Creative Feedback

[holky]

Hey all,
I'm really pushing this to the last minute, but I'd love some feedback on my discovery creative.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KQH5IH24Risxe3laNwxPaonHmaK9U4lnDm_3yR2U4jo/edit?usp=sharing

[headsup]

Heyy!!

You write really well and the description is great. However to me it appears to be a bit cliqued if you know what I mean as it is a fairly standard discovery of self. Although this is not a bad thing just wondering if you could make it a bit more sophisticated.

An idea could be a break and then the personas sees her name on a poster and see remembers her mum and the commitment she made. Maybe her mother could have passed away recently and this is a final dance in her honour. Just a thought... This could be before the last paragraph and you could even circuit around to the start.

My mum's voice pulled me... Honouring my commitment etc....

Either way I think it is good. Just make sure you are able to adapt to different questions.

All the very best!