Leonardo DiCaprio 2014 United Nations Speech Analysis

[dashnog]

This was written in less-than-an-hour's worth of pure working time and is the first draft. This is just for exam preparation, but I'd still like to have it marked and critiqued.

[MissSmiley]

This was written in less-than-an-hour's worth of pure working time and is the first draft. This is just for exam preparation, but I'd still like to have it marked and critiqued.

Hello,
I've attached here my corrections.
But I really like your analysis of tonal shifts and your reader effects are nicely woven.
However, I do think you've stacking your ideas one after the other, and that's why your sentences are very long. This makes it very hard to understand.

Also, you had very little evidence to back up your analysis, so I suggest quoting some things from the speech.

Just one last thing, could I please ask how "pretends for a living" is self-deprecating?

Thanks!
Please feel free to ask about anything you don't understand in my comments.
I'm a Year 12 student as well, so far from perfect. Just take things as suggestions