Hello DanRR,
Welcome to ATAR Notes
Although I haven't read or studied this short story, I'll provide you with some feedback in relation to structure/analysis.
Hi Y'all
Can anyone provide me some feedback on my Statement of Intetion? Feel free to roast me. My idea is to write about the fathers upbringing the short story the boat and how his desire was crushed by his father's and societys expectations to carrying on the fishing tradations.
SOI:
I have chosen to write as a missing scene from the story ‘the boat’ based when theawkward expression father of the son, was the son's age. Throughout the piece I wouldperhaps change this to the future, will. Given that it is a statement of intention, some teachers prefer students to use future tense, so as to demonstrate thorough purpose. However, I'd clarify this with your teacher. mimic MacLeod's writing style, such as theby variation ofvarying the length of sentences and theemploying figurative language <--fantastic recognition of language structures, but could you be more specific? Try and integrate elements of your own writing into the SOI. I like to think of the SOI as a mini language analysis activity. Use your own language as a basis for discussion. It tells teachers that you haven't merely plucked these techniques from mid air 
. The language used would be descriptive and reflective of the characters emotions <---here is another opportunity to imbed snippets from your own creative. This will then allow you to flesh out the bolded phrase (ie. what emotions? what is the consequent effect of this?).. The story will focus on what the father’s father was like, and the sense of duty imposed upon him from a young age to be a masculine figure and provide for the family the traditional way, from a young age. Metaphors will be used such as how the boat represents duty and imprisonment <--nice symbolism. But again, this will be made even stronger with your own examples.. At a young age the father had a strong desire to attend university but was very quickly thwarted awayhmm...I'm not sure that this is the right phrase. Perhaps very quickly overcome... with the expectation of continuing the fishing tradition. The books the father enjoys will remain constantbit of an awkward expression from a young age as they provide further education and escape from the world of monotonous duty. The overall tone of the creative piece would be cold and dull<--how is this tone generated?.
Hopefully the above feedback gives you some direction with the task. On the whole, I commend you on picking up on MacLeod's writing subtleties, such as varied sentence lengths and view+value-type metaphors. These demonstrate a very perceptive understanding, so well done
To improve, I strongly recommend that you transfer elements of your own creative piece into the SOI. This will make it more specific, and open up further room for analytical discussion, which is an extremely important part of this assessment.
Here is an example (of quote integration) from my SOI last year, in response to 'The Golden Age' -
To build on Addie’s initial characterisation, I make use of London’s technique of the tricolon to remark that Addie’s ‘nod […] spoke of compassion, empathy and sympathy.’ The repetition of these adjectives strive to emphasise the idea that Addie has a deep, underlying awareness of ‘the obligation’ that Sullivan owes to his father. All the best!
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