HELP FOR LANGUAGE ANALYSIS

[Inhibition]

I really, really, REALLY need help with LA.
From my teachers comments, apparently I'm too "wordy" in my essays, so this leads to me being convoluted.
Really, I think the foundation of my problem is that I dont know how to identify which techniques or which arguments to include, which leads to me writing too much about the little things.
How can I improve on picking out what to include and what not to include?
Also, how can I mix up my Body paragraphs so they don't all sound the same?

E.g John Smith fervently advocates that duck shooting should be abhorred; "stop it" shows urgency in his tone and engenders readers to rethink their actions.

[EspoirTron]

I really, really, REALLY need help with LA.
From my teachers comments, apparently I'm too "wordy" in my essays, so this leads to me being convoluted.
Really, I think the foundation of my problem is that I dont know how to identify which techniques or which arguments to include, which leads to me writing too much about the little things.
How can I improve on picking out what to include and what not to include?
Also, how can I mix up my Body paragraphs so they don't all sound the same?

E.g John Smith fervently advocates that duck shooting should be abhorred; "stop it" shows urgency in his tone and engenders readers to rethink their actions.

Hey there, I will try to help to the best of my ability!
Okay so when writing your language analysis essay be concise and to the point when discussing how language is being used to persuade. The techniques you should include in your analysis are the ones that are sure to elicit some form of reaction from the readers, e.g. intense emotional language, rhetorical questions, etc.
When you're reading the article put yourself in the shoe's of the audience and ask yourself "Is this going to elicit emotion X?"
Mixing up your body paragraphs...hm be catchy.
So if the article about 'John Smith' had statistics and he used them to address his disgust of the manner in a fervent tone, a possible way to go out about it, could be:

'By stripping duck shooting of any of its apparent glamour and associating it with quantified data, Smith plays on readers who are unfazed by the threats posed'
Something like that.. I'm not 100%.
When writing a body paragraph have a strong focus on how the language is actually persuading, conduct a through analysis and determine how the language is positioning a reader without saying.. "Bill positions his readers by ...X and Y".

I hope that helped!

[Limista]

My teachers also used to comment on me being verbose. They said I had to be more 'to-the-point', rather than going round & round in circles. As much as the examiners are looking for beautiful expression, they are also interested in your ideas. So, your ideas have to be amazing AND you have to convey them in a sophisticated manner that is EASY for them to understand.

E.g John Smith fervently advocates that duck shooting should be abhorred; "stop it" shows urgency in his tone and engenders readers to rethink their actions.

I had to read this statement 2-3 times until I understood what you were trying to say. Why not replace it with more simple words where you can? Always try and use the simplest word possible, that conveys EXACTLY what you are trying to say. Don't think to yourself, "okay, I need a more complex word for 'disapproved' so I can impress the examiner." Just write disapproved! Also, I don't think the word 'abhorred' has been used appropriately here - overly complex language can work against you.

There is no point being a potential Rolls Royce with all the components scattered around. Start from scratch (it's only the beginning of the year) and get to the crux of what you are really trying to say. Then work on step 2 - express it eloquently. It'll take heaps of sweat, but that's what I also went through, and I can say I've improved.