Look Both Ways practice essay

[steph753]

Throughout high school ive had a pretty bad run with english teachers, who have failed to explain many key concepts which are coming out in year 12 english. I started to write a practice essay on Look Both Ways but i dont know if im doing the right thing.

Would it be possible for someone to please assist me with this by reading what i have already done and give some useful pointers.


‘Look Both Ways shows that despite life’s trials, happiness is possible.’ Discuss.

Sarah Watt’s award winning film, Look Both Ways is filled with trials and tribulations, but the central characters educate viewers in ways these can be overcome and happiness can be achieved. In the current world, disasters are happening at every point in time and not only affect individuals but the global community as a whole. Within the space of a weekend we saw characters evolve through the actions of others and the ordeals in which they are dealing with.

At the beginning of the film we are shown a montage of images which depict the loss of an individual. Sarah Watt immediately gave the impression of death and set the mood for the upcoming scenes. Visions of death are animated, giving viewers an insight into Meryl’s life, which is considered lonely and of a depressive nature. Even though she is returning from her father’s funeral, there is no shot of her crying or even showing any emotion relating to the loss.

[Edmund]

Well, I've done LBW, maybe I'll try my best to give some advice

Sarah Watt immediately gave the impression of death and set the mood for the upcoming scenes.

You should use present tense throughout.

Even though she is returning from her father’s funeral, there is no shot of her crying or even showing any emotion relating to the loss.

Yes, but the death of her father did have some impact on how she feels. Sarah Watt uses the animation at the beginning of the film to demonstrate her insecurity of her surroundings (like the train falling off the tracks onto her). She also witnesses a man getting run over - Loss of lives does affect - We can tell that she is pessimistic and dissatisfied with life and feels that she has not achieved what she wanted.


Or maybe you could throw in a quote somewhere to show how Meryl's life is lonely, and acknowledges she has not fully satisfied what she wants in life:

In a phone conversation with (I cant remember who), she says - 'I don’t own my own home, I don’t have any children and I don’t have a partner to share anything with'

[Amnesiac]

Firstly, i'd work on the first sentence. It is very awkward to read. However, it does raise a vital point. I would probably make the introduction longer; a lot longer. Reword that first sentence, go further to explain it and then introduce every paragraph as it will appear in the essay. Secondly, when introducing each paragraph with a topic sentence make sure it is raising an idea and thus leaving room for a discussion. The first sentence of your first paragraph does nothing but merely state a fact about the movie. I would really try to track your teacher down and discuss all of your work, not just this essay in particular. They will atleast know the basics on how to structure a response, and i think that is what you really need right now. Sorry i can't help any further.

[shinny]

Note: Only read others' responses after I wrote this so there's a bit of an overlap =S

To start, your introduction needs work. Normally I'd clearly state out each of my main points, and whilst you've identified your contention, I don't really see where you're heading in support of that. I don't mean in terms of actual evidence (no evidence should be in the introduction), but actual key ideas relating to how LBW 'shows that despite life’s trials, happiness is possible'. You could group these in terms of cinematic elements such as narrative and various cinematic techniques which Watts uses to express such an idea.

On the other hand, you could also try grouping in terms of smaller ideas which compound to express the topic idea such as stuff like 'By suggesting that the resolution of life's trials can actually be a source of happiness for one self, Look Both Ways indicates that happiness is indeed possible despite such trials' (Note, I didn't do this text so I'm just making crap up here).

Your first paragraph lacks a topic sentence and jumps immediately into evidence. This isn't good as the examiner doesn't exactly know where you're heading and what this evidence is trying to prove yet. Always have your first sentence as a general topic sentence which outlines the point you're trying to make. Second sentence, be consistent with your tenses and stay in present typically. Examiners will be looking for this. I assume you haven't finished this paragraph, but I actually have NO idea where you're heading even after that many sentences. I'd say the lack of a topic sentence is the main fault but another problem is the lack of sentences which help explain and relate the evidence to the general point you're trying to make. All you have right now is a chain of evidence, and unless the examiner knows the point it relates to, it's pretty much worthless.

[steph753]

Thankyou all for your help. Its greatly appreciated

[clinton_09]

scrap the "award winning" part. Unnecessary

[clinton_09]

instead replace it with the genre of the film such as Sarah Watts Multi strand narrative or Sarah Watts Seriocomic film or Sarah watts anthology of melodramas

[Amnesiac]

Shit yeah clinton. Always poppin' in with his exceptionally awesome english.