Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[elysepopplewell]

Hello, can someone please tell me what this question is asking ?

The process and consequences of discovery are complex and challenging; especially when they are contingent on the mindset of the individual.’

Thank you.

Hey! The question is basically saying: discoveries are complex, challenging, and dependent on the mindset of the individual. It also highlights that you need to focus on the process and consequences specifically.

So, your thesis statement might be about the extent of discovery being dependent on exactly how willing the individual is to receive the discovery, or how their mindset can hinder or encourage a discovery. This is where the bulk of your thesis will probably come from, and you'll address the complex and challenging aspect in your arguments and textual evidence

[elysepopplewell]

Hey guys, would anyone be willing to check my thesis statement for this question?
 "To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering?"

THANK YOU!

Hello I'll check it for you!


The process of discovery involves an inclination to repress Not sure about the word repress. Of course it could be the exact word you ned for your texts, but based on my experiences of discovery texts, perhaps, "reassess" or "reconsider" or "abandon" works better than "repress" - but this could be perfectly true of your texts in which case there's no need to adjust!established ways of thinking in order to embrace new outlooks. Its extent and ability in confronting intrinsic values and beliefs is determined by the willingness to embrace the process and the connections made with places and people. This growth is stimulated by evocative disclosures, both deliberate and unforeseen, made within the paradigms of emotion and intellect. Great! Don't forget to connect some ideas with your texts too. So in your intro, when you introduce your two texts, it might be a good idea to pair a unique idea about discovery with each rather than saying, "Text A and Text B both display this nature of discovery." It might be better to say, "Text A emphasises the ways emotions can trigger and be a result of discovery, yet Text B is a testament to the intellectual nature of discovery." Something like this! But what you have is stellar!

[Crabstickz]

I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)

[studybuddy7777]

I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)

I'm certainly not Elyse, but my teacher (who had state ranking students) lived by a 14 word thesis. Obviously take it with a grain of salt, 15 words is okay but a thesis 40 words long? That may require some tweaking

Hope this helps and best of luck

[Crabstickz]

I'm certainly not Elyse, but my teacher (who had state ranking students) lived by a 14 word thesis. Obviously take it with a grain of salt, 15 words is okay but a thesis 40 words long? That may require some tweaking

Hope this helps and best of luck

ooh okay so roughly around that word mark.
Thank you!

[Snew]

Hii!! When you guys have a free minute (lectures were awesome!!!) looking at my intro for a discovery question would be very much appreciated thankyou!

The process of discovery can be a complex one and can lead to significant change. Discuss this statement with reference to your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing.

The multifaceted nature of discovery holds the power to challenge and confront perspectives, often resulting in significant and meaningful change for individuals. However, the extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by an individual willingness to embrace the process, allowing for it to become a transformative experience. William Shakespeare’s romantic comedy The Tempest explores the physical discovery of the island, its subsequent influence on Prospero’s initial desires for revenge and how this is reshaped into his true desire of forgiveness. Similarly in Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy’s interactions and critiques of one another subsequently reveal their own faults, prompting self-reflection as well as renewed perspective of one another.

[elysepopplewell]

I was wondering if it's okay for the thesis to be a few sentences long? someone who state ranked told me recently told me that their theses were 2-3 sentences long and in general they had very long introductions. Would you reccomend this ? (for adv eng + ext 1)

Just adding another perspective to Studybuddy's - not to discount his at all, though!

Sometimes it takes a few sentence for an entire concept to be revealed. Sometimes people do this in the first two sentences and go from there, and sometimes people will use their first sentence to begin the thesis, an the rest of the thesis will be revealed within the context of introducing the two texts later in the introduction. So you have a bit of flexibility in terms of structure!

[elysepopplewell]

Hii!! When you guys have a free minute (lectures were awesome!!!) looking at my intro for a discovery question would be very much appreciated thankyou!

The process of discovery can be a complex one and can lead to significant change. Discuss this statement with reference to your prescribed text and ONE text of your own choosing.

Hey Snew! So glad you could come to our lectures, I wish I got to meet you!

Here's some feedback on your intro in bold font:

The multifaceted nature of discovery holds the power to challenge and confront perspectives, often resulting in significant and meaningful change for individuals. However, the extent of the impact of discovery is ultimately determined by an individual willingness to embrace the process, allowing for it to become a transformative experience. I like this - you've carved yourself a little niche that comes from the bigger scheme of the question. Really well done. William Shakespeare’s romantic comedy The Tempest explores the physical discovery of the island, its subsequent influence on Prospero’s initial desires for revenge and how this is reshaped into his true desire of forgiveness. Similarly in Jane Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth and Darcy’s interactions and critiques of one another subsequently reveal their own faults, prompting self-reflection as well as renewed perspective of one another. I'd put one more sentence here looking more specifically at the "complex" nature of discovery. Something perhaps about, "The nature of discovery is evidently experienced in complex and diverse ways..." (this is just a basic example) - something like this rounds off your intro, but also directly responds to the "complex" wording in the question. Hope this helps!

[Crabstickz]

Hi! could I grab some feedback for my thesis:
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities.

[elysepopplewell]

Hi! could I grab some feedback for my thesis:
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities.

Sure!
Discoveries, driven by curiosity or forced upon them You haven't identified who the "them" are by this stage and need to for it to make sense, but you also need a comma at this part here to complete the comma splice can be so confronting and provocative that they compel people to approach the future with new understanding of the world, including themselves and those around them. “The Tempest” investigates the complex confrontational and moralistic nature of discovery and how it can reform an individual, affecting the way they approach themselves and their communities. Great! My only criticism is of that first part there, which reads awkwardly without the comma splice but also "forced upon them" is unclear because we have yet to identify the "them." But, you've incorporated a lot of the rubric here which is really great for when it comes to expanding throughout your essay!

