Really great advice from Geoo! Glad you have felt better!
To be honest, this is something I had to cope with as well. I had always strived to reach insane goals but in fact never reach them. While my situation isn't as dire as yours, consider this.
We only have one life
. To be honest, it doesn't really matter what others think of you. You should not define your effort or dedication by other's standards. You choose your own standards, because
this is your life. No one needs to validate your existence at all.
I think you just need to shift your mindset. Stop focussing on how other people (your brother) is better than you. There will always be people who are better than you, and so you should shift your mindset to that of growth. A growth mindset where you accept yourself as inferior with no shame and a passion to learn from those smarter than you.
I kind of know how you feel. I have never reached to the level my parents have at this stage of life. But honestly, I don't care. At the end of the day, your mind, your soul, your consciousness, will remain with you until the end of your life. Don't focus on other people's success. Take a deep breath, and just keep going. Keep earning those 90's. Keep memorising those times tables. It doesn't really matter whether people are better than you.
What matters is how you view your own life. You are gifted by your own right. I mean, come on, some kids in your class will be feeling
inferior to you, looking at your marks. There are some kids (me included
) who try as hard as possible to reach 90's but fail nevertheless.
Please, don't compare yourself to your brother. Comparing myself with my parents have lead me to experience really dark situations where I felt quite suffocated. Talking to my parents has definitely helped this, and I encourage you to do so as well. I still get into those situations here and there, but for the most part I take in a deep breath and
continue to work.Your life is not defined by how successful or smart you are. Your life is defined by your past experiences, so please just accept the truth and just live in the moment
. This should not be something shameful or agonising.
I feel so sorry for you, but you must shift your mindset to focus on growth. It's hard, but it's way more manageable. While in the future you may feel regret being inferior to your brother, I can promise you of much more regret to come when you know you have wasted your high-school experiences feeling inferior to those around you. So take 2-3 deep breaths, go outside and feel the fresh air and just remain calm. Remain calm. There's nothing you can do about it, so why bother worrying about it
?
Now don't take this the wrong way. Continue to strive reaching the level of your brother but don't put so much emotion into it. Don't put so much meaning behind it. Just take in a deep breath and continue to work. Continue to make new friends, continue to make memories with friends and put effort into the stuff you care about most.
Your life is not defined by others. Your life is defined by
you. You get to make the choice to feel inferior or feel fulfilled. And there will be days when you feel nothing but inferior. Those days, talk to someone! Anyone. Go to eheadspace and talk online with a professional, I can guarantee that it helps to get it out there. The most important thing is to reach fulfilment, and knowing that good things will come at some point or another.
Hope that helps! Remember to talk to someone, that will free you of this kind of thinking!