Amazing! Right in the spirit of this board, love it
I'm supposed to be asleep right now so I'm not a walking zombie for lectures tomorrow, but a few quick pointers for you:
- I really love your imagery in the opening paragraphs! Some great demonstration of technique. But perhaps a tad overkill? If you use the fancy stuff too much it tends to lose its power, focus it on the things where it is going to make the most impact. Use it to highlight important elements of settings and characters, being selective is a good thing.
- Love your tone, especially as you talk about Cotton Club. Can feel the raw emotion in it - Very cool.
- I love the symbol/metaphor of the "white and black keys" on the piano, I think you could use that more, maybe make it a motif?
- 1163 words is probably on the upper end of what you'd want for a Creative. Trims would possibly help you be able to adapt it more easily on the fly?
- A couple of places where your quite eloquent phrasing gets in the way of a full and complete understanding of what is happening. Read the story aloud to a peer or a family member and see if they follow. As soon as they lose track of you, change that sentence to make it easier. Good way to spot any issues
Hope these quick few tips are helpful