English Extension 2 Question Thread

[elysepopplewell]

I am doing a critical response into the changing archetype of vampirism in fiction.

Ive completed my major work, but I just want to know how to make the thesis explicitly appear in the introductory phase without being to direct and non-original.

So how do I strategically weave this idea into my introduction ??

Thanks

Hey marcus! I'd love to be able to give you advice from experience but I didn't do a critical response. But, I have read a few (although not many). I've noticed a lot of critical responses are still creative in the way they engage or introduce their points. Consider rhetorical questions, arrangement of the words on the page, or even imagery. You're right, your thesis should be clear, but not written in the same way a discovery for AOS thesis would be written. I'm sorry I can't be more help, but if you'd like you can post your introduction and I can tell you if it flows, my initial thoughts, etc

[elysepopplewell]

Hi Elyse!

I was wondering if there is anywhere that I can post my extension 2 major work for marking, like you have for advanced and extension 1? I'd really love it if you could have a quick look over it, however I am a bit concerned about posting it directly on the forum (for plagiarism reasons ).

Thanks!

Jess

Hey Jess,
Unfortunately I'm yet to come up with a solution for this. The complications with giving feedback on the major works is: it is far more time consuming and the security of your major work from plagiarism is important. At the moment, the best solution I have is to offer to provide feedback on a specific element of the major work, perhaps up to the word count of about 1000 if you like. This way, you can show me a part that's troubling you, and I can help by looking at an isolated aspect. I think also, it's important to know, I'm not a genius nor an official marker - my feedback for E2 is subjective and based on my own experience as a writer and a reader, so everything needs to be taken with a grain of salt to ensure the integrity of your own work. If you'd like to post a section of your work for feedback, I'd love to help. But as I'm sure you can understand, there's issues on both ends here and I don't yet have the perfect solution. I'd love to read your work, though! So if you would like to take up the offer I'd love to help

[marcusgrahamm]

This is my introduction for the Vampire, critical response Question.

Thanks so much!


"His face was a strong, a very strong, aquiline, with high bridge of the thin nose and peculiarly arched nostrils, with lofty domed forehead, and hair growing scantily round the temples but profusely elsewhere. The mouth, so far as I could see it under the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp white teeth" (Bram Stoker, 1897).
When one hears the word vampire you can potentially create the image of a blood-drinking creature stalking their innocent prey in the night. You may think of a monstrous figure straight out of a horror movie or one of your worst nightmares. Perhaps maybe you imagine Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s inextricable love story amidst the famous Twilight Saga. Indeed, the vampire for many is a creature of revulsion, fantasy, or even romance but is one to be left in the fictional realms of novels and movies. However, a deeper look into these stories, movies and  fictional pages we come to understand that this undead nightwalker is one of rich metaphors, intertwined with life and death, sexuality and gender, cultural identities, and even diplomatic ideologies. Every contextual manifestation of the vampire draws on its contemporary underlying messages to dictate what it means to be (in)human, an outsider in its respective days society.
J. Halberstam writes “monsters are meaning machines” and through a socio-cultural lens this creature allows us to examine issues of justice, change and identity as we recognise and relate the vampire most familiarly to humankind thus sensualising them as perturbing mirrors for our humanity.   
Across the centuries a rudimentary and frightening description has prevailed as the central vampire archetype. The legend of this monster is one that continues to fascinate and terrify society on a global scale. The vile night stalker that feeds on human blood and kills to quench its thirst has seen extensive changes with the continuum of time. The portrayal of Dracula, illustrated by Bram Stoker in 1897, embodies a character much different to the handsome, romantic, even heroic Stefan Salvatore of the 2010 Romantic Drama TV series “The Vampire Diaries (TVD)”. what one may find most intriguing is witnessing the irony of this thoughtless creature acting as an echoing reflection of today’s modern, westernised culture. No matter the variation, the century, or even the form, all vampire tales have a centralised commonality and theme connecting them - lust. From the lust to kill, to a lust to live, or even a lust to be normalized, the examples are boundless and ever-changing, with every piece of literary work fashioning its own distinct meaning, influenced by their respective context, culture and gender.
Irish author, Bram Stoker compiled a breadth of knowledge on traditional folkloric tales whereby he concocted a character in the late 19th century that can be considered a foremost catalyst in shaping the foundations for this “monster mythology’s” creation. This remains prevalent in vampire literature today. Dracula set the precedence for vampirism to evolve into fictional literature which allowed the archetype not only to become an engrossing, dramatic-horror novel but further dichotomise this creature to symbolise gendered and cultural norms.
Ultimately, as time roles onward the vampire archetype continues to evolve and captivate, despite constantly drawing on the basis of its folkloric and fictitious past.

[ayylmao2600]

Hello 

I was curious, if I do 4U English, can my major work be an appropriation?

Ty

[elysepopplewell]

Hello 

I was curious, if I do 4U English, can my major work be an appropriation?

Ty

Hey there! I see no reason why it couldn't be provided you are within the bounds of appropriation and not plagiarism, obviously! What are you thinking about doing?

