depict the underlying powerlessness of the citizens. By ascribing the ideology of power and control to an applicable medium, composers can creates a world space that allows the audience to understand the concealed truths behind political actions.
By ascribing the ideology of power and control to an applicable medium, composers are able to invite audiences to understand the concealed truths behind political actions, as represented in a dystopian, literary world. (I'm suggesting a new wording for you that puts forward the idea of "representation" in a subtle way. Also, I'm not sure about the word "applicable" before medium - I don't know what we gain from adding that word. What do you think?) Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World (1932) deeply investigates the dystopian themes of inculcation, dehumanisation and totalitarianism while Oliver Stone’s biographical political thriller Snowden (2016)
depicts represents the modern political agenda of being omnipotent and manipulative. Both texts explore the effect of advancing technology and exercises the similar themes of power and manipulation to create a totalitarian and dystopic society where individuals are stripped of their intrinsic autonomy.
I'd take this last chance as an opportunity to highlight the "relationship" between politics and people. It's not about rewriting the sentence, but just adjusting the wording. "Both texts explore the effect of advancing technology on the relationship between people and politics, as well as exercising the similar themes..." Something like this. In Module C there are two key things to remember: representation and relationships. Obviously just dropping the words down here there and everywhere won't get you marks, but because (based on your introduction) your work is at a high level already, it's just about going back and manipulating the wording to sound original, sophisticated, yet explicitly responsive to the module's demands. Politicians endeavour to deprive the intrinsic individuality of the citizens in order to create a conformist state as a response for their insatiable desire for power. The World States thirst for power to control and manipulate the population is revealed through hyperbole of the production line which represents the relationship between technological advancements and politics. Huxley exaggerates the impact of consumerism on society with the religious parody “Sign of the T” and the recurring substitutes for profanity “Oh Ford”. The satirical remarks signify the quixotic nature of the populace by juxtaposing the divine with a consumerist parody
which resonates with the dystopic nature of a totalitarianistic society
whereby individuals are uneducated about true divine beliefs.
I think this last sentence is a bit too long for me to digest everything in its entirety. I read it a few times and I've underlined the words where I was like "oh, it's still going!" I think if you split this up you offer yourself more room for a better analysis. Huxley appeals to the audience by challenging the ethos of the 1930’s through the complete inversion of values in the New World such as the ubiquitous encouragement of promiscuity. Huxley’s jargon when describing children “ Barring a little surreptitious auto-erotism and homo-sexuality -- absolutely nothing” contrasts the dissolution of values and diminishes the intrinsic innocent nature of children in order to create an atmosphere that exemplifies the World State’s idealistic visions of control and autocratic rule to create a capitalist consumerist world space where predetermination and powerlessness
amongst who? is promoted. By capitalising on the ethos of the 20th century Huxley unveils the ultimate power of the conditioning process in the technocratic paradigm of the World State and accentuates on the limited freedoms of it’s citizens.
Nice! Although you've used synonyms here for "people and politics" in this last sentence, it still works 
Individuals
are often deluded into trusting the word of politicians but in a society where political collusion is prominent it is crucial to distinguish between the phantasmic political ideology of security and actions taken to meet said ideologies.
The only thing I don't like about this sentence is "crucial" - crucial for who? crucial for what? So, is it crucial for the individuals to make this differentiation, or crucial for the audience? Perhaps you could invert the sentence, by saying there are two interpretations of politics, the phantasmic or the actions. Then in a new sentence, say, "The powerlessness nature of individuals means they are often deluded..." or something to this effect. At the moment the sentence isn't too long, but by shuffling and reorganising the words I think it could work better. Snowden captures the central ideas of manipulation, dramatising them to demonstrate the abuse of power in intergovernmental organisations, evoking a conscientious understanding of the ineffectual position of citizens. Oliver Stone depicts the impunity of the Government through the extreme closeup shot of the CIA Director telling Edward “your girlfriend isn’t sleeping with that photographer friend of hers” which portrays an abuse of authority and a clear invasion of privacy clearly contradicting the quintessential American Civil Liberty of the right to be secure, promoting the autocratic power of the state in order to construct a conformist society. The subsequent low light closeup of Edwards despairful expression is an aesthetic representation of his powerlessness after having his human rights violated and reiterates his ethical conflict of data collection with the state’s actions.
Yes! Loveeee this sentence. Flawless. Stellar. Perfection.Stone capitalises upon the innocence of citizens through Edwards dialogue “ which people?, the whole kingdom
is? Snow White”. The intertextual reference and closeup shot of Edwards conflicted expression alludes to the intrinsic innocence of Edward and reinforces the supremacy of the state through their phantasmic promotion of national security as a service to the people. Stone appeals to the ethos of the 21st century by meticulously exposing the duplicitous dichotomy of national security and privacy uncovering the States ubiquitous manipulation of the people.
