Can someone please mark my Medea essay, and score it /10

[NerdyPi]

Please be as honest as possible/needed, even if it's a complete fail. While I know English isn't my strong point and this essay is a big step down from other pieces posted on AN, I've really been trying to take on all feedback and suggestion (including those from the AN lecture), and really want to score at least 7/10 for section A on the exam. Thanks

Prompt: ‘Jason’s decisions are based on reason whereas Medea’s are based on passion’. To what extent is this true? , (Word count of essay: 961 words)

Euripides’ tragedy Medea makes a strong contrast between the decisions made up both Jason and Medea. The idea of irrationally compared to reason is hence explored through the protagonist Medea and the antagonist Jason. Euripides makes it clear to his audience that Jason’s actions are based purely upon what is logical for his social progression in the world. However, while Medea primarily acts on her emotions, she also makes many logical decisions in her attempt to exert revenge upon Jason.

Medea’s significant emotional response to Jason’s new marriage is made clear from the beginning of the play. Medea is not only hysterical and completely despondent, but also screams that she wants her “cursed children of a hateful mother … to die”, foreshadowing the vile actions of her revenge. The dramatist starts his play in this manner to give his audience an insight into the psyche of Medea, and the “suffering” that Jason’s actions had thrust upon her. Therefore, Euripides’ aims to position his readers to have both sympathy and empathy for Medea, due to her grief. This portrayal of Medea as the victim of the play is further highlighted by Medea initially not referring to the brother she killed, rather only that she had “betrayed” her “father”. Further on, Medea allows her emotions to become her ultimate decision maker. Although Medea’s soliloquy reveals that she completely understands the consequences of her plan to murder her children, her “passion is master of … [her] reason”; passion ignited from both her devastation and uncontrollable desire for revenge, which had been demonstrated by her calling upon “Themis”, the goddess of what is just and right, to witness the “sting of injustice” Jason had thrust upon her. Therefore, Medea’s final speculation reveals that her decision to kill her children in the climax of the play was based primarily upon her passion, which included her dejection and desire for vengeance.     
 
Throughout the text, Jason maintains that his decision to take “a new wife” was not only logical, but also righteous. In the agon with Medea, the antagonist argues that his new marriage was not brought on by him falling “hopelessly in love in with a new bride”, but rather by his aspiration to “ensure … prosperity”. Such arguments illustrate Jason’s complete inconsideration for Medea, and lack of emotion.  As Medea was both a foreigner and women in the patriarchal and xenophobic society of ancient Greece, Jason’s decision to “abandon” her left her with nowhere “to turn”, highlighting his lack of concern for the one he should have been “showing love” for. Additionally, Jason’s eagerness to partake in this new marriage at the expense of his family also demonstrates his selfishness and greed. Jason also attempted to justify his new marriage by stating that “an impoverished friend is shunned”. Such motives imply that Jason not only longed to live comfortably, but also that he also wanted to improve his social standings, making Medea’s assertion that Jason was worried “marriage to a foreigner … would detract from … [his] name” valid. Through his portrayal of Jason as an “unfeeling monster”; a character that prioritized class and wealth over family and love, the playwright makes a stark comparison between Jason and Medea, and their decisions and motives. Hence, Euripides portrays Jason as a character who acted upon his logic and reason, rather than emotions and passions, and alludes that such motives make Jason an unsympathetic character in the text.     


While Jason’s decision to marry Creon’s daughter was based purely on his logical thinking, with Medea’s decision to kill her children being based on her emotions, Medea also demonstrated that logic was a factor in the smaller decisions she made as she took the necessary steps to exert her revenge. As Medea knew her “position … [was] weak”, she had carefully thought out her actions to make sure she “hurt … [Jason] most”. To achieve this wish, she manipulated both Creon and Aegeus through the use of supplication, an act that was thought of to be protected by the most powerful of the gods, Zeus. Additionally, Medea used reason to fully think through and plan her decision to kill Creon and his daughter, as demonstrated by her schemes that were presented to the chorus. Furthermore, while it was Medea’s passion that drove her to kill her children, it was her reasoning that brought about this decision. In the ancient Greek society that Medea was set in, children, especially sons, were considered a pivotal aspect of a man’s life, who not only passed on his name, but also his legacy. This significance was also demonstrated by Aegeus’ lengthy quest to bear children, as well as his willingness “to oblige” to help Medea once the promise of children was offered to him. Thus, Euripides’ presented Medea to his audience as an intelligent and cunning woman, who although was significantly affected by her emotions, also made decisions made upon reason, separating her from the typical portrayal of women as irrational and “soft creatures”.

