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Author Topic: Compilation of Text Response Feedback  (Read 100688 times)  Share 

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kandinsky

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Feedback]
« Reply #150 on: January 08, 2014, 05:50:45 pm »
+3
My first of many practice essays for Year 12! It's on 'In the Country of Men' and i've only read the text once so far so I feel that my knowledge is still quite limited. Tell me what you think!

PROMPT: ‘In the world of Suleiman’s childhood, there is no place for innocence.’ Discuss.

Hisham Matar’s ‘In the Country of Men’ depicts the irrefutable loss of innocence that occurs within a harsh environment with an abundance of conflict.  Throughout 'In the Country of Men', Matar depicts the loss of innocence within an environment of conflict' Matar demonstrates that it is human nature to mature upon encountering life’s inevitable struggles end sentence here - keep your sentences sharp through the protagonist, Suleiman, who is confronted by adult hardships at a young age, subsequently leading to a subconscious urgency to grow up you can change this. As a result, the author establishes good use of authorial construction Suleiman’s abrupt transition into manhood, encouraging a sense of sympathy within the reader towards Suleiman’s internal struggles throughout the text. The author explores the gradual receding of Suleiman’s childish and fantasised views of the world he lives in stating the obvious? through his exposure to the realities of conflict. Thus, Matar compels the reader this sounds a little too much language analysis, maybe 'directs the reader to see' is less forceful into understanding the severe impact of witnessing conflict on a child’s innocence, escalating heightening the reader’s sympathy towards Suleiman. Matar further establishes the effect of witnessing conflict on a child’s innocence through Suleiman’s increasing tendencies towards violent behavior in the latter stages of the text. Maybe say about the state of innocence in teh world of the text at the very end of the novel - it shows the marker you know the book better Hence, the author positions the reader  to empathise with the protagonist’s hostility towards those around him due to the external influences within the environment he lives in. ‘In The Country Of Men’ emphasises the fragility of innocence through the protagonist, who is forced into manhood as a result  of his world that is seemingly filled with conflict.

This contention is a little too single-character based. The question actually isn't looking for innocence in Suleiman as a child, but for that which is in his world which takes away/corrupts his innocence. Remember to always include some minor characters in your discussion, makes it so much more impressive.


Matar presents that it is human nature to mature upon encountering the life’s hardships through Suleiman, who is confronted by adult affairs despite only being a child, leading to anurgency within himself to grow up. The author highlights Suleiman’s sudden development into a man, encouraging the reader to sympathise with Suleiman’s internal conflicts throughout the text. Matar establishes Suleiman’s urge to grow up when he questions about the Revolutionary Committee’s intention to search their house in which his mother, Najwa, states that children “aren’t supposed” to know “these things”. Najwa acknowledges her son’s growing concern regarding issues she deems unsuitable for children, yet rfuses to accept Suleiman’s desire to understand and transition into the adult world. The author explores the juxtaposition between Suleiman’s initial attitude towards his mother’s mental condition in which he states ‘I longed’ for how ‘things had been’ and his attitude in the latter stages of the text where he fantasised ‘revenge’ that filled him with ‘urgency’ to ‘be a man’ in order to ‘change the past’ and ‘rescue that girl’ from her ‘black day’. Suleiman realizes storytelling that simply hoping for his mother’s condition to improve is of no use, which fuels his desires to become a man in order to actively save his mother and ‘run away’ to somewhere ‘beautiful and green’. Furthermore, Matar depicts not storytelling the protagonist’s gradual understanding of his own loss of innocence when he relates to his mother’s childhood in which she was a girl ‘unaware of herself’ in a ‘moment sheltered’ in the ‘clarity of innocence’ before her ‘thrust into womanhood’. Thus, Suleiman is able to empathise with his mother’s own loss of innocence as a child, due to his personal experiences. Matar demonstrates that it is human nature to mature as a result of life’s struggle through Suleiman who desires to become a man upon being confronted by the struggles of adulthood, despite only being a child. Great paragraph Just be careful with storytelling in a few spots

Matar explores the diminishing of Suleiman’s fantasised views of the world upon his constant exposure towards the reality of conflict. Consequently, the author compels the reader to understand the dire impact of witnessing conflict onto a child’s innocence, further developing the reader’s sympathy towards Suleiman. The author depicts the beginning of Suleiman’s understanding of the reality of his world through his first encounter with conflict surrounding an individual he was personally close to, Ustath Rashid, little more of this needed in the essay whose interrogation was broadcasted on television.  Suleiman begins to realize storytelling that those around him are not immune to danger, not even Ustath Rashid who Suleiman considers to be his father’s ‘lost brother’.  Matar further demonstrates the receding of Suleiman’s childish views of the world upon Ustath Rashid’s execution in which he realizes that ‘good things’ did not always happen to ‘good people’ and that ‘the rug’ could be pulled ‘beneath his feet’ at ‘any moment’. Suleiman’s childish assumptions is seen to be 'are for the reader' completely eradicated, along with his ‘illusions’ that ‘I or Baba or Mama’ were immune from being ‘burnt by the madness’, indicating that he has truly grasped the cruel and dangerous nature of the world he lives in. The author presents the final destruction of Suleiman’s fantasy of an easier life in which he offers his father the mulberries which he states were brought by ‘angels from heaven’ to make life ‘easier for us’, only for his father to refuse and point to his temple where ‘they’ put out ‘the cigarettes’. Thus, Suleiman is confronted by his father’s struggles in which he was unable to accept Suleiman’s innocent optimism which in turn, signifies the absolute end of Suleiman’s own childish fantasies. Matar emphasizes the gradual loss of Suleiman’s fantasised perception of the world through his repeated exposure towards conflict and it’s reality.

