rate 'Cosi' essay

[vidang]

im not an english kid, so dont judge me and my limited vocab and understanding of the text
gimme tips, be harsh, critique every little thing and rate out of 10 please

VATE 2010:
"just marvelous, Lewis. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed it, Didn't think it was possible, Came right out of their shells. They blossomed, blossomed!"
'it is Lewis who truly blossoms in Cosi.'
Do you agree?

In Louis Nowra’s ‘Cosi,’ the protagonist Lewis is displayed as a character that truly blossoms. Lewis is a character that develops the most in the play as he transforms into a character with great sense of understanding towards love and fidelity. He also displays immense appreciation towards the mental patients and continues to demonstrate compassion towards the inmates. With this being said characters like Julie also blossom as she also illustrates a great sense of love and fidelity but not to the extent in which our protagonists Lewis does, As he is shown to have a greater development.

Lewis is firstly introduced as a character with questionable values on love and fidelity especially with his current relationship status; he states “we sometimes talk about commitment but it never gets far,” in reference to Lucy it explains his reasons for doubting love and loyalty. Lewis was also a character who was pessimistic about life values, he frowned upon the ideas of love “Love is not so important nowadays,” He had insignificant appreciation for loves true meaning and values due to his corrupt relationship with Lucy, “I have sex with him but sleep with you,” depicting the corruption involved within his relationship, but as it is seen Julie persuades Lewis and demonstrates her ideologies on commitment as she is a firm believer in loyalty, “Men want woman to deceive them because it’ll prove their worst thoughts about woman,” Lewis’s perception is then evolved into a much greater admiration for love and fidelity as he realises “It’s about important things like love and fidelity” which exemplifies Lewis’s development throughout the play and hence demonstrates that It is Lewis who truly blossoms.  

Furthermore, Lewis’s goal in directing the opera was only for his financial well-being doing it for himself only, “I need the money,’ His view on the mental patients was of the stereotypical views of the outside world and had very little respect for the patients at first “They’re mad, It’s madness”. As the directing of the opera continues he displays dedication and connection towards the mental patients, as he develops a stronger relationship between the mental patients showing understanding towards characters like Henry and Roy, For Henry’s patriotism and Roy’s wild ambitions. This evidently depicted when Lucy states to Lewis “working with these people has changed you” it demonstrates how Lewis has progressed to become appreciative and non-judgmental of the mental patients like how he was firstly introduced, which therefore depicts that with understanding and appreciation it is Lewis who truly blossoms.

In Contrasts, Julie also resembled a character that also blossomed in ‘Cosi,’ Julie represents both parts of fidelity as her character is explored through many obstacles within the production of the opera. After her passionate kiss shared with Lewis it complements the title of ‘Cosi’ that ‘woman are like that’ contradicting her views on commitment at first, Furthermore her views on love was always compared to her drug addiction “Some people can’t imagine a life without love, well I can’t imagine a life without junk,” it demonstrates the importance of drugs to her and displays to us her view on love. Towards the end of the play, it is observed that Julie is truly loyal as she states “I need my girlfriend,” this evidently depicts the fact that even though she displayed disloyalty by kissing Lewis, She also illustrated fidelity by staying loyal to her girlfriend which resembles a sign of progress in not only commitment but love as a whole, hence confirming that Julie also truly blossoming ‘Cosi’.

Overall, it is observant (Evident) that Lewis has blossomed throughout the production of the opera, through his perseverance of the directing of the production, even with his stereotypical views on the mental patients at first, also his development and appreciation of true values like Love and fidelity gaining a view on commitment about its importance, On the other hand it is witnessed that not only Lewis has blossomed but also Julie with her illustrating loyalty and the means of commitment, but even with this said it is truly Lewis who outshined and blossomed in ‘Cosi’.

thanks

[physics]

is it alright to have a short intro and conclusion?
 can someone answer this ?

but i like your essay 7/10

[superflya]

Re-read this and you should pick up on the grammar and expression related faults.

-your second sentence is 83 words long and i struggle to make any sense of it. Nothing wrong with using short, yet concise sentences which would sound a lot better.

-observant does not make sense in your conclusion, try evident.

I know nothing about Cosi so I can't really comment on anything apart from the grammatical aspects of the piece.

[saaaaaam]

I don't think your intro and conclusion are too short! They're the first and last thing the examiner reads. You want them to be concise but you don't want them to waffle on!

A few general tips:

- When you talk about Lewis possessing something it's Lewis' and not Lewis's.
- Try to write short sentences. Most of your sentences are long and sometimes their message gets lost.
- If possible, try to integrate the quotes into your sentences.

So instead of saying:
this is evidently depicted when Lucy states to Lewis “working with these people has changed you"

try something along the lines of:

Lucy notes that 'working with these people has changed' Lewis.

Now for specific points:

In Louis Nowra’s ‘Cosi,’ the protagonist Lewis is displayed as a character that truly blossoms. Lewis is a character that develops the most in the play as he transforms into a character with great sense of understanding towards love and fidelity

Try and vary your vocab. You use the word character three times two sentences. The second sentence could work completely without even using the word character. ie - Lewis develops the most in the play and transforms to have ....

Lewis is firstly introduced as a character with questionable values on love and fidelity especially with his current relationship status; he states “we sometimes talk about commitment but it never gets far,” in reference to Lucy it explains his reasons for doubting love and loyalty

Way too long and confusing! That could be broken into a few sentences to give it more clarity.

greater admiration for love and fidelity as he realises “It’s about important things like love and fidelity”

The 'it' Lewis refers to in this quote is Cosi Fan Tutte. So maybe rephrase the sentence to say something like: Lewis comes to realise that 'Cosi Fan Tutte' is not trivial but 'about important things like love and fidelity.' His  love and admiration for love and fidelity is a mark of his growth.

- I'm not certain that Julie is the best example of a character who demonstrates growth. I'm not really convinced she did show any growth. To me it seems her behaviour, views and values did not alter from the beginning of the play. I think characters such as Henry or Ruth would be a much better example.

- Also, have you considered the thought that some characters did not show any growth? Maybe Doug?

- Don't start your conclusion with 'overall'.

So most of your ideas are fine. You know what you're talking about. It's just that writing isn't the strongest. One thing I suggest you do is go back, reread it and add full stops! There weren't very many, just lots of commas!

I'm curious to know how much you proof read this yourself?

[vidang]

tried to complete it under an hour ^ but yeah no proof reading
just tried to see how i'd go under the conditions
but thanks for the comments very much appreciated