Free Legal Essay Marking!

[Wales]

Hi Jamon, sorry for the late message.
Could you please have a look at my essay when you are free and provide feedback and perhaps even an estimated mark?
I only did 2 paragraphs to divide into domestic legal and non-legal as the teacher didn't want separate international paragraphs for this essay.
Thank you 

Hey Welcome to the forums.

To have an essay marked you require at least 15 posts ): If it's urgent I wouldn't mind looking through and providing feedback but as the rules stated you require 15+ posts.

Have a look around, ask questions, join the banter You'll love the environment.

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi everyone!
I have a family law essay due on Thursday and I was wondering if someone could take and give me so feedback on what I've written. In writing it you need to have referred to one contemporary issue and I chose the recognition of same-sex couples. This is the question --- I'm real sorry in advance for how long it is, it's meant to be 1200 words. Thank you so much!

Hey Maria! I can definitely give you some feedback on this, your essay is attached in the spoiler with comments in bold!

Essay with Feedback

Evaluate the responsiveness of the law in achieving justice for family members.

The responsiveness of the law in achieving justice for all family members in regards to the recognition of same sex couples has been fairly responsive. Good intro, makes the judgement clear straight away. You could try leading into it a bit more, why is recognition of same sex couples important in the legal system, perhaps? The concept of family law, by nature, is complex and continually evolving and thus the area of family law must be malleable and dynamic in response to allow justice to be afforded for all members of a family. This would make more sense going before the last sentence, perhaps, works well though! In the instance of recognising same-sex couples and families, the Australian legal system has made significant progress in ensuring that their rights are kept consistent with that of their heterosexual counterparts. However, the law’s denial of marital status to same-sex couples significantly limits its responsiveness in achieving justice for family members. Good introduction - Simple, gets the job done.
 
Over the past thirty years, the law has made significant changes in legally recognising same sex couples. Do you mean specifically legislation? Try to not use the word 'law' because that is quite a broad thing. These changes were exemplified through the The Property (Relationships) Act 1984 (NSW) which officially established de-facto couples as having the same legal standing as married couples in regards to areas which were previously overlooked such as inheritance and property division in the event of death or illness. Same-sex couples were excluded from the entitlements of this law as the legal system was yet to recognise them as legitimate couples. In the case of Howard v Andrews (1996)a man was unable to claim the property of his deceased male partner due to the nature of inheritance laws in currently in place. The law in turn responded to this institutionalised discrimination as demonstrated by the Property (Relationships) Legislation Amendment Act 1999 (NSW) which saw not only the extension of property and inheritance rights to same-sex couples but also introduced a definition of de-facto as “two adult persons living together as a couple who are not married or related by marriage”. Excellent analysis of a law, a case which raised an issue with the law, and a change. However, it could be more succinct to allow you to squeeze in more examples. You don't really need to spend a whole sentence or two explaining and describing the initial legislation, for example. Changes such as these exemplify how the role of law reform is pivotal in achieving just outcomes for family members. Legislative changes such as this became the catalyst for effective responses from the law in achieving justice for family members. Good paragraph, but needs more evaluation. You've presented a change, how effective is it? How responsive was it?
 
The constantly changing nature of family law calls for dynamic and effective responses from the law with issues that arise concerning children in same-sex partnerships. In today’s society, the idea of the family unit is incredibly different to the typical image of the nuclear family and the law has attempted to be responsive in recognising this change. Good context to the changes you will discuss. Previous to the Adoption Amendment (Same sex couples) Act 2010 NSW, same-sex couples were denied the right to legally adopt children within the state of New South Wales. This would bare many implications for same-sex families as seen within the case of AA v The Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages where a child born to a lesbian couple through means of artificial insemination was not able to have the name of both female parents on their birth certificate. Be sure to link this (very good) evidence to your argument. This is showing ineffectiveness and the fact that the law was 'initially' unresponsive to the issue. However since the Same-Sex Relationships (Equal Treatment in Commonwealth Laws—General Law Reform) Act 2008,, the law responded to existing prejudices within commonwealth programs and laws that involve child support, medicare, adoption which in turn granted the couple the right to put the names of both females on the certificate without that of a biological father. How effective was this change? This is an 'evaluate' question so you need to be making judgements frequently! Societies change in values have also seen the law to be more inclined to consider the best interests of a child before that of its institutionalised prejudices. The Sydney Morning Herald article titled “Adoption by same-sex couple opposed because of birth parents’ Catholic faith” details a case where a court has “allowed a four-year old girl to be adopted by a same-sex couple despite her birth parents’ opposition”. The birth mother, since having a long history of drug use and a conviction for the manslaughter of her infant son, was deemed unfit to raise her child and therefore had her parental rights removed in regards to making decisions for her daughter's best interests. Try to make the case details a little more succinct, blend those two sentences into one - Save yourself some space, case details aren't super important. By acknowledging the best interests of the child within this ruling, Australia has complied with its ratification of the Convention on the Rights of a Child and exemplified how the law has the potential to be incredibly responsive in achieving justice for same-sex parented family members. Great. Same-sex couples now enjoy the same parental and adoption rights as their heterosexual counterparts and the significant responsiveness of the law has been instrumental in achieving this outcome. Great paragraph, good mix of evidence. I think this works really well!
 
Although the law has strived to recognise same-sex partnerships, the Australian legal system has yet been to completely afford justice to same-sex family members due to the lack of responsiveness in regards to the right to the right of marriage. The Marriage Act 1961 defines marriage as a union between a man and woman voluntarily entered into for life thus reflecting the views of Australian society at the time. However, the Marriage Amendment Act 2004 reaffirmed this heterosexual defintion “to the exclusion of all others” and also rendered same-sex unions solemnised overseas unable to be recognised as a marriage within Australia. Again, be sure to link this evidence to your argument. Make a judgement. I should be seeing the words 'effectively' and 'ineffectively' quite frequently. In contemporary Australian society, it is evident that attitudes and tolerance towards same-sex couples do not align with the definition that is outlined in the Marriage Act. According to the  ABC article “7 Things Vote Compass reveals about Australians” ,published in June 2016,, more than “half of Australians support same sex marriage” with only “1 in 4 Australians agreeing with the statement that marriage should be between a man and woman”. Good use of media, I like that you are actually putting media to effective use in building your argument. In attempting to respond to the antiquated definition of marriage that the Act contains, the Australian Capital Territory legislated the Marriage Equality Act 2013 to cease the institutionalised discrimination against same-sex couples within the government. The High Court of Australia ruled that the Marriage Act already included an adequate and comprehensive definition of marriage and the enactment of this law could not exist concurrently with the definition under the Marriage Act. However the ruling from  The Commonwealth of Australia v The Australian Capital Territory (2013), “held that the federal Parliament has power under the Australian constitution to legislate in respect to same sex marriage...and that under the constitution, whether same sex marriage should be provided for by law is a matter for federal Parliament” Fantastic situation to analyse here, but again, try and get it done more quickly. Recounting the series of events isn't as important as referencing the saga as a whole and analysing it for your argument. Give just enough for your argument to make sense. Therefore it is clear that the government has the potential means to rectify this contemporary issue but still chooses to impede on the rights of Australians in the denial of marital status to same-sex couples. Thus demonstrating poor responsiveness - Make your judgements! This bears many social implications such as the impression that same-sex couples are somehow secondary to that of their heterosexual counterparts. The law’s blatant lack of responsiveness concerning this issue poses as a significant hindrance in affording justice to members of same-sex families.
 