[Zoe Twist]

Hello!
I'm getting towards the end of my project but I'm struggling a little with some of the finishing touches. I'm writing and performing a series of speeches and I was wondering if you had any opinions on whether or not sound effects are a good idea or if you have any advice about how to go about deciding.
Thank you,
Zoë

[elysepopplewell]

Hello!
I'm getting towards the end of my project but I'm struggling a little with some of the finishing touches. I'm writing and performing a series of speeches and I was wondering if you had any opinions on whether or not sound effects are a good idea or if you have any advice about how to go about deciding.
Thank you,
Zoë

Hey Zoe! I'm really intrigued by this idea. It is definitely something you should consider carefully. I think this has the benefit to intrigue your marker because of your creativity, but also because of your understanding of sounds outside of the speech, and how they can contribute to the overall perception.

So, you won't want to do it if it means you are sabotaging your speech. If it is causing clutter, or confusion, then it's having the adverse reaction to what you want to pull from a marker. IF, you think it enhances the content and delivery of the oral speech, then 100% look into it carefully.

Can you tell me how you are thinking of approaching the sounds? Are they going to be performed by you, or are they coming from a tape of some sort? I'm also curious about what gave you the idea - have you seen it done before? Also, it depends on the way your speech is: more narrative? persuasive? passionate?

[ayylmao2600]

Hey there! I see no reason why it couldn't be provided you are within the bounds of appropriation and not plagiarism, obviously! What are you thinking about doing?

I'm thinking of doing a Sherlock Holmes' adventure.
Imitating Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

[elysepopplewell]

I'm thinking of doing a Sherlock Holmes' adventure.
Imitating Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

If you think there may be issues of appropriating - this is where your journal becomes very handy. You need to be meticulous in your organisation of your notes, research, ideas, wording, and so on. I loved my journal, it was very therapeutic in my mind! So given the appropriation nature of your response - you need to be extra sensitive to making sure you are being very careful with your research in case anything is under scrutiny

[ayylmao2600]

If you think there may be issues of appropriating - this is where your journal becomes very handy. You need to be meticulous in your organisation of your notes, research, ideas, wording, and so on. I loved my journal, it was very therapeutic in my mind! So given the appropriation nature of your response - you need to be extra sensitive to making sure you are being very careful with your research in case anything is under scrutiny

Oh yes, research and working is super important - especially for Sherlock Holmes stories since they were written during the late 1800s. I've been reading the Sherlock Holmes short stories for knowledge and understanding of the context, wording, common tropes etc.tr

[bananna]

Hi Elyse!!

Can you please have a super quick read of my Major Work and tell me what you think?

Please tell me in general what I need to work on.

I have to hand it in for marking on the 21st of July.

I know that's a tiny amount of time so I completely understand if you are not able to do it by then.


Thank you so much!

bananna

[Zoe Twist]

I really hope I'm doing this right, technology is not my forte! So my speeches are set in 1970s Australia and they are all about social revolution at that time. I have one speech from a moderate right wing perspective about conscription for Vietnam, one speech about 2nd wave feminism and one about Whitlam's rise to power and the removal of paternalism in discussions of native title. 
I think they're all persuasive, at least, that's what I'm going for. I got the idea for using sounds from one of the speeches performed at Showcase a couple of years back which really worked for his purpose.

[michelleh]

Hello!

I've already finished my Major Work draft but I always find myself reading the Ext 2 forums for any additional tips, haha!

What I want to know is if there are any do's and don'ts for a creative, suite of short stories and how to push to get an e4 in Ext2? Are there any specific topics students should avoid writing about perhaps (cliche etc) that may bum down the "highly original" criteria of the  major work? How insightful does one need to go into the concept and how clearly it should be linked without making it too obvious? Some common forms and structure of a work that is common etc?

Any tips would be extremely helpful and appreciate!

Thanks so much!

[elysepopplewell]

I really hope I'm doing this right, technology is not my forte! So my speeches are set in 1970s Australia and they are all about social revolution at that time. I have one speech from a moderate right wing perspective about conscription for Vietnam, one speech about 2nd wave feminism and one about Whitlam's rise to power and the removal of paternalism in discussions of native title. 
I think they're all persuasive, at least, that's what I'm going for. I got the idea for using sounds from one of the speeches performed at Showcase a couple of years back which really worked for his purpose.

Well, I think that using sound is an excellent way of hybridising the mediums and enhancing the speeches - as long as it does just that, enhances! If it takes away from the speech it's not to the same avail, of course, and you'd be putting effort into something potentially taking marks off!

Hello!

I've already finished my Major Work draft but I always find myself reading the Ext 2 forums for any additional tips, haha!

What I want to know is if there are any do's and don'ts for a creative, suite of short stories and how to push to get an e4 in Ext2? Are there any specific topics students should avoid writing about perhaps (cliche etc) that may bum down the "highly original" criteria of the  major work? How insightful does one need to go into the concept and how clearly it should be linked without making it too obvious? Some common forms and structure of a work that is common etc?

Any tips would be extremely helpful and appreciate!

Thanks so much!