Really, really good analysis here. Just enough representation and relationships to be Module C without taking it too far. As society slowly regresses into a nihilistic perspective, the fundamental humanist values of life dissipate.
In a society regressing into a nihilistic perspective... I'd use this wording instead because "as society" assumes too much of the reader to understand the specific society you discuss. Because I assumed you are talking about our contemporary society, but I don't necessarily think we are regressing into that, and then Huxley's text wasn't written in these few recent years either, so it can't be that society... but if you say "in a society" then your statement becomes more true, and also implies it is true of the society in the text specifically. Huxley inverts the values society clings heavily upon
I think this is too airey, I'd like to know specifically the values,
or at least what they pertain to. The values of democracy? equality? and explores the twisted nature of the lust for axiomatic rule over the people and desensitises the actions to which the world state executes to obtain power. Huxley furthers the inversion of the value human life through the idiosyncratic imagery “ where the Alpha’s and Beta’s remained bottled” completely disregarding the intrinsic worth of an individual by associating inanimate objects with the sacred rite of birth. The world leaders further emphasise the lack of inherent value of their citizens through blunt phrasing “ you might decondition…” highlighting objectification of human life illustrating the loss of human values. Similarly Stone’s use of sinister music while Edward is shown the capabilities of PRISM, (a government spyware) depicts the inherent evil nature of illicit data collection and the relationship between the government's ideology of security and the clandestine actions taken accentuated through the dark lighting in the computer room alluding to the implicit violation of the rights of citizens. Both composers utlise
typo, utilise appropriate thematic mediums to convey the nihilistic ideals which determine the states actions and illustrate the ways the people have their human rights violated.
In order to achieve the ultimate goal of a dystopic society where the government yearns for axiomatic rule over the people, clandestine actions are taken in order to acquire the desired result.
Sorry, I keep picking apart your concept statements! What I want to adjust here is "dystopic society." "In order to achieve the ultimate goal of a dystopic society.." recognise that if the goal is to be dystopian, then it probably is far more utopian than dystopian to the person who has that goal. Also, "in order" is used twice in the sentence. I'm being picky, but I think clarity at the start of your paragraph has a lot to do with the way the rest of the paragraph is received by a marker. The first sentence shows the marker what to expect, it sets the direction, it wets the apetite,
so to say. So ultimate clarity here is important in order to guarantee the rest of your paragraph is received as intended.Huxley opposes the traditional approach of oppression to obtain control by exploiting the happiness of the citizens by subverting the connatural structure of human life through scientific means such as embryonic conditioning and bokanovsky process leaving the citizens in a vulnerable state, whereby the state inculcates capital consumerist ideologies such as the cliche “ignorance is bliss” implying if one is not educated they are unable to be troubled.
We have ourselves another very long sentence 
It doesn't help that there are big words/jargon in here that makes it all the more to chew on. Instead of sacrificing these good words for more digestible ones, I'd change up the sentence structure, even if it means splitting it in two. The ideology of ignorance is reflected in the hypnopaedic conditioning phrase “a gramme is better than a damn” furthering the consumerist ideals of the state. Stone proposes the Government exercises similar ideology of ignorance through the extreme closeup of Edward's distraught face when saying “ what’s keeping you safe is that you don’t know anything” which contrasts the Huxleyan idea of exploiting the innocent. Stone further displays the Governement dogmas of control and manipulation through the cameo appearance of Obama juxtaposed with the political satire poster “Big brother is watching you” which seeks to exemplify the sensationalist nature of political journalism. The intertextual relation to Orwell’s 1984 alludes to the Government’s oppressive nature and its approach to attaining control through fear which Stone reiterates in the low angle shots of Edward when he converses with his superiors signifying his state of powerlessness whilst under the government’s control. By understanding the differing evocative mediums of representation and contrasting the Huxleyan approach to control of ignorance against Stone’s technological crisis the audience is able understand the oppressive nature politics.
Until the second last sentence in this paragraph, we haven't talked about powerlessness. Somewhat unusually, your essay question isn't double barrelled, it only requests you talk about one thing and that is powerlessness in relation to powerful. I'd make it more of a priority in this one to attack this more head on, especially coming towards the end of your essay where we want to leave the best impression possible. By acknowledging the complex nature one’s approach to representation individuals are enlightened to the differing perspectives offered by the composer. When comparing both the Stone and Huxleyan interpretations of political control, one is exposed to the dark thematics of a dystopian society where a lack of autonomous desire overrides the populace. Both composers share effective an authorial desire to evoke the audience in order to explore the conflicting perspectives of an dystopic
a dystopian* world space.
There are differing opinions about the importance of a conclusion, but I tend to think they are the last taste you give a marker so make it good. For this reason, I'd be using the words of the question a bit more. Synonyms are great, but one last sentence to tie the idea of ordinary citizens with powerlessness, as a direct result of politics, will really bring it home. 
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Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only) (Read 603495 times)