The law has been fairly responsive in recognising same-sex couples within Australia and in turn achieving justice for family members.  Various changes to legislations and commonwealth programs throughout the years has meant that heterosexual couples and same-sex couples within contemporary Australian society enjoy many of the same rights. Within this judgement, there is clear distinction in the legitimacy of same-sex couples within the government in the denial to marital status. Thus the law is responsive in dealing with the many issues that arise concerning the recognition of same-sex couples however justice can never be truly be afforded to family members until this underlying prejudice is removed. Good conclusion, works really well to summarise your argument!

Not a whole lot of comments Maria, this works really well! My main piece of feedback would be to make sure you are constantly evaluating, saying "This is good," or "This is bad." You are presenting great evidence and have solid arguments, but just need you to bring it all together a bit better by saying, "So, clearly, the law is shit," or "... thus demonstrating an effective response to changing social values."

Minor criticism, I think this essay will do really well

[Maddiigracee]

Ok, thanks Wales. Do the 'posts' have to be giving others advice or can I just ask questions when I need help too?

[Wales]

Ok, thanks Wales. Do the 'posts' have to be giving others advice or can I just ask questions when I need help too?

Both! You can ask questions, help out if you can or add to discussions. As long as they're not just "filler" posts it's cool. We just like people contributing to the community

See ya around! PM me or the mods if you need anything

[maria1999]

Hey Maria! I can definitely give you some feedback on this, your essay is attached in the spoiler with comments in bold!

Essay with Feedback

Evaluate the responsiveness of the law in achieving justice for family members.

The responsiveness of the law in achieving justice for all family members in regards to the recognition of same sex couples has been fairly responsive. Good intro, makes the judgement clear straight away. You could try leading into it a bit more, why is recognition of same sex couples important in the legal system, perhaps? The concept of family law, by nature, is complex and continually evolving and thus the area of family law must be malleable and dynamic in response to allow justice to be afforded for all members of a family. This would make more sense going before the last sentence, perhaps, works well though! In the instance of recognising same-sex couples and families, the Australian legal system has made significant progress in ensuring that their rights are kept consistent with that of their heterosexual counterparts. However, the law’s denial of marital status to same-sex couples significantly limits its responsiveness in achieving justice for family members. Good introduction - Simple, gets the job done.
 
Over the past thirty years, the law has made significant changes in legally recognising same sex couples. Do you mean specifically legislation? Try to not use the word 'law' because that is quite a broad thing. These changes were exemplified through the The Property (Relationships) Act 1984 (NSW) which officially established de-facto couples as having the same legal standing as married couples in regards to areas which were previously overlooked such as inheritance and property division in the event of death or illness. Same-sex couples were excluded from the entitlements of this law as the legal system was yet to recognise them as legitimate couples. In the case of Howard v Andrews (1996)a man was unable to claim the property of his deceased male partner due to the nature of inheritance laws in currently in place. The law in turn responded to this institutionalised discrimination as demonstrated by the Property (Relationships) Legislation Amendment Act 1999 (NSW) which saw not only the extension of property and inheritance rights to same-sex couples but also introduced a definition of de-facto as “two adult persons living together as a couple who are not married or related by marriage”. Excellent analysis of a law, a case which raised an issue with the law, and a change. However, it could be more succinct to allow you to squeeze in more examples. You don't really need to spend a whole sentence or two explaining and describing the initial legislation, for example. Changes such as these exemplify how the role of law reform is pivotal in achieving just outcomes for family members. Legislative changes such as this became the catalyst for effective responses from the law in achieving justice for family members. Good paragraph, but needs more evaluation. You've presented a change, how effective is it? How responsive was it?
 
The constantly changing nature of family law calls for dynamic and effective responses from the law with issues that arise concerning children in same-sex partnerships. In today’s society, the idea of the family unit is incredibly different to the typical image of the nuclear family and the law has attempted to be responsive in recognising this change. Good context to the changes you will discuss. Previous to the Adoption Amendment (Same sex couples) Act 2010 NSW, same-sex couples were denied the right to legally adopt children within the state of New South Wales. This would bare many implications for same-sex families as seen within the case of AA v The Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages where a child born to a lesbian couple through means of artificial insemination was not able to have the name of both female parents on their birth certificate. Be sure to link this (very good) evidence to your argument. This is showing ineffectiveness and the fact that the law was 'initially' unresponsive to the issue. However since the Same-Sex Relationships (Equal Treatment in Commonwealth Laws—General Law Reform) Act 2008,, the law responded to existing prejudices within commonwealth programs and laws that involve child support, medicare, adoption which in turn granted the couple the right to put the names of both females on the certificate without that of a biological father. How effective was this change? This is an 'evaluate' question so you need to be making judgements frequently! Societies change in values have also seen the law to be more inclined to consider the best interests of a child before that of its institutionalised prejudices. The Sydney Morning Herald article titled “Adoption by same-sex couple opposed because of birth parents’ Catholic faith” details a case where a court has “allowed a four-year old girl to be adopted by a same-sex couple despite her birth parents’ opposition”. The birth mother, since having a long history of drug use and a conviction for the manslaughter of her infant son, was deemed unfit to raise her child and therefore had her parental rights removed in regards to making decisions for her daughter's best interests. Try to make the case details a little more succinct, blend those two sentences into one - Save yourself some space, case details aren't super important. By acknowledging the best interests of the child within this ruling, Australia has complied with its ratification of the Convention on the Rights of a Child and exemplified how the law has the potential to be incredibly responsive in achieving justice for same-sex parented family members. Great. Same-sex couples now enjoy the same parental and adoption rights as their heterosexual counterparts and the significant responsiveness of the law has been instrumental in achieving this outcome. Great paragraph, good mix of evidence. I think this works really well!
 
