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Dejan

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My YOW Practice Essay
« on: October 22, 2012, 05:21:22 pm »
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This is my first practice essay, this is not to great as I found this question rather challenging and not claiming this to be good essay, if you can be bothered to read this and hopefully provide feedback, errors and or mistakes where I went wrong, where I could improve and how to improve, then it is more than appreciated. (I used the connect English lecture notes to experiment into writing better essays)

"How does Anna view of the world change in the course of the novel" VCAA 2010
 In the novel The Year Of Wonders illustrated by Geraldine Brooks explores the course of the nature that is the life of Eyam during the plague that cripples the town into a crisis where in the life of the first perspective of the character Anna Frith develop a sense of logic and reasoning forming ideas and opinions of how events occur naturally or by the devil's act. Some of her views that are initially developed are the acts of the devil, natural occurrence on being on Earth and the use of science and nature.

At the first point of the novel where Anna has first seen the plague struck in the town of Eyam, Anna comes to believe that this plague that struck the town is most indefinitely the work of the devil as this were the people belief in such an era of the Restoration where devils and witches are to appear true in it's existence and where no common myth which results the similar common belief amongst all the people of Eyam. This is the stage of the novel where Anna has not been exposed to the knowledge on the operation of natural crises like the plague which means she is to quickly dismiss the devil to part take to summon the plague on the town

Near towards the days where the plague is worsening by the day and decreasing morality in the people leading to bitter conflict in the community, Anna is introduced by her friend Elinor Mompellion to the world of medicine where Elinor participates in teaching Anna about how to create medicinal's, treatment and studying herbs/ herboire and those of plant matter. In the teachings, Anna develops a sense of opinion and point of matter on the occurrence of the Earth and it's upbringings of disaster like the plague. "For though they may be plague seeds within them, yet also maybe a knowledge to rid us of the plague " and this developed knowledge leads to her believing she had the idea to possibly end the plague in it's entirely " the key to defeating this plague, I am convinced, must lie here, in the virtue of such plants". Whereas in the first points of the novel Anna was unable to form an opinion on how the world operated due to the lack of knowledge and understanding which leads to argue that her view in the world had dramatically changed.

Well after the teachings of Elinor, Anna who had believed that not everything that is to be viewed in a negative way or an occurrence that involves death, grief, pain and suffering caused by the work of the devil but rather simply a natural occurrence. "Perhaps the plague was neither of God nor the Devil, but simply a thing of nature"  even more evidence suggests this point where Anna fallen upon a rock after trying to save Any's life. Anna after seeing people with formed opinions of that the Devil is to blame for the plague, Anna comes to a concluding point that " Why should this thing be either a test of faith sent by God, of the evil working of the devil in the world. This strongly provides  and shows that Anna view on the world does change.

Year of Wonders move the stages of the plague where towards near the end, Anna develops her view that the plague has occurred due to the realization that her knowledge on science and medicine. Moving towards the middle stages of the story where Anna opinion and views are not fully developed  but she thinks that the Plague merely were an act of nature. Near towards the beginning of the novel Anna strongly believes that the plague as the work of the devil. The text often explores the concept of common beliefs vs occurrence of the earth and knowledge is the key factor is breaking the bond into heavily linked topics                     

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2012, 05:28:55 pm »
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I like to add that this is I feel rushed but I managed to finish it in a hour

BigAl

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2012, 08:03:37 pm »
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I think this essay just stays on the topic..careful approach but more evidence will take your essay up to next level. I would give 6-7/10.
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spherelin

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2012, 08:25:20 pm »
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hi guys, this is totally off topic, but do you think that the YOW questions will be hard this year? Do you think it will be on Michael Mompellion?

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2012, 08:41:50 pm »
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I think this essay just stays on the topic..careful approach but more evidence will take your essay up to next level. I would give 6-7/10.
You would give 6-7 without the evidence?... I gave this to my teacher and she gave me a 3/10 and said I'd stick to my original ways of writing text response :'(

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2012, 08:44:19 pm »
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hi guys, this is totally off topic, but do you think that the YOW questions will be hard this year? Do you think it will be on Michael Mompellion?
They would be I assume, I reckon Anna will be but It would be nice to see Micheal appear

KevinooBz

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2012, 09:14:39 pm »
+2
This is my first practice essay, this is not to great as I found this question rather challenging and not claiming this to be good essay, if you can be bothered to read this and hopefully provide feedback, errors and or mistakes where I went wrong, where I could improve and how to improve, then it is more than appreciated. (I used the connect English lecture notes to experiment into writing better essays)

"How does Anna view of the world change in the course of the novel" VCAA 2010
 In the novel The Year Of Wonders illustrated by Geraldine Brooks explores the course of the nature that is the life of Eyam during the plague that cripples the town into a crisis where in the life of the first perspective of the character Anna Frith develop a sense of logic and reasoning forming ideas and opinions of how events occur naturally or by the devil's act. Some of her views that are initially developed are the acts of the devil, natural occurrence on being on Earth and the use of science and nature.

