How do you keep sane when you are your least content?

[non.existent.existentialist]

You might have experienced it at some point, perhaps now, maybe tomorrow or a decade from now. But that aside, here's some subjective context.

So I was alone one night, and feeling a bit shallow, I wasn't happy nor sad, just neutral and numb to emotion and expression. So, as the intelligent homo sapien I am I wondered whether there were some truths in my life I was deliberately avoiding and didn't want to face (subconsciously). So as you do, I poured myself some vodka to calm my thoughts a bit. Some turned into 2 glasses, then 3 then 4 until I basically became 70% vodka. I turned my voice recorder on and placed it on the table beside me.  In the first 10 minutes of the recording I am apparently talking with a potato 🥔 telling it everything will be alright and that he can trust me because I would never eat him because he's my only friend and the only being in the Universe who truly cares about me and would put me before himself in any situation. Anyway, 90 minutes into the recording I actually start crying
because I think the potato must be freezing and it really hurts me to see him shivering (yes potatoes don't shiver, most likely hallucination).  So I apparently grab my hair dryer and start blow drying the potato? After about another 20 mins I start talking with the potato again  and this is where it gets interesting. Here is what I scripted:

" oh potato , like you I want to shed my skin and my life and dissipate. Or I want to be tackled and held down and constrained. Instead I walk in futility never escaping and never finding. I remember this is just an experience, I will live and I will die if time is progressive, but tell me potato , what is time? I am lucky I can wait for that in mere emotional discomfort . Happiness has nothing to do with this. Actually potato I'm not gonna lie I'm kind of freaked out I think. How did I get here? How did you get here? I mean don't you ever fucking think about this, is your only aim in life to become a chip or to become a bake? Why don't you protest and do what you want to do? Why must you follow all the other potatoes? How is this my mind in this life? Why don't I remember anything past my birthdate, am I a bunch of neurons and grey matter? What keeps my brain charged? If my brain gives commands to the life living within me, what gives commands to my brain? Is this connection real, is my mind distorted? Are you perhaps not a potato? Everything is neutral, horror/calm/horror/calm "ad nauseam" (I don't remember learning Latin, where did ad nauseam come from?). Somewhere sometime anybody/nobody is laughing. In the back of my head a voice,perhaps everything I feel is how I grew up. Is this fixable? Or is this now permanent neuron activity? Or is this brain chemistry? Or is this nothingness real and humans are just really good at long term mass delusion?"

You might think all of what I said is cray cray but I think apart from the talking to the potato part it's justifiable
I'm still unsure why I opted for the vodka when I didn't feel like drinking. Meh.

Disclaimer:
-No potatoes were harmed during the making of whatever this is called
-The potato starring in this thread may or may not have been turned into vodka

[Bri MT]

Your brain and mind are malleable, they can be changed. Our brains constantly change, and although it can be hard to see it when at a low point, your mental state is not permanent.

If you are finding that you are numb to emotion frequently enough or strongly enough that it is negatively impacting your life I would recommend you talk to someone who knows how to help. Maybe using headspace, maybe seeing a psychologist etc.


<Purely anecdotal, unprofessional experience>
How I personally get through feeling numb? I keep on trying to do things which help, and eventually, that builds a positive habit. When enough have been accumulated a positive snowball effect occurs, and that digs me out.
     These things may include:
Waking up early,  going to sleep 9:30/10:00ish, lots of veggies,  reduce sugar intake,   exercise,   mindfulness/meditation,   using habit frackers and schedulers,    keeping a thoughts journal,   being around nature,   little steps of productivity
         I'm not a drinker but I wouldn't view (excessive) alcohol consumption as helping



I don't think that you are cray

[zofromuxo]

Your username is quite appopriate for this post honestly..
Your question can be answered in numerous ways, but the way i get through it is the following:
1: Writing a gratefulness journal is the morning and write down 3 things I'm grateful and why. After doing this for a few months now, I've become more content with my life, notice the struggles I have is either bullshit or that they aren't as bad as I think.

2: Seeing yourself above. 'You can rid yourself of many useless things among those that disturb you, for they lie entirely in your imagination; and you will then gain for yourself ample space by comprehending the whole universe in your mind, and by contemplating the eternity of time, and observing the rapid change of every part of everything, how short is the time from birth to dissolution, and the illimitable time before birth as well as the equally boundless time after dissolution'

– Marcus Aurelius
This methods makes you see yourself in the 3rd person above on a roof, then zoom out to the sky, the earth, the moon, the planets, the sun, the solar system, the universe, the cosmo and etc. You then realise that your problems aren't as bad as you think .

3: Look up the answers to your questions you said "How did i get here?", "what is time?". How? by reading philsophy, relgion, literature, memoirs, biographies.

4: Talk to a professional, sometimes it is overwhelming thinking of these questions and they usually stem from some unresolved trauma you had as a child Own opinion, don't take this as fact [/b]. So seeing a professional to sort these out is great. A counselor, psychologist, Lifeline can help and more resources can be found here and here .