Need help with English Expression.

[Reus]

Hey,

Well this is literally out to anyone who can help me with the issue of fluency and expressions whilst writing essays.
Ever since I remember, it has been the flaw of my essay writing. Not till recently - Year 12 SACs- have I noticed that it is effecting me.
Repeatedly teachers emphasise how great my essay contention and such is. Conversely the negatives too. 

Two SACs so far, and both haven’t been great but not too bad either, A and B.
I know for a fact, that if my expression was a little bit better, I could receive higher marks.
Doesn’t bug me, as they’re only SACs but for the exam, haha no thanks. 

So I just wanted to see if anyone had the same issue. And so could kindly tell me tips, advice or techniques in which my expression could be delivered better.
A way in which I could write a cohesive piece of writing in SAC conditions and what not.

Thanks.

Note; I’ve tried to lessen the use of a extensive lexicon, simple strutted sentences and neater hand writing (lol). 

[brenden]

Are there any specific problems that come up frequently? Eg, "too long", "wrong punctuation", etc? What are the precise issues with your fluency and expression?

[Reus]

Well on my first SAC, three issues were:


• Fluent expression
• Links between paragraphs
• Accurate expression

Come next SAC


• Accurate expression

No specifics, but I presume it is just structure or information flow?

[Limista]

Well on my first SAC, three issues were:


• Fluent expression
• Links between paragraphs
• Accurate expression

Come next SAC


• Accurate expression

No specifics, but I presume it is just structure or information flow?

I reckon you should post a bit of your writing from the SAC, so we can see what your teacher means by 'expression' problems? It's just that 'expression' is so broad that it could mean several things. [/list]

[brenden]

I reckon you should post a bit of your writing from the SAC, so we can see what your teacher means by 'expression' problems? It's just that 'expression' is so broad that it could mean several things. [/list]

Yeah, I do agree.

[Reus]

Haha good point. Here's are a few underlined extracts...

"... meaning speakers are aware of the manipulation of informal language in regards to their liking."

"In order to build solidarity, intimacy and rapport, relations to a lexicology aspect, lexemes such as "loser" or "faggot" can be directed to a friend..."

"... colloquial Australian English promotes national identity through its dense adherence to Australia cultural value."

[Jono_CP]

I have a very similar problem, and I ALWAYS get marked down for expression.

Sometimes I am too verbose, and other times make some grammatical errors like when to use their and there...

Ah small things like that 'do my head in'. The 'do my head in' is a reflection of my poor grammar, which can be infrequently used throughout a presumably 'sophisticated' piece.

[Reus]

Happens to the best of us

[aqple]

Haha good point. Here's are a few underlined extracts...

"... meaning speakers are aware of the manipulation of informal language in regards to their liking."
This sounds clumsy, try to be more concise. You could say instead: 'in other words, speakers understand that informal language can be manipulated in their favour'.

"In order to build solidarity, intimacy and rapport, relations to a lexicology aspect This is the error, it should be 'in relation to a lexical aspect' , but you don't need to include this anyway as it doesn't mean anything. You already mention 'lexemes' afterwards, lexemes such as "loser" or "faggot" can be directed to a friend..."


"... colloquial Australian English replace with 'language' because you already mention how it is 'Australian' afterwards promotes national identity through its dense adherence to Australia cultural value. " Sounds clumsy, you should reword this. For example : 'colloquial language in Australia reflects our national identity through its depiction of ...

Hope this is helpful
It's just silly expression. I use to always have this problem. Try to be more straightforward and to the point. You can try re-read your writing out loud to ensure everything makes sense and flows well.

[brenden]

I will be back here hopefully by the end of Tuesday.

[brenden]

"... meaning speakers are aware of the manipulation of informal language in regards to their liking."

This is a focus/awareness issue, because you (presumably) weren't aware when you were writing this sentence that it would be read/interpreted strangely. Or if you were, you ignored it. When you're writing, you have to write like you're yourself, but you have to read like you're someone else who isn't already inside of your mind. When you get in the habit of "seeing your writing from the outside", you start to realise that some of your words can have double meanings and your sentence constructions are unclear in a way that either, they can't figure out a meaning, or they can get more than one meaning. If you find yourself thinking "they'll know what I mean" -- they probably won't, or you should assume that they won't. I was once recommended that I should write philosophy essays as if the examiner was "mean, dumb, and tired". Assume they hate you and will look for an excuse to interpret your language in a way that isn't clear.

I'll give an example..

"I like precise language."

This is a good sentence. There is only one meaning to this sentence.

"I like language to be precise".

This isn't as good. Can you find the two meanings here? Try to figure it out before you open the spoiler.

Spoiler

This could either mean "I like precise language" or it could mean "If I'm speaking precisely, the thing that I like is language". As in, "To be precise, I like language". Obviously the first interpretation is better, and you probably wouldn't take the second interpretation unless it was "I like language, to be precise", but what if the rest of the essay was missing commas in important places and stuff like that? The point is, if there's even an OPPORTUNITY for your assessor to be unsure, then you should be more clear.  For example, I thought that "speakers" in your sentence were talking about a particular audience made up of speakers, until I read aqple's interpretation which is different. See - two people, two different interpretations, because the construction of your sentence was in some way ambiguous.

I was going to deconstruct all three of your sentences but really it all comes down to focus and being critical of your own writing within the moment.

Tips:

Stay focussed
Assume your assessor is horrible and mean
Write as if you were talking to a really, really smart person in Year 6. They have a solid vocabulary so they'll understand the words you use, but they are only used to reading clear writing. Unclear writing won't make sense to them because they aren't used to figuring it out.
Read your own writing out loud a week after writing it, or even a day later. Just leave some time between the reading and writing. No one ever takes this advice because they're stupid, so at least read your own writing inside of your own head. Once you can read the whole thing and it feels like you're floating in a river being dragged back to your campsite, that's when it's good. If you read it and it feels like someone is constantly interrupting you when you talk (because you have to frequently interrupt for half a second to figure things out), then you need more work.
Read "Elements of Style". It's very very short but might help you a lot.

[Reus]

Thanks so much both aqple and Brenden.
Really appreciate your time answering! I'll try to be more concise with my writing. 

[brenden]

Thanks so much both aqple and Brenden.
Really appreciate your time answering! I'll try to be more concise with my writing. 

You're welcome