Media analysis - comment, critique, mark.

[Andiio]

I reckon around 8/10, but there's definitely potential for higher marks here.  For now, work on analysing the image a bit more by providing more on global positioning, as you do with the article.  Syntactical issues have been raised, but I'd also like to take it a step further by saying that your piece lacks flow.  To work on this, figure out better ways of linking your sentences together.  I can't really comment on word count since I don't know the article, but optimally, you'll want this to be a bit longer as well, since your analysis is fairly good, and it'd be a shame for you to lose marks based on not covering enough content.  Also, as Andiio suggested, your conclusion is a bit short - I would also summarise the main techniques, just to remind the markers that you've done a good job and to give the piece a sense of closure.  Disagree with Andiio's point about positioning though: "parents are positioned" implies an attempt to influence, rather than an absolute effect.

The recent decision to ban computers in the classroom has attracted controversy in a local Victorian school. Responding to the controversy generated by the ban, the school’s principal lists the many dangers of technology in a learning environment, in an effort to persuade the community to the merits of the new school policy. In an energetic and authoritative piece, the open letter denigrates the excessive use of computers by students, and urges the target audience, namely parents, to understand their detrimental effects in the learning place.

Compare your long-winded and completely unnecessary introduction with my quickly whipped up one which is more concise and succinct.

The "technological revolution" has come under renewed criticism following the recent prohibiting of computers in classroom environments. In a reasonable and didactic tone, Principal A.Jones' letter entitled "Are Computers Compromising Education?" urges parents to realise the detriments of this so-called "phenomenon".

I wouldn't say Chavi's is perfect, but I far prefer it to the ridiculously minimalist alternative you provide.  =/

Oh oops! Not the parents are positioned part sorry, but as in other parts such as the 'This convinces parents..'. That's what I meant
(Was up late last night, apologies!)

[Slumdawg]

I think 99.95's comments can come off as really arrogant, not saying that they are but they can appear that way. I get where you're coming from Chavi. I agree that his comments are more attacks on your piece than actual constructive comments. Get lynt.br to have a look, he goes through and shows you what you can improve instead of just telling you what you did wrong. I think its just the way 99.95 critiques stuff, most people just aren't used to it and would rather not even hear it.

Chavi, please tell me whats better?
1) Getting someone to go through your work, being strict and telling the truth.
or
2) Getting someone to go through your work, and letting things slide?

I doubt that an exam assessor will be as harsh as 99.95, but its better to consider all views on your writing and improve on all of them...Whether he came across as arrogant or not, he took his own time to read your analysis and comment on some minor flaws.
What I think of your essay:

• Your sentence structure doesn't flow as well as it should + The piece is a bit short.
• Some grammatical errors (hyphens)

Other than that, its decent.
7.5-8/10

There's a difference between being strict and giving constructive comments, and being strict and just degrading aspects of the piece. Most people would rather not even hear the latter as it just makes you lose confidence, morale and self-esteem. I think 99.95s comments for chavi did just that, having a teacher give you 9.5 and then a student making a joke of it would really annoy you. 99.95 is probably a good person but can come across way too harsh and even condescending when it comes to critique. That's just my opinion don't take it personally 99.95. Some people can handle your comments and others can't, it's just the way it is unfortunately.