Help for my bad LA

[catwoman101]

sorry I posted this same thing in the wrong spot
 but this is the section to put things in for feedback isn't it ?

anyways

My teacher is on holidays and I need some help please
please be as critical as possible

here is the link to the article
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/politics/a-safe-bet-melbourne-cup-day-should-be-a-national-holiday-20121104-28ryp.html

and heres my rubbish piece
 thank you so much for you help!!!



With the Melbourne Cup Carnival recently in the news, debate has surfaced about the idea of this event becoming a National Holiday. An opinion piece written by Nicholas Reece was published in The Age on Monday the 5th of November. Reece, a public policy fellow at Melbourne University enthusiastically and optimistically discusses the idea that Melbourne Cup should become a National Public Holiday to appeal to his intended audience of government officials and the large number of people that enjoy the Cup.

The attention of the reader is initially sparked by the pun in the headline. Reece presents the idea that his contention, having the Melbourne Cup as a National holiday would be a good idea and a “safe bet”. This ties in with one of the ideas of the Cup which is to have a “bet” and a gamble on who is thought to win. As Reece’s contention is “safe” is would be well received and a successful idea.

Throughout the piece the writer employs an enthusiastic and measured to tone to highlight how Australian and well liked the carnival is. He describes the Cup as “universally popular” and a “celebration”. This language presents the event in a positive light and encourages readers to agree with Reece as the Melbourne Cup is fun and entertaining day to have as a National Holiday. The writer uses an appeal to patriotism when he explains that the Cup “helps us define our national identity” and it “is a part of who we are”, the reader is encouraged to feel a sense of pride in the country and to view the event as one that must be celebrated in the way a public holiday is. Reeces contention is strengthen when the reader is informed that the Cup is “Australian in origin”, the reader is position to view the country and the Melbourne cup in positive light as this holiday could be one that is uniquely ours. The writer also describes  the Melbourne Cup as  an event that is “bigger than ever”  is appeal positions the reader to acknowledge that if the event was made into a public holiday it could generate more income and become and even better day.

Another attempt to position the reader is made through the idea the Melbourne Cup is already an unofficial public holiday. The piece continues to explain that the Melbourne Cup is a day that has not been “manufactured” by companies or the government proving the idea that we should have a holiday that was formed by the sheer love for sport, fashion and the event. When Reece uses the example of trying to see if someone would “return a work call” close to the time of the race the audience is able to connect with writer and acknowledge their part in this issue.  The image accompanying the piece positions the readers to view the Melbourne Cup as a public holiday, the image contains a huge crowd, representative of the huge numbers of people who are taken up by the “distraction”’ that is the Melbourne Cup. This further strengthens the writers contention because if the event was a public holiday then it would be much easier and less of a distraction.

Reece is presented as a rational and measured person with his opinion through the ideas he presents. When Nicholas Reece employs the evidence of the “survey” he has completed the reader is positioned view Reeces argument as more credible and valid. More credibility is added to the writers viewpoint when he gives suggestions on how the public holiday idea can be implemented he makes suggestions so that Australia can move away from the “dogs breakfast” of different days and events and closer to a more “uniform system”.  Reeces contention is strengthened through the acknowledgement that his views may be “absurd” but throughout his piece this point is diminished as a range of ideas are put forward that complement the idea that Melbourne Cup should become a public holiday.
The accompanying image presents the Cup as a joyous event. This image contains many smiling happy faces that would be content with the idea of the Melbourne Cup being a National Holiday. There are light bright looking blossoms which surround the main horse presenting them as important and worthy of the holiday.

Nicholas Reece uses these and other persuasive techniques to progressively persuade the reader of his point of view. The Melbourne Cup and Reeces contention are presented in a positive light. The image and piece complement one another in order to position the reader to form a favourable opinion of the idea that The Melbourne Cup should become a National Holiday.

[ShortBlackChick]

Is it just me or hasnt the English Exam already passed?

[brenden]

Is it just me or hasnt the English Exam already passed?

Year 11

[catwoman101]

bump

[morantz]

Make sure that this analysis is maintained in a formal nature, so avoid refering to a person, in your case Reece, as a fellow. You either call him by his surname, both his given and surnames, or the writer if you wish.
Another suggestion is to make sure you analyse how the person has attempted to convince or persude their targetted audience. You had the technique stated, and provided evidence, however you failed to convince me that you know how the technique has been used to convince the reader. I see that you only forgot to do so in the first paragraph. Be careful.
The third paragraph, in my opinion, is a bit sloppy. you didn't immediately state the technique that Reece had employed, which made me search for it and come to realisation that it is something like sarcasm or irony. The image should be placed in another paragraph, since it doesn't link to the previously discussed technique. The picture should be analysed with more depth. you also analysed another image in the following paragraph. You should include the two into one paragraph, and discuss the link between them along with the opinion piece.
It is a decent effort. There were a few grammatical errors as well, though nothing major.
i would rate this piece around 7/10.

[MonsieurHulot]

Make sure that this analysis is maintained in a formal nature, so avoid refering to a person, in your case Reece, as a fellow. You either call him by his surname, both his given and surnames, or the writer if you wish.

Fellow can mean a senior member of faculty at a university, usually one who conducts research.

[catwoman101]

Make sure that this analysis is maintained in a formal nature, so avoid refering to a person, in your case Reece, as a fellow. You either call him by his surname, both his given and surnames, or the writer if you wish.

Fellow can mean a senior member of faculty at a university, usually one wh conducts research.

yeah thats what he was !

[morantz]

Make sure that this analysis is maintained in a formal nature, so avoid refering to a person, in your case Reece, as a fellow. You either call him by his surname, both his given and surnames, or the writer if you wish.

Fellow can mean a senior member of faculty at a university, usually one wh conducts research.

yeah thats what he was !

In that case, I take my word back. I didn't go ahead and read the article hence I didn't have the background information to justify my advice. I perceived him as a student or some other personnel.