Thesis statement feedback and discussion thread

[klauren]

hey does anyone have any predictions for the 2017 area of study essay question??   

[Daniyahasan]

hey does anyone have any predictions for the 2017 area of study essay question??   

does anyone know a good question for mod b curious incident of the dog in the night time, a question that can have a solid thesis which can easily be adapted to any other questions
i feel like what i just said made no sense at all, but if any of you understood what i mean pls help!

[katie,rinos]

Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.

To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! 

[dancing phalanges]

Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.

To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! 

Hey, I love the last one about enlightenment because the stimulation of new ideas, values and perspectives is taking stuff from the rubric which essentially means to be enlightened anyway so great job with that one
There is nothing wrong with the 1st one either I don't know the texts you are using but obviously you would need to emphasise throughout your essay how their context (social and historical) impact upon perceptions and perspectives of the characters.
The second one - Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals - I am not too sure about just because firstly since I do not know your texts, I don't know whether they have an emphasis on unique responses to discoveries. Also, I personally don't see much of a link between how discoveries can challenge widely held beliefs and how this is due to the unique responses of individuals. With these sort of questions I personally prefer to use the rubric point on the confronting nature of discoveries and how that challenges widely assumed point of views because provocative discoveries by nature often force us to reconsider our assumptions and reflect upon new ideas that while confronting, may be significant to the individual.
I hope that helps you

[katie,rinos]

Hey, I love the last one about enlightenment because the stimulation of new ideas, values and perspectives is taking stuff from the rubric which essentially means to be enlightened anyway so great job with that one
There is nothing wrong with the 1st one either I don't know the texts you are using but obviously you would need to emphasise throughout your essay how their context (social and historical) impact upon perceptions and perspectives of the characters.
The second one - Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals - I am not too sure about just because firstly since I do not know your texts, I don't know whether they have an emphasis on unique responses to discoveries. Also, I personally don't see much of a link between how discoveries can challenge widely held beliefs and how this is due to the unique responses of individuals. With these sort of questions I personally prefer to use the rubric point on the confronting nature of discoveries and how that challenges widely assumed point of views because provocative discoveries by nature often force us to reconsider our assumptions and reflect upon new ideas that while confronting, may be significant to the individual.
I hope that helps you

Thanks so much dancing phalanges! Definitely helpful!
I can see how the second one isn't as strong as all of the others.

[winstondarmawan]

Hello!
Does anyone mind giving me brief feedback for my introductions on the following questions. One is for AOS, others are for the 3 modules.

AOS:
The value of texts is that they enrich the responder’s understanding of discovery.
Discuss this view with detailed reference to prescribed and related text.
Through engaging in creative and intellectual discoveries presented in texts, responders enrich their understanding of the ability of such discoveries to transform perspectives about themselves and the world around them. Such is true of the suite of poetry Rosemary Dobson: Collected and Isaac Lidsky’s TEDTalk What Reality Are You Creating For Yourself?, both of which address the dynamic nature of these discoveries as well as the transformative and far-reaching implications to one’s worldview when these discoveries are engaged in.
A:
When drawing comparisons between texts, it is the enduring values that are of the greatest importance.
To what extent is this true of the prescribed texts?
An examination of the intertextual connections allows for a deepened understanding of enduring values, which are often represented differently due to the dynamic nature of context. This epitomises the extent of the importance of these values. In particular focus, the representation of integrity and humility in William Shakespeare’s King Richard III and Al Pacino’s Looking For Richard, reveals the contextual influences of religion and secularism on the representation of themes such as the pursuit for power and duplicity, yet despite these influences the importance of the aforementioned values remains enduring.
B:
All speeches have a use-by date.
Discuss this statement with reference to ‘Spotty-Handed Villainesses’ and one other speech.
The enduring value of a speech lies in its ability to procure the necessity of societal values, such as the importance of education and equality – particularly when these issues transcend the test of time and remain relevant to future audiences. Thus, it is evident that the ‘due date’ of speeches such as Margaret Atwood’s Spotty Handed Villainesses and Doris Lessing’s On Not Winning the Nobel Prize lie in the date of the true achievement of such profound shared values, yet this date is far from reach even today.
C:
To what extent has textual form shaped your understanding of people and landscapes?
A composer’s choice of textual form plays a significant role in their polished representation of the experiences of individuals within landscapes, such form significantly heightening audience understanding of the importance of individual attitudes towards the landscape - particularly the natural. Such is true of Melissa Harrison’s urban-pastoral Clay and Andrew Grace’s interactive documentary After the Storm, where their respective mediums are utilised effectively to represent the everlasting relevance of the nature in an urban landscape consumed by technology.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

[winstondarmawan]

Hey guys,
Can I please have some feedback on these discovery theses?
Discovery changes our perception of human nature and the world we live in. To what extent has this been your experience with your core and at least one other related text.
1. To a great extent, discoveries can challenge our perspectives of ourselves and others, emphasised by the historical and social context of both texts.
2. Discoveries can challenge our widely held beliefs and values of the world and those around us to a great extent due to the unique responses and impacts of individuals.