Although the law has strived to recognise same-sex partnerships, the Australian legal system has yet been to completely afford justice to same-sex family members due to the lack of responsiveness in regards to the right to the right of marriage. The Marriage Act 1961 defines marriage as a union between a man and woman voluntarily entered into for life thus reflecting the views of Australian society at the time. However, the Marriage Amendment Act 2004 reaffirmed this heterosexual defintion “to the exclusion of all others” and also rendered same-sex unions solemnised overseas unable to be recognised as a marriage within Australia. Again, be sure to link this evidence to your argument. Make a judgement. I should be seeing the words 'effectively' and 'ineffectively' quite frequently. In contemporary Australian society, it is evident that attitudes and tolerance towards same-sex couples do not align with the definition that is outlined in the Marriage Act. According to the  ABC article “7 Things Vote Compass reveals about Australians” ,published in June 2016,, more than “half of Australians support same sex marriage” with only “1 in 4 Australians agreeing with the statement that marriage should be between a man and woman”. Good use of media, I like that you are actually putting media to effective use in building your argument. In attempting to respond to the antiquated definition of marriage that the Act contains, the Australian Capital Territory legislated the Marriage Equality Act 2013 to cease the institutionalised discrimination against same-sex couples within the government. The High Court of Australia ruled that the Marriage Act already included an adequate and comprehensive definition of marriage and the enactment of this law could not exist concurrently with the definition under the Marriage Act. However the ruling from  The Commonwealth of Australia v The Australian Capital Territory (2013), “held that the federal Parliament has power under the Australian constitution to legislate in respect to same sex marriage...and that under the constitution, whether same sex marriage should be provided for by law is a matter for federal Parliament” Fantastic situation to analyse here, but again, try and get it done more quickly. Recounting the series of events isn't as important as referencing the saga as a whole and analysing it for your argument. Give just enough for your argument to make sense. Therefore it is clear that the government has the potential means to rectify this contemporary issue but still chooses to impede on the rights of Australians in the denial of marital status to same-sex couples. Thus demonstrating poor responsiveness - Make your judgements! This bears many social implications such as the impression that same-sex couples are somehow secondary to that of their heterosexual counterparts. The law’s blatant lack of responsiveness concerning this issue poses as a significant hindrance in affording justice to members of same-sex families.
 
The law has been fairly responsive in recognising same-sex couples within Australia and in turn achieving justice for family members.  Various changes to legislations and commonwealth programs throughout the years has meant that heterosexual couples and same-sex couples within contemporary Australian society enjoy many of the same rights. Within this judgement, there is clear distinction in the legitimacy of same-sex couples within the government in the denial to marital status. Thus the law is responsive in dealing with the many issues that arise concerning the recognition of same-sex couples however justice can never be truly be afforded to family members until this underlying prejudice is removed. Good conclusion, works really well to summarise your argument!

Not a whole lot of comments Maria, this works really well! My main piece of feedback would be to make sure you are constantly evaluating, saying "This is good," or "This is bad." You are presenting great evidence and have solid arguments, but just need you to bring it all together a bit better by saying, "So, clearly, the law is shit," or "... thus demonstrating an effective response to changing social values."

Minor criticism, I think this essay will do really well

Hey Jamon! Thanks so much for taking the time to do this! I incorporated all the feedback you gave me last night into my response and I submitted it this morning! I really appreciate it!

[jamonwindeyer]

Hey Jamon! Thanks so much for taking the time to do this! I incorporated all the feedback you gave me last night into my response and I submitted it this morning! I really appreciate it!

No problem Maria! I hope it goes well for you

[kiiaaa]

Hi

I was wondering if you could please provide me feedback on my first 25 makrer essay of family law?
I was also wondering if you could help me
-  in my last paragraph for cases and legislation
- how to write an introduction. ( i wrote my body paragraphs but i dont really know how to structure an introduction and conclusion)

Thank you so so so so much 

EVALUATE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE LAW IN ACHIEVING JUSTICE FOR PARTIES IN RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS
basically these are my body paragraphs as i dont really know what to write in an introduction and conclusion

 
The law has been significantly effective in achieving justice for the parties [KS1] of a marriage when their marriage breaks down as society  changes and divorce has become more acceptable. The removal of “fault” as the ground for divorce in the Family Law Act 1975, allowed for a more acrimonious approach to divorce in addition to divorce application to quicker and more cost and time efficient as well as meeting the societal values as well as achieving  just outcome for both parties in the marriage as it doesn’t tarnish the reputation of the other spouse when proving fault. Online application have been introduced to to reflect the technological change society undergoes. Despite the ease to apply for a divorce, the rate of divorces has gone down as in 2001 approximately 55000 divorces were granted in comparison to the 49000 divorces in 2011 according to ABS. This  shows how despite the law  making divorce more accessible to it doesn’t compromise with the definition of marriage.
 
When parties are involved in a relationship breakdown, the divison of property is the most contentious issues. The law encourages parties to comply and co-operate with each other which does achieve justice for the separating parties. The law encourages couples to mutually reach an agreements on the allocation of property  through avenues such as Relationship centres which can then be made binding by applying to the family court if the court deems the division to be fair and equitable. Furthermore, the law encompasses for both married and de facto couples and for both circumstances allows the court to allocate property if the couple disputes. The courts take into account factors such as the financial and non-financial contribution of each party in addition to their financial commitments, income, if they have the care of anyone under 18 years of age, ability to maintain a reasonable standard of living and the contributions made to assets as depicted in C & M (2006) where the wife’s contribution were recognized in the division of property. The 2002 reforms to the Family Law Act has allowed to claim super that each spouse has accumulated. While this is beneficial for those spouses who don’t work, or are in less secured positions it reduces overall justice for spouse who’s superannuation is being divided. The law has undergone amendment to recognize Pre-nuptials as binding agreements in the Family Courts which preserve justice as for both individuals to have their properties protected in a mutual deal made rationally by both parties which can be challenged in court if the party deems it to be . Hence the law has been significantly effective in upholding justice for the parties of the relationship when dividing property once the relationship has broken down.
 
The law is vastly effective when achieving  justice for children when parents apply for the divorce as the best interest of the child are the primarily concern of the law. Under part VII of the Family law Act 1975 (CTH) an application for divorce won't be approved  unless a parenting plan has been put in place.  The Child Support Scheme has been implemented to ensure that children are financially secure. However, figures show that only half of payers fully meet their obligations.  Hence the 2006 amendment has allowed the payer’s wage to be garnished if they don’t comply and meet their financial obligation for the child. Furthermore, the law in the 2011 amendment of the Family Law Act, has allowed children to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents where the quality of time is valued rather than the quantity of the time in response to Rosa v Rosa where the mother had to leave in poor conditions for the child to maintain a relationship with the father. However the impractical lifestyle she maintained wasn’t in the best interest of the child hence catalyzing law reform to remove the vagueness surrounding the law and ensuring CROC is upheld the best interests of the child is given more stance than the parental relationships. The law has reformed having extended to include ex-nuptial children thus being applicable to all children. Hence, the law effectively achieves justice for children when relationships breakdown as law’s primary concern is the best interest of the child.
 
