AC Feedback

[Traction]

Hey guys,

I was wondering if you could please give me some feedback on this analytical commentary I just did, and if possible could you give me a honest score out of 15

[Bri MT]

I'm not confident enough to assign a score or give highly detailed feedback but here are some things that I noticed:

Pros
- lots of metalanguage use
- provided examples to back up your points and quoted line numbers
- understanding of factors which influence language choice

Cons
- numerous grammatical and spelling errors (vast majority of these errors are grammatical
- I think you should work on your fluency
some of your constructions are a bit unwieldy eg "This is shown in line 7 where the plural demonstrative pronoun ‘their’ refers to the previously mentioned noun phrase ‘status qou warriors’ (this clause is fine); which also shows substitutions aid in the coherence of the text by reducing the lexical density of it (this should be improved)
- reconsider how you structure your first paragraph (work on your coherence and cohesion)

Other
- you regularly choose to use language outside the study design

I've attached your AC below with sections highlighted, bolded, or underlined which you may want to revisit.

Edit: attachment removed and will be reuploaded without identifying information

[Traction]

Thank for the detailed feedback miniturtle I will definitely then start to work on my expression to decrease those awkward constructions, probably by using more simple sentences. Thanks, I had no idea I had issues with my cohesion and clarity but looking back it seems very much like a list.

Also, I didn't quite understand, is using metalanguage outside the study design something to avoid?

[Bri MT]

Thank for the detailed feedback miniturtle I will definitely then start to work on my expression to decrease those awkward constructions, probably by using more simple sentences. Thanks, I had no idea I had issues with my cohesion and clarity but looking back it seems very much like a list.

Also, I didn't quite understand, is using metalanguage outside the study design something to avoid?

No problem


Using metalanguage outside the study design isn't bad or a problem but I would only do it if you are very comfortable with it as you won't get extra marks for it. I'm unsure about how much it counts towards the requirement to use metalangiage from the study design so I'd also ensure that you're including enough of that metalanguage as well.