To discover is to be enlightened. Discuss.
Through the process of discovery, new ideas, values and perspectives may be formed leading to new enlightenment.
Thanks so much! 

I'm not good at English in any way, so please take my advice with a grain of salt.
For the first question, I suggest more focus on HOW these discoveries prompt new perspectives. For example, CONFRONTING discoveries that challenge previously held notions, and thus prompt new perspectives.
For the second question, I agree with phalanges. However, you can make it more explicit. For example:
Enlightenment encompasses the stimulation of new ideas and perspectives about oneself and the world - all of these being key aspects of discovery.

Hope this helps.

[Lachlan Morley]

Hi All,

For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of

"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"

And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :

The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered

and

Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self triggering growth

Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original

My prescribed text is " The Tempest"

Thanks for your help it is much appriciated

[Thebarman]

Hey guys, can I get some feedback on this topic sentence?

The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioning such impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul.

[Checkmate123]

Hi everyone. If anyone could comment on my introduction for Module C, it will be a big help. Thanks in advance.

'Political motivations may be ambiguous, but control is the ultimate goal.'

Texts are subjective constructions which represent a composer’s personal perspective on political ideologies or agendas, reflecting their specific contextual concerns. Often, these texts present an unambiguous political motivation, where control in the form of influencing audiences into adopting the composer’s perspective is the primary focus. Revisionist Historian Henry Reynolds’ memoir Why Weren’t We Told is one such text, which negatively portrays Australian society’s attitudes towards race relations to highlight the systemic expurgation of Aboriginal perspectives in Australian history. Similarly, Kirkpatrick’s documentary Mary Meets Mohammed (2013) challenges the contemporary culture of misinformation and cross-cultural barriers in Australian society with regards to asylum seekers. The respective composers select specific textual forms and associated techniques to present their ideas, enforcing obvious political agendas which ultimately aim to garner control of audience’s perspectives on a given issue.

[elysepopplewell]

Hello!
Does anyone mind giving me brief feedback for my introductions on the following questions. One is for AOS, others are for the 3 modules.



Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

Hey there!

AOS:
The value of texts is that they enrich the responder’s understanding of discovery.
Discuss this view with detailed reference to prescribed and related text.
Through engaging in I'd nominalise this so it becomes "through engagement with" - nominalisation isn't always appropriate, but when it is it boosts the sophistication. creative and intellectual discoveries presented in texts, responders enrich their understanding of the ability of such discoveries I'd probably make this "experiences" to ensure you aren't repeating discoveries twice. But it doesn't jar too much! to transform perspectives about themselves and the world around them. Such is true of the suite of poetry Rosemary Dobson: Collected and Isaac Lidsky’s TEDTalk What Reality Are You Creating For Yourself?, both of which address the dynamic nature of these discoveries as well as the transformative and far-reaching implications to one’s worldview when these discoveries are engaged in. Love that you're doing a TED talk! They can make for great related texts
A:
When drawing comparisons between texts, it is the enduring values that are of the greatest importance.
To what extent is this true of the prescribed texts?
An examination of the intertextual connections allows for a deepened understanding of enduring values, which are often represented differently due to the dynamic nature of context. This epitomises the extent of the importance of these values. This sentence kinda doesn't say a lot, I'd leave this idea out for now and tack it onto one of the next two sentences. In particular focus, the representation of integrity and humility in William Shakespeare’s King Richard III and Al Pacino’s Looking For Richard, reveals the contextual influences of religion and secularism on the representation of themes such as the pursuit for power and duplicity, yet despite these influences the importance of the aforementioned values remains enduring. Too long! I'd take off this end slice and make it it's own sentence (editing needed for it to stand on its own of course).
B:
All speeches have a use-by date. Interesting!
Discuss this statement with reference to ‘Spotty-Handed Villainesses’ and one other speech.
The enduring value of a speech lies in its ability to procure the necessity of societal values, such as the importance of education and equality – particularly when these issues transcend the test of time and remain relevant to future audiences. I personally really love the beginning of this sentence! It offers a lot and sounds very sophisticated. However, I would take out the "such as...." and continue with "particularly" Thus, it is evident that the ‘due date’ of speeches such as Margaret Atwood’s Spotty Handed Villainesses and Doris Lessing’s On Not Winning the Nobel Prize lie in the date of the true achievement of such profound shared values, yet this date is far from reach even today.
C:
To what extent has textual form shaped your understanding of people and landscapes?
A composer’s choice of textual form plays a significant role in their the polished representation of the experiences of individuals within landscapes, such form significantly heightening audience understanding of the importance of individual attitudes towards the landscape - particularly the natural. Such I wouldn't use "such" in two consecutive sentences - it's a bit of a stand out word! is true of Melissa Harrison’s urban-pastoral Clay and Andrew Grace’s interactive documentary After the Storm, where their respective mediums are utilised effectively to represent the everlasting relevance of the nature in an urban landscape consumed by technology.