(Not AOS)
Hi Sorry but can anyone give me feedback on my Mod A and Mod C Theses hehe thank you!

Many thanks!

Absolutely

Mod A: Virginia Woolf’s modernist novel Mrs Dalloway (1925) in conjunction with Stephen Daldry’s post-modern film The Hours (2002) reveals the paradoxical but enduring isolation and commonality of the human experience, whilst also exploring the repercussions on identity and pressure within life Not that there's anything that stands out as wrong in this, I just want to suggest something for fluency. With the "enduring isolation and commonality" it's like I want to put something there other than the "and" to bridge the paradox. Perhaps, "reveals the paradoxical but enduring experience of both isolation and commonality in the human experience." To me this just bridges it a little more smoothly, but it's only word play here, your ideas are great!

Mod C:
Composers construct texts to encourage their readers to reconsider the dominant narrative which surrounds contentious issues, and instead inspire them proactively engage with the political issue. This is unlike any other thesis I've read for this module before. It's really seamless, easy to read. I'm impressed! But, there will need to be more fleshing in the rest of the introduction to nail the "relationship" and "representation" part of the question. Nonetheless, a great thesis!

[_____]

For my Discovery texts I decided that the best link I could draw between them would be a sort of discovery process of investigation. The person in both texts essentially starts off in the "unknown", progresses into the realm of discovery and then the impact of the discovery is elucidated. I thought I'd carry this into the exams so I tried adopting a two-sentence thesis to the 2015 and 2016 questions.

2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances."

2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances."

Is there the potential for this method to screw me up for some types of questions? I haven't looked at that many yet. Anything else I could improve regarding the theses?

After the thesis I'd probably introduce the two texts in different sentences and maybe have a shortish sentence after that.

Thanks!

[elysepopplewell]

For my Discovery texts I decided that the best link I could draw between them would be a sort of discovery process of investigation. The person in both texts essentially starts off in the "unknown", progresses into the realm of discovery and then the impact of the discovery is elucidated. I thought I'd carry this into the exams so I tried adopting a two-sentence thesis to the 2015 and 2016 questions.

Is there the potential for this method to screw me up for some types of questions? I haven't looked at that many yet. Anything else I could improve regarding the theses?

After the thesis I'd probably introduce the two texts in different sentences and maybe have a shortish sentence after that.

Thanks!

Hey there I followed this same kind of path in terms of essay structure when I did my exam! It worked just fine for me, so no criticism there


2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I rarely see thesis statements that use the inclusive first person - "we" - I think it works but I'll be interested to know that your teacher agrees just to confirm. It's definitely not a common thing I notice in thesis statements, but I don't see any reason to reject it! Beautifully written thesis statement otherwise.

2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I think you limit yourself in determining the "end" of a discovery experience - only because you've mentioned the speculation of future activities, which I think it's best to keep as indeterminable in terms of it's length. Otherwise, I think you've again crafted a very eloquent statement here!

[_____]

Hey there I followed this same kind of path in terms of essay structure when I did my exam! It worked just fine for me, so no criticism there


2015 question: The process of discovery involves uncovering what is hidden and reconsidering what is known. How is this perspective on discovery explored in your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing?

Thesis: "Coming to new understandings about our world involves a deliberate process of uncovering truths whereby we must find what is hidden and reconsider what is known. In doing so, we often come to reconsider our future activities as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I rarely see thesis statements that use the inclusive first person - "we" - I think it works but I'll be interested to know that your teacher agrees just to confirm. It's definitely not a common thing I notice in thesis statements, but I don't see any reason to reject it! Beautifully written thesis statement otherwise.

2016 question: To what extent do the texts you have studied reveal both the emotional and intellectual responses provoked by the experience of discovering? In your response, refer to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Thesis: "Through deliberate processes of discovery one can uncover fresh perspectives which invoke strong emotional and intellectual responses as we come to new understandings about our world. By the end of the discovery experience, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." I think you limit yourself in determining the "end" of a discovery experience - only because you've mentioned the speculation of future activities, which I think it's best to keep as indeterminable in terms of it's length. Otherwise, I think you've again crafted a very eloquent statement here!

Thanks for the feedback. Did you tend to use "one" rather than "we"? I don't know where I picked that up to be honest so I'll have to check.

As for the future activities part, I included it because I can link it to the impact of discovery in both related texts. Do you mean that it might be limiting if I were to discuss discoveries that were significant for some other reason like a broader impact on society? Is it an OK idea if I'm sure I can craft a final paragraph with just that as a focus?

[DonQ]

Hi Elyse,
Could I have some feedback on my thesis?
My writing is poor and I often lack expression issues :/

This is for Mod A: Richard III

"Through the intertextual connections that explore the enduring relevance of Richard, an insight into the change of societal values and attitudes as a result of context arises."

[elysepopplewell]

Thanks for the feedback. Did you tend to use "one" rather than "we"? I don't know where I picked that up to be honest so I'll have to check.

As for the future activities part, I included it because I can link it to the impact of discovery in both related texts. Do you mean that it might be limiting if I were to discuss discoveries that were significant for some other reason like a broader impact on society? Is it an OK idea if I'm sure I can craft a final paragraph with just that as a focus?

No worries! I did take on "one" more than "we" when writing my own thesis statements. But like I said, best to check because I've never seen anything against it, but I've never seen it before in general, either!

No, the part i think is limiting is where you say, "by the end of our discovery experience." Not the parts that come after, I love the part about the future activities. I think it would work if you just said, "During the discovery process, OR, as a result of the experience of discovery, we are often forced to reconsider our future activities, as new light is shed on our surrounding circumstances." This way you're not defining an "end" to the entire thing, but you're still talking about future speculation as an outcome of discovery!