Creative: Discovery ?

[rasha25]

Hi, can someone please read my creative writing. This is the one I had to write in year 11 for paper 1, our topic at the time was Truth. I was told that the story can be altered to suit Discovery. Any feedback to alter it, opinions and general editing are welcomed and appreciated. Have a lovely day

[theyam]

Hi, can someone please read my creative writing. This is the one I had to write in year 11 for paper 1, our topic at the time was Truth. I was told that the story can be altered to suit Discovery. Any feedback to alter it, opinions and general editing are welcomed and appreciated. Have a lovely day

Hi

My advice is not really that reliable (but its not like I give much anyways), I mean you saw how terribly I wrote when you marked my pieced XD. But I do want to let you know that your writing is AMAZING, in my opinion that is.
Wow. That's literally the first word that came to my head when I finished reading. I had actually watched that video, so I saw everything happening in my head. It honestly felt so real and it was like I was watching that video again but in word form. Literally the only nitpick I have, was that I had to re-read your first sentence a couple of times. That's literally it. In terms of adapting it to the AOS, when I read it, it felt like a discovery creative already. The persona discovers and the responder discovers as well, and so like it's pretty much like the rubric where audiences are positioned to re-assess or view their world and the people within with a new lens. It's definitely provocative and intensely meaningful in my opinion. The discovery itself in my opinion was demonstrated as a process in your piece, but I guess maybe you could thread in on whether it was motivated by need, wonder or curiosity? That's honestly all I have to say, and I'm not a teacher/tutor and you saw (or read XD), I'm neither a creative writer. So its just an opinion coming from a fellow year 12 student.

Good luck~~
From theyam

[rasha25]

Hi

My advice is not really that reliable (but its not like I give much anyways), I mean you saw how terribly I wrote when you marked my pieced XD. But I do want to let you know that your writing is AMAZING, in my opinion that is.
Wow. That's literally the first word that came to my head when I finished reading. I had actually watched that video, so I saw everything happening in my head. It honestly felt so real and it was like I was watching that video again but in word form. Literally the only nitpick I have, was that I had to re-read your first sentence a couple of times. That's literally it. In terms of adapting it to the AOS, when I read it, it felt like a discovery creative already. The persona discovers and the responder discovers as well, and so like it's pretty much like the rubric where audiences are positioned to re-assess or view their world and the people within with a new lens. It's definitely provocative and intensely meaningful in my opinion. The discovery itself in my opinion was demonstrated as a process in your piece, but I guess maybe you could thread in on whether it was motivated by need, wonder or curiosity? That's honestly all I have to say, and I'm not a teacher/tutor and you saw (or read XD), I'm neither a creative writer. So its just an opinion coming from a fellow year 12 student.

Good luck~~
From theyam

Hello, no your writing was/is NOT terrible, it was a really good idea all it needs is a few edits for description and clarity.

Thank you so much, I didn't think my creative was good tbh, and yeh that video inspired it and it really linked with the idea I wanted to go with and the topic of truth for my year 11 yearlies. I feel so assured now because I was afraid it didn't link with discovery and yeh I was thinking of adding more to the story, primarily showing the need for the violinist to discover as he wants to escape the cyclical and materialistic environment around him that allows him to rediscover his passion for playing the violin/preforming. This, at which, becomes transformative to the persona as it revitalises his soul and reminds him why of what first prompted him to preform and learn the violin.

Once again thank you for your feedback, if you need anything feel free to let me know

[theyam]

Hi rasha25
What mark did your teacher even give you for that story for you to think it was bad?? Also, that is a really sophisticated idea that's actually conceptually similar to my AOS poetry (Robert Gray). In a couple of his poems, he too in my opinion demonstrates the need to escape this materialistic environment, but rather discover music he discovers the sublimity of nature. So I just thought your story was really cool in how it linked to my AOS study What's your AOS text? Now that I think about it, I should look back at my prelim Extension story, would you mind taking a look on that as well?

From theyam

[rasha25]

Hi rasha25
What mark did your teacher even give you for that story for you to think it was bad?? Also, that is a really sophisticated idea that's actually conceptually similar to my AOS poetry (Robert Gray). In a couple of his poems, he too in my opinion demonstrates the need to escape this materialistic environment, but rather discover music he discovers the sublimity of nature. So I just thought your story was really cool in how it linked to my AOS study What's your AOS text? Now that I think about it, I should look back at my prelim Extension story, would you mind taking a look on that as well?

