* Mao controls self to not troll.
Mao... please do not fight the temptation.
You got it.
Now this is a story all about how my life got flip turned upside-down. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there. I was just sitting a restaurant when this chick walks in. She had blonde hair and wore a summer dress with frangipanis; she had a smile that can melt the heart of Arnold Schwarzenegger, and deep blue eyes that seems like an ocean. We were just talking about life and having a coffee. I glanced over at her coffee and noticed that she didn't put any sugar in. But everyone has sugar in their coffee! She slowly leaned closer to me, and I watched her expression as she got close enough I can feel her breath on my neck, and then I knew. The blonde hair, the frangipanis, the blue eyes, no sugar, it all made sense. I put on my sunglasses and ran for it, and in my rear-view mirror I could see her ripping her clothes off to reveal the body of Mike Tyson. She ran after me with the ferocity of a hundred rhinos, with the agility of a swooping eagle. But I wasn't going to go down that easy. I ran into the nearest chemistry lab and quickly prepared a container of hydrogen sulfide, and when she ran in smashing the door, I sprayed the gas into her eyes, chocking her with the stink of rotten eggs. She paused for a second, and I took the chance and ran home. When I got home, my mom got scared, and said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
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