AOS ESSAY

[zanibalh]

Hey guys,
I've written my intro and first body paragraph for my essay.
I'd appreciate the feedback.
Thankyou 
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Discoveries, driven by wonder or necessity can be challenging and confronting in the sense of compelling individuals to leave their comfort zones. This process, in itself invokes a range of emotions whereby individuals prepare to sacrifice the old to embrace the new, in hopes that they prompt renewed perceptions regarding themselves and the world around them. This facet of discovery is elucidated in William Shakespeare's metaphysical play, 'The Tempest' and Lewis Carroll's 19th century children's novel, 'Alice in Wonderland'. Both these texts integrate the concepts of realisation and consciousness throughout, as mediums for underpinning their respective, yet strikingly homogenous representations of discovery as imperatives for transformation.

Shakespeare's, 'The Tempest' as suggested by the title is aligned with the devastating nature of power, as a force and driver of change. Shakespeare implies that change is inevitable, through Miranda who pleas that Prospero "put the wild waters in this roar, allay them." Her vivid use of distinctive imagery suggests to the onlooker that she feels the suffering of the shipwrecked people and is full of pit for them. Prospero reassures Miranda by clarifying to her that "there's no harm done." Here, Prospero discovers Miranda's innocent and empathetic nature and comforts her in the promise of his benevolence. To an audience, Prospero is perceived to be with motives, he desires for the individuals on the ship to feel for what they had done to him and in turn, repent. Within the process, this allows them to undergo a transformative discovery that sanctions them into self-reflection. Likewise, the narrator expresses that Prospero later "discovers Ferdinand and Miranda playing a game of chess." This is ironically symbolic of Prospero's power as  a game of chess uses moves and counter moves to gain the upper hand in a way that could mirror the games lovers play. Prospero's power, is therefore depicted as a chess grandmaster manipulating all the players, an ironic comment on the two lovers who think they are in control of the game. Ultimately, this leads to an unexpected, provocative and confronting discovery that the audience is now conscious of and one that is planned and deliberate by Prospero.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey! Really like your introduction, I think it presents some strong ideas and provided it is answering the provided question properly (whatever it is), I think you are in a good spot with it!

In the body paragraph, ensure techniques are prescribed to the composer, not the character. This eliminates retell and shows the marker you properly understand that the characters are only puppets for the composers ideas and intentions. This will also help you stop saying "this is what we learn about the character," and instead start saying, "This is what we learn about Discovery." Right now things are too character and plot driven rather than conceptually driven - Some sentences are just restating something that happens in the text, for example!

As an easy fluency fix, get quotes into the same sentence as the technique. Almost always easier to follow!

Hope it helps