At the first point of the novel where Anna has first seen the plague struck in the town of Eyam, Anna comes to believe that this plague that struck the town is most indefinitely the work of the devil as this were the people belief in such an era of the Restoration where devils and witches are to appear true in it's existence and where no common myth which results the similar common belief amongst all the people of Eyam. This is the stage of the novel where Anna has not been exposed to the knowledge on the operation of natural crises like the plague which means she is to quickly dismiss the devil to part take to summon the plague on the town

Near towards the days where the plague is worsening by the day and decreasing morality in the people leading to bitter conflict in the community, Anna is introduced by her friend Elinor Mompellion to the world of medicine where Elinor participates in teaching Anna about how to create medicinal's, treatment and studying herbs/ herboire and those of plant matter. In the teachings, Anna develops a sense of opinion and point of matter on the occurrence of the Earth and it's upbringings of disaster like the plague. "For though they may be plague seeds within them, yet also maybe a knowledge to rid us of the plague " and this developed knowledge leads to her believing she had the idea to possibly end the plague in it's entirely " the key to defeating this plague, I am convinced, must lie here, in the virtue of such plants". Whereas in the first points of the novel Anna was unable to form an opinion on how the world operated due to the lack of knowledge and understanding which leads to argue that her view in the world had dramatically changed.

Well after the teachings of Elinor, Anna who had believed that not everything that is to be viewed in a negative way or an occurrence that involves death, grief, pain and suffering caused by the work of the devil but rather simply a natural occurrence. "Perhaps the plague was neither of God nor the Devil, but simply a thing of nature"  even more evidence suggests this point where Anna fallen upon a rock after trying to save Any's life. Anna after seeing people with formed opinions of that the Devil is to blame for the plague, Anna comes to a concluding point that " Why should this thing be either a test of faith sent by God, of the evil working of the devil in the world. This strongly provides  and shows that Anna view on the world does change.

Year of Wonders move the stages of the plague where towards near the end, Anna develops her view that the plague has occurred due to the realization that her knowledge on science and medicine. Moving towards the middle stages of the story where Anna opinion and views are not fully developed  but she thinks that the Plague merely were an act of nature. Near towards the beginning of the novel Anna strongly believes that the plague as the work of the devil. The text often explores the concept of common beliefs vs occurrence of the earth and knowledge is the key factor is breaking the bond into heavily linked topics                     
I'm just giving my opinion on a quick glance of the essay. First thing I notice is that it is the length of the essay is quite short. There needs to be quite a lot more detail in the essay because your analysis is lacking that depth. Another huge thing you should work on are those long sentences. For example, look at your first body paragraph, it is only two sentences and the first sentence is extremely long. This wouldn't score highly unless you put more ideas in and also work explain them in much more detail. Hopefully this feedback is useful to you.

spherelin

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #7 on: October 23, 2012, 09:27:55 pm »
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hi guys, this is totally off topic, but do you think that the YOW questions will be hard this year? Do you think it will be on Michael Mompellion?
They would be I assume, I reckon Anna will be but It would be nice to see Micheal appear
I think last years essay topics were pretty difficult. The language devices question would have really knock me off my feet because it was so unexpected. Fingers crossed it's not something out of the blue this year :(

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2012, 09:55:55 pm »
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Yeah to a extent it was, it would be something that has appeared heavily in the news or somewhat broadcasted although it shoudn't be out the blue 

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #9 on: October 23, 2012, 10:00:39 pm »
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This is my first practice essay, this is not to great as I found this question rather challenging and not claiming this to be good essay, if you can be bothered to read this and hopefully provide feedback, errors and or mistakes where I went wrong, where I could improve and how to improve, then it is more than appreciated. (I used the connect English lecture notes to experiment into writing better essays)

"How does Anna view of the world change in the course of the novel" VCAA 2010
 In the novel The Year Of Wonders illustrated by Geraldine Brooks explores the course of the nature that is the life of Eyam during the plague that cripples the town into a crisis where in the life of the first perspective of the character Anna Frith develop a sense of logic and reasoning forming ideas and opinions of how events occur naturally or by the devil's act. Some of her views that are initially developed are the acts of the devil, natural occurrence on being on Earth and the use of science and nature.