 
Mediation and counselling has been incorporated in the law and is provided to couples aiming to ensure amicable decisions regarding separation are made.  The family Law Act has placed an emphasis on mediation and counselling as a primary dispute resolution, encouraging cooperation between couples as dispute resolution. It is compulsory for disputing couples to attend family counselling sessions unless there is danger to a spouse or an ADVO has been carried out. The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration which in addition to being beneficial for society it also benefits the couple being cost efficient. Mediation and counselling heavily relies on compliance and cooperation between couples and without so it can be ineffective. Furthermore, the law requires that couples with marriage sunder 2 years to attend compulsory counselling aiming to uphold the definition of marriage and provide resolutions to young couples. Hence the law has been effective in encouraging mediation and counselling however its success relies on the cooperation between the parties when breaking down a relationship
 
 

[Wales]

Hi

I was wondering if you could please provide me feedback on my first 25 makrer essay of family law?
I was also wondering if you could help me
-  in my last paragraph for cases and legislation
- how to write an introduction. ( i wrote my body paragraphs but i dont really know how to structure an introduction and conclusion)

Thank you so so so so much 

EVALUATE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE LAW IN ACHIEVING JUSTICE FOR PARTIES IN RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS
basically these are my body paragraphs as i dont really know what to write in an introduction and conclusion

 
The law has been significantlyI was told not to use high modality words unless you can support it. Maybe take out significant as there are always downsides to law reforms effective in achieving justice for the parties [KS1] of a marriage when their marriage breaks down as society changes and divorce has become more acceptable. The removal of “fault” as the ground for divorce in the Family Law Act 1975, allowed for a more acrimonious approach to divorce in addition to divorce application to quicker and more cost and time efficient as well as meeting the societal values as well as How does it meet societal values? You've also used as well as twice in a sentence. I would recommend "In addition to the divorce appliation being quicker and more cost efficient it also meets societal values as it doesn't tarnish ..."achieving  just outcome for both parties in the marriage as it doesn’t tarnish the reputation of the other spouse when proving fault. Online application have been introduced to to reflect the technological change society undergoesEffect? What does online application make easier?. Despite the ease to apply for a divorce, the rate of divorces has gone down as in 2001 approximately 55000 divorces were granted in comparison to the 49000 divorces in 2011 according to ABS. This shows how despite the law making divorce more accessible to it doesn’t compromise with the definition of marriage. You might want to address ineffectiveness here as well. You should always look at both sides the effects of a given legislation.
 
When parties are involved in a relationship breakdown, the divison of property is the most contentious issues. The law encourages parties to comply and co-operate with each otherHow? which does achieveachieves justice for the separating parties. The law encourages couples to mutually reach an agreements on the allocation of property  through avenues such as Relationship centres Good stuff!which can then be made binding by applying to the family court if the court deems the division to be fair and equitable. Furthermore, the law encompasses for both married and de facto couples and for bothWording seems a bit awkward. Maybe for both married and de facto couples to apply for property allocation instead. circumstances allows the court to allocate property if the couple disputes. The courts take into account factors such as the financial and non-financial contribution of each party in addition to their financial commitments, income, if they have the care of anyone under 18 years of age, ability to maintain a reasonable standard of living and the contributions made to assets You should end the sentence here and introduce the case in a new sentence.as depicted in C & M (2006) where the wife’s contribution were recognizesd in the division of property. The 2002 reforms to the Family Law Act has allowed to claim super that each spouse has accumulated. While this is beneficial for those spouses who don’t work, or are in less secured positions it reduces overall justice for spouse who’s superannuation is being dividedHow does it reduce justice? Who is impacted? How are they impacted?. The law has undergone amendment to recognize Pre-nuptials as binding agreements in the Family Courts which preserves justice as for both individuals to have their properties protected in a mutual deal made rationally by both parties which can be challenged in court if the party deems it to be What is the effect of introducing the mutual deal? Who does it create justice for?. Hence the law has been significantly effective in upholding justice for the parties of the relationship when dividing property once the relationship has broken down.
 You may want to address the ineffectiveness of the law here again.

The law is vastly effective when achieving justice for children when parents apply for the divorce as the best interest of the child are the primarily concern of the lawI would have a topic sentence then introduce the specific reform (CROC I think it was) that introduced the best interests of the child. Under part VII of the Family law Act 1975 (CTH) an application for divorce won't be approved  unless a parenting plan has been put in placeWhat does a parenting plan do in terms of achieving justice? Who does it affect primarily?.  The Child Support Scheme has been implemented to ensure that children are financially secure. However, figures show that only half of payers fully meet their obligationsI think you can join that sentence with the previous. Expand on the ineffectiveness here as well..  Hence the 2006 amendment has allowed the payer’s wage to be garnished if they don’t comply and meet their financial obligation for the child. Furthermore, the law in the 2011 amendment of the Family Law ActCite the law properly The 2011 Amendment to the FLA, has allowed children to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents where the quality of time is valued rather than the quantity of the timeWhat did the law change to allow this? in response to Rosa v Rosa where the mother had to leave in poor conditions for the child to maintain a relationship with the father. However the impractical lifestyle she maintained wasn’t in the best interest of the child hence catalyzing law reform to remove the vagueness surrounding the law and ensuring CROC is upheld the best interests of the child Introduce CROC earlier.is given more stance than the parental relationships. The law has reformed having extended to include ex-nuptial children thus being applicable to all children. Hence, the law effectively achieves justice for children when relationships breakdown as law’s primary concern is the best interest of the child.
 
 
Mediation and counselling has been incorporated in the law and is provided to couples aiming to ensure amicable decisions regarding separation are made.  The family Law Act has placed an emphasis on mediation and counselling as a primary dispute resolution, encouraging cooperation between couples as dispute resolutionHow? Which reform did this. I would also back it up with statistics!. It is compulsory for disputing couples to attend family counselling sessions unless there is danger to a spouse or an ADVO has been carried outIneffectiveness here could be ADVO's not preventing the perpetrator of DV. Plenty of cases for that: Jean Majdalawi. Darcey Freeman etc.. The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration which in addition to being beneficial for society it also benefits the couple being cost efficientand allows financially disadvantaged people access to the law. Mediation and counselling heavily relies on compliance and cooperation between couples and without so it can be ineffectiveWhy? Is it because of tensions between the individuals? How does the law address this.. Furthermore, the law requires that couples with marriage sunder 2 years to attend compulsory counselling aiming to uphold the definition of marriage and provide resolutions to young couples.What does this do? How does it create justice for the individuals HenceMaybe it's just me but you've used hence a lot ): Try cut it down the law has been effective in encouraging mediation and counselling however its success relies on the cooperation between the parties when breaking down a relationship
 
 

I hope the feedback helped! I'm not a experienced marker ( student myself ) and thought I would lend a hand since the markers are rather busy.

I've attached the feedback in bold. Just read the quote and you should see it

I feel that a lot of your sentence structure isn't cohesive enough, ideas don't flow well from one to another. I think it's primarily because of your excessive use of conjunctions ( ____ hence it shows ___ and therefore ___ hence justice ). You have the right ideas but you need to judge both sides of reforms.

The conclusion should be a summation of your arguments and your judgement. Has it been effective? If so, for who and ineffective for who? For your introduction I would also include your judgement and provide a definition for family law/areas you're going to talk about. Just brief and nothing too long.

Goodluck! I'm glad to answer any questions you've got.

Regards, Wales

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi

I was wondering if you could please provide me feedback on my first 25 makrer essay of family law?
I was also wondering if you could help me
-  in my last paragraph for cases and legislation
- how to write an introduction. ( i wrote my body paragraphs but i dont really know how to structure an introduction and conclusion)

Thank you so so so so much 

Hey kiaaa! Wales has given great feedback above, I'll add mine over the weekend

[Wales]

Hey kiaaa! Wales has given great feedback above, I'll add mine over the weekend

*Insert Jamon stamp of approval*

Awesome, glad I was able to lend a hand!

