I remember last year for my 3/4 I was so motivated and studied for the SAC a few weeks beforehand, and tried really hard and got results I was pretty happy about.
VCE seemed so important to me and I was constantly thinking about SACs and exams at the back of my mind. (lol, funny now that I think about it)
For some reason now that I'm in year 12. I seemed to have lost that fire.
I had this amazing plan of how my holidays would consist of. Reading all my novels twice, completing unit 3 of chem, ASO1 of biol.... etc... etc.. My plan was basically to enter year 12 super super prepared and confident.
Things didn't go to plan. I kinda half heartedly reassured myself that it was (well still is) early days in Term 1 and I can always work hard to slightly get in front.
I ended up literally cramming all of my holiday homework the last few days before school started ( did a rather poor job).
I've had a Biol, English SAC which I did O.K.. in. Nothing I'm really happy about. Haven't got results back but I'm expecting a 60-70%. (Quite average in an average cohort)
I had a spesh SAC 2 days ago and I went in completely under-prepared and expecting a 40-50%. Definitely the lowest in the cohort. (it's quite a small average cohort but the SAC was not that hard).
As you can see, it was not the ideal start to Year 12 that I was hoping for. It's my fault and I can't blame everyone else. I have a Chemistry SAC tomorrow and I'm not that prepared but for some reason I'm not feeling the stress. Last year when SACs would arise, I felt like if I underachieved it would be the bane of my existence (well it was really important to me: i'm exaggerating here) Now I hardly feel stressed.... I'm like meh... exams are way more important... I can redeem myself in my next SAC.
I think I've been in denial for quite some time and I've just had a pang of realisation that I need to fucking snap out of it or it will get to a point where it's too late and it will be December and I'm staring at my desk in tears with the heartbreaking realisation of my failure.
It's been a lot more challenging juggling subjects because now they all count towards my atar and I have SACs coming at me week after week. I'm just overwhelmed I literally feel like I'm choking, paralysed... so helpless.
It's quite ironic that I want to get a high ATAR yet I spend my time after school procrastinating, sitting around, watching TV, punching crazy digits into atarcalc.
I haven't even finished reading any of my English books. I read parts of my context and wrote a pretty mediocre story for my SAC. I'm so screwed how will I ever, ever redeem myself?!
I wish I had a time machine and went back in time to when It was the start of the holidays.... How did I just let myself fuck up like this?
I know so many of you are motivated, so driven and such inspiring high achievers, it would really mean so much to me if you could please give some advice, shed some light into how would I possibly go from here?
I go home from school and plan so much work to do and I get really confident I'll get it done but in reality I don't get anything done. Am I just suppose to close my eyes and just force myself to start doing things? How am I suppose to relight this flame of motivation I've once had?
Have I screwed up already? Can I honestly redeem myself?
I just don't know what to do.
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