Great work - and great initiative to post all of these. You've done an excellent job, tiny expression things to work on but overall this is great!

[elysepopplewell]

Hi All,

For a generic discovery essay question i mainly utilise the thesis of

Does anyone have any ideas how i can make these more spohisiticated and original

My prescribed text is " The Tempest"

Thanks for your help it is much appriciated

"The development of an individual is marred by the response and experiance to discovery"
Love the word "marred! Great vocab. However, it's got the connotation of inhibiting something, like in a bad way. So it's not just "impacted" but marred means "impacted in a bad way" or "spoiler" by discoveries. Is this your intention?

And then I have two sub thesis which form my body paragraphs being :

The process of discovery enables fresh understandings to be uncovered

and

Discoveries enabel a revaluation of ones identity and sense of self triggering growth

enable* and reevaluation* and I'd put a comma after "self" - then these two little sub theses are great!

Hey guys, can I get some feedback on this topic sentence?

The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioning such The link here isn't clear. Students use "such" often and it is quite a jarring word. I'm also not sure what you're referring to - embracing materialism leads to questioning embracing materialism, is what you're saying at the moment by using "such" when I think you mean, "can result in questioning the future of humanity and it's occupied environment."   impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul. Nice twist of materialism and discovery together!

[davidss]

Hi guys!!! Could someone please help improve these thesis pls 


The impact of discovery is subject to the passage of time, either diluting the consequences of permanently transforming the individual’s perceptions of the world. Explore this statement.

The impacts of discoveries facilitate a more complex understanding of individual’s perception of the world that bear both permanent enriching and debilitating impacts, contingent upon individuals’ choice to accept or reject the insights offered by discoveries through time.

Our interest in the parallels between Metropolis and 1984 is further enhanced by consideration of their marked differences in textual form

The comparative study of Fritz Lang’s silent expressionist film Metropolis (1927) and George Orwell’s dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four [hereafter 1984] (1948) film Metropolis fosters responders’ interest in the power of literature to offer insights into parallel concerns of the search for humanity and technological manipulation. Such interest is further enhanced by the text’s marked difference in form, which captures composer’s reinterpretation of enduring concerns according to their distinct contexts.

Explore how time and place are used in ts eliots poetry to shape the audience’s understanding of identity.

Through the physical and dramatic use of a fragmented sense of time and place skillfully interwoven in his poetry, Eliot emphasises humanity’s ontological quandaries of alienation and internal chaos in eliciting responder’s shared understanding of the struggles and existential disillusionment in finding one’s sense of identity. 

The perspective that prevails at a given time is a function of power rather than truth. Discuss this view.


Through composers’ representations of political entities and events, composers have great literary power in revealing the complexity of individuals’ struggle to maintain autonomy amid an overwhelming powerful political institution, culminating in a loss of truthful perspectives during particular time periods.

[Thebarman]

The sometimes confronting process of discovery can lead to the realisation of society’s fundamental materialistic flaws. Consequently, an individual’s embracement of materialism can result in questioning such The link here isn't clear. Students use "such" often and it is quite a jarring word. I'm also not sure what you're referring to - embracing materialism leads to questioning embracing materialism, is what you're saying at the moment by using "such" when I think you mean, "can result in questioning the future of humanity and it's occupied environment."   impacts on the future of humanity and it’s occupied environment. In contrast, the rejection of materialism may instead result in the individual seeking the confines of nature to remedy their soul. Nice twist of materialism and discovery together!

Thanks for the feedback! Could you also look at this idea too?

The reconsideration of one’s past can allow for the development of a greater understanding of individuals within their life and of their own self. This thereby allows the individual to gain a deeper appreciation of others, or to instead reject their influence within their life.

[allmyfranzaredead]

Hi guys! I've got this oddball one from Mod C. It's just a regurgitation of the question but I have no idea how to come up with an adaptable Mod C thesis.
‘Experiences of landscape may be diverse, but the influence on identity is always profound.’ Evaluate this statement with detailed reference to your prescribed text and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Experiences of landscapes may differ in accordance to the individual’s values and personal context, however, they will always instigate a profound impact upon their identity.
Thanks