[kiiaaa]

Hello hello helloo

I have written an essay on family law and was wondering if you could please mark it for me and provide me feedback please? I was also wondering if you could provide me an indication at the end around what mark it would receive in an exam and if there are any areas i really need to address and improve

thank you very much!


Evaluate the effectiveness of the law in protecting victims of domestic violence


Domestic Violence is violence within long intimate relationships and is considered a crime under s11 of the Crimes (Domestic and personal Violence) Act 2007 (NSW). The law has recognized domestic violence as an issue within itself and hence made legislative changes in address the issue due the alarming increase in cases relating domestic violence. The introduction of Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders branching from Apprehended Violence orders, in addition to criminal charges and family court orders display the legal systems attempt to better protect victims of domestic violence through various mechanisms. The law’s moderate effectiveness is demonstrated through the mechanisms having numerous shortfalls which fail to protect the victim thus not achieving the law’s initial purpose.
The law is partially effective in protecting domestic violence victims by introducing Apprehended Domestic Violence orders(ADVO), stemming from Apprehended Violence Orders (AVO) carrying the purpose to protect the victim from assault, intimidation or abuse of any sort. Under the Crimes (Domestic Violence) Amendment Act 1982 (NSW) the victim is required to prove on the balance of probabilities that on reasonable grounds they fear for their for personal violence, intimidation or assault placing the onus upon the victim which can act as a barrier in proving domestic violence. Police can issue interim ADVO’s over the phone from a magistrate if they are satisfied the person seeking the order is at risk of harm thus allowing easy accessibility for victims displaying the law’s effectiveness in protecting victims . However as intensive policing isn’t available, ADVO’s rely on the victims to report any breaches thus is heavily reliant on the defendant to comply with the order. Offenders that are found breeching their ADVO’s can find their bail application being denied under the s9A of the Bail Act to prevent the offender from causing further harm to the victim, a reform coming through the murder of Andrea Patrick who was murdered after her spouse was out on bail after being issued an ADVO. According to the 2015 BOSCAR report, 98% of women who experienced domestic violence no longer did after issuing an ADVO which displays state law’s effectiveness in protecting domestic violence. However, the ineffectiveness of the law is demonstrated as ADVO’s are a state government issue therefore if the perpetrator leaves the state the order won't be applicable. The federal government in response is in the process of introducing a national ADVO system  where “ if women and children receive a court order to protect them in one state it should protect them in all states” Tony Abbot (National Domestic Violence Orders would leave perpetrators nowhere to hide)(ABC) 2014. While the law has many strategies emplaced to protect victims, it contains numerous loopholes which compromise with the laws effectiveness in protecting victims.






The law is moderately effective in protecting victims of domestic violence through criminal charges having police apply for an ADVO on the victim’s behalf if an offence is committed and recorded as a domestic violence offence. Governed by the Crimes (domestic and Personal Violence) Act 2007 (NSW), the strengths of a criminal charge lie that the victim if does face domestic violence and is unwilling to report as are many cases, the police can intervene and take action to protect the victim from further harm and not label domestic violence as a personal issue. Having the law broaden the definition of domestic violence, it incorporates numerous offences such as placing financial constraints or emotional abuse hence allowing victims to be easily protected under the law. However, the short falls within the law are demonstrated as criminal charges have a high standard of proof being ‘beyond reasonable doubt.’ While this ensures justice to society that only the perpetrator receives charge, the high standard can make it difficult for the victim to prove than an ADVO. Furthermore, the severe outcome of having a criminal conviction can deter police and victims to pursue the charges. Therefore, criminal charges adequately protect the domestic violence victims, however, the law does contain aspects where shortfalls lie.

Family court orders as an element of the law have limited effectiveness in protecting domestic violence victims. Under the Family Law Act 1975, a victim can seek for orders similar to an ADVO as an injunction or parenting orders.  The court orders acknowledge violence to be part of a larger family problem and subsequently can order an injunction which can prevent or make an individual to do something. The law’s weakness however lies in that it operates the same as an AVO but is more difficult to enforce displaying obsolete laws within the legal system. Furthermore, an order in comparison to an ADVO, is harder to obtain displaying the lack of accessibility for domestic violence victims. Court orders also consist of parenting orders which recognized the effects of family violence upon children. The Family Court is required to ensure that the orders made about the child’s future are in the best interest of the child, upholding Australia’s international obligation towards the Convention of the Rights of the Child. However, in fear of the negative response from the Family Court when applying for parenting orders, women maybe reluctant to raise issues of family violence. This highlights a great ineffectiveness of the law as 61% of abused women have a child in their care which demonstrates the laws inability to protect women and children who are victims of domestic violence. Thus, the law is highly ineffective in protecting domestic violence victims through the use of court orders.
Hence, the law is relatively effective through the implementation of ADVOs, ability to lay criminal charges and to seek family court orders. Yet, there aspects where the law does contain loopholes which can compromise the domestic violence victim’s safety thus reducing the laws effectiveness to achieve its desired purpose.




 

[jamonwindeyer]

Hi

I was wondering if you could please provide me feedback on my first 25 makrer essay of family law?
I was also wondering if you could help me
-  in my last paragraph for cases and legislation
- how to write an introduction. ( i wrote my body paragraphs but i dont really know how to structure an introduction and conclusion)

Thank you so so so so much 

Hey! Sorry this took a while, hopefully this feedback helps!

Essay with Feedback

EVALUATE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE LAW IN ACHIEVING JUSTICE FOR PARTIES IN RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS

The law has been significantly effective in achieving justice for the parties [KS1] of a marriage when their marriage breaks down as society changes and divorce has become more acceptable. Good start, having a little justification of the increased prevalence of divorce works well here. Sets up your judgement well. The removal of “fault” as the ground for divorce in the Family Law Act 1975, allowed for a more acrimonious approach to divorce in addition to divorce application to quicker and more cost and time efficient as well as meeting the societal values as well as achieving  just outcome for both parties in the marriage as it doesn’t tarnish the reputation of the other spouse when proving fault. This sentence definitely flows on a little long, I'd cut it in half to make sure the ideas are expressed properly. Online application have been introduced to to reflect the technological change society undergoes. Watch syntax, applicationS! However, nice point. Good to see you being specific with how you analyse effectiveness and responses to change. Despite the ease to apply for a divorce, the rate of divorces has gone down as in 2001 approximately 55000 divorces were granted in comparison to the 49000 divorces in 2011 according to ABS. Again, I think this could be expressed more effectively and more succinctly. Even just, According to the ABS, the rate of divorces reduced from 55,000 to 49,000 from 2001 to 2011. This shows how despite the law making divorce more accessible to it doesn’t compromise with the definition of marriage. Not quite sure if this last sentence is a valid flow on from your argument, the 'definition' of marriage isn't quite up for debate here. I get it, but not quite expressed properly, perhaps you could link the reduced divorce rates to the effectiveness of mediation and other measures intended to prevent the breakdown of a marriage?
 
