Creative Feedback Please! (thank youu :)

[gigi123]

any feedback on my creative story would be great! thank you

[headsup]

Heyy!!!

So this is called quick feedback before I get called for dinner.... not sure if it will be of anyhelp...

• I think the *** is not needed. You are not changing between thoughts, narrators or times. It is just more confusing for the reader (in turn the marker) then anything... remember. they are nerdy english teachers and they are going to be expecting this to be used correctly and there are going to pause and I think it creates an unnecessary pause in the read.
• Try to show not tell.There is this is a fine line but i think you need to show a bit more of the story opposed to just telling the story. the reader/marker is not stupid and there want to be challenged when reading and not just simply read the text. You want them to become emotional attached to your stoy and your charactes.
• Also, try to clarify your tense. If you are wanting to create flashbacks make sure this is very clear to the reader.... although you want to get the marker engaged and attached to the story there dont actually have that much time to read it, so make sure it reads clears
• Lastly, try to make the discovery more subtle whilst more evident... in this i mean that you dont jst say there were endless possibilities etc. try to again show not tell whilst still making sure discovery is evident throughout the piece

anyway, just been called. trust that helps. ignore if it doesn't... ATVVB