I suppose the first thing that comes to mind is that grammar is incredibly important, so consider using a program like grammarly or just being very thorough in looking at the way you've executed everything. As it's occured to me recently, correct grammar is not the only thing to consider, but also how you use grammar to enforce power structures. If you've finished your major work then you might have the time to tinker around with it with these more specific things. This seems to be the best entry-level guide to this if you've never considered it before (and being frank - I've only come to learn about it this year!), so you can look at the way your grammar supports inferior/superior, power/powerless, situations in your text.

In terms of plots to avoid, I suppose anything that's done for shock factor without being artistic, well implemented, or sophisticated, is always going to leave a bad taste in the marker. Your markers are clever people who will follow a bone of your story if you put it in front of them, there's no need to force them to eat it. So I think it's not so much about typical plot structures that I can advise against, but just in general plot-patterns. That's not to say there aren't cliche plots, but I'm always wary to stand against them in E2, only because I've never read an unoriginal E2 plot, so I can't really claim something to be cliche if I've never seen it doubled up!

[elysepopplewell]

Hi Elyse!!

Can you please have a super quick read of my Major Work and tell me what you think?

Please tell me in general what I need to work on.

I have to hand it in for marking on the 21st of July.

I know that's a tiny amount of time so I completely understand if you are not able to do it by then.


Thank you so much!

bananna

Hey bananna,
Typically 4 days would be enough time but during the trials it just wasn't enough unfortunately. I've given some feedback anyway in the hopes you can take it on for your final submission. I'm just dot pointing some things here rather than bringing your whole major work across.

-In the opening scene in the different font, I think it would benefit from putting the dialogue on its own line and following the traditional grammatical structures of dialogue in this manner. As it sits now, I had to read it through twice to grasp it, because ideally it would be on it's own line (following the old rule of new speaker, new line). This is just my personal opinion about the way I read it.
-I think the change in font but also the change in tone of voice is excellent even on the first page, a strong contrast there which I loved to read.
-I absolutely adore the setting and discussion of the colour orange for the young girl - it's so contextual: sunset on a vast land, girl named Ayesha, called inside at sundown. Just wonderful - such an artful way of embedding context.
-I think there is a typo on page four - Amma instead of Mama?
-I'm finding the change of fonts to not quite be enough when changing personas, at this point. The switch between the youngest voice to the one reflecting one their friends drifting at 15, is confusing. Partially, this is because I was looking at the two fonts trying to work out if they were different or just the same font in a different size, and I was asking myself "wait, has this changed voice?" and I ended up just clicking into each font to see if it was called something different. So I think firstly, these fonts are too similar. But secondly, maybe they need a page break between them in order to be read best?
-Now I'm reading on I realise that Amma wasn't a typo!
-I really like the persona of Campbell the most - I think the font and the sentence structure really suits this character and allows me to access the rigidness of his experience well.
-More on amma - sometimes you're capitalising Amma and sometimes you're not. Just edit through for consistency
-Page 9, to me, is an example of the way the fonts are coming together as a commotion with good intentions instead of being a skilful transition between worlds and their collision. Just aesthetically, I think it becomes difficult to read because I'm automatically drawn to assess the whole page for its varying fonts instead of focusing on each part in isolation.
-I think the signature is a wonderful touch, very unique. But, I think that for your final copy you should ensure that the entire letter is all on the same page. Currently, it crosses over the page and can't be viewed in its entirety, but only read fully.
-On page 11, there is this:
Campbell tried keeping his gaze off the filthy walls and blackened floor. He repeated to himself: “get in and get out”. He shuddered at the rows and rows of bunk beds he passed. They lived in shipping containers! Open metallic boxes. Campbell thought, “no wonder a fight broke out…there’s no privacy…nowhere to hide…”


He scanned the inmates, all shuffling from one end of the penitentiary to the other. Most looked like walking corpses. Campbell denied himself any emotional attachment to them. “I can’t waste time feeling bad for them—I’ve a job to get done.”   
I think it would be wonderfully effective if you took out that last quote, and repeated, "get in and get out." It still brings across the same message, but it serves as making Campbell slightly more enigmatic but still very pragmatic. Also it's nice to repeat the short, simple, quote. it really resonates upon repetition.
-Possibly an unintentional repetition on page 16: baba's baba's back?


I think the conceptual basis of your story is incredible and the way you've approached linking the characters is also very impressive. The thing I want to suggest most is that your reconsider the way you're concurrently dealing with all of the voices - perhaps even on a visual level. We aren't taught about it much, but the way the words sit on the page visually has a big impact on the way we read it. So, small things like page breaks and separating the paragraphs with a star, and so on, makes a big difference. You don't want it to be cumbersome to read by too many big breaks and huge flashes, because part of the current appeal is the way the voice changes somewhat emulate the chaos. BUT, i did find it too difficult to stay focused at time with such a variety of font types and sizes on a page, and trying to trigger a new voice for each one (particularly when two of the youth voices are in similar fonts).

You should be very proud of this - you're at the stage now where mechanics of the work are what you're considering. Just the last few details! It's not about the plot or the concept anymore - it's about the execution. And that's a great place to be!