When parties are involved in a relationship breakdown, the division of property is the most contentious issues. The law encourages parties to comply and co-operate with each other which does achieve justice for the separating parties. How effectively? Be sure to make a clear and obvious judgement in your response. The law encourages couples to mutually reach an agreements on the allocation of property through avenues such as Relationship centres which can then be made binding by applying to the family court if the court deems the division to be fair and equitable. Again, ensure ideas are expressed clearly: Add commas to break ideas into manageable chunks where necessary! Furthermore, the law encompasses for both married and de facto couples and for both circumstances allows the court to allocate property if the couple disputes. Good - Be specific that this shows effectiveness! Also, try and include the specific law that accomplishes this. Specific evidence is always better than sweeping statements. The courts take into account factors such as the financial and non-financial contribution of each party in addition to their financial commitments, income, if they have the care of anyone under 18 years of age, ability to maintain a reasonable standard of living and the contributions made to assets as depicted in C & M (2006) where the wife’s contribution were recognized in the division of property. I'd separate this into a setup sentence, then bring the case in with a second sentence. It's too much doing it all in one. Further, I don't think you need to list the considerations, I'd spend that space on analysing the case more specifically. The 2002 reforms to the Family Law Act has allowed to claim super that each spouse has accumulated. While this is beneficial for those spouses who don’t work, or are in less secured positions it reduces overall justice for spouse who’s superannuation is being divided. Interesting analysis! The law has undergone amendment to recognize Pre-nuptials as binding agreements in the Family Courts which preserve justice as for both individuals to have their properties protected in a mutual deal made rationally by both parties which can be challenged in court if the party deems it to be. Hence the law has been significantly effective in upholding justice for the parties of the relationship when dividing property once the relationship has broken down. A solid paragraph analytically, it does feel a bit like a big jumble of unrelated evidence though. Try and use linking words to move logically from one piece of evidence to the next.
 
The law is vastly effective when achieving justice for children when parents apply for the divorce as the best interest of the child are the primarily concern of the law. Watch expression, primarily should be 'primary,' and I'd choose a different word than 'vastly,' that's more a size/scope word rather than an evaluative word. Under part VII of the Family law Act 1975 (CTH) an application for divorce won't be approved  unless a parenting plan has been put in place. The Child Support Scheme has been implemented to ensure that children are financially secure. How effective is it? What law implemented it? These are the sorts of specifics I need. However, figures show that only half of payers fully meet their obligations.  Hence the 2006 amendment has allowed the payer’s wage to be garnished if they don’t comply and meet their financial obligation for the child. Is this effective in achieving justice for children? Keep linking back to your argument! Furthermore, the law in the 2011 amendment of the Family Law Act, has allowed children to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents where the quality of time is valued rather than the quantity of the time in response to Rosa v Rosa where the mother had to leave in poor conditions for the child to maintain a relationship with the father. Too much in one sentence - Further, try and use the formal way of writing the legislation. However the impractical lifestyle she maintained wasn’t in the best interest of the child hence catalyzing law reform to remove the vagueness surrounding the law and ensuring CROC is upheld the best interests of the child is given more stance than the parental relationships. Not quite sure what you are arguing here - Keep it simple. I feel like you are trying to do too much too quickly. The law has reformed having extended to include ex-nuptial children thus being applicable to all children. Hence, the law effectively achieves justice for children when relationships breakdown as law’s primary concern is the best interest of the child.
 
Mediation and counselling has been incorporated in the law and is provided to couples aiming to ensure amicable decisions regarding separation are made.  Good/bad/ugly? Make your judgement at the start of your Thesis! The family Law Act has placed an emphasis on mediation and counselling as a primary dispute resolution, encouraging cooperation between couples as dispute resolution. It is compulsory for disputing couples to attend family counselling sessions unless there is danger to a spouse or an ADVO has been carried out. The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration which in addition to being beneficial for society it also benefits the couple being cost efficient. Good, watch expression, something like ... "The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration, with mediation/counselling proving more cost efficient than court proceedings." Mediation and counselling heavily relies on compliance and cooperation between couples and without so it can be ineffective. Furthermore, the law requires that couples with marriage sunder 2 years to attend compulsory counselling aiming to uphold the definition of marriage and provide resolutions to young couples. Be careful not to start just listing measures. Evaluate them - Are they effective? If so why? If not, why? Hence the law has been effective in encouraging mediation and counselling however its success relies on the cooperation between the parties when breaking down a relationship

Throughout your response, I think tidying up your expression will help a lot. A bit of unnecessary info, lots of ways to express answers more succinctly - At times I had to work quite hard to put your arguments together in my head. You don't want a HSC marker needing to do that work!

Besides that, more evidence would be welcome. More obvious judgements would be welcome too. But fixing expression is something you should spend some time working on, to really make sure your ideas can be expressed properly!

For your introduction, try this Legal Studies Thesis Guide! It goes through how to set up your argument correctly, as well as paragraph structure and such.

This HSC essay guide might also help

[kiiaaa]

I hope the feedback helped! I'm not a experienced marker ( student myself ) and thought I would lend a hand since the markers are rather busy.

I've attached the feedback in bold. Just read the quote and you should see it

I feel that a lot of your sentence structure isn't cohesive enough, ideas don't flow well from one to another. I think it's primarily because of your excessive use of conjunctions ( ____ hence it shows ___ and therefore ___ hence justice ). You have the right ideas but you need to judge both sides of reforms.

The conclusion should be a summation of your arguments and your judgement. Has it been effective? If so, for who and ineffective for who? For your introduction I would also include your judgement and provide a definition for family law/areas you're going to talk about. Just brief and nothing too long.

Goodluck! I'm glad to answer any questions you've got.

Regards, Wales

Hey! Sorry this took a while, hopefully this feedback helps!

Essay with Feedback

EVALUATE THE EFFECTIVENESS OF THE LAW IN ACHIEVING JUSTICE FOR PARTIES IN RELATIONSHIP BREAKDOWNS

The law has been significantly effective in achieving justice for the parties [KS1] of a marriage when their marriage breaks down as society changes and divorce has become more acceptable. Good start, having a little justification of the increased prevalence of divorce works well here. Sets up your judgement well. The removal of “fault” as the ground for divorce in the Family Law Act 1975, allowed for a more acrimonious approach to divorce in addition to divorce application to quicker and more cost and time efficient as well as meeting the societal values as well as achieving  just outcome for both parties in the marriage as it doesn’t tarnish the reputation of the other spouse when proving fault. This sentence definitely flows on a little long, I'd cut it in half to make sure the ideas are expressed properly. Online application have been introduced to to reflect the technological change society undergoes. Watch syntax, applicationS! However, nice point. Good to see you being specific with how you analyse effectiveness and responses to change. Despite the ease to apply for a divorce, the rate of divorces has gone down as in 2001 approximately 55000 divorces were granted in comparison to the 49000 divorces in 2011 according to ABS. Again, I think this could be expressed more effectively and more succinctly. Even just, According to the ABS, the rate of divorces reduced from 55,000 to 49,000 from 2001 to 2011. This shows how despite the law making divorce more accessible to it doesn’t compromise with the definition of marriage. Not quite sure if this last sentence is a valid flow on from your argument, the 'definition' of marriage isn't quite up for debate here. I get it, but not quite expressed properly, perhaps you could link the reduced divorce rates to the effectiveness of mediation and other measures intended to prevent the breakdown of a marriage?
 
