Context Feedback please (2)

[I_I]

Hi everyone,
My previous post is not very popular but I'll post another one anyway.
Your feedback will be greatly appreciated.
I am currently in year 11, struggling with this context thingo
Thanks!
Catherine

“Losing touch with reality is often dangerous”

It is within the human impulse to fabricate or deny the blinding intensity of harsh reality with our ideals, and it would be prudent to state that our day-to-day lives can never be completely void from some elements of self-deception. However, it is only when we are dangerously skewed into perceiving the world in our selfish pleasures or our attempt for evasion that it can lead to serious implications such as the possibility of perhaps never escaping from the quicksand of our distorted imagination. For some, however, to face the actuality of truth is more detrimental than to indulge in the selfish pleasures of illusory and imagination and it would be said for some, keeping in touch with the reality can be even more dangerous-for the safety of oneself and for others also. However, humanity should acknowledge the implications that arise with losing in touch as those who are

blinded by actuality can lay great hardships towards those pursuing to live a realist approach in life and this essentially means that the concept of living under false pretensions and ideals can be infectious, posing them dangerous to the society in wider perspective. 

Akin to the permanent numbness of senses related to the abuse of alcohol and drugs, our senses of reality can never fully recover from the drug of illusions. This dangerous side effect of losing oneself into the risky realms of false reality not only dangers sanity but also the possibility of never reclaiming our previous self, before self-deceptions and pretensions began to overtake our sense of truth. This notion is reinforced by the novel ‘Enduring Love’ by Ian McEwan, wherein the protagonist Joe Rose is constantly harassed by Jed Parry, the man who suffers from erotomania, falsely believing that they share a secret romantic relationship after the brief encounter in the balloon accident. This stalker-like behaviour conclusive ends up in Parry into a mental institute however his ‘faith’ of Joe’s love for him is not ceased but continued. Parry’s desperate cling to the false sense of reality, despite his obsessions are discouraged clearer than the “enigmatic” meanings of love behind Joe’s annoyances, concludes that he is unable to pull away from the whispers of illusion. For us then, the message is clear: losing touch with reality is similar of a black hole, its pulls us in with its alluring wonders and gentle caresses but it never, within its power of reach, lets us out. 

For some of us however, the possible consequences of self-illusion are miniscule is less dangerous than acknowledging the truth of their self-deception. This means that losing touch with reality acts as a safe, calm lull of the isolated ocean for those like the protagonist Blanche DuBois in Tennessee Williams’ ‘The Streetcar Named Desire’ and that it may be much more dangerous to stress the truthful depiction of life, as the character Stanley Kowalski had persisted to achieve. Her cultured, composed and mannered way of life, the lavish of jewellery and fine clothes all procured within her reach of imagination is doted upon and lived by the creator but as his brother-in-law dangers to obliterate her realm of ideals and pretensions, she grovels to keep the paper lanterns around her harsh light. However, in the novel’s denouement, as Blanche’s ideals and reason for existence are now shattered by Kowalski’s persistence, her soul is stolen simultaneously as shown by her passivity in comparison to previous objections and rejections of the true reality. This time, she accepts, quietly ‘walk[ing] on without turning’, yet, she no longer responds to her name as Stella calls out and subsequently the novel draws in its curtains. To indulge in one’s imagination may be for some, safer, in terms of their identity and the reason for existence, than to forcefully find themselves before the ominous eyes of truth. 

However, though those who live by the skewed interpretations of the world may be better to embrace their lives with idealist perspective, humanity must acknowledge the devastating consequences that may be charged by those around them. Drawing on from ‘A Streetcar Named Desire’ once again, we see that Blanche soon attempts to deceive those around her; upgrading her self-deception to create her idealist world into misleading others so she can mould other’s reality to her liking. What this means is that her desire to ‘deceive [Mitch]…as prim and proper’ in order to make him ‘want her’ not only lies within her boundary of illusions, but also beyond Mitch’s reality of Blanche, casting an illusory to him of her personality and qualities. In this instance, there may be a chance that those who suffers to approach realistically in the world, may abuse their power to cast illusions to others, rather than constricting it to their own reality. 

The understanding that arises then is that in its totality, losing in touch can prove to be both detrimental and beneficial to our state of being. Often, life’s harsh reality may necessitate on the ideas we create for our souls but this may allure us into never facing the truth but to instead forever delve on our projections of fantasies; however, there will nevertheless the times when facing the truth may be even more overwhelming and hold more potent danger than living the life of a lie: despite we may retain our true perceptions of the world, our souls may be sacrificed in return. Furthermore, this sense of danger is even more accumulated as those who exhibit these tendencies may attempt to move on to casting illusions to others, rather than restricting oneself to their realities. In essence, humanity must acknowledge the dangers and rewards illusions procure in its presence, in order to attempt to negate its harmful threat and embrace its benefits, a responsibility all members should attempt to partake in a diverse community. 

[heids]

Hi, can't give you much since I failed context and didn't do Whose Reality, but two cents since no one else is answering   I'd simplify your language.  You have excellent vocab, but the point doesn't get across clearly as it's buried in big words (and not always used correctly.

So:
 - shorten sentences (either cut them in two, or make them far more concise)
 - avoid using two nouns/adjectives that mean similar things, e.g. 'illusory and imagination'
 - often, scrap adjectives/adverbs altogether - unless you're writing creative, use them very sparingly
 - rather than trying to put in a 'big' word, put in a basic word - e.g. 'small' rather than 'miniscule'
 - read each sentence after writing, to check that it actually makes sense
 - cut out any padding and flowery, roundabout ways of referring to things: e.g. 'as the novel draws its curtains', use 'as the novel closes/ends'; cut out 'it would be prudent to state', 'drawing on ASND once again', etc.

I was trying to simplify some of your sentences, and finding I simply didn't know what you meant.  Using big words can often try to hide the fact that you don't have anything to say.  Make it simple and more concise and you'll help yourself understand where you're going

It can sound less impressive, but clarity beats impressive waffle.  But takes practise.  An example of revising your first sentence: It is human nature to deny the harsh reality that threatens our ideals; in our day-to-day life, we often shelter behind self-deception.  Still sounds good, but makes more sense and is briefer (could be made far briefer again).

Also, you need to draw from other sources, not just your texts - world, current day events, society, movies, etc.  See literally lauren's list of examples in ~*Context External Examples Guide*~.

Hope this helped There's other stuff about drawing out your arguments with more detail and more examples, but I can't help you much there.