Ultimately, Euripides portrayed Jason as a predominantly uncaring and opportunistic character through his decision to remarry, which was fully based upon reason. By contrast, although the use of logic aided Medea in her ability and decision to murder her children, it was her passion; her great despair and desperate need for revenge, that lead to the horrific climax of child slaughter. By presenting the protagonist as both an emotional and intelligent woman, the playwright invites his audience dismiss the notion that she is simply an unreasonable woman, as well as sympathize with her as a feeling being that had been dealt an unjust “blow of circumstance” by a “traitor”. Hence, by exploring the reason and passion of Jason and Medea, the dramatist “sees and gives voice to a woman’s case”.

[xilun]

I did Medea in the frist semester so here you go the first ever essay feedback I've posted. I'd give this response a 7/10. For me what differentiated it from a six is the third body paragraph. It's a well-constructed point of challenge to the prompt. You backed up yout point quite well by using evidence from multiple sections of the play.
Here's something to keep in mind about quoting. My English teacher have told me to avoid quoting in the topic sentence or final sentence of a body paragraph. Usually in a topic sentence demonstrating your ideas will score you more marks than showing knowledge of the text, whereas including a quote at the end of a paragraph is liking fiinishing off with ellipsis: it simply doesn't give you the opportunity to properly examine the meaning behind the quote or its relevance there. The examiner (or me :p ) can't reward you marks for things you haven't done.
The quote at the end of your conclusion come across as a litte clunky as well. You have summarised your ideas and also zoomed out to discuss the playwright's intentions ("the playwright invites his audience dismiss the notion that she is simply an unreasonable woman') so I'd say you have deveoped your ideas quite well up to this point. Yes the quote gives a bigger picture BUTit isn't  relevant to the prompt and relevance is KEY to scoring well in text response. Cheers

[TheLlama]

I'd say that it's a mid-range response, mostly because the ideas are a little fragmented and it's a little closer to listing your points. What you want to try and do is go into greater depth and make sure you explain your points. Why do they matter? What are you telling your reader about the topic? I'll show you what I mean:

Medea’s significant emotional response to Jason’s new marriage is made clear from the beginning of the play. Medea is not only hysterical and completely despondent, but also screams that she wants her “cursed children of a hateful mother … to die”, foreshadowing the vile actions of her revenge

You could rewrite this to add fluency and complexity:

As the play begins, Medea appears ruled by her emotions, yet this is largely a façade that will be stripped away by what follows. Indeed, Medea initially presents herself as the victim of unendurable agony, having been thrust aside and disposed of by a more manipulative Jason. Yet her emotional vulnerability soon gives way to more calculated machinations: Medea is systematic, brutal and ruthless, a barbaric force to be reckoned with: her outward passion masks an inhuman capability for cold-heated vengeance...

Do you notice how I'm changing it up a little and aiming to have one point lead onto the next? You can add in quotes, but the goal is to have your ideas follow logically, rather than keeping them as a more isolated list.

Hope that helps

[NerdyPi]

I'd say that it's a mid-range response, mostly because the ideas are a little fragmented and it's a little closer to listing your points. What you want to try and do is go into greater depth and make sure you explain your points. Why do they matter? What are you telling your reader about the topic? I'll show you what I mean:

You could rewrite this to add fluency and complexity:

As the play begins, Medea appears ruled by her emotions, yet this is largely a façade that will be stripped away by what follows. Indeed, Medea initially presents herself as the victim of unendurable agony, having been thrust aside and disposed of by a more manipulative Jason. Yet her emotional vulnerability soon gives way to more calculated machinations: Medea is systematic, brutal and ruthless, a barbaric force to be reckoned with: her outward passion masks an inhuman capability for cold-heated vengeance...

Do you notice how I'm changing it up a little and aiming to have one point lead onto the next? You can add in quotes, but the goal is to have your ideas follow logically, rather than keeping them as a more isolated list.

Hope that helps

Thanks to both of you for the feedback. But in response to the message I'm quoting, would you consider "mid-range response" to be at least 6-7, or lower?...

[TheLlama]

I'd say around a 6-7.

The thing is this: I think you're a stronger thinker and writer than you believe (and comparing yourself with some of the stuff you see on this forum probably leads you to talking yourself down). At the moment, it's just that you're storytelling a little. If you look at the exam criteria, to move it up to an 8 you need to start thinking about the implications of the topic: what isn't immediately obvious on the surface. By thinking about how characters in Medea are more problematic or how they change, you'll move towards constructing a more sophisticated response.

But trust in yourself and you'll keep improving! Feel free to ask if you have more questions