When parties are involved in a relationship breakdown, the division of property is the most contentious issues. The law encourages parties to comply and co-operate with each other which does achieve justice for the separating parties. How effectively? Be sure to make a clear and obvious judgement in your response. The law encourages couples to mutually reach an agreements on the allocation of property through avenues such as Relationship centres which can then be made binding by applying to the family court if the court deems the division to be fair and equitable. Again, ensure ideas are expressed clearly: Add commas to break ideas into manageable chunks where necessary! Furthermore, the law encompasses for both married and de facto couples and for both circumstances allows the court to allocate property if the couple disputes. Good - Be specific that this shows effectiveness! Also, try and include the specific law that accomplishes this. Specific evidence is always better than sweeping statements. The courts take into account factors such as the financial and non-financial contribution of each party in addition to their financial commitments, income, if they have the care of anyone under 18 years of age, ability to maintain a reasonable standard of living and the contributions made to assets as depicted in C & M (2006) where the wife’s contribution were recognized in the division of property. I'd separate this into a setup sentence, then bring the case in with a second sentence. It's too much doing it all in one. Further, I don't think you need to list the considerations, I'd spend that space on analysing the case more specifically. The 2002 reforms to the Family Law Act has allowed to claim super that each spouse has accumulated. While this is beneficial for those spouses who don’t work, or are in less secured positions it reduces overall justice for spouse who’s superannuation is being divided. Interesting analysis! The law has undergone amendment to recognize Pre-nuptials as binding agreements in the Family Courts which preserve justice as for both individuals to have their properties protected in a mutual deal made rationally by both parties which can be challenged in court if the party deems it to be. Hence the law has been significantly effective in upholding justice for the parties of the relationship when dividing property once the relationship has broken down. A solid paragraph analytically, it does feel a bit like a big jumble of unrelated evidence though. Try and use linking words to move logically from one piece of evidence to the next.
 
The law is vastly effective when achieving justice for children when parents apply for the divorce as the best interest of the child are the primarily concern of the law. Watch expression, primarily should be 'primary,' and I'd choose a different word than 'vastly,' that's more a size/scope word rather than an evaluative word. Under part VII of the Family law Act 1975 (CTH) an application for divorce won't be approved  unless a parenting plan has been put in place. The Child Support Scheme has been implemented to ensure that children are financially secure. How effective is it? What law implemented it? These are the sorts of specifics I need. However, figures show that only half of payers fully meet their obligations.  Hence the 2006 amendment has allowed the payer’s wage to be garnished if they don’t comply and meet their financial obligation for the child. Is this effective in achieving justice for children? Keep linking back to your argument! Furthermore, the law in the 2011 amendment of the Family Law Act, has allowed children to maintain a meaningful relationship with both parents where the quality of time is valued rather than the quantity of the time in response to Rosa v Rosa where the mother had to leave in poor conditions for the child to maintain a relationship with the father. Too much in one sentence - Further, try and use the formal way of writing the legislation. However the impractical lifestyle she maintained wasn’t in the best interest of the child hence catalyzing law reform to remove the vagueness surrounding the law and ensuring CROC is upheld the best interests of the child is given more stance than the parental relationships. Not quite sure what you are arguing here - Keep it simple. I feel like you are trying to do too much too quickly. The law has reformed having extended to include ex-nuptial children thus being applicable to all children. Hence, the law effectively achieves justice for children when relationships breakdown as law’s primary concern is the best interest of the child.
 
Mediation and counselling has been incorporated in the law and is provided to couples aiming to ensure amicable decisions regarding separation are made.  Good/bad/ugly? Make your judgement at the start of your Thesis! The family Law Act has placed an emphasis on mediation and counselling as a primary dispute resolution, encouraging cooperation between couples as dispute resolution. It is compulsory for disputing couples to attend family counselling sessions unless there is danger to a spouse or an ADVO has been carried out. The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration which in addition to being beneficial for society it also benefits the couple being cost efficient. Good, watch expression, something like ... "The law aims to resolve disputes without arbitration, with mediation/counselling proving more cost efficient than court proceedings." Mediation and counselling heavily relies on compliance and cooperation between couples and without so it can be ineffective. Furthermore, the law requires that couples with marriage sunder 2 years to attend compulsory counselling aiming to uphold the definition of marriage and provide resolutions to young couples. Be careful not to start just listing measures. Evaluate them - Are they effective? If so why? If not, why? Hence the law has been effective in encouraging mediation and counselling however its success relies on the cooperation between the parties when breaking down a relationship

Throughout your response, I think tidying up your expression will help a lot. A bit of unnecessary info, lots of ways to express answers more succinctly - At times I had to work quite hard to put your arguments together in my head. You don't want a HSC marker needing to do that work!

Besides that, more evidence would be welcome. More obvious judgements would be welcome too. But fixing expression is something you should spend some time working on, to really make sure your ideas can be expressed properly!

For your introduction, try this Legal Studies Thesis Guide! It goes through how to set up your argument correctly, as well as paragraph structure and such.

This HSC essay guide might also help

thank you soo much Wales and Jamon. Seriously you guys are legends! I was wondering if you would be able to give me a guide on about what band this essay would receive please? just so i know where i broadly lie

Thanks once again

[jamonwindeyer]

thank you soo much Wales and Jamon. Seriously you guys are legends! I was wondering if you would be able to give me a guide on about what band this essay would receive please? just so i know where i broadly lie

Thanks once again

You are welcome! Hmm, under exam conditions I'd probably put you in the low Band 5 range right now, but obviously take that with several large grains of salt

[jamonwindeyer]

- Hi there this is my world order essay it is not finished yet a few more paragraphs but i just want know how it looks so far , and we had to pick one question out of three questions and I've picked ''Explain the impact of the media on world order" i would love some feedback thank you and this is due next term.

Hey! I've attached your essay with feedback in bold

Spoiler

The effect of the media upon World order is a very highly complicated legal issue which justifies the law and the media is moderately effective in achieving justice between nation-states. Good start, sets up your judgement, not sure what you mean by 'justifies the law' though? Be sure your statements/arguments are clearly stated. Regards to this legal issue this definitely impacts the society in underpinning the media and the law representation between each issues that arise from world order. Watch expression - I'm getting the rough idea you are putting across but you want to make sure that the marker doesn't have to do to much work to decipher what you are presenting. The media has been an inclusively beneficial representation of the arising issues in world order, regarding the conflict Israel v Palestine the media’s role and judgement regards to this conflict has been bias and judgmental throughout their reports. Try and keep cohesive - Are you saying the media is beneficial? Biased? However, regarding discretion other independent media reports have been just and fair regarding this conflict. Furthermore, the civil conflict between North and south Sudan has arisen major legal issue regards to the media as being moderately ineffective with their published news reports regarding this civil conflict. Independent media reports has played a crucial role in regards to world order with it’s justified news reports concerning this civil conflict. Additionally, the vital issue of the war on terror conflict has raised world order issues.  Many media reports have acted problematic bias with their false criticism towards iraq with its false and misleading broadcast. To conclude, the media and the law’s impact towards world order has been beneficial allowing it to be moderately effective towards nation-states overall. This is a good introduction, it sets up the argument - However, it is a tad long. Try and trim it down to five, maybe six sentences at the most. Introduce the ideas, give one or two sentences evaluating the media's coverage of the world order issues, then conclude - You just need to streamline things a little.
 