From theyam

Hi theyam,
For this creative I got 10/15 which disappointed me since I put effort into it more than the essay and ended up doing better in the essay with a 14/15. I guess they were marking harsh since a 10/15 for creative was the highest. Your AOS text sounds interesting, for ours we have to do Bill Bryson's Short History of Nearly Everything which seems to be boring to me as its all about science and the universe. We haven't looked at the text though, we've done module B first at my school, looking at the poet T.S Eliot. Of course, I'd love to be of help and look at your extension creative  

[theyam]

Hi rasha25,

Wow, how harsh was the marking criteria that you only got a 10/15 ?? For me, my Ext1. essay and creatives were marked out of 25 and this one got a 20. Oh, your AOS sounds a bit scientific considering it is English XD

From theyam

[rasha25]

Hi rasha25,

Wow, how harsh was the marking criteria that you only got a 10/15 ?? For me, my Ext1. essay and creatives were marked out of 25 and this one got a 20. Oh, your AOS sounds a bit scientific considering it is English XD

From theyam

Yes sadly science haunts me....  but I digress
I am so speechless after reading your creative, my gosh that story was wow. Its kinda funny coz I wanted to make my creative about a discovery in the garden of a womens house but remembered my creative from year 11 that I had and thought I'd build on that.

Your story was very descriptive and well written, the only critic I had was with the first few sentences but other than that I really enjoyed reading it. You should definitely check with your teacher if you can use it for discovery.

~Good luck 

[theyam]

Hi rasha25

First of all SO SORRY FOR THIS LATE REPLY, there's been a lot of family parties this week XD
Thank you very much for your critique!! What module are you doing for Extension 1 by the way?

Happy New Year!!
From theyam

[rasha25]

Hi, that's totally fine hope you enjoyed Xmas and New Year

I don't do extension English, used to. As for Extension History, we have covered the topic of what is history and looked into our major work as well as the historians like Von Rank and Herodotus and we also explored our debate topic which is the Black Armed Debate. My proposal for my major is due second week back to school

Do you do Extension History? 

[theyam]

"Hi, that's totally fine hope you enjoyed Xmas and New Year

I don't do extension English, used to. As for Extension History, we have covered the topic of what is history and looked into our major work as well as the historians like Von Rank and Herodotus and we also explored our debate topic which is the Black Armed Debate. My proposal for my major is due second week back to school

Do you do Extension History? "

Oh ok, we've also explored different historians too for that topic! We haven't done that debate though, what is it about? In class we instead watched a film about the Holocaust debate? Woah, my proposal was due wk 5 of term 4, yours is due pretty late compared to mine XD What's your major work about?

From theyam

[rasha25]

Hey, my major explores the concept of Gender Rhetoric in the Media in shaping the historiography of Marie Antionette. So basically, my focus question is to: Analyse the historiographical interpretations of Marie Antoinette and assess the effectiveness of gendered rhetoric in shaping her historiography. The interpretations/historians that my major entails includes: Enlightenment, Feminist and Post-modern historians. What's your topic about and how did you go in the proposal?

[theyam]

"Hey, my major explores the concept of Gender Rhetoric in the Media in shaping the historiography of Marie Antionette. So basically, my focus question is to: Analyse the historiographical interpretations of Marie Antoinette and assess the effectiveness of gendered rhetoric in shaping her historiography. The interpretations/historians that my major entails includes: Enlightenment, Feminist and Post-modern historians. What's your topic about and how did you go in the proposal?"

Omg I love how we're just having our own conversation on this thread XD That is a really unique topic!! Mine is rather mainstream, it's just exploring the dropping of the Atomic Bomb. I chose it since I'm doing this topic for Extension English. So my current question is: How can the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings be critiqued as a traditionalist narrative? I'll be exploring the difference between revisionism and traditionalism and what influences these paradigms. And we never got our marks for the proposal since its part of the progress overall mark, but my teacher said it was good so hopefully its ok XD. Have you been doing any work this holidays?

From theyam

[rasha25]

hahaha yeh we're dominating this thread

Thats actually strange, my friend is doing that exact topic for extension. Before I choose to do my current topic I wanted to explore the Holocaust but my teacher didn't approve since its overdone then I thought about doing a twist on it through exploring Holocaust Denial but very limited resources can be found on that, so I decided to do a figure rather than an event in history. These holidays have been mostly spent with family and friends, but I found myself this month doing the extension proposal (almost done) and researching a bit for my PIP for SAC. I'm sure you done great in your proposal, have you done any study this holidays?

[theyam]

Does your friend have atarnotes by any chance? ooooo this is just a tad late, but in class we studied the film "Denial" which is a true story about a Jewish historian disproving another historian who claims the Holocaust never occurred and he even wrote a book about it. So maybe you could've done your major on him? But its a bit late now XD I've done some homework for advanced before the new year started because that was when it was due. I do: Biology, Ancient History, Modern, Extension History, ext 2 English so I've sorta just been dividing up my time with those subjects and I'm hoping it stays that way for the whole month. Procrastination is my biggest obstacle right now sadly ;-;

From theyam:)

[rasha25]

hahaha procrastination is everyone's weakness, hopefully you'll keep up the productivity. No unfortunately she doesn't. I've heard of the guy your talking about when I went to USyd for a Extension History day from the professor that was lecturing us, but he also advised me against the topic. At the time I was bummed about it, but its okay now coz I'm happy with my current topic