At the first point of the novel where Anna has first seen the plague struck in the town of Eyam, Anna comes to believe that this plague that struck the town is most indefinitely the work of the devil as this were the people belief in such an era of the Restoration where devils and witches are to appear true in it's existence and where no common myth which results the similar common belief amongst all the people of Eyam. This is the stage of the novel where Anna has not been exposed to the knowledge on the operation of natural crises like the plague which means she is to quickly dismiss the devil to part take to summon the plague on the town

Near towards the days where the plague is worsening by the day and decreasing morality in the people leading to bitter conflict in the community, Anna is introduced by her friend Elinor Mompellion to the world of medicine where Elinor participates in teaching Anna about how to create medicinal's, treatment and studying herbs/ herboire and those of plant matter. In the teachings, Anna develops a sense of opinion and point of matter on the occurrence of the Earth and it's upbringings of disaster like the plague. "For though they may be plague seeds within them, yet also maybe a knowledge to rid us of the plague " and this developed knowledge leads to her believing she had the idea to possibly end the plague in it's entirely " the key to defeating this plague, I am convinced, must lie here, in the virtue of such plants". Whereas in the first points of the novel Anna was unable to form an opinion on how the world operated due to the lack of knowledge and understanding which leads to argue that her view in the world had dramatically changed.

Well after the teachings of Elinor, Anna who had believed that not everything that is to be viewed in a negative way or an occurrence that involves death, grief, pain and suffering caused by the work of the devil but rather simply a natural occurrence. "Perhaps the plague was neither of God nor the Devil, but simply a thing of nature"  even more evidence suggests this point where Anna fallen upon a rock after trying to save Any's life. Anna after seeing people with formed opinions of that the Devil is to blame for the plague, Anna comes to a concluding point that " Why should this thing be either a test of faith sent by God, of the evil working of the devil in the world. This strongly provides  and shows that Anna view on the world does change.

Year of Wonders move the stages of the plague where towards near the end, Anna develops her view that the plague has occurred due to the realization that her knowledge on science and medicine. Moving towards the middle stages of the story where Anna opinion and views are not fully developed  but she thinks that the Plague merely were an act of nature. Near towards the beginning of the novel Anna strongly believes that the plague as the work of the devil. The text often explores the concept of common beliefs vs occurrence of the earth and knowledge is the key factor is breaking the bond into heavily linked topics                     
I'm just giving my opinion on a quick glance of the essay. First thing I notice is that it is the length of the essay is quite short. There needs to be quite a lot more detail in the essay because your analysis is lacking that depth. Another huge thing you should work on are those long sentences. For example, look at your first body paragraph, it is only two sentences and the first sentence is extremely long. This wouldn't score highly unless you put more ideas in and also work explain them in much more detail. Hopefully this feedback is useful to you.
I know it's quite short although it didn't seem to be but that can fixed by studying for the novels which provides a broader knowledge for the novel as I haven't done so o.0, what do need to include to add more depth to my analysis?, I had trouble coming up with ideas to argue leading to less argument which suggests my rather short essay.. it helped thanks for your advice :)

BigAl

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2012, 10:08:15 pm »
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I think this essay just stays on the topic..careful approach but more evidence will take your essay up to next level. I would give 6-7/10.
You would give 6-7 without the evidence?... I gave this to my teacher and she gave me a 3/10 and said I'd stick to my original ways of writing text response :'(
I know the assessment of native students is a bit harsher. I just criticized it as it was an esl piece ..my first practice essay was about yow and because I didnt provide enough evidence i got 5.5..
« Last Edit: October 23, 2012, 10:12:29 pm by alperenerol »
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Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2012, 10:59:41 pm »
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I think this essay just stays on the topic..careful approach but more evidence will take your essay up to next level. I would give 6-7/10.
You would give 6-7 without the evidence?... I gave this to my teacher and she gave me a 3/10 and said I'd stick to my original ways of writing text response :'(
I know the assessment of native students is a bit harsher. I just criticized it as it was an esl piece ..my first practice essay was about yow and because I didnt provide enough evidence i got 5.5..
Oh okay, that's alright mark in my view. What marks do you want to get for each section?

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2012, 03:36:57 pm »
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it would be something that has appeared heavily in the news or somewhat broadcasted

I doubt it.
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spherelin

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2012, 09:02:48 pm »
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it would be something that has appeared heavily in the news or somewhat broadcasted

I doubt it.
I think it will be something topical for our age group - it always is.
In terms of YOW, i really hope they don't have another "how does Brooks.." question like last year.

Dejan

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Re: My YOW Practice Essay
« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2012, 11:25:33 pm »
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it would be something that has appeared heavily in the news or somewhat broadcasted

I doubt it.
I think it will be something topical for our age group - it always is.
In terms of YOW, i really hope they don't have another "how does Brooks.." question like last year.
Yeah true, yes I don't like that YOW question, it sucks