The media characterization upon world order regarding the civil conflict between Israel and Palestine has raised crucial world order issues with its false Accusations throughout their published reports, however the media and the law have been useful towards this conflict as they are moderately effective of accomplishing justice between nation-states overall. How does the media help accomplish justice specifically? Is it about promoting the issue, or otherwise? World order issues have risen as the media have been bias towards Palestine with their ambiguous broadcast and reports. According to Accusations of bias in coverage of the israel-Palestine conflict publishing “Israeli security forces allege they were under attack before the killings, but no soldiers were hurt which undermines the veracity of the attack. Where does the quote end there, does it go to the end? Be sure to be clear when you
 include headings as to when they finish (finish off your quote marks). Furthermore, according to Three Palestine teenagers shot dead on west bank the youths were considered as a threat towards the israelites as they were presumed to have opened fire to the israelites soldiers, but no allegations of israelis soldiers being wounded or killed. Try not to just retell the article - What has the article done to impact on the scenario? What role has the media played here? This sophistically underpins the media's highly false reports towards the Palestine. Make a judgement - Is this effective or ineffective? Furthermore, the UN Charter treaty underlines that every nation should be equal and be cooperating peacefully, but Israel has incredibly violated the treaty as Un observers were denied, separation wall were built, and created illegal settlements were included. In addition, according to the Geneva Convention treaty that innocent civilians, and hospitals are not be attacked.Further, biological dangerous nuclear weapons are not to be used, but Israel has violated this treaty with its dangerous attack that wounded and killed 8 boys in total according to the article Israel strike four boys on Gaza beach as ‘’humanitarian ceasefire’ announced. Do these relate to the media? Be sure to stay on track with the question. These innocent civilians were playing by the fisherman's container and missiles were aimed straight at the container at Gaza beach with no prose threat towards the israelites at all, but were attacked by the israelis. However, the article 5 Palestinians killed while attacking israelis, as two Palestinians were fatally shot after they opened fire with automatic weapons on Israeli security forces, also as two Palestinians were throwing rocks at passing vehicles near the West Bank city allowing israelis soldiers killing them. Again, don't just retell the media articles. You need to analyse them - Are they effective/ineffective? Why? Further, another Palestinian gripping a knife ran at Israeli paramilitary border police officers, and an officer shot and killed him. In conclusion, the media and the law have been moderately effective regarding this conflict and nation-states overall.
 
Regarding the Media and the law’s representation in relation of the civil conflict between North and South Sudan has raised various world order distributions with regards with their publishes of reports and broadcasting with numerous of world order problems occurring, but the media and the law are not always unjust and bias with their reporting with the issues of world order and this civil conflict. This is a looong sentence, try to break your ideas into smaller chunks. Also, try to add some variety to how you start your paragraphs. Just repeating the same phrase again is a bit monotonous to the marker. Thus, the media and the law’s impact in regards of this civil conflict its has been moderately effective in achieving justice for all Nation-states. Good job on making an obvious judgement here. The media have taken action against North Sudan. According to the treaty international Criminal Court it is that no crimes against humanity, war crimes, torture, genocide is to be committed at all. However, the president of Sudan has committed five counts of crimes against humanity such as murder, and torture. Two counts of war crimes by intentionally directing attacks against a civilian population as such or against individual civilians by not taking part in hostilities. Further, as well three counts of genocide were committed as well by the cause of serious bodily and mental harm was applied upon civilians. Furthermore, more genocide was committed as deliberately inflicting on each target group, as dangerous rebels the janjaweed militia have committed these types of genocide according to the prosecutor v. Omar Hassan Ahmad Al Bashir. This information, while it would be useful in general, isn't strictly related to the media. Keep things on track! The treaty Geneva Convention states that torture, war crimes, and any act of genocide is forbidden, but it was violated by the sudanese president Omar Hassan Ahmad Al Bashir regarding the crimes that bashir committed the media and the law have been very weak in regards with their reporting and publishing which determines that the media have been limited effective as well the ICJ treaty regarding world order issues towards this conflict. Another really long sentence, break it up a little! However, the article Omar al-Bashir Case Shows International criminal court’s Limitations strikes at Mr. Bashir as given an arrest warrant, but the international criminal court is only powerful towards weak nations as it has failed to prosecute Mr. Bashir as it had no power to handcuff them and put them in the dock. The media has predominantly failed in raising awareness with this world order issue concerning this conflict, towards the society, and with its regards how the international court of justice has failed with their reports and publishing regarding this conflict. Good, this is what you need more of - Actually evaluating the media's response to the issue. To add more, according to UN approves new peacekeeping force to south sudan from the foreign media Al Jazeera as the United Nations Security Council has approved the deployment of an additional 4,000-strong peacekeeping force in South Sudan this peacekeeping is to act as a protection force regarding this civil conflict. To conclude, the media, other independent media, and the law publishes and reports have been moderately effective in achieving justice between nation-states.

Regarding the media and law representation upon the world on terror conflict, the media and law has explicitly raised various of world order issues regarding this tremendous conflict. Further, the media and the law have been ultimately highly bias regarding this conflict especially towards iraq as this has been the media’s and the law's biggest target and enemy. However, the media and the law have been moderately effective within this conflict overall. The media has extraordinary been unfair and bias with its highly misrepresentative propaganda publishing and reports regarding this conflict as it pronounced it weapons of mass destruction. According to the ‘Iraq war 'waged on false intelligence',as the media and the law have falsely broadcasted misleading Accusations towards iraq as it believed that within this conflict that iraq had dangerous ‘’biological weapons’’, nuclear bombs and weapons. As this is completely forbidden under the Geneva Convention as the use of biological, chemical and nuclear weapons is not to be used or taken into sort of account during a use of force conflict as it will violate the treaty. But however, regarding other independent media reports it has found no source of evidence of iraq using any highly toxic dangerous chemical or biological nuclear gas and weapons. According to the article ‘’Media's failure on Iraq still stings’’, as well 100,000 Iraqi civilians have been killed, and not a single of biological of weapons were found.

Main Comments:

- Watch expression. You don't need to be an incredible writer to argue a point well in Legal, but your sentences do need to flow logically and express your ideas clearly. I was doing a lot of work to interpret your evidence and perspectives. Get a friend to help you read the essay out and tidy up the word choice and syntax!
- Good job making an obvious judgement in places, but you need to do a little more to back that up. A lot of your analysis/evidence wasn't strictly to do with the media, but to other responses. This isn't relevant for this question!
- Trim down your introduction, if for no other reason than to make your life easier

Let me know if you need anything clarified, I hope this help!