My social life was poor before the pandemic.

[JR_StudyEd]

Before I get into my core message, I would like to say to anyone reading this, I love you. Although I can't see you in person, that doesn't make me love you any less. How blessed am I to share something in common with you - this community. The strength of our community lies within our interconnectedness. Our eagerness to help one another. And that's what I love.
I wasn't blessed with any close friends during high school. The people I hung out with in high school were the opposite of social butterflies. They were reserved and didn't talk much. Many friends are made through mutual friends, and these acquaintances were unwilling to venture outside the group. High school was so cliquey. Friend groups were established years prior to Year 12, and for me it seemed that my social connections never branched out to others out of fear of "invading" their already established groups. I call them my acquaintances because I only really stood near them at recess and lunchtime because we saw each other five days a week and there was really nothing else we could do to pass the time.

We're at uni now, and I know that life is busy, but no one wants to talk to me. I know it's normal to be spending large amounts of time by yourself, but I'm getting tired of my own company. I know social connection is vital to our wellbeing, but what do you when your social life was poor even before we were subject to spending our entire lives at home?

[The Cat In The Hat]

*waves* I can relate!
You be lonely, I guess...
In more seriousness, I think you probably try and talk to other ANers/other social media? Me, I just talk to my family, but I'm assuming you don't have seven siblings only one of whom lives at home.
Other than that, I have no idea.

[dutyfree]

Loneliness is common in these tough and isolating times but accepting that doesn’t make it any easier . I’m so empathetic of your situation and I think it’s good to remind yourself that it’s a temporary emotion and be hopeful, when lockdowns are lifted, we’ll be back at uni or at work, where we’ll (fingers crossed) get to interact with people. I think you should maybe reach out to your acquaintances or your old pals even if you feel like they wouldn’t respond, because they may also be feeling isolated and too anxious to reach out first. Mm..what else? You can also join some online uni clubs, if that’s possible; volunteering, cultural, random movie/book clubs. If you are wanting to join some cult-like fandom, you can start watching BTS (ngl – their run eps are the best).
Things I try to do to combat loneliness
-   I joined a spirituality group online, where we discuss a topic fortnightly via zoom (I don’t know much about the subject, but I enjoy listening to others)
-   Currently trying to keep my brain active by reading about investing, stocks and mlms (after nearly getting scammed by another Amway recruiter  )
-   Also just lying around, listening to sad songs and allowing myself to be slightly depressed about life (this is also important – we don’t have to be happy all the time)
I think the main thing is keeping your mind distracted right, say you don’t want to reach out to anyone or interact with people, in my way of thinking, you should preoccupy your mind with something else; shows, books, politics, basically anything you’re into.
Shows I recommend: Peaky Blinders (crime, drama, bit of romance), Money Heist (crime, drama), Community (comedy), End of the f***ing world (comedy, drama), Avatar the last airbender (comedy, drama), Reply 1998 (comedy, romance) & Attack on titan (fantasy, action)
 

[sweetiepi]

Iso 1.0 was definitely pretty rough on the social side of things for me as well- one of the things that you could do is perhaps looking into clubs that meet online would also help? One example could be a bookclub!

Personally speaking, I've found that participating in an online bookclub nice because I get the excuse to take a break and talk books (something I love to do). My particular bookclub has also been doing Netflix parties each Friday and it gives that little extra

I hope you find some people to connect with- within the forum and/or externally A reminder (for all) that my PMs are always open for a chat as well! ^_^

[K888]

Defs try and socialise with the AN community! A large portion of my friends are from AN.
Also seconding getting involved in a hobby and potentially joining a social media page connected to that - eg: a group for sewing enthusiasts in Melbourne.

Would also see if your uni has anything for social support - I know Monash introduced a whole bunch of stuff to try to help keep students socially engaged, maybe see if your uni has the same?

Seconding insanipi, my PMs are also always open for a chat.

[JR_StudyEd]

Update:

Outside of my family, I have never felt close to anyone. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere. I have never been in a "squad". This was me before the pandemic. As someone who identifies as an introvert, I desire true, genuine friendship. Quality over quantity.

I know video calls are the best way to virtually stay in touch, but my loneliness is only exacerbated. I'm a hugger. Nothing ever beats face-to-face contact.

I have interests, but I don't know how I can use them to make new friends. Social interactions drain me, yet loneliness causes me physical pain.

[Bri MT]

Hey,

Now that sport is starting up again, you could try joining some kind of sporting group. This would give you face to face interactions and due to the repeated interaction, working on goals together etc. it is likely you could make friends through this. It might take a while for being hyper-conscious about your actions (which can be very draining) to decrease and to start to see more of the friendships element, but in my experience as you become more familiar and confident it gets less draining and as you build up friendship it becomes rewarding.

Alternatively for one of your other interests you could find a group that meets around those (atm that may need to be online but then that plants the seeds for in-person meetups later). The key thing is that repeated exposure will make it easier to develop relationships (of whatever type) and if you are self-conscious it'll be easier to have a conversation where you don't feel awkward if the conversation isn't the only thing you are doing. This puts less pressure on what each person is saying since there isn't the requirement to come up with something. If you are struggling to think of what to say, asking open ended questions can be great for this. If asked a question, elaborating on the reason behind your answer can make it more conversational and less stilted.

Sometimes you can "click" with people easily but often a lot of time/interaction is required before you can get to the deep, high quality friendship level. Given that you're drained by social interaction repeatedly meeting up with the same people is likely to work better for you than places with lots of new strangers all the time imo but you could take that tactic as well.

Idk if this helps (or if you were even looking for advice rather than just venting ahaha) but good luck regardless

[JR_StudyEd]

-snip-

Thank you Bri. Haha yeah I noticed I didn't even ask a question. I think I was venting.


Would it help if I specified my interests? I like to dance to music (best form of exercise ever), I am interested in photography (love capturing beauty and precious moments) and I love exploring new places! But I am still apprehensive about meeting completely new people, especially coming out of lockdown.

And this sounds kind of stupid, but is it even possible to foster true friendships via the internet?

[PhoenixxFire]

And this sounds kind of stupid, but is it even possible to foster true friendships via the internet?

Bri here is my best friend and we've only actually met in person a handful of times so I'm gonna go with an absolute yes.

[Bri MT]

Thank you Bri. Haha yeah I noticed I didn't even ask a question. I think I was venting.

And this sounds kind of stupid, but is it even possible to foster true friendships via the internet?

No worries!

I'll try to think about those interests and how those could connect up. Even just joining social media communities for them might give you ideas but depending on what you like to photograph you could combine it with something more specific like geocaching or hiking.

Bri here is my best friend and we've only actually met in person a handful of times so I'm gonna go with an absolute yes.

Yeah . I have fantastic friends I met irl but some of the most important people to me I met through AN so I can definitely for internet friendships being able to be true

[JR_StudyEd]

I have fantastic friends I met irl but some of the most important people to me I met through AN so I can definitely for internet friendships being able to be true

Apologies if my questions are too personal to be answered in this thread.

About these friendships you've made through AN, why are they so important to you? How did they become so important? Wasn't it a little intimidating trying to start a conversation on here?