The author further demonstrates the effects of witnessing conflict on a child’s innocence through Suleiman’s growing tendencies towards violent behavior in the latter stages of the text good to see you moving towards the end of the text. Subsequently, Matar positions the reader to empathise with Suleiman’s hostile behavior towards those around him due to the external influences of his surroundings. Matar presents Suleiman’s first act of violence when he gets into a fight with his best friend Kareem, after which he reflects upon his actions and acknowledges his ‘enjoyment’ of his ‘betrayal’, considering himself a ‘traitor’ to Kareem. Suleiman impulsively resorted to violence when confronted by Kareem, consequently opposing his own personal values and integrity thus indicating that his environment was beginning to affect his moral judgement. The author further establishes the escalation of Suleiman’s violent tendencies when he instinctively threw stones at Bahloul with a ‘satisfying thump’ before stating that ‘something in me’ was ‘ashamed’ of what ‘I had done’ to Bahloul. Much alike with the incident with Kareem, Suleiman utilises violence without thought and only shows remorse afterwards, demonstrating that the environment is subconsciously compeling Suleiman to oppose his values as a human being, and he is unable to stop it. Matar depicts the effects of witnessing conflict through the protagonist’s rising violent tendencies throughout the text. Question: Is Suleiman still a child at this stage of the text?

‘In the Country of Men’ demonstrates the undisputable loss of innocence that occurs within an unforgiving environment consisting of boundless conflict. Matar establishes that it is human nature to mature upon encountering the difficulties of life through Suleiman who is confronted by an adult’s struggles despite only being a child, leading to an urgency within himself to grow up. This depicts Suleiman’s sudden transition into manhood, subsequently encouraging the reader to sympathise with Suleiman’s internal hardships throughout the text. The author presents the gradual diminishing of the protagonist’s childish and fantasised views of the world he lives in due to his repeated exposure to the harsh reality of conflict. Hence, the reader is compelled to understand the dire impact of witnessing conflict on a child’s innocence, escalating the reader’s sympathy towards Suleiman. Matar further demonstrates the effect of conflict on a child’s innocence through Suleiman’s growing tendencies towards violence. This positions the reader to empathise with Suleiman’s hostile actions towards those around him due to the external effects of his environment. Through the depiction of Suleiman’s childhood, the reader is left by Matar to ponder the delicateness of innocence in an environment where conflict is a common agenda.

If you lose the storytelling and add some metalanguage and in-depth discussion of specific scenes and characters, you will move from 7 to a higher mark. I can see you can do it! You just need to work at it

kandinsky

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Feedback]
« Reply #151 on: January 08, 2014, 05:53:53 pm »
+3
Also, this ais a question where you can use a counter point. Are there examples of innocence? Look at the way the author writes about things. Do some of the descriptions seem to evoke innocence as a contrast to the backdrop of war?

Eugenet17

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Feedback]
« Reply #152 on: January 08, 2014, 06:59:08 pm »
+1
Also, this ais a question where you can use a counter point. Are there examples of innocence? Look at the way the author writes about things. Do some of the descriptions seem to evoke innocence as a contrast to the backdrop of war?

Yeah there's a period in the beginning of the text where he is portrayed as a very innocent boy which deteriorates throughout the text so that could be a counterpoint. His mother is also a very important figure in his life, she can also be argued to be an immense factor in him wanting to grow up (she is quite vulnerable, has mental issues, constantly alone without her husband etc) so I think that can be a counterpoint too?

heids

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Re: Compilation of Text Response Feedback
« Reply #153 on: May 16, 2015, 03:56:51 pm »
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Hey guys,

Bumping to tell you that I've quickly updated the TR compilation front page so there may be some essays for your text!  They may or may not be high-quality; just reading through other people's essays, whatever the quality, is beneficial.  Hopefully to be further updated, and thanks to everyone who contributed the essays.  A reminder that plagiarism is not acceptable and not helpful to you.

I'm aware we haven't been getting much feedback for essays; from now on I intend to give /minor/ feedback for most essays despite my lack of skills/knowledge, and I really encourage you year 12 guys to help out here even if you think you don't know much.  Look, not only will others be more likely to help you, you'll really learn heaps from the marking process and reading other people's ideas :))!

All the best with your essay writing... I know it's daunting, but every essay you write helps you on your way to a better SS and a greater sense that you've conquered and achieved something. :) :)
VCE (2014): HHD, Bio, English, T&T, Methods

Uni (2021-24): Bachelor of Nursing @ Monash Clayton

Work: PCA in residential aged care